Hi friends, I'm Shazzbaa! (She/ Her)
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My obsessions shift erratically so whatever you followed me for: I can't guarantee how much there will be of it. Whatever I'm drawing right now: I can't guarantee when I will stop. ENJOY THE RIDE
Got an ask recently that was something to the effect of "what does sam think about [phrase that's incomprehensible to me]" so here's a gentle and friendly reminder to Fallen London folks that:
I am still actively but slowly playing through the game! I am not caught up with the most recent content nor do I play stories as soon as they come out
I am avoiding spoilers! Please don't ask me about stuff if you don't know if I've touched it. "Has Sam done [specific ES]" or "has Sam played through [name of the overarching story]" are okay, but please don't add stuff like "Has Sam gotten to the giant rat yet" or "Has Sam done the part of this storyline with the giant rat" or "Has Sam done this storyline? there's a giant rat in it so it's right up his alley" -- I want to discover the giant rat myself!!!!!!!
I am playing Fallen London mostly blind! I know the community is (understandably) more casual about spoilers, so for right now I don't keep up with the larger fandom so that I can experience the game for myself. This means there's a lot of things that are Common Fandom Knowledge that I do not know. If it feels like everyone is talking about a thing, please don't assume that means I know about it!
List of things I've done in Fallen London and are thus totally chill to talk to me about:
Every ambition (Sam has completed Light Fingers, and I watched friends play through the others and know the basic gist.) (No post-ambition unlocks or tie-ins, though, please! Not even hints!)
Evolution
These Exceptional/Fate-locked Stories: Avulsion, Every Good Boy Deserves Fun, Eins Fleins Kleins Wondrous Circus, The Stolen Soiree, Father's Oils, Shape of Infinity, Life of Clay, Old New Drowned & Blue, Why of Eels, The Pale Tabernacle, Memories of Mozart, Death and Tax Evasion, Nest in the Eaves, Arcana, Laws of the Game, Slobgollion, Dream of a Thousand Tails, Stripes of Wrath, the Bloody Wallpaper, Exile's Chalice, Reunion, Icarian Cup, The Shallows, The Stag & The Shark, For All the Saints Who From Their Labours Rest, the Marriage of Feducci, All Things Must End, and Clay Man's Arm.
Things I've posted about doing/discovering on either this blog or my afterdark blog
For any of the above, I absolutely welcome "Hey what choice did Sam make/what did Sam think about this specific part" type asks! Just keep in mind that Samuel (and me) may not have had the same knowledge you have about what's going on, especially if the ES touches on setting lore.
Things I am especially Avoiding Spoilers for:
I'm in the midst of Railway and being very slow about it LMAO. Since you can kinda unlock/discover stuff out of order I'd like to just avoid info on anything I haven't directly referenced here.
DONT TELL ME ABOUT FIRMAMENT!!!!!! One time someone on bluesky just replied to a piece of art I posted with unrelated firmament spoilers out of the blue and I'm still flabbergasted about this lmao. DONT DO THIS!!!!! ILL PLAY IT EVENTUALLY!!!!!!!!
Setting Lore! I've really been enjoying the way Fallen London makes you piece together implications from 10 different sources to figure out what's up with its weirdness. casually links to Phos's good post about lore spoilers and letting people be wrong about stuff when they don't have all the lore yet.
Also, this hasn't happened, but just in case: please don't send me "FIRMAMENT SPOILERS: firmament is cool and you should play it" or "spoilers it turns out Feducci totally smokes weed thats a canon fact this is definitely a real spoiler /j" asks as a joke b/c I might panic and block/delete before I've even read the whole thing LMAO.
Thanks for understanding, everyone! Sharing doodles and thoughts about Sam's adventures on the wider internet has been a lot of fun; I wanna make sure I can keep doing that comfortably!
oh my goodness i never posted this, kicks this out of my drafts..... @little-red-notebook made a comment about Peter mistaking one of Sam's reflections for Sam and going up to kiss him before realising his mistake, and what an amazing thought.... I feel like his normal reflection would be pretty chill about it but the silent partner never made it to Dating, HE WOULD BE SO CONFUSED. Also he is the reflection entity least able to quickly correct this mistake. Sorry I'm just so entranced by having an Even More Sopping Wet Samuel
Sam is that situation of like, guy who thrives on physical touch and handles this by getting in fights. So yeah, arm wrestling would def fall into that. He's quite strong and pretty good at it .....most of the time!
