Sharyn Ashley Bachleda

createsomethingwithme

[sharynashleybachleda]

Partners

Kay and Matt, January 2019

@otherworldencounter 

[sharynashleybachleda]

Just a man and his dog

-Yashica 124 Mat-G

with Peyton Rodeffer and his loyal doggo Ted

[sharynashleybachleda]

Ocean Beach, San Diego

Another reason to keep shooting Kentmere 100 film!

I wish they made this film in medium format! But for now, shooting it in 35 will do :)

August ‘17

[sharynashleybachleda]

35mm photos from driving through Las Cruces, New Mexico in August 2017 during a solo road trip.

[sharynashleybachleda]

Dreaming with Diatom Deli

35mm Revlog Color film

[sharynashleybachleda]

I always underestimate Diana cameras

This shot is from early 2017 sometime. I took forever to finish taking this test roll and didn’t develop it until a few months ago. (but that’s life with film sometimes, right?)

Here’s moments from Percy Priest Lake in Nashville, TN

[sharynashleybachleda]

35mm “trashcam” shots with friends

Winter 2017/18

[sharynashleybachleda]

Lazy days at Alpen Retreat

When the guests from the Easter retreat left. A lot of the snow had melted and it was one of the first Spring-feeling days. It was so sunny. We played with a beach ball and romped around outside soaking in the sun. We were supposed to be “working” but we still got our tasks done. We just had to play first :)

Kentmere 100 35mm film

[sharynashleybachleda]

“wow, your life is so cool. I wish I could do that. I wish I could travel.”

I mean. You probably could. But first lets bosh this fantasy that travel is all luxury, all the carefully curated instagram-post worthy garbage.

I don’t like these fake fantasies that travel bloggers throw out into the world. Maybe some people never experience problems. Maybe some people never get lost. Maybe some people have never eaten out of a trash can.

 And another thing.. before I dive deeper.

Can we bosh the idea that traveling has to go beyond our own backyard?

Can we see with new eyes?

Can we find little pockets of heaven between the branches?

Can we vow to learn more, see more, explore more within our own “home”? 

Let us not get stuck

I’ve seen too many people get stuck.

 Sure, some people who have lots of money and resources might travel more leisurely... but I’m sorry, EVERYONE has their moments. Not everything is a damn peak. Valleys exist. Life can be really hard. And it will be. It will drive you crazy. It will make you want to run away. Well, it will make me want to run away. And so I find another destination to explore and further find myself... right? To be honest I think I just do it for my mental health. To keep myself stimulated. To keep myself going, growing, flowing. You know. or do you?

But this is the beautiful part about freelancing and working temporary, non-serious food jobs- I can save up a little money and take a month or two or three off. When you’re your own boss and most of your belongings fit in your car, there’s not too much holding back. BUT I want to mention that I realize this is a very privileged lifestyle and that I’m relatively able-bodied (with the exception of various allergies, breaking out in hives all the time, and hitching some sort of fungal infection from potentially Panama). 

Struggling with getting my health in order has been real so I’m not about to act like anyone can travel easily. It’s not generally easy. And if you’re disabled, the world isn’t always going to suit you. And if you’re not white or openly lqbtq, that will definitely add more stressors/ threats to safety. Traveling as a woman alone can be hard but I can’t imagine the oppression I could face as another race or seen with another women, etc. So just saying- I see that all the crazy shit I go through on my travels is a unique, privileged lifestyle and by no means am I ever going to try to place myself above someone. These are just my stories. 

I feel so weird when I tell people I’ve been traveling a lot and they say things like “wow you’re so cool. I wish I could do that” but generally, these are people that I see buying Starbucks every day. They spend at least $20 on their tab at the bar that night. They probably have a few monthly subscriptions. Basically, if they made a choice and stopped spending money frivolously, I bet most of them could come up with enough money to travel. OR they’re just saying that stuff to be nice and they actually have no intention of changing their comfortable lifestyle. And you know what? I respect that. If someone is happy where they are in their life and isn’t trying to run away and is embracing where they are.. more power to em! I can’t seem to stay in the same place for too long. But don’t tell me you wish you could if you genuinely don’t care lol.

