through another's eyes

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." — Robert Frost ❤ ❤ ❤ This blog moves up and down with my emotions as it pleases.

[shannobi1]

10/12/23

The shockiest thing of my fucking life happened yesterday. After all was said and done and I honestly am not holding anything against anyone.. they came back to say happy birthday. Honestly like why? But sure. If that makes you feel good lol. They said sorry but it was like not much of an apology from them, just an apology that it happened.

But like it made me realize how great of a point I’m in right now.

[shannobi1]

9/20/23

Omg I’m nervous??? Send help. Just typing this out for reference later 💀

[shannobi1]

9/15/23

Aaasdfgrfhjdhj honestly this is just a prime example of “don’t worry Shannon, time will pass and another problem will occupy your mind”. 💀

[shannobi1]

8/19/23

Omg I’m like. Delusional right now but I have to understand that this is way above my league. I know my range 💀💀💀 but BUT I just have to post my thoughts somewhere

[shannobi1]

8/7/23

Listen. When I lost someone I was close to for a couple of years, I was completely devastated for a bit. It was due to a loss of trust and honesty I felt like I was betrayed, but I had always wondered for months why I couldn’t shake it off.

I think it was because I saw my own type of personality in him. So to be kind of betrayed by someone I thought was similar to me in thoughts? I felt like I betrayed myself. After a year, it still stings here and there but honestly if they don’t apologize then they don’t actually care about what they did lol. That’s not really a friendship in hindsight.

On another hand, I’ve just completely distracted myself with other things recently so I noticed I haven’t really thought about him at all LOL. Note to self: don’t party too hard in NYC you’re going to be embarrassed

[shannobi1]

trying to get a bunch of videos and photos for my year end montage and i see a screenshot i took of this dude saying “Sorry for making you feel less than for having emotions before”

sounds nice in theory but this bro proceeded to do even worse during the year LOL and just made me feel less 😮‍💨 i truly gained so much trauma and mistrust for this year

I need to vet my friends better in the new year lolol but thankfully cutting this person out dramatically increased my life quality

[shannobi1]

less stress, clear skin, haven’t been sick.. this was painful yet a long time coming but i made it

[shannobi1]

8/29/22- it’s great to log your thoughts down somewhere, whether it be tumblr or a diary but DAMN. Who knew someone you trusted had less accountability as you. Like, the whole time I thought they were trying to be a better person, but it turns out that they’re still far far faaar from it. I’m not even sure if they’re trying.

I feel much better knowing that at least I’m responsible and can be communicative enough when it counts. I’m honestly a little bit embarrassed to put it lightly.

[shannobi1]

I finally see that he’s kind of a scummy guy that tries to look good surface-level only, unfortunately.

[shannobi1]

Time is good, life is healing

[shannobi1]

I feel mucho better than last week! Time away helps best.

[shannobi1]

I remember reading that it takes like 21 days to get over a routine. Hopefully that’s the case. But what if the routine had some feeling of love in it? Will it take forever?

(Am I just being dramatic) lol. I just feel so emotional but I know this is the right decision if it’s this vs. breaking my boundaries all the time 🥲

[shannobi1]

I’m feeling kind of better. In waves zz

[shannobi1]

My counselor suggested just journaling my little tidbits of emotion, so jotting them down here helps. Who knew a tumblr from a decade ago could feel so healing.

On that note, eyes are puffy today but I’m feeling much more released. I just feel so bad, but at the same time why am I feeling bad for trying to maintain the boundary I need for myself? I think like if I just let it go again, it would affect me more long-term than it is right now in the short-term.

Like I realized nothing in the friendship got fixed, it was me conforming to the other’s wants, which was fine for the most part.. except for the parts I super did not agree with. I tried to communicate that boundary too.. it ended up broken so zz.. I am a fool lol

Maybe I just really cherished this friendship and loved the person but 🥲

[shannobi1]

Note to self: i think if you cry and wallow enough for like a week you’ll feel better about it all and move on

[shannobi1]

I need to focus on friendships that don’t deplete my self-worth. I feel so sad about the loss of this friendship but it’s like. If it didn’t end now, it would end up worse later. I really was prioritizing this friendship when in the end, they didn’t prioritize or trust me at all. God, it feels so rough knowing that towards the end, I just let all the things that bother me slide and pretended like I was god to go. I didn’t want to be called dramatic anymore, but that was essentially me just breaking my boundaries. I realize I wasn’t even being dramatic, I was just wanting decency.

Balancé is good. Right now life just feels unbalanced because I’m not used to this change again, but a couple months from now I’m sure time will heal all this sadness. I just want peace and happiness for my birthday, and deciding to do this now is a good head start.

[shannobi1]

A lot of people say I’m a nice person, but in reality I just don’t know how to properly set boundaries. This time I’ve finally put down my foot and placed a big boundary over my life but I can’t help but feel a bit empty. I guess I’m not used to stark change, and this is something I’ve never done, but this needs to happen in order for life to finally move on.

I’m thankful for my friends for being such great support systems though. Hearing many choruses of “wow finally” may sound mean to others, but it’s very validating to me lol.