I stare up at the blue orbs in front of me and soak in the lust they express, the luxuriously intimate image of him and, hell, just the fact that he's looking at me. My face is relaxed. I've learned to let go of trying to control it while I'm busy doing the other thing.
Things, in this case; both preceding on giving Yamato pleasure, watching his face and enjoying Taichi's mouth.
Being between these two is awesome enough. Every hint of them enjoying it is a toe-curling bonus. I hold Yamato's gaze and find myself hoping that he knows I would gladly do this just for the sake of it. Sure, we have a secret mission that for me is a wet dream come true, but that doesn't take away the fact that I'm genuinely happy to be right where I am, mission completed or not.
Hot pulses go through me when the blue eyes move further down my body and the way his lips part makes me moan before I can stop myself. It distracts his gaze back to me. The safe zone. I'm not sure if it lingers out of fear of meeting Taichi's gaze or of coming too fast. I purposely let out another moan and pull Yamato from my mouth, letting my hand take over.
”That feels so good,” I breathe over my shoulder, panting slightly.
Taichi, who's been fairly quiet so far, hums in response and squeezes my cheeks affectionately. I look back up at the blond and find to my delight his blue eyes locked on the brunet.
”Enjoying the view?”
The question slips from my mouth as hazy eyes return to me and to my relief, he cracks a small smile before licking his lips. The worry from our conversation hours before is replaced by a lazy and aroused energy, which I hope will bear the potential confrontations without crumbling.
He looks so good like this.
”Can't wait to take over,” he replies and runs his fingers through my hair. The idea sends more sparks through my body, both from the memories his words awaken and from the way he looks at me as he says it. Again, the mere fact that he even looks at me and says it is enough. He's got that humbling effect on you.
”I'm very happily occupied,” I say with a grin, closing my eyes briefly as Taichi's tongue pushes deeper as if to prove a point. ”so you'll have to wait,” I finish with a moan, practically hearing my mentor's ego purring.
”I'm sure I can find something to do meanwhile,” the blond says and his voice finds its way back from husky murmur to a regular tone, which sends shivers down my spine. Yamato's voice is incredible no matter how he uses it.
The rock star shifts his hips out of my embrace and pulls in his legs to swing them to the side. It's impossible to catch his face from my position and I glance at the mirror next to the bed, where I have a perfect view of Taichi tirelessly doing what he does best. Well, one of the things he does best. It's hard to choose. Our eyes have met many times in this mirror which he, a bit narcissistically, has placed there in order to watch himself. He claims it to be for watching me, but I think that's only a part of the truth.
This moment is crucial and I lower my chin to rest on the cover in order to peek at them from under my bangs, rather than openly staring. I move my hips eagerly in order to distract Taichi from paying too much attention to the blond, and moan as he responds like a pro by pulling me tighter and pushing his tongue deeper.
I catch the fair skin of Yamato's body in the mirror as he moves around the bed calmly but smoothly. His interior battle of intense longing, resistance and fear I had got a sense of before is skillfully hidden in his body language as he casually places himself between Taichi's legs. The mixture of pride, suspense and lust almost overwhelms me and my gaze is torn between their faces. It finally settles on Taichi, as I simply cannot miss his reaction and, come to think of it, hold a lot of responsibility of reading him in case there's any hick-up. I reassured Yamato into this, partly by promising him to be the social lube, if you will.
There's no awkwardness a good blowjob can't conceal!
Taichi's dark eyelashes flutter open just slightly as Yamato's fair hands reach his bronzed skin, followed by tentative kisses. His gaze is somewhere low and doesn't lift to look at our reflection, but stays hidden. His mouth doesn't skip a single beat on me and no noise comes from his throat, yet an electric tension fills the room and I feel my face turning even warmer as I watch breathlessly.
The brunet's eyes are closed again and his eyebrows show no expression. I dare look away and find Yamato's form in the mirror. My fists clench around the sheets when I watch his movements. I know all too well how it feels to be in Taichi's position and silently wonder how said male pulls off his poker face. Though I'm not really sure of what I was expecting, the incredible anticipation from before has left me slightly disappointed.
The room is silent except for the sound of lips and tongues teasing wet skin, and I remind myself to breathe and move again, which is more like my typical behavior, unlike this frozen breathless state I've been in as I watched the singer make his move. I bury my face in the cover and focus on the sensation of Taichi's strong arms around my hips, his hands squeezing my skin and his amazingly skilled mouth sending pleasure through me. Said hands knead my cheeks in response and I finally hear him grunt. It's more a communication than anything and I look up into the mirror where our eyes lock.
He smiles and I smile back. A second later my eyes flick over to Yamato, who is still doing his thing. The image seems surreal by now and when I look back at Taichi I'm not sure whether he has done the exact same thing or not. He pushes himself up, untangles his arms from my legs and blocks Yamato's reflection in the mirror. I fight back a sulk and move up to my knees, knowing that he's ready to take things further. My body undeniably agrees, after the thorough warm-up.
As an afterthought I spin around and place myself on my back, raising my legs up. Taichi follows my lead and leans over to the night stand, reaching for a condom. As he does, my gaze lands on Yamato who is now sitting up. I motion for the singer to come up next to me, being the social lube and all. I don't want there to be an awkward pause or, worse, exclusion.
We find the right angle for all three and they each hold on to one of my ankles as Taichi slides into me, making me moan around Yamato. I'm the center of attention again and it's impossible to focus on anything but how good it feels as they both thrust. Taichi finds his usual rhythm, which sends its usual waves of pleasure through me. Yamato's hand is holding my hair as he carefully fucks my mouth. With my head turned to the side I can barely see Yamato's face, let alone Taichi's. My eyes slide shut for a while and I allow myself to get lost and submit to both of them. After a while Yamato pulls out and I turn my head instinctually to look at Taichi, letting him know how good it feels. He kisses my ankle and thrusts deeper.
With the three of us sort of balancing together he doesn't go all in as he usually does towards the end and I take the opportunity to enjoy the slower strokes. His dark eyes wander over me and he smiles when our eyes meet again.
Don't you dare touch me, I think to myself. He knows that he could make me cum whenever he set his mind on it. I don't need to look down to see how hard I am.
I suddenly remember Yamato and look to my right, where he's still on his knees next to my shoulder, my ankle in one hand and a fist of my hair in the other. I part my lips invitingly and he leans his hips forward again. As my tongue touches the head I look back at Taichi, whose gaze is moving back and forth between himself fucking me and my mouth playing with Yamato. I keep watching him patiently, and am rewarded finally as the brown eyes linger on Yamato's cock before climbing the torso of his friend. Yamato's gaze leaves me and finds Taichi's, causing electricity to fill the room once again. I barely move, praying that they will keep watching each other like that. They seem to relax and get comfortable enough to let their eyes linger, checking each other out openly. My eyes stay on Taichi, who casually explores the blond, while not stopping his thrusts. He smiles at Yamato and I barely catch him saying ”that's hot” with the same type of look and smile he would give me before getting into my pants.
The thrusts lose their steady rhythm and I look down for a second at Taichi's hips. When I look up again my heart skips a beat as I watch them lean in for a deep kiss. Yamato finally drops his hesitation and grabs Taichi's neck to hold him closer. It's the type of kiss that just works simply because neither of them hesitates. I have never enjoyed being the third wheel this much before. I would've stroked myself, if I wasn't worried I'd cum and ruin the moment.
Sadly, the eventually kiss ends and they both bring their attention back to me. Taichi leans over to grab the lube and Yamato meets my gaze for a moment, wiggling his eyes brows discretely. Having re-applied, the brunet leaves the bottle next to me and I wait for him to look anywhere but at my body. Of course, the first thing he moves to is his reflection. Rolling my eyes, I quickly find the bottle and give it to Yamato, who gives me a 'are you kidding me' glance, before hiding it next to his leg.