LMAO im so glad you asked. Samuel has been making very safe and professional expeditions into the Moulin Wastes!! where he definitely doesn't forget to keep an eye on how many supplies they need to get home and he also certainly hasn't been abusing his shapeling arts abilities to travel through impossible spaces so much that the Wastes are trying to reshape him. OBVIOUSLY!!!
The text for getting extra eyes makes it sound like they'll probably eventually disappear on their own, and Sam's abilities could probably cover an eye pretty easily, but it's fun if resisting the Waste's alterations is a little above his paygrade... Maybe he can ask some rubberies to help him fix this eventually, but for now he's just wearing a hat with a brim and hoping it's not too obvious.
He ALSO got a thing that makes you GLOW WITH VIRIC LIGHT around the same time, which for Sam specifically probably makes his scales stand out a lot more than usual? So anyway he's been doing fine. Just head on back to London, mate. Nobody will notice.
So, did Sam enjoy the circus? (the horrible clown ES, my beloved)
Samuel had a great time at the circus. :) until he wasn't having a great time at the circus.....
Honestly Sam felt a little... bad? about this, though I don't think he'd choose differently in the end. This ancient denizen of the Neath that truly seemed to be trying to understand and play nice with humanity, but couldn't take "no" for an answer, was someone he would really like to have found some way to compromise with but ultimately had to reject and oppose. The Dreamer's conflicted deliberation sounded less like someone encountering a thing they want, but it's Weird, and more like someone justifying a subpar choice because its attainable. "But if everyone is happy and truly wants this, then maybe it's fine?" was a much harder sell to someone who's seen the Orphanage. Sam never found out why everyone working the circus was so ecstatic to be here, and that's really the most unsettling part.
I've seen both endings of this story and I REALLY like that both feel unsettling, but potentially??? good -- just, one is more Neathy than the other. You have to accept that this strange, eldritch arrangement could possibly be a nice outcome in order to feel good about installing the little rat as the ringmaster, and you have to sympathise with the Rapture-in-Witness to even consider it. Samuel sympathised, but he could not in good conscience encourage that bargain.
Anyway I regret making him say no to volunteering to be a beast. I don't know if it's anything other than a little bit of different text, but I think he should've considered it lmao
Was doing mental math to figure out how many FotZs Sam’s been around for/the likelihood he’s talked to a certain guy at them and then realized he’s Death At Zee Georg and has definitely met the Fathomking through that XD anyways, the question I wanted to ask: what does he think of the Fathomking/Drownies in general?
THIS IS SLANDER! HES ONLY DIED AT ZEE 7 TIMES!! thats uh.... thats still more than you'd generally prefer BUT it's not a lot for a FL PC who spends 80% of his time out at zee!!
In general, Samuel does his best to be respectful of His Complexity and his Bride. I don't know that he's succeeding, but he does his best. The Fathomking seems to him to be simultaneously a very interesting person with laudable ideas about the importance of love, and also an unreasonable tyrant. Most of the time Sam regards him with a sort of render-unto-caesar deference, but he's probably not as afraid of His Complexity as he should be, and respects him the most when he's at his most sentimental. He would drop everything if asked to do something nice for his Bride.
Samuel is not hostile to drownies; he's met enough decent ones. He's just not personally interested in walking off the ship and sinking to his death right now. Some day, though!!
He was devastated to lose most of his crew the one time his ship was shot down, and then almost immediately after that got to meet a drownie in an ES who was happy with his new life underwater, so... y'know, maybe some of them are actually doing fine. Whenever I play the Drownie opportunity card for piracy and get the one rare result that doesn't raise troubled waters, I like to imagine that's Sam catching up with some of his old crew.
