My relationship with Malcolm Scott was a downlow relationship and it had its pros and cons. He was definitely the sexiest and most pleasing man I’d ever been with. Whenever he was around me, he paid me his full undivided attention and I loved that. However, I hated not being able to see him until late at night. And when he did come over, all we did was have sex and then either he’d leave or spend the night depending on what he had to do the next day. At least when he does spend the night he holds me and keeps my feet warm under the covers with his feet.
The way we met is probably not the best way two people should meet. I was at a club on the other side of the city with some of my female friends and I physically bumped into him on my way to the bathroom. I thought he would knock my head off by the way he initially looked at me, but then he stared into my eyes and immediately calmed down. He asked if I wanted to party and when I asked what he meant, he showed me a small packet of pills. I told him I didn’t take drugs nor did I have the money for them and he told me to take a freebie. He shook my hand and handed me something but it wasn’t the drugs, it was his phone number.
Fast-forward six months and we were in this relationship. The sex with him was insanely good, I could never deny that; but I was starting to think that was all we had. Yeah he did cuddle with me after the sex but it always felt like he was only doing that because he knew I wanted him to. It was like I knew there could be more between us and that there had to be more, but he didn’t seem like he wanted more. So one night when he came over, I decided to try something different.
“You cookin’ somethin’ this late, Remi?” he asked the moment I let him into my apartment.
“Yeah,” I replied. “I’ve been working on this tough term paper all day and I haven’t eaten dinner yet. Are you hungry?”
“Yeah, I can eat somethin’. I’m more horny than hungry but I can eat.” He took his jacket off and hung it on my coatrack.
“How was your day, baby?”
“It was a’ight. Some nigga tried to cop without enough money and started trippin’. I showed him what was up though.”
He held up his fists as if he were about to fight and repeated, “I showed him what was up.”
“Hell yeah. I ain’t got time for that shit. Them fiends know to have my money when they stepped to me.”
Me (Remièn ‘Remi’ Bordeaux)
“Is that how you’re gonna deal with me when I step to you wrong?”
“Come on now, why would I do that?”
“I don’t know. Some people do things they’d never think of doing when they’re upset.”
“I don’t care if you kick me in the nuts or stab me, I’d never put my hands on you like that. You know that.”
“And you’re absolutely sure of that?”
“Yo, why you sweatin’ me? You still mad because I didn’t spend the night last night?”
“No, I just feel like we’re strangers sometimes. We don’t really talk much like we did when we first started…this. See, I don’t even know what to call what we’re doing.”
“I’m your man and you’re my bitch.” He laughed after saying that and I hit his arm.
“I’m just fuckin’ with you. But for real, I’m ya nigga. Just call me ya nigga.”
“And what does that exactly mean?”
“It means we ain’t strangers. Shit, how can we be strangers when ya pussy curves to my dick?” He grabbed me and started kissing my lips and neck.
Like always, he managed to make it all about the sex. Maybe that really was all he wanted. He was used to hooking up with women only and then I come along and make him question his sexuality. Or maybe he was in a relationship with a woman and I was his side piece. For all I knew, he could’ve been married with kids. The thought of that made my skin crawl. Even though we were six months in, I would walk away from it if I found out he was married with kids.
“I didn’t even know you could cook,” he said as he watched me cooking at the stove.
“That’s because you always come over this late at night. I wish you’d come over earlier than ten or eleven.”
“It takes me a bus and train ride to get to this part of the city. And I can’t just up and leave without givin’ Stacks his money. I do that and you won’t be gettin’ no more of this dick because I’d be dead.”
“Don’t say that. I don’t even wanna think about something like that.”
“My bad, shorty.” He sat down at the table. “Hurry up with that food so I can eat and then get up in that ass.”
“Actually, I don’t know if I’ll be able to tonight. I’m still kind of sore from last night.”
“I knew I took it too hard on you last night. Why you ain’t tell me?”
“Because you were enjoying it. I know how much you like going deep.”
“But only if you comfortable with it, Remi. I don’t wanna hurt you.”
“Bad enough for you not to be able to take it tonight.”
