i have really grown up in the past 7 years of my life. hell even in the past 3.
now i know that some people can't handle the truth and the best thing to do is to treat them with extra care, especially if you don't particularly like them at the moment. i know that even your closest friends may never understand you completely and you shouldn't expect them to. you should always treat people with the most kindness that you can (even people you don't give a fuck about). I know that there are maybe 2.5 people in the world who can handle my thoughts about people and one of them is my boyfriend. because of that i learnt how to be nicer to people (shocker! for most of my high school friends). i also know that those few friends that happen to always be there for you and try to understand you are people you need to keep close to your heart.
i have also learned about loss. in that sea of girls that I've been surrounded by, I've lost the best one. sure she had flaws, we all did, but she was one of those magical people who knew exactly what to say and loved you through all that you were. she always supported everyone and she had this positivity through all the hurt she was in that i could never imagine having. i don't like people. i see their flaws and the way they let people down and hurt themselves. but she was an incredible human being. and I'm honestly not saying this because she is gone. i don't do that.
I've learned so much compassion from her and I've learned so much more patience because of all that has happened. what has also been completely reinforced is that no one will ever understand completely how you deal with death and what you need to hear or what they should say to you even if they mean well. god if i hear or have to give another “we all process things differently” speech i think i might hit someone. honestly death never really hit me like this before. I've been so lucky and so sheltered. but i don't make close friends easily because I'm insanely judgmental and when i get them i feel so honored and i cherish them.
i don't know where I'm going with this but it had to be out there. I'm never going to have that instant charisma that she had. i will never have the right words for people in pain. i miss her. she always knew what to say. i hate that I've grown and learned so much in college and she can't have that too. i hate that the universe took away an amazing person when there are people who don't do any good in the world. but i thank her for being there for me and being my friend and unknowingly teaching me how to be a better human being.
jbbartram-illu
dededos
yousharknotpass
janainaart
kaledo-art
stormborns