 Some parts of the world aren’t all that expensive and the ones that are, I find people to crash with and buy food at the markets. I don’t buy alcohol (unless it’s ridiculously cheap and I can afford it- like in Prague where it was cheaper than water lol) I don’t buy into tourist packages. I split up my flights and trains to a point where it is a little ridiculous... but in the end I’m not spending all my money even if I transfer a million times. In the end, it will all work out right?

But it’s not always pretty. I don’t travel to be pretty. If you meet me amidst any journey I assure you I will be an absolute mess. I probably won’t shower for at least a week at a time. I will sleep on trains. I will make friends and make friends with their friends. I will sleep on their couches. In their backyards. I won’t sleep. I’ll miss my flight. I’ll miss my bus. I’ll cry. I’ll cry a lot. 

I’ll lose money

more than once.

I’ll get lost

and my phone will die

my gps will stop working

or I’ll lose my map

maybe I never had a map

but I will always have my faith in myself

faith in the universe

faith that the right people will align with my vibration

they’ll be drawn to it

we won’t know why

we won’t question it.

I’ll make another friend.

I’ll sing another song

I’ll cry, happy tears

I’ll feel deeper, stronger

so many feels

so many beautiful feels

I’ll think about being lost

I’ll laugh

I’ll realize

that even if I wanted to

I couldn’t get lost

I was home all along

Anyways, this portion of my blog is now dedicated to a collection of the smiles, sweat and tears (in the form of words) from my various excursions over the past few years.

with love

Twitchy

[sharynashleybachleda]

What does “failure” look like to you?

It can manifest in many forms

Sometimes, it manifests when I feel my heart sink after I pull out a roll of film from the canister to see less than “accurate” negatives. I have to learn to let go of these expectations.. while also learning what not to do next time. For the most part, my film comes alive in a way that pleases me but I still get the occasional fuck up rolls. I need to let go of these expectations and remind myself why I use this medium and even when they manifest in a less than desired way, it’s still the physical proof of light in space, captured on a tiny piece of acetate covered in silver halide emulsion, eventually brought to life when developed. I just find that really interesting and beautiful.. the fact that we can physically hold these moments.. they become objects of memory.. and every time we look at them, they become imbued with more and more memories, eventually completely altering the initial encounter with the photographed moment. 

 I remember getting caught in a brief desert storm with this camera (my 1970′s  Bronica EC_TL II) during this roll. I don’t know what happened but at first I felt silly, like these photos were a total waste.. But now, I kind of like them and I think they might more accurately depict those moments than if they were clear. 

What does fragility look like to you?

Film is such a precious, fragile thing. I have to remind myself to take it as it comes and find beauty in its imperfections. 

Photographs shot sometime in September of 2017 during a solo road trip across the US Western states. 

-Moab, Utah

Probably Portra 400 120mm film

[sharynashleybachleda]

We can’t do it all

Sometimes it’s ok to have just a taste

If we fully indulged in everything that tasted good-

We would be too full, bloated, unable to really process these bits

of time

What a strange thing - time

She has carved me strange

Like a river, created passageways

and canyons

and deep dark crevices

That I can only hope to reach one day

Sure, they are within me but they are archived 

password protected

that I have yet

to decode

Will I have to dig deep?

Hold my breath?

Trace my steps,

blindfolded?

or there will be a path, clearly marked

only visible when I am ready

When SHE is ready

Of course time is a woman

a majestic, beautiful, confusing cycle

Both strong and fragile

She is diligent

not always forgiving

But predictable if you set her right

and keep her fully charged

but she can be finnicky

and tell you lies

she doesn’t mean to

but sometimes

she tics

[sharynashleybachleda]

(Photos taken on a seemingly abandoned road somewhere in Texas, shot on Kodak Gold on a $5 point and click 35mm camera)

About this time last year, I had recently decided to take myself on a month-long solo road trip out west. I'd traveled alone before but this was the first time I had done a road trip by myself and I really had no idea what I was getting myself into.. but going into it, I knew that the main times in my life when I really felt like things made some kind of sense is when I had no expectations, no real idea what I'd be stepping into.. but I still had faith in myself and the universe that somehow, I'd be alright.