I decide to show my anxious partner in crime that I've got it all under control and shift my focus to Taichi. His body, his gorgeous face, his thrusts. I let it show how fucking good it feels, as if he doesn't already know, and trap his gaze completely. He strokes my chest down towards my hard-on and jerks it for a brief moment, sending me to heaven. Seconds later I feel him shift his weight and open my eyes to see Yamato disappear behind the brunet, who seems to assume the musician is simply moving out of the way. Taichi grabs my other ankle and settles more comfortably in front of me now that it's only us. He proceeds to fuck me faster and I gasp as he slams into me, staring down at his hard-working torso.
Then something distracts him enough to slow down. The mattress keeps moving which makes the brunet sway slightly and he holds on tighter to my ankles for support, pausing the thrusts. Assuming once again that Yamato is simply making his way off the bed or perhaps finding a comfortable position, he glances over his shoulder to make sure his friend is done moving before turning to me again and preparing himself to continue from where he was interrupted. His hips barely have time to move before something catches him off guard again. This time his eyes find the mirror just in time as he visibly feels Yamato's hand. Or thumb, I can only assume, if it's anything like when the blond warms me up before fucking me. I hold my breath as I watch him process the situation.
Taichi looks out of place for a second as if he seriously considers himself in the singer's way and looks over his hip where he sees Yamato putting on a condom and adding lube. Turning back slowly as if waiting for the direction to move, it finally dawns on him and his dark eyes stare into space somewhere over my head as his jaw starts to drop. I almost expect his eyes to roll back in ecstasy and moans to escape his throat, as I've often pictured him in my ultimate fantasy of watching my coach get fucked.
In reality, his dazed eyes only shift to the mattress next me and his abs pull in as he holds his breath before a brief laugh, face expression moving from amusement to distant. Yamato's hands find their place on the brunet's hips and he seems to move further inside, which makes Taichi's face turn focused, almost frowning. It's both intensively arousing and unnerving at the same time. I have no clue what will happen next and Yamato isn't visible enough to read behind my mentor's back. Said mentor makes a hesitant attempt to move between us and I feel my stomach fill with butterflies.
So the love train fantasy is really happening?
My heart sinks slightly as Taichi's face goes from a dazed and distant expression to a determined frown, which is compensated with a polite smile. It's settled.
Shaking his head, he pushes Yamato's hips back gently and sighs in relief when the singer slides out. The blond backs up and sheepishly hugs the brunet's shoulder with his hand as a 'sorry'. My heart sinks even more as Taichi wastes no time in picking up where we left off, not giving the blond so much as a glance. I try my best not to let my eyes follow the artist melodramatically, but still notice that whatever he may be feeling, it hasn't cracked his composure.
Taichi brings my focus back to him with friction that is impossible to ignore, and I lose myself in his eyes as he gives me everything he's got. I don't know if Yamato is enjoying the show or not, and I can't bring myself to care. When my coach goes into this stage it blocks out everything.
It's not until minutes later, when we're both sweating and my chest is sticky and I feel like one big pulsating vein, that the fog around us seems to fade. My body is still slow and sort of numb, but my gaze flicks around until I find Yamato's blue eyes. There's no way of telling how he feels. He only smiles slightly and appears completely unbothered. That well-rehearsed armor of his.
Taichi pants in front of me, covered in sweat and eager to collapse somewhere. He usually does so next to me as I rarely find the strength to move, for which he can only blame himself. Thus I shamelessly remain where I am and lazily watch him search for a space. I slightly regret it when Yamato kindly gets up from beside me and offers his spot. Taichi gratefully drops down and rolls over to his back. The blond, now barely fitting in the small space next to the sweaty football player, moves to get out of the bed. For the first time tonight, he looks a bit awkward and out of place, as if he wished he was either dressed or at least equally covered in sweat.
Instead, he's perfectly dry, naked and forgotten.
After resting uncomfortably on his wrist, he finally pushes himself up on his knees and proceeds to get off the mattress. Taichi hasn't moved, completely absorbed by his own exhaustion. His chest is still heaving, and his lips are parted. Still hard. If I hadn't just finished a minute ago, I would've thrown myself at him.
He suddenly reaches out and grabs a pale ankle that is still resting on the bed. Yamato has one foot on the floor and the other knee resting on the mattress, as if he's trying to discretely escape the scene in slow motion. From assumingly scanning the room for his clothes he turns his head at the touch of Taichi's hand. His face looks blank and empty of expectation, as if the brunet could just as well have asked him to go grab a towel, but he hesitantly turns around when the brunet motions for him to come closer.
I watch weakly as the brown gaze follows Yamato's face with complete devotion, his swollen lips seemingly drawn to him. They move and I barely hear him ask if Yamato wants to try it now, gently pulls his face closer and reaches up for an intimate kiss. The warm expression on Taichi's face reassures the hesitant singer to carefully lean over him and let his body rest over his. They seamlessly meet in another deep kiss. Taichi's otherwise intense and impatient energy is now tender and sort of peaceful. The kiss continues as Yamato moves over him and my big strong mentor curls up under the tall musician, pulls his knees higher than I've ever seen him do, wraps his legs around the other's waist and pulls his head in, making him look surprisingly small and protected.
I pretend to be a fly on the wall, remain motion- and almost breathless as Yamato preps himself to press into his friend. It's very slow and still. Taichi frowns, but holds him close and nods almost invisibly as Yamato whispers to him. Their gazes move between the other's eyes and lips, quietly listening and waiting for their bodies to adjust. The blond barely moves for what feels like several minutes and when he does, Taichi's face is too unreadable to predict what will happen. This goes on for a small eternity and I'm starting to wonder if I should suggest leaving this for another day. As if both males are too polite to call it off and are both putting the responsibility on me. Then there's another whispered dialog between them, small nods from Taichi and a deep kiss as Yamato pulls his arms up over the athlete's shoulders and sneaks his fingers into the brown locks. Taichi's hands stroke their way up over Yamato's back as he clings to him with both arms and legs.
The slow start has me slightly zoned out and the sound of Taichi's breaths deepening almost startle me. Yamato's hips roll as his strokes lengthen with each grind. Taichi's ankles hook around his waist and his fingers dig into the milky skin as the friction deep within is starting to rub him the right way. The thrusts don't pick up speed but simply become longer and deeper, causing the brunet to draw breaths and forcing low, pleading moans out of him, muffled against his friend's neck. Yamato stays in control and keeps the same rhythm, holding on to the bedpost to make his strokes as deep as possible, refusing to give into the temptation of jack-hammering his way over the edge. Taichi clings to his frame, forced to submit to the sensations the singer is giving him, with no other choice but to wait for said male to make him climax.
The whole thing is already beyond my expectations, but each pause between Taichi's moans leaves me greedy for the next one. Whenever he holds back, I hold an entitled grudge. Yamato never loses his rhythm and though I mentally root for him to lose it and become a wild animal, I simultaneously love the fact that he makes both of us beg for it. The slick skin of their bellies rubs Taichi to orgasm before he can announce it, with only his gasps quickening and haltering slightly as a clue, followed by a short exchange of words as Yamato makes sure it's alright for him to come too. He finally allows himself to thrust harder, grabbing Taichi's hair tighter which forces his head to tilt back and exposes his face from behind the musician's shoulder. I suddenly wish I had eight different eyes to catch all of it. The muscles in the singer's legs, Taichi's toes curling and his face now in tortured bliss, eyes actually rolling back this time and startled moans escaping his throat from the forceful thrusts as Yamato cums inside him, his muffled voice accompanying the football player as his own orgasm makes his body shake.
I hold back the urge to applaud as they collapse, both panting. I settle for a ”wow”, which makes Taichi chuckle. ”Yeah, that was good” he agrees, and I roll my eyes, pretty sure Yamato's doing the same. Not that we need him to express what just happened in words.
WARNINGS: No fluff in this chapter whatsoever, not even any cold-hearted intercourse alright, so just wipe all of those expectations away. There you go :) Plus this chapter is very short. And I suck.
Sorry.
