kill it or let it kill you

maricar-k madrid montes. this is my personal tumblr.

[sheaintcool]

seven years ago today.. & the cycle repeats.

[sheaintcool]

i just hope that i can bring my fucking bills down so more of my damn money come back to me.

[toofacedd]

[tanyaaloves]

[homietwt]

[sheaintcool]

the more i grow up the more i push this to be far from my reality. find true joy. it's worth it.

[sheaintcool]

self-isolation

I don't want to make a big post and go off on many tangents but damn, what a time we are all facing. At any point during this lockdown, I hope you find the time to take care of your inner child, to pay attention to them. I hope you take a look at your life and the people you allow in it. How you appreciate them, and maybe for some, how you don't. I wish that we all come out of this a step closer to our personal ideas of our idea selves. I hope you become aware of who you are and differentiate it between who you were and who you strive to become. Even then, I hope you have a happy marriage of the three. I wish you all love and hope in these crazy times of uncertainty.

[sheaintcool]

I'ts rallt stupid to say but I'm proud of myself for not buying anything on amazon prime day. It's just not the time to make more purchases! No matter what the "savings" are. Just enjoy what I have for now and de-clutter my parents' home first. :) Happy Monday yall!

[thefrenchsavoirfaire-blog]

[raimovroman]

[sheaintcool]

going to bed this bloated after a weekend of eating junk & barely drinking water is absolute trash. this water intake situation needs to get rectified asap. other than that, pretty darn decent day. can't complain. goodnight putos. first real day on the floor mañana, wish me luckkkkk. man i really dont care about nothin else but this financial glow up, which will lead to an aftual glow up. YA YA YA YA LETS GET IT. LYBB.

[sheaintcool]

my blood is fucking boiling. I understand that I have a lack of sleep & water intake right now, but I'm also on my period. I had a good streak of days where I woke up early and not let anything get to me.. but yesterday I slipped.. and it's gotten to me. I know with more water, some time, and when my breakfast is done cooking - it will pass. Especially, because I have big ong days ahead of me. I just can't belileve where this has come.. but doesn't have to be sad.. I mean it kinda sucks but like... I'm on the path to getting everything else I want.. I'm not going to stop for some shit like this. Okay I feel better. Have a good day tumblr <3

[sheaintcool]

what a fucking waste of my life

[sheaintcool]

5:09AM

What am I doing all this for? What a waste of my time ... Could've just gone hope, slept & ruin nothing.

[lightscreens]

[sheaintcool]

a little thing called my mental health.

Man.. it's so hard to talk about this. It's hard for people take me serious in general to begin with. Today, I pictured it. You know, being dead. I don't even like that idea because I have done nothing that can repay my mom for everything she's given me, and I have not reached a point that brings me happy enough for me to share with her. I could never do that to her. I just want to show her one day that I've done it all for her. That I'm on this weird path because I'm trying to pave one of my own, one never advised to me by my other relatives.. One that will be fulfilling. I really do admire people who push their social medias and become a public figure on their own, doing what they're passionate about. It's really not easy. It's simple, but simple is not always easy. The littles speedbumps make me wanna curl into a ball and dig my nails into my skin. I have not been this bad in years but I don't know what else to do.. but if I'm gonnabe spending so much time awake.. I'm going to try going back to Tumblr, journaling and doodling. Try to stay away from other distractions that don't bring me much. The stuff that's gotten me here: with no creative outlet and sleep deprived. Vlogging my fitness progression on my phone has been helping me in that sense, so I hope this helps. I need to try, and really try and KEEP trying. It's REALLY fucking tough, especially because I'm stubborn. Ugh. I think I'm gonna skip class again and go home and take my time to figure stuff out after I print and hand in an assignment in few hours......... I need to think.. I'm gonna stop this here because I'm really getting lost in my head. Goodnight oxox I hope someday I read this and I see how much I've turned it around, and hopefully this time it's for good.

[sheaintcool]

summary of week one

I finally got back into the groove of moving my body. I been sick in bed all week and been craving breaking a sweat. It feels really nice to get my body back into active mode. I hope my mind follows suit. I lost 1% of body fat just by drinking more water and moving more. I'm gonna slowly start following more of a routine with when to hit the gym, and what ecercises to do in order to better understand my progress. Understanding when my body plateau's so I can see when to add either weights or reps, or change the routine in general. See if I need to adjust the way I'm eating more. In addition to drinking a lotmore water again, I'm gonna start avoiding heavy salt intake, and eventually heavy sugar and fats. All slow progress is still progress. I had a crazy cheat day today and I was loafing this weak but my fallbacks are always better and better than the last time. Gotta aprreciate that and not let it keep me from continuing to push myself! Anyways, wanted to make this brief, and I have to head to work anyways. Eleven weeks to go! Let's try to get that percentage down by atleast another four by the 4th week. HSASHGAHEG TIHIHIHIHIH.

[sheaintcool]

just sitting here....... waiting........ ZERO clue how I feel, let alone why...... why aren't I asleep? angry? pms no sleep symptom? Do I trust you? Do I trust me? Just sitting here ....... waiting......