I LOVE CASTING SPELLS

Use they/them or I’ll fucking kill you.

[sexy-evil-wizard]

Hello there, new victims.

“Who am I”, you ask? What are you, a cop? I’m not stupid enough to just reveal my identity like that! Sexy Evil Wizard or even The Wizard will do just fine. Shorten it to Wiz, if you must.

Now, I do need to say…

I may be wanted by the Wizard Council.

But who cares what those old farts think! What do they know anyway?! It’s not MY fault they’re hoarding all the good spell books!

…I did definitely do some Wizard Crimes though. But like…whatever. They’re fun, dammit! Being evil is literally fun!

DNI:

MINORS. I HATE CHILDREN AND LOVE SEX!!! GO AWAY!!!

THE WIZARD COUNCIL. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. One Trillion Ketamine Apes be upon ye. 🪄

HARRY POTTER FANS. TRANS RIGHTS MOTHERFUCKERS!

CATHOLICS. STFU about “waiting for marriage” I don’t caaaaare.

THUNDER GOOBER. Leave me alone. Please. I’m still recovering from the IBS.

Anyone brave enough to try Wizard Weed, HMU.

I’ll be in my tower. You’ll know it when you see it.

(For real though, minors dni. Posts reblogged into Muppet Superhell are fair game, but the rest is off limits.)

[sexy-evil-wizard]

[4 IMAGES ATTACHED]

Yeesh, that’s a lot.

Whatever, the spell is ready. You owe me big time for this.

[hells-favorite-therapist]

Mhm. Sure, just do it.

[sexy-evil-wizard]

Alright, just gotta do this, and…

…Yeah, that should do it. If you missed any, they won’t be an issue anymore.

[hells-favorite-therapist]

So…it’s all good. And you’re certain?

[sexy-evil-wizard]

Positive. My magic doesn’t fail.

[hells-favorite-therapist]

…

Good. Thank you. I…appreciate it.

[sexy-evil-wizard]

…Yeah, you’re welcome. I will be cashing in that favor though.

[hells-favorite-therapist]

Don’t expect too much.

[sexy-evil-wizard]

No promises~!

[sexy-evil-wizard]

[4 IMAGES ATTACHED]

Yeesh, that’s a lot.

Whatever, the spell is ready. You owe me big time for this.

[hells-favorite-therapist]

Mhm. Sure, just do it.

[sexy-evil-wizard]

Alright, just gotta do this, and…

…Yeah, that should do it. If you missed any, they won’t be an issue anymore.

[hells-favorite-therapist]

So…it’s all good. And you’re certain?

[sexy-evil-wizard]

Positive. My magic doesn’t fail.

[hells-favorite-therapist]

…

Good. Thank you. I…appreciate it.

[sexy-evil-wizard]

…Yeah, you’re welcome. I will be cashing in that favor though.

[sexy-evil-wizard]

[4 IMAGES ATTACHED]

Yeesh, that’s a lot.

Whatever, the spell is ready. You owe me big time for this.

[hells-favorite-therapist]

Mhm. Sure, just do it.

[sexy-evil-wizard]

Alright, just gotta do this, and…

…Yeah, that should do it. If you missed any, they won’t be an issue anymore.

[hells-favorite-therapist]

So…it’s all good. And you’re certain?

[sexy-evil-wizard]

Positive. My magic doesn’t fail.

[sexy-evil-wizard]

[4 IMAGES ATTACHED]

Yeesh, that’s a lot.

Whatever, the spell is ready. You owe me big time for this.

[hells-favorite-therapist]

Mhm. Sure, just do it.

[sexy-evil-wizard]

Alright, just gotta do this, and…

…Yeah, that should do it. If you missed any, they won’t be an issue anymore.

[sexy-evil-wizard]

[4 IMAGES ATTACHED]

Yeesh, that’s a lot.

Whatever, the spell is ready. You owe me big time for this.

[hells-favorite-therapist]

Check the house for cameras.

~S.E.W ✨🔮

…what?

[sexy-evil-wizard]

I found a camera in the tower, dumbass. So you should find out if there’s any in the house.

[hells-favorite-therapist]

…

…is this some wild goose chase? Or are you being serious? I’m not fucking around with some evil asshole trying to watch me at all hours of the day again.

[sexy-evil-wizard]

I’M COMPLETELY SERIOUS, EVEN I WOULDN’T JOKE ABOUT THIS SHIT.

Gahh, lemme just-

[IMAGE ATTACHED]

There. Believe me now?

[hells-favorite-therapist]

…

…

God damn it.

Fine, but can you at least fucking help, please?

[sexy-evil-wizard]

…I can get rid of them all, even if you don’t find every single one. Deal?

[hells-favorite-therapist]

Deal. Give me a bit.

[sexy-evil-wizard]

Great. I’ll start working on the spell.

God I hate that baby so fucking much…

[hells-favorite-therapist]

…

…

What baby?

