Hey, I'm 19, and I define myself as straight, But I also have these fantasies to dress up like a girl and I sometimes have sexual fantasies to suck dick and be feminized. I keep these desires well hidden and usually only occur when I get horny but sometimes they take over and it feels amazing but I feel shameful after. Should I pursue these desires more and see if it's who I am or try to keep them hidden? I'm just stuck and advice would be appreciated.
The first rule of any kind of sexual experimentation is be safe. Be smart, be safe, because failing to do those two things can result in consequences you’ll be dealing with for the rest of your life. Getting hepatitis only takes one bad decision.
Being safe doesn’t mean you shouldn’t experiment, though. It just means taking precautions. Abstinence may be the safest route (actually, living inside a sterile bubble is the safest route), but its unrealistic to not expect you to try something somewhere with someone. Find out if your partner is clean, then use a condom anyway.
That’s the advance general warnings. More specifically, you have options for experimenting that don’t require throwing a Coming Out Party. Its perfectly easy to try dressing up when no one else is around. That way, you can live your fantasies a little more intensely and see if you like the direction you’re heading. Its also perfectly possible to have sex with someone and not tell others about it. You are not required to shout it out to the world every time you go down on anyone, guy or girl. Basically, this means you can pursue your desires and keep it hidden at the same time. If/When you feel comfortable with your choices and your support network, then you can start thinking about coming out. Until then, you can keep it quiet if you want to. Your sexuality is your business and there should be no pressure on you to move in any direction you don’t want to.
The guilt or shame? That’s always the hardest part. Its tied to a long standing social pressure in Western society that sex is dirty and wrong, and you are wrong if you so much as want it, much less pursue it. Every form of social pressure is just that: social. There’s nothing stopping you from just ignoring it and doing or being what you want. Now, some social pressures are good and beneficial. Don’t hurt people for fun or profit. Use a common language to communicate with others. Don’t pee on the sidewalk. You could ignore those kinds of rules, but those rules exist for good reasons. The idea that you should feel guilty for experiencing one of the most universal urges in biological life, the desire for sex? That rule is a little iffy. If it looks like there’s no reason for a rule to exist, keep in mind that the reason may exist and you just can’t see it, but don’t let that keep you from exploring further.
Of course, its one thing to say “don’t feel guilty” and not actually feeling it. Best I can say is try to accept that these urges are a part of who you are, just another facet of your humanity. Whether you pursue them or not is a decision you’ll have to make for yourself, but no one can or should judge you for it. Just be safe, be smart, but don’t forget to enjoy your life, too.
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