“Damn, sounds like you’re mad at me. I bet you wish I had told you before you came all the way over here, huh?”
“Nah, I would’ve still came over. I was just lookin’ forward to it. To be real with you, I be thinkin’ about it all day. That shit be fuckin’ with my concentration while I’m workin’.”
“Okay, now I think you’re exaggerating.”
“Shit, do you not know how good your ass is? Like do you ever just stand in the mirror butt ass naked and ask yourself why you’re so fuckin’ sexy?”
“Yeah right, I bet you do.”
“I really don’t.” I giggled and stepped away from the stove to look at him. “Would you really have come over if I told you I didn’t want to have sex tonight?”
“And you would’ve cuddled with me?”
“Yeah, Remi. Damn, why you still sweatin’ me?” He shook his head.
“I’m sorry, I just…” I was interrupted by knocking at my front door. Malcolm jumped up from the table.
“Is that one of your friends?”
“I don’t know. Wait in here.” I turned the stove down on low and hurried out of the kitchen. I stepped up to the door and opened it to see it was Kwame, one of the students I tutored from school. “Kwame, what are you doing here this late?”
“I think I left my psychology notes here earlier,” he told me. “You know I got that test tomorrow.”
“Oh, well you can come in and get them.” I let him inside and he went over to the coffee table and picked up the notes. “Is that them?”
“Yeah. Thank goodness. Coach has been ridin’ my ass about my grades. I gotta do good on that test or my average comes down and I’ma be on the bench when we play Towson this week.”
“Don’t forget in addition to studying to get some sleep, Kwame. You do better on tests when you’re well rested.”
“Thanks, Remi. Wish me luck.”
“Good luck.” I walked him over to the door and closed it once he was gone.
“Who the fuck was that?” Malcolm asked after walking out of the kitchen.
“That was one of the students I tutor.”
“He play basketball or somethin’?”
“Yeah, he’s on the basketball team.”
“And he was over here earlier? What y’all was doin’?”
“Um…I just told you I tutor him, Malcolm. Geez, why are you sweatin’ me?” I laughed and he rolled his eyes. I walked past him back into the kitchen and he followed.
He was quiet as we ate together. He definitely liked my fried chicken wings because he ate the majority of them, leaving me only four. And he finished off the macaroni and cheese and the green beans. After we ate, we went into the living room to watch some TV. For some reason, he kept glancing over at me. He wouldn’t say anything but he kept glancing at me. When I got a text message from a friend, he finally said something.
“Who is that?” he asked, trying to look at my phone.
“It’s a text from my friend Gina,” I answered. “Why are you acting like that?”
“I ain’t actin’ like nothin’.”
“Mmm hmm.” I texted my friend back.
“How long was ol’ dude over here earlier?”
“It took you and hour to tutor that nigga? He dumb or somethin’?”
“No, he’s actually smart.”
“Then he come over here for nothin’ then? If he smart, what you tutor him for?”
“Malcolm, he has mild dyslexia. He has a hard time recognizing certain words and I help him with it.”
“Oh. Why you ain’t say that before?”
“I didn’t think it was a problem. I’ve been helping him since last spring semester.”
“So you knew him before you knew me? Is there somethin’ else that I don’t know?”
“If you have something to ask me then just ask me.”
“Don’t lie to me, Remièn.”
I smiled and said, “Wow, that’s like the first time you’ve called me by my full name. But I’m telling you the truth, baby. I only tutor Kwame. Trust me, I don’t have the right parts for a guy like him. He’s strictly into women.”
“Because they text and call him every other minute when he’s here. And even if he was interested in me, I don’t want him.”
“Because I only want you.” I grabbed his hand. “Baby, you have no reason to be jealous of Kwame.”
“Yes you are. I can see it in your face.” I touched his left cheek and kissed his lips.
“A’ight, maybe I was a lil’ jealous but I ain’t no more. I believe you. It’s just…I ain’t never done this type of thing before.”