On this trip I spent A LOT of time alone. This was an interesting time in my life because I was simultaneously reclaiming independence while also being in denial of my relationship at the time that was falling apart. It's funny because I had no expectations for the trip and just wanted to float along and listen to my heart, where on the other hand, I was replaying the ideals and expectations that my partner and I at the time had set out for ourselves. Granted, they started drifting away first and was the one who prompted my road trip to begin with since they had just left on a two-month solo road trip and I figured "why not, I'll make my own way". Even though a part of me wanted that partnership to continue, I realized that it had been such a long time since I had really, truly been single and independent. So what better way to start reclaiming independence than driving a few thousand miles alone? Well I guess there's plenty of better ways, especially better for the environment.. but for now I'm running with this one.

I used to be the kind of person that jumped from relationship to relationship. Even though I could never seem to truly find someone who was compatible, I had allowed myself to fill a roll that others had created for me and would eventually become complacent. At that point in my life, the person I was struggling to hold onto was one of the first relationships where I felt truly safe. It sounds strange now, especially looking back and thinking "how the hell did I allow myself to be in numerous relationships where I didn't feel like that?" But the thing is, I really didn't know much better. I like to joke that it seems that every other person I date is "slightly less shitty than the last", which I realize sounds messed up, probably because it is... but when one hasn't been properly educated about functional relationships, consent and creating boundaries, it makes a bit more sense why someone would fall into a relationship that resembles something familiar even if it isn't healthy.

So anyways- I had a relationship with this person, talked about boundaries, consent, open communication, etc etc. I expected us to last a while, right? At the time I thought yeah ok, this is good. They had even talked about the future and even mentioned living together one day. It had only been six months but I was feeling good about it. But the reality is: I was only seeing what I wanted to see. I had put this person on a spotlight as a strange kind of savior, as the first person to “truly give a shit about me”. When in reality, I had loads of friends and family who give a shit about me who I had also neglected while I was in that partnership. Long story short (ok let’s face it this post is long anyways but still): we ended up “just focusing on our friendship” during our road trips which I didn’t realize at the time was their way of ending things. I don’t know what made me think we were still something. Oh wait! I do. EXPECTATIONS. Aha!

Now this isn’t to say that if I had no expectations we would be together, nor would I want us to still be together... but damn I would have saved myself a lot of heartache if it wasn’t for having any! Why do we do this to ourselves? Why does society create these boxes for partnerships, especially monogamous ones to operate in? ( I guess a psychologist/sociologist could easily answer these)

Anyways jumping back to the road trip:

While I was on the road, it was so refreshing realizing how much fun I could have just with myself. I have always known this. I have always been my best company (and worst at times). It was like my inner child that used to spend ours upon hours exploring and playing by myself.. but this time I had wheels and hiked mountains, got lost in the desert, wandered new cities, followed random roads until they ended, etc. I was able to meet up with new and old friends along the way so I can’t say that I was fully independent but something else I also realized on this trip is that no one is ever truly alone! But I also learned that you can be independent without being alone.

I love traveling by myself because even when I meet people, I’m still on my own pace. I can stop along the road (when it’s safe) to take pictures whenever I want and no one is going to complain. I can pull over on a deserted road in Texas and pee on the side of the road and no one will know (until now, oops!) And best of all, I can change my route and adapt as the world changes. Sure, one day I’ll have a travel companion (which will also be great financially) but until then, I’m proud of myself for having the strength to take charge and just go.

It’s been one year since I’ve taken a long distance road trip. I recently went backpacking around Europe for 3 months and I still haven’t developed all the film but something is telling me to go back out west. I’m not sure what it is but I feel I must go. This past year has been so humbling and I’ve grown in more ways than I could have imagined. I guess I’m drawn to go back out there because my National Parks Pass expires at the end of the month and there’s a few places I’ve yet to go. I’m drawn to the low levels of humidity, the cool breeze of Colorado, the red sands of Southern Utah and the green moss of the Pacific Northwest. Isn’t it funny how we’re always interested in things foreign to us?