But! Hopefully, a lot of things will get cleared up :)
"-and I bought these two jeans -aren't they gorgeous- y'know the assistant said I look just like Misha Barton, hah I wish but whatever I mean her BMI is totally anorexic and that's great and all if you wanna like, die, though you can't deny that she's freakin gorgeous I'd totally die for those legs wouldn't you -look aren't they cute!"
"Mmh," Sora's eyes submissively fell on the jeans covering her friend's legs, but her mind couldn't tear itself away from her new full-time dilemma. This was hardly ever a problem for the two; to Mimi Sora was merely a mirror -or a wall, rather. She didn't interrupt, but she didn't respond with any interest whatsoever. Except perhaps for the actual changing.
Mimi kept chatting, modelling her new clothes and checking her reflection in the mirror. Sora's eyes kept resting on her legs -covered in denim, half covered by a pastel skirt, or not covered at all. She had legs to kill for; always perfectly tanned, constantly hairless and never-ending. Legs of another species that yet remained the ideal for all the poor girls with earthly legs. Thankfully, Sora had stopped comparing herself to her best friend a long time ago, figuring that it was no use.
"So are you actually gonna talk to me about what's causing that creepy absence I've seen in you lately?"
It wasn't the actual words that pulled her out of trance; it was the tone. The skip from high-pitched excited girl-chatter, to worried sentimental adult mom -tone wouldn't pass anyone.
Sora reacted quickly enough to catch the question, and she bit the inside of her cheek as she pondered an answer. Bringing Mimi into the problem was like letting someone else help you with a card castle you're halfway through, but stuck with and too shaky to continue. A bit down the road -which might as well be the goddamn wrong one- she didn't want to risk starting all over again. If Mimi managed to confuse the hell out of her -which rather commonly happened; she was freakishly alike Taichi in that way- Sora would lose the tiny bit of sense she'd made out so far. And dammit, that took a long time to make!
'Sides, there's was no way she'd be able to explain this complicated story with sustained patience -and that was very necessary for it to be understandable.
Having that thought through, she forced herself to look at it logically. Voicing her reasoning would simply clear it up, not destroy it. Who knows, Mimi might see something that Sora, as partly involved in the whole thing, was incapable of. In all honesty, Mimi's train of thought probably ran closer two Taichi's -maybe Yamato's too.
So why not?
"Taichi and Yamato," she uttered, not knowing where to start.
The currently halfnaked teen threw her arms out. "Yeah, well duh. So was that rumor true?"
"Well now it is. I kinda it woke up some sort of attraction, or feelings or just fucking madness in Blondie, and Tai pushed his luck some and now they're shagging like rabbits while Yamato is brainwashing him."
There was a brief silence where Sora's stubborn self mentally said 'I told you so'.
"That didn't make much sense coming from someone who's usually very pedagogic."
Sora managed to smile, somewhat relieved by the refreshing view of Mimi laughing. In comparison, she felt old and worn-out. Why the football-player even allowed something that hardly concerned her get to her like this, she didn't know. Sora sighed, deciding to throw everything out of her skull for the other girl to sort out.
She comforted herself with the knowledge that, when it came down to gossip, Mimi had all the patience in the world. She started talking, trying to stay as objective as possible. Naturally, it was near impossible with Mimi's repeated gasps and questions and other interrupting sounds that she seemingly thought were necessary to show Sora that she really listened. Letting herself get stressed up by this, Sora ended up giving her the completely wrong idea. This was obvious when Mimi summed the whole thing up.
-'-
"Okay so if I've got this straight, Yamato-kun was stupid enough to talk loudly and about their after-school activity, with so many split signals that everyone mistook him for being gay, and then he freaked out and started fighting Taichi-kun for no reason. Then they shag in the school's bathroom and start bitching when you try to save them from being caught-"
"No, no, no" Sora interrupted, sighed and held up a hand when the honey-eyed girl gave her a confused look. "No, I'm sorry, I'm giving you the wrong idea here. I guess I'm just so fed up with Yamato -well, Taichi too- that I make it their fault. Just please let me take my time, so that I can do this right."
If it weren't for the fact that they had worked this through once, Mimi would've taken Sora's request -if she even took it in- the wrong way, and jumped to conclusions. But the brunet's way of rushing and misleading had in the past bothered Sora to the point that she had talked to her about it. Mimi had finally understood the problem and promised to improve -when she actually remembered. Now, Sora could simply remind her and she'd be back on track with no hard feelings. This was one of the improvements they'd been forced to accomplish since that time when their lives took a slight turn.
"Sorry" Mimi said with a small laugh, rolling her eyes at herself. Sora smiled back, but shortly looked away to be able to continue. This was important.
Mimi staid amazingly quiet through Sora's second try of revealing Taichi and Yamato's story, and when she later summarized it to see if she'd got it right this time, Sora was introduced with a new point of view that made ten times more sense. Sure, Mimi was perhaps a little too romantic and naïve, but hearing everything from Sora who's the total opposite, she balanced it up, filled out the gaps and straightened all those things that had been invisible to the redhead.
"...so when Yamato's finally fed up with Taichi's immature behavior and mocking, he snaps and comes out and tells him-"
"-yeah, probably during that detention-"
"-or after they'd escaped. You know you're not supposed to talk during detention."
"Right"
"And Tai just... finally gets it?"
"He's not dumb. Not when it comes to Yamato; he's like a living lexicon."
"Not now though..."
"Stick to the subject!"
"Sorry."
"S'okay."
"So Taichi agrees to back off, and overdoes it to make Yamato miss him-"
"He really did, it showed. So yeah, Yamato misses him and finally asks him out!"
"...what?"
Sora hesitated. "Well, no... but it was so cute!" She grinned. "You were there, or at least after that. That Friday we went and saw The Holiday-"
"Yeah! Oh, Jude Law is so hot..."
"Hey!"
"For a guy at least."
"Heh. So they hang out Friday night, and there's surely tons of sexual tension and then they screw each other."
"It's called making love."
Sora snorted, causing Mimi to scowl even more. Which in turn caused Sora to grin wide. "Yeah, yeah, they make sweet love to each other. Yamato did want to though; he wasn't drunk or anything, just seduced. But he regrets it the next morning, throws Taichi out and asks me to come over. God, he was so messed up." Sora blinked, regaining the sympathy she'd felt for him that day.
"And then you leave, and... did they talk after that?"
"No idea. Maybe."
"They were even more awkward the Monday after that right?"
"Yep. And..." Sora frowned -ignoring Mimi's whining about wrinkles- trying to recall what else happened that day. "Oh!" she exclaimed, remembering. "That was when he hit him!"
"Ah." Mimi complied, also recalling that from Sora's story.
"I think Yamato was avoiding him, and Taichi got a bit annoyed I remember -he snapped a few times at me that day when I asked where Yamato was. Then boom! When I went to my locker at the end of the day Taichi's lying on the floor clutching his jaw and Yamato's a whiter shade of pale."
"And then they just forgive each other" Mimi filled in, smiling because she knew how much it had puzzled the redhead. "And they walk out together"
"Right, and this is the weird afternoon thing Tai told me about, when Yamato had nursed him and then took of as if a Scream-dude were chasing him-"
"-which confused the hell out of Taichi"
"Yup. Next day?"
"The avoiding-day. Yamato's fallen off the face of earth"
"Taichi's whining like never before-"
"And boom!"
"They make sweet tender love with each other," Sora teases.
Mimi shakes her head determinedly. "Nope. That's screwing. Calling it lovemaking would be an insult."
"Tai is walking on clouds."
"Yamato still avoids you guys."
"And here's where things gets really fucked up. Taichi becomes his personal slave, and Yamato has him all brainwashed."
"Taichi starts his too-happy gimmick -which, mind you, is a total give-away - and covers his master by constantly distracting you and himself."
"Gah, it's tiring just thinking about it..." Sora muttered, rubbing her eyes.
"Poor baby."
She stuck her tongue out in reply. "I'm up to here with his stupid jokes. And you know he actually talked about girls at one time!"