It hit me that this was my chance. This was my moment to finally find out more things about the man I’d been sleeping with for six months. I had to take a second to think of what to ask him first, because I didn’t want it to seem like I didn’t trust him or that I wanted to judge him. So I sat up and kept my hand over his as I looked into his eyes.
“You mean like you’ve never been with a guy before?” I asked.
“I’ve been with dudes before,” he admitted. “I just never been a boyfriend to a dude. You the only dude I’ve had a regular thing with. And with women…” He shook his head. “Remi, I feel like I ain’t gotta put up a front to be with you. You don’t try to change me and you’re okay with what I do.”
“I’m okay with it but that doesn’t mean I necessarily agree with you selling drugs.”
“I know, baby. But other than that, you got my back and I know it. I had this girlfriend two years ago that I was crazy about. I was downright insane over that girl. But when I got locked up, she ain’t come see me. She ain’t help me out. She went and found herself a nigga that wasn’t locked up. When I’m loyal to somebody, I expect them to be loyal back. She wasn’t loyal to me so I started hookin’ up with my cellmate. He was this fem dude. I had never looked at another dude in that way before that, but I was just like fuck it. When I got out, I fooled around with women and gay dudes dependin’ on what caught my eye the most. And then I met you and…” He smiled. “I don’t wanna sound like a bitch but you made me wanna change. I felt that way the moment you looked into my eyes. That’s why I gave you my number so quick.”
“I know I ain’t said it yet but I love you, Remi. You been waitin’ on me to say that for a minute, haven’t you?”
“I know you have. This shit ain’t easy for me. I didn’t grow up with parents and a family. I bounced around from group home to group home. So it take me a while to adjust to some shit. But baby, I do love you. Just know that.”
“You love me enough to kiss me?” I threw my arms around his neck and pressed my lips against his. “Yeah, give me them sexy lips.” He kissed me while softly caressing my back.
After making out on the sofa for a few minutes, we stood up and went into my bedroom. We took off our clothes and climbed into bed together. I lied on my side and he lied behind me and cuddled with me in the spooning position. The warmness of his breath on my neck and the feeling of his feet warming mine made me feel so cozy. He was holding me tight like I always wanted him to. And even though we were completely naked, he didn’t pressure me to have sex.
“Aren’t you going to beg me to have sex?” I asked him.
“Nah, you said you was sore from last night. You want me to kiss where it hurts?”
I giggled and replied, “No, that’s okay. I just don’t want you to go out and find it somewhere else.”
“Yeah right, like I’m gonna do that.”
“Seriously, you can be honest with me if you’ve been getting it from somewhere else.”
“I haven’t. Shit, why you think I try to come here every night? You the only one gettin’ this dick. And I know I’m the only one gettin’ that ass because…”
“My pussy curves to your dick. I know.” I laughed. “You’re so nasty.”
“I don’t care. I guess I’m a nasty nigga then. Because I’d eat that ass even when it’s funky. Pretty ass.” He kissed my neck. “Mmm you smell so good.”
“You’re still not getting any.”
“I know, baby. I was just sayin’ you smell good. And you’re skin is soft.”
“A’ight, I’m goin’ to sleep. Goodnight.” He kissed the back of my head.
“Wait, before you go to sleep, what’s something other than my ass that you love?”
“The way you suck my dick.”
“Malcolm!” I playfully nudged him in the side.
“I’m just fuckin’ with you, bae.” He laughed and held me tight again. “Your eyes. I love them beautiful eyes. I love the way you look at me. Like I said, you make me wanna be a better nigga.”
“You’re already a better man, Malcolm. I guess my effect is working. Goodnight, baby.”
My relationship with Malcolm changed after that night. We talked more and tried to spend more time with each other. He eventually stopped selling drugs and got a job in construction. While working, he also enrolled in tech school for a degree in auto mechanics. After I graduated, we moved in together into a bigger apartment and he permanently cut ties with the bad influences in his life. Now he’s preparing to start his own auto mechanics business and I’m trying to get a promotion to chief loan officer at the bank I work at. And those DL blues are a thing of the past.
[Disclaimer]: Pictures used do not reflect the sexuality or personality of people in the pictures. They only serve as visual examples of the characters.
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