Anyways, I guess the main reason I feel the need to make another solo road trip is because this time, I’m not trying to prove anything to anyone. I’m not trying to hold onto anyone or anything. I genuinely don’t know what I want to happen... nor what could happen. And that excites the hell out of me. Sure, I’m also a bit terrified but some of the best things in life are also fucking scary.

So, here’s to flowing with the breeze and hoping the fire I light under my ass doesn’t burn myself or start a forest fire.

[sharynashleybachleda]

Life keeps throwing me curve balls but my wheels are still rollin’. Where to exactly? I’m still figuring that part out. There’s been too many moments where I feel so sure of myself and I project an idea of what my future will be like from that moment on... and you know what? It never happens. Things always go differently than expected because of expectations. It’s so silly to have them. But despite these expectations not reaching reality, reality hitting hasn’t been so bad. If anything, it’s probably better because it’s gearing me up to be a better, stronger version of myself. And in the end, hopefully, I’ll look back and laugh at what I’ve cried about. There’s a reason I’ve kept my journals from high school. Now I can look back and go “Really? That’s what I was so pissed off about?” and it’s humbling trying to comprehend the amount of change I’ve already been through in these 25 years. Even though the ride has been rocky, I think it’s safe to say I’ve always known where I wanted to go. I want to go everywhere. I want to grow roots but I want to be able to be replanted and thrive in different soil, wither under certain conditions only to come back to life when the sun is back out. I accept that life is not a vacation but if you navigate your life just right, you won’t need a vacation. I want to explore every day whether it’s thousands of miles away or in my own backyard. Hell, even in my living room. I will find magic in every corner. I don’t want to decide to “grow old”. I don’t want to become stagnant and dull. I am an artist and I will create my future and do what I can to help pave the way for something better for all of us. I want to keep making people smile. I want to keep sharing art. But why do I want? It’s more of a craving really. This thing in my stomach that gets me out of bed that says “do the thing! do it! you won’t regret it!”. Sure, there’s things I wish didn’t happen in my life but I have to think there’s some reason. Maybe that’s just me justifying it, sure... but maybe because I’ve navigated my way out of a certain situation and I share that knowledge with people, it will spread awareness and mindfulness to further develop the mental tools we as humans need to navigate life, loss and all of the anxiety and trauma in between. 

Anyways, here’s a selfie from Venice Beach in September that I took on my phone. 

[sharynashleybachleda]

When caught in the rain in a sunflower field, take photos even if the rain screws them up! Throwback to June 2018, snapped by my lovely friend Courtney :)

[sharynashleybachleda]

I may have a lot of baggage but at least I’m strong enough to carry it. 

Photo by Morgan Beaty

[sharynashleybachleda]

Sarah, 11 (now 12)

This year I was given the opportunity to nanny a wonderful, quirky, intelligent and rambunctious little human who has basically become my little sister. Untainted, she constantly reminds me to view the world through the eyes of a child. Sometimes I have to remind myself that she is more than half my age and has so much life to live. Sometimes that scares me. I look back to my middle school years and entering high school with so much anxiety and depression and it reminds me how vital having a mentor is. Even when I’m doubting myself and questioning my decisions, she’s rooting me on and reminds me of the little accomplishments, like how good my smoothie was or the fact that I can draw a decent looking bird.  She reminds me not to take life too seriously by turning literally everything we do into a game. She reminds me of the little pockets of heaven that are typically only revealed to the young, the explorative, the restless, open and imaginative eyes. 

I love this little human

[sharynashleybachleda]

In search of lost time

In search of “home”

In search of purpose

In search of now

Time stands still as we’re left to wonder where it is that we stand

We find home in little pockets

Pockets of heaven, of magic, of love

They’re hiding in plain site, everywhere