"So maybe he's bi?" Mimi offered, not seeing the issue.
"Fine, maybe he is. Doubt it though." Sora added, crossing her arms sullenly.
"Oh, come on! He's talked about girls plenty of times, and hasn't he even gone out with a few?"
Sora gave her a long look. "You believed that?"
Mimi shrugged. "Gotta give him some credit."
Sora snorted, then remembered the other ironic thing. "He also tried making me talk about guys!" she announced, sending the other teen a challenging gaze, as if daring her to brush that off just as easily.
A grin slowly spread over the other female's face, and the next second they were laughing their heads off.
"Okay, okay..." Sora eventually gasped between laughs, "We're loosing focus here."
Mimi nodded in agree, picking up where they left off. "This is the tricky part. You solve it by saying that Yamato's simply turned into a maniac all of a sudden,"
"Well he did! I mean first he's like 'no, I don't like him, don't like him' when he actually does and slips up when Tai decides to be all over him. That I can understand, but this on the other hand is madness!"
"Okay, don't hurt yourself. What's the reason Yamato has denied his feelings from the very start?"
Sora shrugged. "The gossip. He worries too much about other people's opinions."
"Right, and that's why he doesn't want Taichi to tell anyone."
"Yeah, well that I get-"
"So he uses the power of sex to keep Taichi quiet. No secret -no sex"
Sora threw her arms out impatiently. "Sure, that's-"
"-and if he would be the slightest bit of friendly, Taichi wouldn't take it that seriously." Mimi quickly pointed out.
"But I don't understand why he can't even kiss him!" Sora exclaimed, half aware that she was sounding like a little kid saying 'it's not fair!'
Dammit, it wasn't fair.
"I mean if this is a power method then he should reward him or lure him with-"
"Kisses?" Mimi filled in, raising perfect eyebrows.
"Tai's a kissing type of guy."
Sora couldn't help but wallowing in the irony. In one of her and Taichi's uncommonly intimate conversations the boy had admitted that he'd choose kissing over sex any day. On the other hand, by that time he was eleven and didn't know one bit about sex -not that much about kissing either. But Sora had a feeling this hasn't changed. She'd never heard him utter this ever since though, maybe -just maybe- because Sora had happily used this knowledge to throw in his face whenever she had the chance.
"I take your word for it" Mimi promised, knowing how close the two where. They probably told each other everything -or at least used to. She hesitated, catching the sudden sad look in her friend's eyes.
"...maybe Yamato doesn't find it that necessary, considering that Taichi's still under his spell -with or without kisses."
"Mm." Sora sighed, resting her forehead in her palm. "I know what you're saying, it's probably not that weird, but I mean even though it's just sex there should still be some sort of... okay, let's just say that Yamato's only interested in Taichi because he's a guy and close at hand. Wouldn't he still be interested in doing things to him? Doesn't have to be any feelings in that. And what about this control-thing? How fun is it to sneak around with someone, when you can't even let go while you're alone?"
Mimi remained quiet. She shook her head and sighed. "I don't know."
"Taichi didn't tell me a lot when I interrogated him, but what I did find out was that Yamato rushed through it, afraid to be caught by his dad -that's not blameable-, forbade kissing, never did anything to Tai, let Tai be the top-"
"That I find a bit weird." Mimi spoke up, pursing her lips as she pondered different possibilities.
"...maybe it's easier getting fucked by someone you hardly care about, than shoving your dick into someone you don't have feelings for." Sora suggested, wrinkling her nose slightly at her own words.
Mimi nodded thoughtfully, snickering a little when their eyes met. "Who would've thought we'd be discussing the mystery of sex between men?"
Sora chuckled, shaking her head. "Especially those two, who's been nothing but friends until now."
They were both quiet for a while.
"Alright," Sora sighed, breaking the tense silence. "Have we made any sense so far?"
"Sure, Blondie's afraid of the school finding out, of his dad finding out, of anyone finding out-"
"But what about the bathroom make-out?" Sora remarked, holding up a finger.
"Um... he's gay?" Mimi retorted, raising an eyebrow.
Sora bit her lip. "Yeah, but-"
"He's never had a girlfriend, probably never been interested in anyone and suddenly he's kissing someone and actually feels something, I mean he must've had a total black-out! After all, he's only human"
Sora surrendered, holding up her hands. "Okay, point taken"
"And all the avoiding was probably just to stop more rumors, and y'know, he's awkward around Tai because he's sexually attracted to him. And also because Taichi is too indiscreet."
Sora leaned back, smiling at the brunet. "This really is your area, huh?"
She was answered with a cheeky grin. "Sure is. And," she continued, finally realizing that she was still standing up and sat down on her bed beside Sora, crossing her legs. "I think the night before he really started to avoid you, was when he came out to himself!" She threw her arms out happily and Sora laughed. "He was like 'ok fine, I like guys. Now who should I have gay-sex with? Ah, here's my loyal friend who's open-minded slash gay as well, this'll be easy. But oh no! No one can find out! I know: I'll avoid him at school, and then I drag him home, make him my bitch and I have free afternoon sex everyday with no one bashing me!'"
"He's such a jerk." Sora grumbled. "I can't believe he actually pulls through it, I mean they used to be friends! Really good friends"
"Yeah, but he does avoid doing things that would make him feel guilty. If he'd use tricks and like pretended to care about him it would make him a bigger jerk. And he avoids him so he's not around to see how screwed up Taichi's become of this. And," she emphasized, catching the redhead's attention, "if he'd be the top, it would almost make this rape. He's planned this."
Sora stared at her, lost in that thought. "So..." she started hesitatingly, after what seemed like a small eternity. "There's still a small chance of him being human?"
Mimi tilted her head, eyelashes jumping as her gaze flicked around the room. For a moment her expression told Sora that she'd soon have the solution, but then the wise look was replaced by a playful glint. "Let's just say that, for now. Yamato still cares about Taichi, and the part of him that's not filled with hormones is full of shame and regret."
Sora, somewhat past the disappointment of not getting the answer to everything, nodded, accepting the theory. "Right."
"So just imagine being in his shoes; how freaking easy would it be to talk to your best friend that you're just using for your own pleasure? Or kiss? Being the one who fucks him, it... would just be too wrong. Or rather too obvious that it's wrong. Plus there's no wonder he's tense, and stressed and easily annoyed, and cold. He must hate himself!"
Sora held her hands up, chuckling. Mimi was getting a bit too into this. That girl watched way too many soap operas. "You're right, never thought I'd say this but it makes sense. But, if it's so clear that no feelings are involved, why don't they just enjoy it? As he's stated enough times, Tai only wants sex, and he's okay with Matt only wanting that too. So why would Matt feel guilty when he knows that it's not personal?"
Mimi shrugged. "Because they've fought so much, maybe, and it's still a bit weird screwing as friends."
"But they're not friends anymore" Sora commented, raising an eyebrow. Somehow she enjoyed criticizing her friend's casual reasoning.
"Like I said, if Yamato still cares about Taichi so it must feel wrong having such a platonic relationship"
"But Tai doesn't mind it, so there's no harm done"
"Right, but since they're not communicating -as I'm assuming, Yamato doesn't know how Taichi feels about this and hates himself in case he's hurting him and has to act cold not to break down and so they can't communicate and work things out and they'll just continue this. It's an evil circle." Mimi gestured enthusiastically.
Sora's eyes narrowed as she pondered the argument, not wanting to give in but she pretty much had to, didn't she? Mimi might be wrong, but she sure couldn't come up with anything better at the moment. Plus that evil circle thing really took a lot from her energy to continue this. Sora threw her hands up, deciding that this just wasn't her territory.
"Touché!" she called out, face breaking into a grin as the other girl threw her arms up victoriously.
"Now let's go shopping!" Mimi demanded happily, dragging Sora up from the bed and started skipping out of the room, grabbing her purse on the way.
"Wha..? I thought you've already went shopping?" Sora stuttered as she was dragged down the stairs, desperately trying to keep up with the steps.