Anyway, nobody asked but since I have been trying to keep up with them, here's all his zee deaths:
His Very First Time out at zee he got menaced by some sort of lamprey creatures while trying to find Doctor Vaughan and it knocked his wounds up to 8. INCREDIBLE DEVELOPMENT where he just had the whole "what's dragged your carcass out here" conversation with Dr Vaughan while Technically Dead LMAO. He collapsed on deck after setting out to get his Respectability up
very shortly after this he had a terrible time trying to capture his first plated seal, fed zee beast to his crew and accidentally afflicted everyone with unaccountably peckish, failed multiple cards in a row and eventually got eaten by his desperately hungry crew. HIS MOST ILL-FATED VOYAGE. Extremely funny that this means Sam's crew ATE THEIR CAPTAIN but then faithfully transported the world's most violent seal back to london for him.
after this he didn't die at zee for…. Months? A year??? I focused on getting a ton of zeefaring stuff for him when I realised it was his Favourite Thing, so he was doing great! Until finally one day he got SHOT DOWN BY THE ADMIRALTY while trying to do pirate things. This cost him most of his crew, and getting noticed by the authorities at zee is now the one thing he won't fuck around with
Crushed by glimfall when he randomly failed a completely manageable 90% check in the snares. Samuel.
two more glimfall deaths, one when he was distracted chasing the Pale Tabernacle, and one shortly after he committed himself to the zee (I started making a bunch of risky trips b/c I didn't want to Die On Purpose but was curious if there was any special text for dying while being married to the zee) (I still think there should be a little!!! surely the fathomking has thoughts about such an unconventional sort of devotion!!!)
very recently he got eaten by a fish. it was a casual jaunt across the zee I don't know how he managed this
This doesn't count as a Death At Zee but at one point he had to request an audience with the Fathomking for a thing and he just...... drowned himself.... just hopped in the zee and drowned on purpose. It's very important to know that he had other options and did this instead. Samuel Ashman is a normal man who makes good choices
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[As always, no Fallen London lore hints or spoilers in comments or reblogs please! I really enjoy finding things myself!]
I've been looking forward to getting a Big Eel to ride since last year's whitsun introduced transport-beasts, but I was truly unprepared for the majesty of THE INFINITE EEL SOURCE
"Tearing oneself away from one's desire like that, mere moments after ingesting the moon-milk, would be a heart-rending experience...."
Avulsion also got me thinking about Poor Edward OBVIOUSLY, I'm always insisting he deserves more credit for his truly bonkers willpower while under the influence but I'm just not sure he could've been normal for this
HAHA MORE AVULSION DOODLES.... Thren, Mochi and I played through the story together with Peter, Jack, and Sam; fun to imagine all our guys at the same disastrous moon-milk art show trying to keep each other out of trouble lmao. Anyway after drinking moon-milk @little-red-notebook's Peter accidentally looked at the Playwright, who very quickly clocks what's happened and, once you figure out what he's up to, just smirks about how you being in love with him makes you powerless to stop him and IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS. A NORMAL AMOUNT.
HES DOING... OKAY. Some pretty rough burns on his hands and a lingering fondness for The Most Beautiful Photograph In The World. He mostly just feels a bit stupid, and a little bit worried that he Cheated On The Zee.
Also I have to appreciate these tags I got on the last post:
LMAO I TRULY EXPECTED HIM TO IMMEDIATELY NOPE OUT. Like, as soon as I saw the title of this exceptional story I was suspicious moon-milk would be involved -- WE SURE HAVE SEEN THAT WORD EXACTLY ONE OTHER PLACE!!!! IN THE ORPHANAGE'S REPORTS!!!! -- and I was sure Sam would refuse. But then the moon-milk was presented so straightforwardly, and in a heavily diluted form where the worst effects would wear off at the end of the night. There are so many people Sam cares about who have dealt with these effects: Hephaesta of course, but also Clara, Dr. Vaughan, several of his fellow FLPC friends who took the offer of "false-star nectar" in another ES, and regrettably Poor Edward is in this category as well. This is the only chance Sam would ever have to experience and understand on some level what they went through (or in some cases, are still going through) with relative safety. Of COURSE he took it.
