Each step he took was as if he was standing on broken glass. He was angry, he was upset, he was...alone. Ever since Toukaās death, he never visited her grave, he didnāt attend the initial ceremonial service between the cafe members to pay their respect. Through this, many of them turned their back towards Kaneki, and he was fine with this...He wanted to truly die now, everything he ever loves, always seems to die because of him, and this was just another piece in that puzzle that proved him right. He hated it, Ā he hated everything about it, but he kept going forward...Or what he would think was forward. People coud consider him homeless seeing that he didnāt return to their apartment often, only to take a shower and a new pair of clothing. Then it was out in the streets once more, getting by through eating ghouls and just...Walking around, avoiding the CCG like he always.
The reaper knew that his anger was misplaced, it wasnāt her fault that she died...There was nothing she could of done, but, he didnāt know what else to do outside of blaming her for leaving him by himself like everyone that ever said they loved him...Yet, he knew very well she didnāt mean to at all. Yet, he stood there at times, wishing that at times they shared, every memory both good and bad. Never happened, another lost wouldnāt have taken his toll on him. Though at times, some of the cafe members have reported at times, an anonymous shadow would appear nearby Toukaās grave...It would never get close to it, but just stare at it for a few minutes. After a while, it would just walk away.
Everything had fallen apart for Kaneki, but, he never gave in. For one reason and one reason alone. He knew that, if he gave himself into death, Toukaās spirit for sure would come to destroy his. It was a stupid idea, and he knew it, but it gave him a twisted comfort...To know that, maybe in the end, she truly didnāt leave him all alone. So for once, in ten years, he stood there on her graveside and just stared for a bit. There was so many things he wanted to say, so many things he wanted to say sorry for, sorry for thinking about it, for not visiting, for giving up..Though, he knew that Touka wouldnāt forgive him for just pleading and saying sorry. So he just stood there for a bit, after a while, he leaned down and placed a single flower on her site, and dusted off her tombstone. A small smile grew on his lips, tears dropping from his eyes and landing on top of her grave. Standing up, he finally spoke towards her every since she passed.Ā ā...Iāll make sure, that even during my suffering...Iāll keep moving forward Touka. For you. I need to get going, Iām going to bring the peace you wanted for the cafe...And Iām going to make sure itās kept. Even if they donāt like me anymore.ā With that he turned his back towards the graveside and started to walk off. The smile still on his face.