"Well yeah for me, but we're shopping for you now!" the other girl replied perkily. She stopped at bottom and turned around, causing the slightly dizzy redhead to crash into her. Mimi pushed the other girl's shoulders an arms length away, locking determined eyes with distracted ones. "We're going shopping, and you're not going to puzzle Dumb & Dumber's problem -which by the way doesn't even involve you- one more time, got it?"
Whether she would keep that up or not, Sora was fully aware of that Mimi accepted no other answer than yes. Thus, she saluted.
"Yes ma'am"
As they walked out the door arm in arm, Sora sincerely hoped that she would keep that promise.
"You obviously don't get it so maybe you shouldn't bother!"
"You're jealous!"
"Sora has a crush on Haruhiko…!"
"I don't have anything against gay people, I just… don't wanna be gay myself!"
"Sora, seriously… if everyone in school thought that you and Mimi went home and had lesbian-sex every day after school, wouldn't you freak out?"
"Sora trust me, nothing's more exciting than other people's personal stuff. Especially sexuality."
"Will you for once realize that I'm not like you!"
-'-
Tuesday
She sighed heavily and glared out the window. She wanted to rest her head against it, but the vibrating glass would only worsen her headache. The stupid comments and accusations she'd heard too often these days were haunting her mind. They annoyed her. Usually she wasn't this frustrated; only on the few really bad days when she just walked around with the longest, most hateful speech inside of her, and a bomb ticking threateningly in her head, both of which she feared would explode any minute or because of the smallest thing. She got through those days; Mimi helped her. She was the one who understood, which wasn't that hard to be considering the idiots she was competing with. They probably wouldn't get it even if Sora yelled it into their faces. This wasn't what she hated the most though –the fact that the idiots didn't understand; it was the fact that they believed that she didn't understand them. It was insulting. It shouldn't be because they didn't know better –she didn't trust them to know better. This per se was frustrating beyond belief. If they just-
Her brain interrupted with a stern 'no', reflexively stopping that thought from being explored. She'd promised herself to keep it that way, and it wasn't hard –she didn't need it to change. It was worth the whole misunderstanding. She had to, if nothing more then for not letting Mimi beat her in keeping secrets. If miss Big Mouth could pull it off then so could Sora.
The redhead cursed all the noise people managed to make, even at this goddamn time in the morning, as she stared at a spot nailed to the glass. Out of the corner of her crossed eyes she could see the bus stop appearing, which was placed a walking distance from school. Trying to ignore the bitter 'here we go again' that wanted to sneak out of her mouth, she got off the bus and started the depressing walk to school.
This was the part of the day she hated the most. Yamato and Taichi lived close enough to walk to school, Mimi took another bus, and none of her classmates seemed to be sharing her traveling routine. Alone in a crowd that she'd never even said hello to, and never would for that matter. People she'd made opinions about by just hearing their voices piercing through her half-sleeping head, and being met by their disturbing stares intruding her form that just wanted to be unseen and left in peace. Regularly being imposed by their conversations, gossips, jokes and opinions, she couldn't really say that she liked them.
Finally greeting familiar faces at least used to be the payoff, but today Taichi's strange-acting self and the continued lack of Yamato only made her frown even deeper. Only Mimi's face was welcomed with warmth, but disappeared all too soon again. This time it didn't matter how hard she tried; it slipped out anyway, more bitter than ever.
Mrs Yagami stopped in the doorway, staring into the kitchen in amazement. Not once since she took her job –seven years ago-, and getting up at 5.30 in the morning became a routine, had anyone in her family ever got up before she did. Especially not her son, who on his lucky days had five minutes to get ready for school due to his constant 'just one more minute...' attitude towards getting out of bed.
"Morning mom!" Taichi chirped, and she briefly wondered if he'd set something expensive on fire. Living with and raising this boy for seventeen years, she knew all about the 'I'll just pull the corners of my mouth a little bit past my ears and she'll never notice'-smile. Oh yes, Taichi could smile. He could charm as well, and talk, and laugh things away. If only his mother hadn't known what he was like when he didn't have something to hide, he would've got away with everything. Hell, it almost seemed that the guiltier he was, the more he smiled.
"What are you doing up?" she asked, even though she could guess by the notebooks and papers he had filled the table with.
"Homework."
"Right." She hesitated, considering whether what she was about to ask was a stupid question (which would get a stupid answer –this was a teenager she was dealing with) or not. Although, if Taichi got up this early just to do homework, there had to be a good reason. "...why?"
He shifted, staring at his hand even though she could see that he'd stopped writing. "I didn't have time yesterday."
She made her way over to the coffee maker. "Do you have a test today?"
"Yeah, not a big one though." He grimaced as he realized that he shouldn't have said that.
His mother instantly turned around, arms folded. "What's going on then, Tai?"
"Nothing!" he grinned widely, seemingly competing against her frown. "I just woke up and couldn't go to sleep, and I remembered that I've got homework."
"Right, so you just skipped out of bed to do the most boring thing you know –because of a small test? Did you put something on fire?" she finally exclaimed, giving up on keeping that theory to herself. She was actually starting to wonder.
The accusation didn't even surprise him; he was quite used to it. "Nope, just decided that I wanted to see the shocked face of my teacher when I turn the test in. 'Sides, you've been bugging me about my grades anyway," the teen commented, smiling oh-so-innocently and going back to writing again.
She muttered something to herself and started the machine, which in turn began its well-known purring.
"Well you don't have to take up the whole space" she later admonished, approaching the table and taking a seat next to him, holding her cup as she waited for him to collect all the papers.
"Sorry mom, didn't mean to" he said sweetly, giving her an amiable glance that only earned a very long look from Mrs Yagami.
She would not interfere with anything in his personal life; she wasn't that stupid. But if her son thought that she wasn't suspicious, he was dead wrong.
Mr Ishida couldn't help but raising a brow at his silent son across the table. It was a bad, and for most people irritating habit, that he always tried to avoid. At least since Yamato, to Mr Ishida's great dismay, had taken it after him. Seeing his own brat motion reflecting on his son's face made him realize why it annoyed everyone.
But this was definitely something to at the least raise an eyebrow at.
Yamato was not yet an adult, who doesn't remember what it's like to be young and carefree, and have nothing except his job that doesn't seem meaningless. Therefor Yamato should not behave like he was doing right now.
He looked empty.
No, gone. There was not a hint of thoughts or emotions or any kind of mood.
Yamato's gone, Mr Ishida found himself thinking as he looked at the teen in front of him. Then blue eyes peered up at him and blinked. "What?"
Something his dad could've expected him to say, but it was still said without the slight irritation and offense that was usually shown in his eyes whenever Mr Ishida had looked at him funnily, or for a little too long.
"Are you okay?" he asked, knowing that if the blond did not react to this, there was definitely something wrong.
What he received almost gave him goose bumps. No explosion, no bolting out of the room, no weird face, no finger, no glare, not even raised eyebrows.
"I'm fine."
He silently finished his breakfast, cleared the table and left the room.
"We're not in a freaking dental commercial!" she yelled, coming to the depressing conclusion that she didn't even care if people shot her funny looks. Nothing seemed to matter anymore.
She gritted her teeth at the brunet's confused expression. On a normal day and in a normal state, he would've laughed or shot her a comeback.
"I know," he said hesitatingly, blinking.
"So will you stop smiling already! I don't think that wall even cares," she exclaimed, dropping her head into her hands and rubbing her temples, unsuccessfully trying to cool down. Having Taichi as her only company was really starting to get old. If only Mimi would show up…
"Aw, come on Sora –lighten up!" he said happily, patting her shoulder. "Wanna hear another joke?"
"No!" she groaned, secretly amazed that he'd actually have one left.
"Okay."
Sora wanted to have a serious talk with him, she really did. But she knew just how he started acting when anything about Yamato was brought up, and that was even worse than how the football player was behaving otherwise.