(More thoughts and an updated scars sketch under the cut)
As soon as things started going sideways, he realised he should've thought this through a little more. Sam's no Hephaesta, but he's still strong enough to be Dangerous when compromised, and it's not surprising that an artist mostly working off her friend's research and her own experience might not have enough info to truly understand the threat that a room full of obsessed people could pose. He's also seen plenty of evidence that the effects linger for a long time after the venom has supposedly "worn off"; he should've known how gutting it would be, how much help he would need to move on from even the most mitigated dose. And, in retrospect, he feels more remorse about giving himself a dose of Pure Devotion so casually than he would about an actual one-night stand. The unterzee obviously doesn't care if he's smooching other people; it is indifferent to him, and Samuel doesn't normally think of his devotion to the zee as something that precludes, say, physical intimacy. But to Devote himself to something else felt different, a sort of betrayal of the heart.
Also, on a more physical level like, Samuel WAS rescued, but he did still remain in a burning building frantically trying to extinguish The Beloved Photograph with his bare hands until he collapsed from smoke inhalation so. I feel like probably that left a mark. I was just doodling an updated look at new scars he's gotten over the last few months so sticks that in here as well:
I'm a little bit amused that I did the riot option in Light Fingers and thus my version of Edward does not have the burned hands so SAMUEL APPARENTLY DECIDED TO GRAB THOSE SCARS INSTEAD,
Anyway. He will sheepishly tell Hephaesta what happened and she'll toss him against a wall in concerned frustration, which I think will make Sam feel better, but he'll also apologise for his suggestion back during Light Fingers, that she should be able to just hold out and deal with it until the moon-milk wore off, because in retrospect GOOD GOD ACTUALLY HE NOW REALISES SHE WAS HOLDING HERSELF TOGETHER EXTREMELY IMPRESSIVELY. Absolutely mind-boggling that she was able to help with the kid as much as she was. He also wants to seek out the Nightmare-Orphanage in Parabola and do his best to... just, be nice to Poor Edward some (and Edward will enjoy it while screaming incoherently in the back of his mind trying to figure out why this is happening or what it means for the guy who punched him in the face at the altar to now be visiting him and giving him a hug). Sam's gonna do his best to stay distracted and keep his friends close and NOT GO BACK ON LAUDANUM. And once he's up to it, he will head out to zee and reconnect with his truest passion. His friends are doing their best to GET HIM TO WAIT UNTIL EVERYTHING HEALS, FIRST, but he's definitely going out there sooner than he should.
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(if you're curious, like a week after this ES i did send sam out zailing and he imMEDIATELY DIED. for funsies I'd given his shadowy outfit a set of Worse Gloves to reflect his hands still being injured, and after a string of bad luck he promptly failed an 80% shadowy check, pushed right into troubled waters 8, and got plucked off the deck and eaten by a zee beast lmao. AMAZING. RECONCILE WITH UR SPOUSE SAMUEL. I love when the game just Knows.)
Sam got a chance to experience extremely diluted moon-milk (basically a love potion) at an art show and he, uh, wENT FOR IT????? it got him obsessed with a photo exhibit that was supposed to be destroyed as a sort of performance piece and ma'am I appreciate the themes of love and loss you're trying to convey here but I DONT THINK EITHER OF YOU THOUGHT THIS THROUGH
Anyway if you don't tell him you're doing this he's literally never going to figure it out. He'll be like "wow what did I eat, did I get poisoned?" and then just grumble and go on with his day because this is London, he's not going to let a little poison stop him. And then the next month he'll just assume that monster that knocked him against a stalagmite while he was hunting the other day must've injured his back in some way because it's hurting longer than he expected, oh well. And this will just continue with each instance seeming like an unconnected consequence of something he did the day before, because he gets injured and poisoned in his line of work and general daily life constantly; it will never stand out enough for him to notice the pattern.
I like to imagine Samuel originally thought that The Monthly Sickness was a debilitating thing that completely took you out, and he would've been shocked to discover his period-having friends and acquaintances were out Doing Things during that time of the month, because it just wasn't talked about enough for him to have an accurate understanding. Once he started zailing, though, zailors are indelicate enough that he would've had to learn very quickly how to accommodate periods and that his period-having crew members are, for the most part, still fully capable of their duties while dealing with this bullshit, so for a Victorian Man I think he has a surprisingly frank understanding of it by now.
