🌗

📍🐊 mom

[shareecherie]

I think I’m ready to leave tumblr for good soon. Something is telling me to delete it but I know I could just leave it be.

[shareecherie]

➿➰!

[audiojunkyard]

[shareecherie]

Some things in my phone, pt. ???

[shareecherie]

My wardrobe is mostly black with some white and earth tones but ever since I had my daughter my world feels so much more colorful that my wardrobe feels drab. I guess it was a little more than just a visual taste. I’ve thrifted such a colorful pair of pants and a skirt.

[rianphin]

i'm sorry but playing love games when the world is collapsing is insane everyone should be being vulnerable and in love...

[shareecherie]

My baby is a little over 4 months old. I hold our nightly routine so dear. She gets a warm bath every night and as soon as I sit her in her tub she smiles so big. Once we are ready to put her to sleep, I read to her and she nurses during or after. I looked down at her tonight while reading and she was marveling at the illustrations in Where The Wild Things Are and then smiling at me.

If I lose my memories or mind when I grow old, I hope my brain still manages to take me to these moments. I cherish them so much. It breaks my heart that infancy is such a short time.

[shareecherie]

hi

[shareecherie]

1. My cat is back home. 🖤

2. Had a very lovely, very Florida weekend.

3. My hair is back to as long as it was before I shaved my head but I’m presently choosing between a mullety cut (again, but the long will be long) or a bob.

4. My baby saw her first rainbow the other day. 🩷🌈

[shareecherie]

In that same breath I must say it’s also the most beautiful thing full of the deepest love.

[shareecherie]

Motherhood has been as lonely as I was told it could be. There is no such thing as a true village in my world. My family and trustworthy friends are far away or the ones that aren’t are busy with life stuff. My partner is trapped in his own deeply severe mental battles. Everyone has their lives and they’re so separated. I appreciate phone calls and texts but I need in-person companionship and community not just when things feel okay because let’s face it… whether ever or for a long time I don’t think much of anything will feel okay. I’m not sure where to even start in creating my own between being simultaneously a full-time mom and wfh employee and being wary of who I let around my baby that I don’t already know.

Trying to create a more matriarchal way of living for us has in a lot of ways been like trying to force a square peg into a round hole. I’m drowning a little.

To top it off though it wasn’t intentional, my mother’s negligence caused my cat to escape the house unnoticed for hours (since at the time he left he’s usually curled up somewhere snoozing.) I miss him and really wish he would come back home or that we could find him on our daily walks or searches.

[shareecherie]

Happy new year, y’all. Almost rung it in asleep until my daughter started grunting and then blasting her diaper quite literally as soon as all the neighborhood fireworks were going off and my loved ones were saying HNY. She did it right.

[shareecherie]

Having my daughter has made enforcing my boundaries easier (though not perfect). By easier I don’t mean that it doesn’t leave a sinking feeling in my heart and stomach (context depending) but I finally see that I can stop sacrificing what will be my (and now her/our) peace or safety over the hopes that “maybe this time will be different” when it really hasn’t been over and over.

Before her, I developed the ability to express boundaries but I kept gunning for that alone being enough to make people make different choices so I wouldn’t have to follow through on distancing myself in some way shape or form because I didn’t want to. I would wait until I was at my absolute wit’s end, and sometimes a little past that.

I still don’t want or like to but in cases I will have to. It makes me sad but I notice that I can breathe a little better in the sense of acceptance of the things I can’t and shouldn’t change, and that I stop worshipping whatever thing was distressing enough to create a boundary over.

Anyways… I need to be well for her. For the both of us. I didn’t value myself enough before her, but now I must.

[shareecherie]

🖤 ♏︎

[shareecherie]

Final stretch. I hope you’ve all been well.

[shareecherie]

Okay, bye again. :)

[briargeese]

A hibiscus flower under ultraviolet light, shining for the polinators.