Maybe she could convince him to talk after school? Somewhere he'd be comfortable enough to wipe the grin off his face, break down and tell her how much he secretly hated the blond… She blinked, tilting her head. Or maybe liked him? Sora had been so sure about that at first, but by now anyone would've hated Yamato. This sickeningly submissive behavior did hint a restrained anger. Although Taichi wasn't that good at controlling anger –he was rather a pro at hiding pain.
Pain from unrequited love.
Sora had to roll her eyes. She wasn't the romantic type, thus she didn't support that soapy theory. Sure, it was rather obvious that the brunet had wanted to get into Yamato's pants, but that has already been put into action so now what? Did he just want go get away? Did he want to break free and have nothing to do with his former friend? It wasn't his job after all; he didn't owe him anything. Yamato had rejected so much help that he could only blame himself by now.
Either which way things would go, it had to get there. This situation was ridiculous.
Something that made everything a whole lot easier was to see it as a football match. Don't let anything outside of the game get you distracted. It's all about focus, speed, and tricks. Always think ahead, have every move controlled, and of course enjoy it to no end.
No matter how attractive Yamato could be, no matter how smooth his skin was, how tempting his lips were and how strong the traction of his gaze was –Taichi could ignore all of it just for the sake of those minutes when he was inside him, when the blonde had his eyes closed and was safe to observe, and he could finally allow his brain to apprehend exactly where he was and what he was doing.
Because it was only during those few minutes that Yamato didn't care.
However, when the two teens were in bed for what could be the fourth or the thirtieth time, long before the minutes of freedom and still during the time that he had to do everything right, Taichi was about to learn another rule. Naturally, in order for Yamato to make up the rule, Taichi had to break it first.
Getting undressed in bed was a bit complicated, Yamato noted, but didn't care enough to force both of them back up to standing. Something about getting out of bed, even if it was in the afternoon, was just so hard.
Having most of his clothes pulled off, he rolled them around to proceed on getting the brunet topless. As he was pulling the t-shirt over Taichi's head, he was suddenly attacked by a sound that just might've driven him insane.
"Fuck" the football player groaned, his body curling up slightly, exposed abs tensing. The blue-eyed boy –said eyes now wide- dropped the t-shirt and stumbled out of bed, turning his back to it.
"I'm sorry!" the other teen exclaimed, sitting up and staring at Yamato's back in panic.
"Shut up!" the blond shouted back, running his hands over his face.
Taichi hung his head, desperate to explain and miserable for not being allowed to. He wanted him to know that it had just been this sudden movement. The second his t-shirt was being pulled off, Yamato's knee had pressed up against his crotch and as he'd leaned forward at the same time, there'd been more pressure, and…Yamato would understand right? He hadn't had time to think at all; he'd been busy assisting.
As the brunet sat there pondering, the blond had recovered and was making his way back to the bed, blue eyes avoiding brown ones. With a nonchalant hand motion, he gestured Taichi to get out of his way and the brunet obeyed, positioning himself on the other side of the bed, looking at the floor.
"Undress" came the next muttered order, as the blond himself pulled off his last garments. He then positioned himself on the bed, feeling his pride shutter to pieces. Thus he made the next command even colder. "Quickly"
Taichi tried to ignore the position Yamato now was in, and how uncomfortably perverted it felt to place himself. He inched up behind him and was about to guide himself, when he discovered that the great lack of encouragement had had its very improper affect on his body.
As he gave a halfhearted try of bringing some lust back, the situation felt more and more wrong.
A few seconds went by, then the blond cursed loudly and stormed out of the room, leaving intense silence.
Not knowing what else to do, Taichi quickly dressed again and left the apartment.
Sora's plan had been pondered a whole lot since the moment it popped up in her head. Even though it seemed simple, logical and necessary the first minute, she was in doubt the next. What if it only made things worse? What if she only pushed the brunet into defense and ended up abandoned by him as well? Taichi was happy as long as no one talked about Yamato. Sure, trying to deal with the problem was the only way to handle it, but if things did go wrong he would probably never speak to her again.
When Sora nearly a week later thought that she would never decide, the answer practically slapped her in the face. One look at the football player told her that if no one did anything, he'd continue this forever.
Naturally, when Sora after school time was out suggested that they'd hang out, Taichi's face practically screamed 'leave me alone'.
He desperately tried to turn her down discretely, not daring to voice the reason. He had no permission to say the blonde's name, let alone speak about what they did together. Sora had expected this, so she just grabbed his arm, insisting that she needed to talk to him about something. The brunet stubbornly –or rather obsessively- held back, and the redhead ended up missing her buss.
She put her hands on her sides, glaring at him. "Look what happened now! That's it, I'm following you home."
"No, you-… I can't-" He looked around, finding that most students had left the school area. He sighed, realizing that it was time to stop beating around the bush. He had to get rid of her, or else Yamato would stop waiting and go home.
"You know this, Sora. Why do you have to make it so hard for me? If you come along he'll reject me and I-"
"Won't get any? Tai, you had sex yesterday. And the day before that, and the day… okay, I'm not keeping check but the point is so what if you don't have him today?"
"I have to go, I'll-" Taichi sighed as he discovered that his arm was stuck in Sora's grip. "I only have one chance, it's either now or never alright?"
"Just find someone else then!" she retorted, not giving up –and not letting go of his arm.
"LET GO OF MY ARM!" He shouted, stress finally getting to him.
"No!" she muttered, tightening her grip as the male started pulling. This resulted in her being dragged along, as the brunet started to stomp his way home.
After a while Sora let go and walked up beside him, happy that he'd finally given in. "Aw, come on Tai –lighten up!" she grinned devilishly as she flung an arm around his shoulder, more than happy to be the annoyingly perky one. "He might be up for a threesome."
The brunet laughed in despite of himself, but stopped quickly as guilt washed over him. Yamato wouldn't have liked that…
Sora's smile, that had appeared during Taichi's laughter turned into a frown and she rolled her eyes. "He's not your master you know," she commented halfheartedly, not expecting it to change her friend's mind.
"Who?" he muttered, once again tense. They were getting close to the area where Yamato would be waiting. If he still did, of course. Taichi didn't deserve it though; he was late. Sure, he'd been distracted but he could've made a goddamn effort, right?
"Geez Tai, relax! I bet he's not even-" she stopped when she noticed that the brown-eyed boy had frozen. Staring questioningly at him for a few seconds, she turned her head just in time to see a person walk away from them, then disappearing behind houses.
When she turned her attention back to the football player, he was hanging his head, looking ready for suicide. "Dammit Tai, get a grip! He's just a fuck-buddy, right?"
She didn't receive a response so she just sighed and dragged him home to his apartment, hoping that the brunet would spill or otherwise she had just wasted an afternoon.
Yamato dropped down on ground panting desperately, wondering if lungs actually could explode. Dirt immediately stuck to his sticky skin, but he didn't care. He felt light, both in mind and body. He was practically oozing warmth and sweat was running down his temples. His observed the leaves trembling in the wind, so far up, while listening to his heartbeat pounding in his ears. It was soothing.
As his pulse slowly calmed and his breaths became fewer and longer lasting, giving him the oxygen he needed to recover, he smiled up against the sky. All these intense effects only proved what he'd spent the last half hour forcing himself to do. This feeling of achievement really was worth it. It was better than sex, really.
He got up to his feet, lingering just a little so that his head would stop spinning, and began the walk home.
History class was less annoying than this. Sitting on the morning bus, listening to the girly girls and pathetic guys was less annoying.
Hell, even explaining math to Taichi was less annoying than this!
Sora had spent the last one and a half hour trying to make the guy speak. 90 minutes of guessing, encouraging, fooling, tempting, pleasing, demanding, inciting, considering, assuring, nagging and practically begging.
Had she been so wrong when she had once thought that her brown-headed friend liked telling secrets? That he completely sucked at keeping his mouth shut? Maybe that was only the case when it came to her secrets that she'd been stupid enough to share with him.