[sexy-evil-wizard]

That stalker mayor kid. They came by the other day for incense or whatever in exchange for some yuri. They must’ve put up the cameras before we made the trade.

[hells-favorite-therapist]

…

You’re joking.

…fine. Whatever. Sure. Fucking…cool. Let’s get them out, then, please.

What spell are you planning?

[sexy-evil-wizard]

Definitely not joking. I wish I was, trust me.

Oh, I’m gonna make them all play Cocomellon. Little kids like that shit, right?

[hells-favorite-therapist]

…I guess? We did have to cut Soli off from it…

…

I’m going to start taking those down. Thanks for the…very mature picture, by the way. Wonderful touch, flipping me off.

[sexy-evil-wizard]

Hey! I wasn’t flipping you off! I was flipping off the camera!

…Whatever. Just tell me if you find any.

[hells-favorite-therapist]

Check the house for cameras.

~S.E.W ✨🔮

…what?

[sexy-evil-wizard]

I found a camera in the tower, dumbass. So you should find out if there’s any in the house.

[hells-favorite-therapist]

…

…is this some wild goose chase? Or are you being serious? I’m not fucking around with some evil asshole trying to watch me at all hours of the day again.

[sexy-evil-wizard]

I’M COMPLETELY SERIOUS, EVEN I WOULDN’T JOKE ABOUT THIS SHIT.

Gahh, lemme just-

[IMAGE ATTACHED]

There. Believe me now?

[hells-favorite-therapist]

…

…

God damn it.

Fine, but can you at least fucking help, please?

[sexy-evil-wizard]

…I can get rid of them all, even if you don’t find every single one. Deal?

[hells-favorite-therapist]

Deal. Give me a bit.

[sexy-evil-wizard]

Great. I’ll start working on the spell.

God I hate that baby so fucking much…

[hells-favorite-therapist]

…

…

What baby?

[sexy-evil-wizard]

That stalker mayor kid. They came by the other day for incense or whatever in exchange for some yuri. They must’ve put up the cameras before we made the trade.

[hells-favorite-therapist]

…

You’re joking.

…fine. Whatever. Sure. Fucking…cool. Let’s get them out, then, please.

What spell are you planning?

[sexy-evil-wizard]

Definitely not joking. I wish I was, trust me.

Oh, I’m gonna make them all play Cocomellon. Little kids like that shit, right?

[hells-favorite-therapist]

Check the house for cameras.

~S.E.W ✨🔮

…what?

[sexy-evil-wizard]

I found a camera in the tower, dumbass. So you should find out if there’s any in the house.

[hells-favorite-therapist]

…

…is this some wild goose chase? Or are you being serious? I’m not fucking around with some evil asshole trying to watch me at all hours of the day again.

[sexy-evil-wizard]

I’M COMPLETELY SERIOUS, EVEN I WOULDN’T JOKE ABOUT THIS SHIT.

Gahh, lemme just-

[IMAGE ATTACHED]

There. Believe me now?

[hells-favorite-therapist]

…

…

God damn it.

Fine, but can you at least fucking help, please?

[sexy-evil-wizard]

…I can get rid of them all, even if you don’t find every single one. Deal?

[hells-favorite-therapist]

Deal. Give me a bit.

[sexy-evil-wizard]

Great. I’ll start working on the spell.

God I hate that baby so fucking much…

[hells-favorite-therapist]

…

…

What baby?

[sexy-evil-wizard]

That stalker mayor kid. They came by the other day for incense or whatever in exchange for some yuri. They must’ve put up the cameras before we made the trade.

[hells-favorite-therapist]

Check the house for cameras.

~S.E.W ✨🔮

…what?

[sexy-evil-wizard]

I found a camera in the tower, dumbass. So you should find out if there’s any in the house.

[hells-favorite-therapist]

…

…is this some wild goose chase? Or are you being serious? I’m not fucking around with some evil asshole trying to watch me at all hours of the day again.

[sexy-evil-wizard]

I’M COMPLETELY SERIOUS, EVEN I WOULDN’T JOKE ABOUT THIS SHIT.

Gahh, lemme just-

[IMAGE ATTACHED]

There. Believe me now?

[hells-favorite-therapist]

…

…

God damn it.

Fine, but can you at least fucking help, please?

[sexy-evil-wizard]

…I can get rid of them all, even if you don’t find every single one. Deal?

[hells-favorite-therapist]

Deal. Give me a bit.

[sexy-evil-wizard]

Great. I’ll start working on the spell.

God I hate that baby so fucking much…

[hells-favorite-therapist]

Check the house for cameras.

~S.E.W ✨🔮

…what?

[sexy-evil-wizard]

I found a camera in the tower, dumbass. So you should find out if there’s any in the house.

[hells-favorite-therapist]

…

…is this some wild goose chase? Or are you being serious? I’m not fucking around with some evil asshole trying to watch me at all hours of the day again.

