8 Things You’ll Only Understand if ...
You Are the Present Day Reincarnation of Vlad the Impaler Employed in an Insurance Office Mailroom
1) No one supports your appointment as departmental Health & Safety Officer.
2) Everyone assumes you’ll be able to fix their stapler.
3) No one understands that you’re actually fine with garlic on your focaccia.
4) Every company barbecue some joker yells, "Where're the shish-ka-bobs, Vladdy?"
5) You’re called in front of an HR disciplinary committee when you angrily rail against unspecified “Ottoman curs” who keep stealing your milk from the break room fridge.
6) Co-workers think your accent’s cute, but you’re always having to explain where Wallachia is.
7) Everyone keeps trying to set you up with that new girls in accounts, Elizabeth Bathory.
8) Your Secret Santa partner buys you a novelty coffee mug that reads “You don’t have to be a sadistic mass-murderer specialising in arcane execution methods to work here, but it helps.”