So far, she'd only gained a few answers, lesser admissions, and only two announcements. To put it short, Taichi was on top, there was no kissing –Sora tried asking why but was only glared and later whined at-, it didn't take long and he had to avoid meeting his dad, no talking, and basically just sex.
"Does he ever insult you or lecture you if you make mistakes?" she asked, after waiting for what she was hoping were enough minutes.
Taichi, still lying flat on stomach in his bed, face buried in his pillow, merely shrugged. "I try not to take it personally."
Feeling more and more like a psychologist, she sighed and tried to come up with a question that would force him to reveal a little more, yet not a too demanding one. "How does he let you know that you've done something wrong?"
Taichi gripped the pillow tighter, hesitating. "He… just glares and short of says that he doesn't want me to do that. So I don't."
"What happens when you do right?" she asked calmly, hoping that he wouldn't hop into defense right away.
"He gets satisfied. It shows. He's glad that I learn," the brunet said softly, sounding like he was smiling.
"Does he tell you that?" Sora questioned, trying not to sound skeptical.
The brunet was quiet. "He only talks when it's necessary," he mumbled, very aware of that the redhead didn't like what she was hearing.
Knowing that this question might sound retorical by now, she said, "Does he ever ask you what makes you feel good?"
He froze. Sora kept quiet, giving him time to respond. "What do you mean?"
"I mean does he ever take time to please you?" she said while grimacing, feeling like a school nurse.
The brunet started mumbling and stuttering and being over-all unclear and confusing. Obviously he wasn't comfortable with this question… either. And this was the guy who would talk so openly and shamelessly about sex whenever he had the chance!
"Well… shit Sora, he lets me screw him, what else can you ask for? I mean it's not like I could just say 'hey, why not blow me while you're at it'."
"Is there anything except 'screwing' that you do?" she muttered, getting tired yet again.
"I jerk him off."
"…that's it?" she asked doubtfully.
He shrugged again. "Yeah."
"But what about you?" she asked before she could stop herself. She'd forgotten to be careful, but this was sounding more and more unfair.
He sat up. "Look, I understand that you're a girl and that you think that three hours of foreplay is necessary, but knowing that we're gonna do it is enough for me."
Sora held her hands up in defense, slightly offended. "Who said anything about foreplay? I was only wondering if he returned the favor at all."
She paused as she realized that he'd brought that up himself, smiling what she hoped was kindly. "Do you think there's too little foreplay?"
Not something she would've suspected at first but when she thought about it, she wasn't at all surprised. Being bossed around, and then expected to be up whenever he snapped his fingers couldn't be that easy. And knowing Taichi, he was probably determined to do his very best, surely focused on making the other happy. Perhaps, with too much pressure and expectations on himself there could be incidents.
Sora wasn't sure of how sexually experienced Taichi was, –mind you she didn't want to be either- but having a guy that expected nothing less than perfection seemed too hard for anyone in her age. Hell, it would be too hard for anyone in any age!
Her eyes widened in surprise when the brunet blushed more than she'd ever seen him do, and threw himself on the bed again. "Fucking leave me alone already! You just force your way over here, demand me to tell you all about my sex-life and then criticize the hell out of it!"
"Tai, I didn't mean it like that." she explained softly, already knowing it was too late.
"Whatever"
"I'm on your side here! I'm not saying that you're doing anything wrong" she protested, realizing that she had probably behaved like that.
"Then what the hell Sora? I mean at least I've got a sex-life" he spat, making the room go silent.
Her eyes narrowed. Is he hinting what I think he is? Okay let's calm down here… If that was true you would have every right to be pissed. But he just thinks it is, so you can let it be. Don't. punch. Him.
She managed to roll her eyes. "Geez, don't hurt yourself, I'm not-"
"But seriously, Sora" he interrupted, suddenly sitting on the edge of his bed gazing at her intensively. "How do you feel? Are you sexually frustrated? Do you feel alone? Can you make yourself feel good or do you wish som-"
"Say one more word and I'll hit you!" she warned, glaring at him. Despite her promise of pain she wasn't too offended by his questions. However, if he had asked her two years ago, she probably would've broken down. That would've got to her without question. She would've never forgiven him.
"Why do you assume that I've got no sex-life?" she demanded, crossing her arms. Not that she felt the need to discuss it with him but she had some pride to protect here.
He raised his eyebrows. "You mean besides with yourself? Why, you don't really give the impression is all" he said shrugging, but she knew that he was mocking her. It was his revenge. Sora gritted her teeth.
"You're right, I'm obviously not as fond of an audience as some"
His smug smile turned into a frown. "Well sneaking around must mean you're ashamed. Is he ugly?" Smug smile was back. God, she hated that smile.
"You mean more ashamed than you two've been? Is that even possible?"
"I'm not the ashamed one!" he growled.
"Well then why can't you talk about it?" she asked, tilting her head.
"DAMMIT Sora, leave me alone!" His voice was loud enough to reach every corner of the apartment, and was once again the cause of silence that followed.
Sora went home after that, looking pretty sad. I feel bad for her now and I'm kind of sorry that I yelled, but I know how she is. Tomorrow she'll try it again. She won't stop until my and Yamato's thing is over.
I went outside to the football field to play for a while, found some of the guys there too. Once again my favorite sport came to the rescue. We played until late that night, just half serious games. We laughed a lot and none of them asked me about Yamato.
Like I've said before, I hate it when that's the first thing people ask when they see me.
When I got home, mom seemed like she wanted to talk. I just grinned wide at her and she frowned at me, as she often does when I smile extra broadly. But she didn't call me back when I went to my room.
Before I fell asleep, I filled my head with random stuff. Nothing too exciting, because that always keeps me up all night –like the time when I thought about skydiving.
If you start wondering what it's like to skydive, don't climb up on the roof in the middle of the night, because you won't be able to see what's under you. I couldn't decide whether I would land on that fire escape balcony or -heh- the street, a.k.a. 50 feet further down, so I ended up climbing down again. I didn't go back to sleep though because while I was climbing up, I had started thinking about how long I could hold my breath last time I tried. That was pretty good though because no oxygen made me sleepy.
But for some reason I didn't do it in bed –which would've worked just fine now that I think about it-, so I was awoken by mom who found me in the morning at the kitchen table, alarm-clock before me and bits of silver-tape stuck in my hair...
See I've got all these normal reflexes too, (not just my own weird ones) like the one where you start breathing again after you've held your breath for almost enough time to break he last record. So annoying. But um, the tape was not my best idea ever. Not having breathed for the last two minutes and 22 seconds, you don't really want to start ripping silver tape off of your face; there's not enough energy. And when you're pretty much in panic, you have a tendency of hurting yourself.
Ah well, I managed. And what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, right?
I didn't want to think about Yamato, because that hasn't given that great results before, so I thought of bananas. That didn't work out so well either because I always start laughing when I hear that word. And when I do that people think I'm childish and relate that to cocks (excuse my language). Stupid thing is, that's not even the reason. I saw this old movie once and I have a vague memory of someone saying that word in a hilarious way. And I remember laughing so hard.
So I always laugh at that word. But, thanks to all the narrow-minded people I'm now thinking of cocks. And Yamato, being a guy, naturally becomes my next-
Okay, trees right? They're cool. I love climbing in trees, but I don't do it as often as when I was a kid. But there are so many kinds of trees; oak trees, birch trees, lime trees, beech trees, ash trees… um, apple-trees? God, I don't know shit about trees… cherry-trees… banana-trees…
I automatically start laughing into the night, but then groan as Yamato pops up in my head.
When I finally fell asleep, I dreamed about Yamato –just my stupid luck-, baking banana-pie, in a tree. Then he fell down and broke his leg. And then we had sex all afternoon.
During the last couple of weeks the redheaded girl's surroundings had changed dramatically. From having her two guy friends to joke and chat with, it had gone to comforting Yamato (without progress) and keeping him company, to being stuck in the extremely awkward space between the guys, to witness them being more than friendly all of a sudden, to see Yamato fall into depression, to be the loyal and comforting friend telling Yamato that being gay isn't the end of the world, to get stuck in an even more awkward space between them, to listen to Taichi's endless wining about the other avoiding him, and finally being the one to tell the brunet to give up.