But I think that if you DID tell him you were giving him period cramps (a) he would be interested actually!! He would be curious to know what others are experiencing, and novel forms of pain can be enriching for a Sam and (b) he would NOT react Correctly because he started from a zone of "mysterious illness that knocks you out" and getting confirmation that it's just "pretty bad pain every month" would be like OH okay that's doable!! Yeah it's rough but you could captain a ship while this is going on, for sure. And he wouldn't mean it in a dismissive way -- once his brain kicked in he would be genuinely sympathetic about how obnoxious this would be to experience regularly -- but I don't think he's socially aware enough to not be very annoying about it at first lmao
got to share my Poor Edward playlist with a friend who recently finished Light Fingers and it brought me a great deal of joy, so I am now sharing it with you, the people. This isn't meant to go with any particular PC, just songs that made me think of him, that others suggested for him that stuck with me, or were just Edward-adjacent in my brain. (I have a separate Ed x Sam list. It's much shorter)
I could absolutely go song by song and talk too much about all my Edward Thoughts but briefly, the most important notes:
Killer is a Newly Promoted and/or Working His Way Up Edward to me; running the "permakill two people for every person we admit" facility is a weird job goal for someone who "dislikes butchery", yeah?
I Can't Decide and Obsession are both partially pre-moon-milk in my brain; Edward's fixation on his Personal Rival Who Actually Outmatched Him Once turning strange and intense after he gets hit with a love potion
Le Bien Qui Fait Mal and Hysteria are the initial HORRIFIED THIS HAS HAPPENED TO HIM songs, from Toxic to Horror of Our Love is fantasising and courting, Mx Sinister to This Is Love is Edward deciding he can force your hand; Time is Running Out to Within You is Edward sort of realising he's doomed. Every Breath You Take maybe?? should be moved but I haven't decided where to put it. Bad Medicine by Upstart Crows is post-wedding to me, an Edward who either didn't get married or isn't happy in his marriage.
Special shoutout to Horror of Our Love; this one was suggested to me by Boo and in my opinion it's The Perfect Poor Edward Song. Just such a correct amount of genuine yearning needful love and a weirdly sweet sincerity, combined with absolutely deranged expressions as the only thing that can possibly communicate the depth and desperation of it. We don't get to read his "frankly disturbing" poetry in canon so I've decided it's just this song.
Red Flags by Tom Cardy has always been Poor Edward adjacent to me but it is also Too Distracting so I couldn't put it on this playlist LMAO
omg I can't believe I forgot to post about these two hanging out. Soggy reflections gotta stick together!!!
While @reliably-derogaffectionate's flondon guy Daryn was off doing.... whatever he was doing over the winter, the reflection that's usually possessing him was instead making a new friend in Parabola!!! Mochi and I got really excited about the idea of the Silent Partner and Reflection-Daryn smooching; two reflections who are fully aware they're "Not Real" being able to find affectionate company behind the glass that doesn't disappear when a dream is over. ITS JUST V CUTE TO ME...
Their originals, on the other hand, have never met. Samuel has no idea his hired reflection is going on dates when he's not around.
The start of the Light Fingers ambition says that a contact in London brought you down here, promising that she could get you set up to steal a giant diamond "the size of a cow". Stealing a big diamond would probably not actually tempt Sam down below, so I like to imagine he was friends with the Fading Music-Hall Singer on the surface.
I kinda love the idea of this friendship forming when they're heading in opposite directions -- Samuel having worked hard to let go of his rowdier inclinations and convince himself he'll be happy in the routine life of the church; the Singer drawn towards something more ambitious, more spontaneous, a bit less legal. When she gets in real trouble in London, of course she thinks of her foolishly open-hearted clergyman friend who was always willing to look the other way and get in a scuffle for her, and writes him promising an adventure. And after years of a quiet life in a small church, Sam misses her adventures so badly that he takes the leap.
