sheiia

A time for everything is a lovely idea

[sheiiaa-blog]

I have prepared something a few years ago just in case I got to this point that Im tired of everything. Andaming nagsasabi na ang brave ko to take a leap of my faith, but I can't see myself as a warior anymore. Im weak, soft hearted and deeply in pain. Damn, I'm really really tired of everything that's happening. Isa lang naman ang gusto ko. But I think that something was not written for me. I have a lot of skeletons in my closet, and everyday I have to carry those until it became a part of my anxiety that I have to fight for each day of my life, and apparently I'm always losing. If ever something did happen, please check the brown box on my bookcase, inside of that box are things that made me feel somehow lifted up. And for the person who's going to check that hug yourself for you'll be weired out. Those are not trash but memories that I had with loved ones, friends, ex. Bring those people who made me feel love and ask them to get their things, they'll know it once they see it, and if may naiwan, left it there and put it on a safe place. I also kept some letters on my safe box, I wrote them 2 years ago, check them. I'm sorry, This is not intended.

[sheiiaa-blog]

It's a crazy journey. And if I only knew that it could happen I should have waited a bit longer. I know that God will guide our ways. Hindi to yung time for us, but I know that He will give us a time that will make us realize to use it to start over again.

[sheiiaa-blog]

Confusion

I know, madaming madidisappoint sa gagawin ko, madaming magagalit, madaming magtataka. But the thing is hindi na ako to. I dont feel home. And there's another way, waiting for me. But it may destroy me again.

I wanna cry this out to my friends pero natatakot ako kasi baka di nila maintindihan. I wanna tell someone about this. Pero alam ko ang sasabihin nila. Na this is all my fault. I know, its my fault not to realize it sooner. Sobrang nagccloud na yung utak ko. Im having second thoughts, pero I dont want to leave. Kasi alam kong din to kayang ihandle.

[sheiiaa-blog]

Metamorphosis

Hi, yes it all started with this simple greeting. 

I kept on asking myself why does this is happening. Because everything in this world has a reason, right? then what is His reason, why does He allowed me to get hurt, to felt the agony, and to be alone.

2 years ago, August 8, 2016 I was with someone, and I taught that we will be a match for a long time. Why? because I know him for a very long time and his family loves me, they even treating me as if I’m one of them. And he is serving the church with all his heart and even wanted to become a pastor someday. 

But that was 2 years ago.

After a few months after the breakup. He was still lingering in my heart. My posts and rants was mostly about him. then I prayed, not for Him to be our center but I asked for wisdom because I’m tired of facing this event over and over again. He gave me every signs that I need. and by grace, He gave me the strength to let him go.

life was very confusing for me,

 8 months ago I lost a lover that I taught I will be with for ever, I lost a friend that I knew for 10 years. but I did not lost his family, they still love me with all their hearts. 

8 months ago, I am crying my heart out because of the agony that made me forgot to love my self.

8 months ago, I forgot about the ministry that I am handling. everything feels like is was all just a rotine, the excitement is not even there.

8 months ago, I constatnty snoozing my phone every sunday, because I will see him, smiling to his phone while receiving a love message that did non came from me.

But that was  8 months ago

8 months after, I came again, well rested and revived.

8 months after, I learned how to forgive him and accept that he is not comming anymore

8 months after, I learned how to love my self even more and guard my heart with the love that I am getting from my parents.

And 8 months after, the heat in my heart was back to serve the Lord.

This was the time when I realized that the answer to my question "may sumpa ba ang number 8 sakin" was already answered.

life was very uncertain for me, but here’s the thing I learn how to love myself in every way and share them with others without hurting everyone.

#valentines #e-tech #HUMSS2A

[sheiiaa-blog]

Once there was a princess that was born out of this country. Growing up she thought that she owns a lovely family, where imperfections cannot be found. but then time had passed by and she learned more about her self, about her family and her journey. Its time to wake up from this dream and become more real. Hi, I’m shawei, some of you knows me as Awei but most of you knows me as Sheia. if you will ask me, how is my life? I would really want to answer I’m good, I’m doing great. But I can’t because even me, I also don’t have any idea on what is happening in my life. I am still asking for signs, and guidance and trying to find my path or a spot in this world where I can fit perfectly.

I am currently studying and taking up HUMSS Strand and planing to take med school in the future. I am one of the members of the music ministry where I am teaching those person specially kids about the important fundamentals of music and teaching them the instrument that they would want to play. And lastly encourage them to participate more in the ministry until the day that they can join us as a member.  

My plans for this year is very simple. I just want to graduate Senior high and find a perfect school that will suite me. And I want to explore more out of my comfort zone. 

Im still stumbling through my journey, because I was left with wounds and cuts throughout my body. And each one of those are keeping me far away from the chance of winning on this life that I am in. but I’m still here, I wont go far. I will keep on fighting until I prove them wrong.