[sexy-evil-wizard]

I’M COMPLETELY SERIOUS, EVEN I WOULDN’T JOKE ABOUT THIS SHIT.

Gahh, lemme just-

[IMAGE ATTACHED]

There. Believe me now?

[hells-favorite-therapist]

…

…

God damn it.

Fine, but can you at least fucking help, please?

[sexy-evil-wizard]

…I can get rid of them all, even if you don’t find every single one. Deal?

[hells-favorite-therapist]

Check the house for cameras.

~S.E.W ✨🔮

…what?

[sexy-evil-wizard]

I found a camera in the tower, dumbass. So you should find out if there’s any in the house.

[hells-favorite-therapist]

…

…is this some wild goose chase? Or are you being serious? I’m not fucking around with some evil asshole trying to watch me at all hours of the day again.

[sexy-evil-wizard]

I’M COMPLETELY SERIOUS, EVEN I WOULDN’T JOKE ABOUT THIS SHIT.

Gahh, lemme just-

[IMAGE ATTACHED]

There. Believe me now?

[hells-favorite-therapist]

Check the house for cameras.

~S.E.W ✨🔮

…what?

[sexy-evil-wizard]

I found a camera in the tower, dumbass. So you should find out if there’s any in the house.

[sexy-evil-wizard]

…

What the fuck is that.

[sexy-evil-wizard]

OH HELL NO.

[sexy-evil-wizard]

…

What the fuck is that.

[sexy-evil-wizard]

Im here with the yuri, can i come in?

Door’s unlocked. What took you so long?

[yaoi-mayor-luba]

Sorry, im not used to the train routes. i only used it once before today.

im on my way up now!

[sexy-evil-wizard]

Whatever. Just hurry up.

[yaoi-mayor-luba]

Alright im here! you have a really tall tower!! heres the yuri, can i have the incense now???

[sexy-evil-wizard]

Mhm. Here ya go.

Now leave.

[yaoi-mayor-luba]

Alright, but you dont have to be so mean about it!!!

[sexy-evil-wizard]

I’m literally an evil wizard. Being mean is what I do.

[yaoi-mayor-luba]

But you dont have to be an evil wizard!!! you can be a good wizard!!!!

[sexy-evil-wizard]

Yeah but that’s boring and I don’t wanna. It’s more fun to be evil.

[yaoi-mayor-luba]

Fine!! be like that!!!! im leaving now, and you are permanently banned from the yuri tower!!!!

[sexy-evil-wizard]

I’ll just sneak in, dummy.

[yaoi-mayor-luba]

You wont be able to! i will stop you no matter what!!!

[sexy-evil-wizard]

…And how do you plan on doing that, exactly?

[yaoi-mayor-luba]

Im not telling!!!!

[sexy-evil-wizard]

Hmmm…

…Ehehehe…

Damn, your loss then!

*POOF!*

[yaoi-mayor-luba]

WHA-

Why am i on the ground now??? what did you do to me?????

[sexy-evil-wizard]

AAAAHAHAHAHA! HAVE FUN WALKING HOME, IDIOT BABY!

[yaoi-mayor-luba]

WALK????

HOW AM I GOING TO GO DOWNSTAIRS???? THEYRE TOO BIG FOR ME!!!!!!

[sexy-evil-wizard]

Figure it out. I’m done talking to you now.

Byeeeee!

[sexy-evil-wizard]

Im here with the yuri, can i come in?

Door’s unlocked. What took you so long?

[yaoi-mayor-luba]

Sorry, im not used to the train routes. i only used it once before today.

im on my way up now!

[sexy-evil-wizard]

Whatever. Just hurry up.

[yaoi-mayor-luba]

Alright im here! you have a really tall tower!! heres the yuri, can i have the incense now???

[sexy-evil-wizard]

Mhm. Here ya go.

Now leave.

[yaoi-mayor-luba]

Alright, but you dont have to be so mean about it!!!

[sexy-evil-wizard]

I’m literally an evil wizard. Being mean is what I do.

[yaoi-mayor-luba]

But you dont have to be an evil wizard!!! you can be a good wizard!!!!

[sexy-evil-wizard]

Yeah but that’s boring and I don’t wanna. It’s more fun to be evil.

[yaoi-mayor-luba]

Fine!! be like that!!!! im leaving now, and you are permanently banned from the yuri tower!!!!

[sexy-evil-wizard]

I’ll just sneak in, dummy.

[yaoi-mayor-luba]

You wont be able to! i will stop you no matter what!!!

[sexy-evil-wizard]

…And how do you plan on doing that, exactly?

[yaoi-mayor-luba]

Im not telling!!!!

[sexy-evil-wizard]

Hmmm…

…Ehehehe…

Damn, your loss then!

*POOF!*

[yaoi-mayor-luba]

WHA-

Why am i on the ground now??? what did you do to me?????

[sexy-evil-wizard]

AAAAHAHAHAHA! HAVE FUN WALKING HOME, IDIOT BABY!