Find your Freedom in the Music. @shaeakacheryl - Tumblr Blog

So I ended up having a drink on 10/17/2023 and I went to sleep after having a little to drink. And I woke up after like 5 hours of sleeping. Then I stayed up all night and day. Then went to sleep around 7 pm yesterday because I had a drink yesterday as well 10/18/2023. I found that drinking a little helps me get enough tired to take a sleep. So that's why I drink now and to also help my boredom. I'm having the rest of the beer I bought yesterday in the morning now. Just something to relax to. Since I'm up and bored now. I'm practicing journaling but online cuz I know no one cares about these posts. So I'm just writing for me. But I'm just bored man. Bored of life sometimes. I'm just going thru the motions at this point trying to remain happy and content. It's so hard. It's gonna be even harder without my vape pen and weed. I have a appointment with a hiring manager today at 9am at McDonald's so hopefully I get to talk to the hiring manager and she is interested in me and wants me to work for her. I would be sooo happy I got a job before December of this year. So hopefully I get a job today. I will be thrilled and excited to go back to work again. But for now just relaxing with a beer lol.

It's been so long since I came on Tumblr. I think the last time I came on here was in 2017 sometime. I'm coming on here cuz I'm bored and I need somewhere to vent my frustrations too.. I'm trying to download apps that will give me some entertainment. I found a survey app that allows me to take surveys for points. and then I accumulate 500 points and I can get up to $5 I believe. So that's what I'm working towards. It's going to take forever but I want to do it. I'm going to do two to three surveys everyday. The long ones are like 20 minutes each maybe even more. But I'm going to do it cuz I need the extra money for gas. I don't know what else to do. I have a phone interview today at Kohl's. So hopefully I get another interview after this one or I just get the job. It's for a seasonal sales associate position. And I'm still looking for Corewell health to call me but I'm going to call them after my interview today and see what's going on hopefully they answer this time. But I'm so bored and I don't know what else to do. I'm also dealing with a lot of anxiety from my house. So I'm trying to get over that and take a shower. It's not so bad once I get in there. But just dealing with the anxiety beforehand is annoying. I'm glad I found people to talk to you about my drinking issues though. I found a meeting that I can go to every day online. It's thru aa intergroup online. So I'm really glad that I got into the meeting yesterday. Today I'm going to do another meeting at 2:30 and then again at 7:00 if I don't fall asleep. They might ask me where I've been yesterday which is okay. I told him I was going to be there and I didn't go cuz I was sleeping. But that's just anxiety it might be nothing. But anyways that's what's going on with me so far. Not much, but at least I'm not drinking anymore. I'll update again.

#bored #nodrinking #I need a #job

aepex

I’m trying.

Today I woke up in a positive mindset but then I remembered something and I got sad. I started to cry. It must have not been that important though because I started doing my affirmations and I stopped crying after I told myself that I am beautiful I am strong I am confident and that I am strong and I accept myself and love myself. It seemed to help and make me feel better because I forgot what I was crying about. I think it was the no weed issue to be honest though. i felt overwhelmed for a second then I felt better. After that I decided to make coffee and do some dishes for my breakfast that I was going to make. I’m in the process of still writing out my day but theres the start of it. I’m just glad that I feel happier today.

So after about 4 hours I decided to jump back on this post and write more. after breakfast I watched some degrassi while talking to Kati about Mikes dad passing away. I also was trying to distract myself from whats been bothering me which is everything lol. mostly stuff and trauma from my past. I’m just trying to let go of all that shit and move on and be happy. So I been trying to talk about how I feel in video posts on my facebook and I think its sorta helping me out. I think I need to talk to my therapist about all this stuff too finally and see what they say about everything. holy shit thats gonna take years probably. lmao. but I think that I am ready to heal from my trauma and past experiences and make better ones for the future.

I decided to quit drinking so now I’m bored a lot of the time. Thats why I decided to jump back on here because I think it’ll help me out to get my feelings out but in a healthy way. I’m doing okay today. I just need to do more activities. I think i should go on a bike ride or a walk to clear my mind, maybe even listen to some music. it might help.

I’m not proud but I am.

i’m jealous and i hate it.

i’m jealous and i hate it. i’m tired of other people getting there way in life without doing anything to get it. i’m tired of feeling left out. i’m tired of feeling like i’m not enought, therefore, thats why i’m jealous, because i can never have what other people have it makes me very sad and jealous. if people want me to admit this shit, then FINE. I’M FUCKING JEALOUS, OKAY!?? i’m tired of people having a man and not me. i’m tired of not getting loved or felt on by the one i want. i’m tired of not feeling anything other than being sad. i can’t even fuck the one i want because he don’t even really want me, so its pointless to fight for him and to even fuck sheed anymore. or be his friend because all ill ever do is get hurt that i can’t have him. i’m jealous of the girls that get dinners from there man, i’m tired of the other girls getting attention and love from someone, and i never will. i’m happy for other people and what they get out of life but im just jealous. jealous because i know i’ll never get what other people have. even if i work SO fucking hard to get it. the universe don’t want me to love a man or ever have kids with one. i’m just jealous and i hate it because i want love and i can’t get it.

i need advice

please help

understands

i’m so sad

its been such a long time since i been on this thing. i think i want to come back for awhile because i am so all over the place that i am just scared at this point. im so sad. i feel it all over me. it wont leave me. i can’t believe my parents died then rashid is fucking someone new and hes treating me like shit and not supporting me when i need him the most. i hate him so much. i can’t stop thinking of him. i need to go talk to a therapist or something because this is too much for me. im so sad. i feel the pain all over me and it wont leave me. what do i do about this? how do i get this to go away? how do i move on from such sad ass shit. i don’t know how too. i want to so bad. i need distractions which is why i decided to get back on this app. one to talk about my feelings and i can make it private if i want and two because i just need things that are going to help me move on from all this shit and give me ideas to do different hobbies, idk. im just so tired man. i been through so much in the last 4 years. i dont even know where to start. i just want change, which is why i dont want to post how i feel anymore on facebook and instead ill post it here. i just need something to work for me. i am seriously just fucking sad inside and i miss my parents. :(

so sad

Deactivated my Facebook today. I use it too much. I'm hoping that staying off that for a while and going to therapy will help me become more active in this life and will help me set better goals for myself. I just want to change my mentality and way of thinking so that I can finally be truly happy in this life. They say that writing everything down helps. So I'll just type out my thoughts here.

destroymylife

gillsong

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