Oh hey.

-21-fencer-musician-

[sforzando816]

A letter to my first “real” love:

Hey you! Yeah, you know who you are.

It’s been like, 3 years or something like that since we broke up...Or more like you deciding to just...disappear randomly then break up with me via phone.  To this day, I still am having difficulty being at peace with what happened.  What you did was unspeakable and I wish I would have recognized the red flags before I became invested in you.  I wish I would have heeded the warning from our mutual friends about you.  While someone told me to cherish the good times, there are none.  I know those “fun times” were fake and you created false sincerity in order to get the things you wanted.  I missed a lot of things and lost a lot of money while we were “together”.  I can’t even say we were actually together due to the fact that I know that none of it was real.  

I never really knew much about emotional abuse until after we broke up.  I realized a lot of the things that happened between us were the signs of emotional abuse.  The more I read into it, the more I realized what a toxic situation I actually was in for all that time.  I tried to do everything within my power to ensure your happiness and to make sure you knew how amazing of a person you were.  Little did I know that you were far from that amazing individual.  I found out you were a heartless coward that uses women to get what you want and the minute you get bored, you start getting close to someone else, and maybe to even two or three girls...Gotta have your options, right?  

I want you to know that even after all this time, things still suck and you are to blame.  While no one is perfect, you are the perfect example of scum.  That is the only time where you and perfect will ever go together.  You abused me and treated me poorly and I never once deserved that.  While I understand breakups happen...People drift apart.  That’s perfectly normal.  But why be perfectly normal when you could instead find the most cowardly way to break up with someone.  How you handled things shows you have no respect for me as a person.  But this is a trend for you...your exes before and after me have fairly similar stories to mine...even down to the things you’ve told us.  

Seeing you this weekend was honestly one of the harder things I’ve had to do. Seeing you physically makes me ill.  I hope that seeing me this weekend reminded you of what you did and how you hurt me.  Knowing that you are still around and STILL doing the same thing you did to me and several other girls is sickening. I always thought you were an amazing guy but I was so wrong.

Our “break up” made me spiral downwards pretty hard. You made me feel like garbage and convinced me that I was garbage.  I stopped caring about myself.  I gained a shit ton of weight that I now can’t shake off.  I’m battling the most severe depression I’ve had since I was thirteen.

If you would have handled things in a better way, maybe things could have turned out better.  Maybe we would have been more civil towards each other. Maybe today would have been easier.  I don’t fucking know at this point.  That’s in the past. 

For over three years, all I’ve wanted was closure.  Your exes helped achieve some of that.  My only hope was that I could receive an apology for how I was treated.  Not via facebook, not over the phone or text.  Be a man and apologize to me to my face.  

That is complete wishful thinking, I know, and if you are reading this, I know you’re probably thinking the same thing.  I know you’ve moved on multiple times since me and I really do feel sorry for the girl you are with now.  Hopefully she realizes what she’s getting herself into and doesn’t invest too much into you.

Be a man.  Fess up to who you wronged.  Maybe we’d all have a little more respect for you.

If not, I hope that you constantly remember me and all the other girls you’ve hurt since you came into town.  I hope that it reminds you what NOT to do and how to treat a woman the way she deserves to be treated.  

I wish you all the best and I still pray for you.  I pray all the time for the ability to just forgive and forget.  You are the one fucker who I just can’t do that with.  While I won’t wish misery on you, I do wish that you learn from your mistakes and become the person I always saw.  The person who was super smart and was a talented fencer.  The brilliant writer and good friend. You were a lot of things.  Not anymore.

Again, I wish you the best and hope that you make the right decision.

I’m still waiting.

[sforzando816]

I’ll make this short:

It’s nice to get a little more closure after all these years.  

Sometimes shitty experiences are what pave the way for better things.  Keep holding on, even if it’s by a thread.  You will get through it.

I will get through this.

[closedpink-floyd-blog]

[bunlly]

That’s what people do who love you. They put their arms around you and love you when you’re not so lovable.

Deb Caletti (via lazypacific)

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

You may see me struggle but you’ll never see me quit.

Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

Go where you are celebrated – not tolerated. If they can’t see your true value and worth, then it’s time for a new start.

Unknown (via psych-facts)

[psych-facts]

I learned not to trust people; I learned not to believe what they say but to watch what they do; I learned to suspect that anyone and everyone is capable of ‘living a lie’. I came to believe that other people - even when you think you know them well - are ultimately unknowable.

— Lynn Barber (via psych-facts)

[gentlechamomile]

Note to Self: You gotta do this for you. This is for you. This isn't about anybody. Live for you. Honor you. Never lose sight of that.

[kaliforhnia]

why do people fuck with other people’s feelings

its not ok

its not right

this bothers me so fucking much holy shit

why get someone’s hopes up and then bam u leave

stop treating good people like they’re a piece of shit.

[msknope]

[diaryofacreativehoarder]

[contagiouslies]

[tgoks-blog-blog]

If two points are destined to touch, the universe will always find a way to make the connection - even when all hope seems to be lost. Certain ties cannot be broken. They define who we are - and who we can become. Across space, across time, among paths we cannot predict - nature always finds a way.

from

Touch

   (via

thatkindofwoman

)

Against all odds. I hope.

(via psych-facts)

[kadov]

Always reblog Elle Woods in her “fuck men I’m gonna get a law degree” phase

[begratefultogod]

Act like you trust people, but don’t.

Anonymous  (via criticou)

[thecommonchick]

[superblyboring]

👏👏

[aseaofquotes]