It's talked a lot about KDJ's low self-esteem. How he doesn't think he's worth anything, how he can't accept that people care about him, how he's always putting himself down. And that's, well, undoubtedly true.
But.
I feel like there's another side to this coin that doesn't get acknowledged or noticed much—his supreme self-importance masked as self-deprecation. He genuinely believes that only he can save YJH, that only he can understand YJH, that his death is the grand, necessary price for everyone else's happiness. He frames it as self-sacrifice, but underneath it, there's this unshakeable fucking belief that he's the only one who can carry the weight in that "messiah complex dressed up in self-loathing" way. He sees himself as the protagonist of YJH's story in his own head and I don't think he even realizes that's what he's doing. And I think people ignore this because it complicates the "poor sad boy KDJ" narrative that's so popular. It's easier to infantilize him and treat him like a victim of circumstance who just can't help but sacrifice himself, than to acknowledge that he's actively making choices. And some of those choices are rooted in a deeply held belief that he knows better than everyone else. He's not just doing what needs to be done, he's doing what he thinks needs to be done, and he doesn't really care what anyone else thinks about it.
It's also not that he doesn't know people care about him. He does, he's not actually that oblivious. The text shows him understanding that his party wants him around and that they'd miss him terribly if he was gone, but he waves it off because acknowledging it would mean actually having to face the consequences of his choices. It's easier to keep the pity party going than to actually sit with the fact that people love him and he's hurting them a lot. He's dense about some things, yes, but he's not fucking blind. He just chooses to ignore it because looking at it directly would mean he'd have to stop running away.
The unreliable narrator aspect is a big thing here too. The narration tries to frame his actions as selfless, but he's also the one 'creating' the story. His way of doing that fools many readers (and himself, because he lies even to himself) by making him seem like the tragic hero who has no choice, while the story literally gives us more than enough context to know that he does have choices—mf just doesn't like the alternatives. Choosing to sacrifice himself as problem-solving is easier than trusting other people to handle things. He tells himself it's because he's worthless, but I think part of him actually believes the opposite—that he's the only one who can fix everything, and everyone else just doesn't realize it. KDJ is not a victim of fate, he's a victim of his own refusal to let go. Doomed by the narrative? More like doomed by himself, smh.
proof of how silent Soleum is with Choi (ch 143, 146, 152)
because I cant get over how much Soleum just Doesn’t Respond.
Choi’s dialogue is paraphrased and not one-to-one, plz don’t use as reference. Soleum’s silence is accurate though.
multiple boxes of silence means there was A Lot of internal monologue
143 and 153 have Jaekwan and you can immediately see how much more responsive Soleum is with Jaekwan, if you go back and read. Particularly since ch 143 has Choi bringing Jaekwan to see if Soleum becomes more responsive (yes. The answer is yes).
Dear Soleum-ah, I don’t think this is very conducive to your “kind of funny, approachable, and positive” persona (ch 169)
The only right way for the GSGW manhwa to do the human face reveal of Lee Jaheon, is to do it during the Ideal Groom School Arc, (around chapter 250-255), specifically as a shot of TV in Eun Haje's apartment, immediately after she spits her ice cream in shock.
That specific shot should also be of the most Braun pose in existence.
Okay the thing that makes Delusional Shopping Survivalist KSE super sexy to me is like... how after you've seen so many of KSE's consciously crafted personas you realize that's 100% him. Like yes he's imitating Braun and yes he recognize this persona as a contamination, but unlike before he's pretty lucid here and completely in the zone. And you start to realize like... Braun didn't make this Kim Soleum, Kim Soleum himself did. And I just think that's soooo sexy of him.
Based on this thought process of what Alger and Leonard’s relationship would be like once the world stabilised post-LOTM
WARNING SPOILERS⚠️
Especially with those two being the only Official Beyonders in the TC: one who has loyalty towards his church and one that only follows his church for benefits
Like their dynamic would be so good to see, seeing as they’re both orphaned young and was taken and raised by their respective church….
And then I made a short dialogue as a concept practice of what it would be like:
“You betrayed your church.”
“I do not have the same loyalty to them as you do to yours.”
“…”
“Aren’t you an orphan?”
“what does that have to do with anything?”
“I’m sure you know what it’s like growing up not having folks—old or young.”
“But that’s where you’re wrong. I do have people, the Tingen Nighthawks and the Sisters of the orphanage, as my family.”
“Then that is where we different.”
“How so?”
“I don’t know how it is over at Evernight’s, but the Lor— the Tyrant is not caring. Especially to a half-breed like me. Yes, they gave me food, clothes, and a roof to sleep under but so what? We were children, isn’t that the least we deserve?”
“…”
“Children have never asked to be born and yet people gave birth to us anyway— you and I, we just never got to see the people responsible for our existence.”
Alger takes out a box of cigarette, handing one over to Leonard before taking one himself and lighting it up.
“I used to be envious of you Northerners, you had all the options in the world unlike us Southern rats. We had no choice but to choose the Storm or die drowning in one.”
“…”
“…”
“…what got you to stop?”
“I never did.”
Leonard looks at Alger in surprise.
Alger huffs, “don’t look at me like that. As much as I’m not ashamed of my lineage, I know that you guys have things easier.”
Leonard doesn’t deny Alger nor does he agree with him.
“The church was merely a means to an end, I was never pious to begin with—I’m sure you know.”
That Tyrant was never my God, never someone I worship or honoured. “He” merely had my respect as someone who’s beyond our existence. But Mr. Fool… as much as I fear him, I admire him more. He has given me grace, a way to escape, a chance to be better.”
“…”
“Mr. Fool is my God and I will never betray him. I have never betrayed my church.”
“…”
“…”
“…do you miss them?”
“Tch. Miss what?”
“Having protection at sea?”
“I am a sequence 4 Cataclysmic Interrer, I’ll live.”
Leonard huffs in amusement.
“And Mr. Fool… he gave me the Sea God Scepter before he went to sleep, told me to get used to it since it’ll my own power once I reach sequence 3 and I…”
“…”
“Not even after working for the Mandated Punishers for years did I ever get this treatment.”
“Maybe they saw your wavering loyalty?” Leonard jokes.
Alger huffs, “good for them. I’ve never liked their guts anyways.”
-
I made Leonard more quiet here because as much as he likes to talk out of his ass, post-Tingen Leonard is more of a listener than a talker (imo) and I feel like if he were to instigate a question he would let the other person speak their mind before adding more if he felt like it
baratheonpilled
romaincrisis
ellievsbear
snowghoul