Taichi blinked innocently –well, he would've looked innocent if he'd been able to wipe the grin off his face- tilting his head slightly to elucidate that he had no idea what she was talking about. The truth is that he actually didn't.
"What?" came the surprised and slightly hesitant reply.
"You think I'm stupid? You think I'm too blind to see? Tai, it's written all over you! What the hell did you do to him?"
Taichi's eyes darkened and his grin suddenly disappeared. Then he sighed and shook his head. "Sora, don't jump to conclusions, alright? It wasn't me this time."
Sora's amber eyes narrowed as she studied his face suspiciously. "What do you mean?"
Taichi's grin returned and his eyes lit up, making him look like a dog receiving a bone. (A/N: no bad thoughts here, people!) "He wanted me. He wanted me, not the other way around! Well… 'course the other way around too, but… Sora, he came on to me. And we-"
"Again?"
Sora buried her face into her hands, shaking it dramatically. She looked up again, staring at him with devastated eyes. "Tai, how could you let that happen?"
Taichi raised his eyebrows. "Wha…? No, you don't get it –this is a good thing!"
Sora snorted, turning away from him and started pacing back and forth. She suddenly stopped and turned to him again. "How?"
Taichi looked up and blinked, opening his mouth to respond. Before he could she interrupted him. "How is this a good thing? Are you two friends? Are you dating? Do even give a shit about each other?"
"Sora, calm down… this isn't another mistake, or another crisis. It's just sex, damn it! We both wanted to, no one got forced. Everything's fine." He grinned again, throwing his arms out. "I'm happy! See?"
She looked at him with a mix of contempt and disbelief, but she couldn't find anything fake in that smile, so she sighed, giving up.
"Alright. I guess I should believe you." She threw him another doubtful look. As weird as it seemed, she couldn't force herself to think that he was lying. Taichi couldn't lie about being happy. If he was, it shone right through him. The tanned boy could however lie about being miserable. He was very good at throwing on a happy face. Sora had known him for long enough to see the difference between the happy face and actual happiness.
Walking through the hall, carrying a thick textbook in a hideous mix of sage-green and purple, wearing a blank expression that stopped most eyes from noticing him, Yamato Ishida was on his way to his locker. Some heads still turned, perhaps two or three, which was a small number considering the overfilled corridor of chattering teenagers. Most people had forgotten the rumor that had started three weeks ago. Yamato was finally invisible again.
School had been working surprisingly well this day and he had for once been able to keep his focus throughout the classes. He hadn't even back-talked Mr Watanabe, which surprised both his teacher and him.
The only times he spent in the hallway he knew Sora and Taichi would be in, was when he had to get his books for class. But he had still managed to avoid talking to them or being spotted.
The two football-players' absence didn't really bother him, and he didn't feel any need to talk to either of them. The fact that he'd practically spent the whole day alone with hardly anyone to talk to, was something he hadn't bothered to think of. Nor did he mind everyone ignoring him. This new understanding he had with Taichi was probably the main thing to keep him from losing his mind, plus it was way better than jerking off. He was finally free from all the drama, the angst, the painful desire and shame. Now all he had got to do is start living again.
Reaching his goal, he opened his locker and put his book back. The area he was currently standing in was the one with the highest risk of meeting one of the football players. Yamato had no shared classes with either one of them today, and he was glad to have escaped any needless trouble.
Walking towards him, listening to some loud music that should make his ears explode but for some odd reason didn't, Taichi noticed the other boy and stopped immediately, quickly turning off his mp3. Yamato turned around, not once looking at him and started to walk back the way he came from. The confused brunet made several attempts to speak, move, shout or just do something, but none were very successful. He ended up staring after him as he walked out of his vision of sight.
The blond was frowning slightly as he walked; annoyed by his sudden bad luck.
He'll learn, Matt, a comforting voice said in his head. Tomorrow he's got it.
Yamato smiled inwardly, a smile that almost reached his delicate features. Then he turned left and entered class.
At was a miracle that he hadn't even noticed her intense gaze. If he had, he would've cringed under it, begging her to stop looking at him like that. But he was currently zoning out, head threatening to tilt down from his right palm that was supporting it, which would naturally lead to him jerking it back up and looking around with a confused and drowsy expression.
So he was tired. Okay, not the same thing as miserable, and not the same thing as trying to hide that he's miserable. Just… tired. She sighed, briefly looking away from her observing-object. She couldn't help it; he was supposed to be depressed by the way Yamato was still avoiding him, even after…
To her, that was a pretty good reason not to ignore someone. Of course that's just the way guys work, isn't it?
She jerked slightly when feeling a light hand on hers and came back to reality. Mimi's hand, that had for one second pulled away again when noticing her reaction, rested on hers. "Are you okay, Sora?"
"I'm fine." She sighed, throwing her friend an apologizing look for not having the strength to, well, act fine.
Mimi studied her with concern, then finally gave up, figuring they'd talk about it at another time. Koushiro, sitting across the table, was still talking to Ken about his latest updated program about God knows what, –she'd never get what the hell was coming out of that guy's mouth- the reason Taichi, who was sitting next to the genius, was falling asleep of course. It was one of the few days when her schedule matched theirs and she could actually have lunch with them. Then there were the even fewer days when Koushiro's best friend Joe could join them. That had happened three times.
The redhead beside her looked at Taichi once again, frowning. Even if he's dense now, doesn't mean he won't get hurt eventually. And the longer it takes, the more it'll hurt.
Taichi had never in his life observed his friend for so long.
To have walked behind him for the last ten minutes, he'd discovered many fascinating things. He walked in a very interesting way, unable to be described. Not slutty, like a girl. Not stiff, like a guy. Not overdone, like a "cool" dude. Just…
Man, what a weird way to walk in, he thought for the tenth time, shaking his head. The reason he was walking 20 feet behind the musician was because he had not yet found the courage to approach him, much less speaking. Plus he had a feeling that wasn't such a good idea. Don't poke the bear. He snickered at the thought of his friend as an angry bear, chasing annoying kids and growling. Then he shook that thought away, rolling his eyes at himself. After all, he had better things to do.
His eyes returned to Yamato's back, studying with interest. When he finally came to the spot where their shared way home split, Taichi sighed to himself and started walking his own way, feeling a little weird doing that without the usual "see ya" or "bye". Busy with feeling sorry for himself, he almost missed Yamato's words.
"Where're you going?"
Taichi spun around, founding his friend standing right at the spot where their separate ways met. It was an invitation, not a question. Even though it didn't sound very inviting, it were the keywords for I want you to follow me home and fuck my brains out. Okay so it didn't necessarily mean the last part, but Taichi was obviously not going to be home for the next hour or so.
All of this raced through Taichi's head, as he just stared at him, careful not to smile or look smug or even hopeful. One mistake and Yamato might get mad and this would be all over.
Without another word, Yamato turned his way and started walking. Taichi quickly considered if it was 100 per cent safe to follow, and started walking, finally letting the smile spread across his face.
"Did you know that Kari's got class meeting tomorrow? Apparently one parent has to attend."
"Mmm…?" Mr Yagami mumbled, eyes glued to the magazine. His wife was pouring herself a cup of coffee, still having her black coat on. There was no need to take it off; she was going to leave again soon.
"Class meeting?" he finally muttered, affirming that he'd caught that word at least.
"Yes," Mrs Yagami replied quickly, sitting down beside him and drinking the hot gift from heaven. If she survived the day without coffee or not she didn't know; she would never in her life try. Believing that it made things better was enough. "Could you be there?"
"Maybe. Why not you?"
"Got a client" Big gulp –she never drank it slowly nowadays. "Ms Kobayashi" she sighed, and smirked a little as her husband immediately uttered an understanding 'oh'. Calling an over middle-aged woman 'Ms' felt odd, though she could certainly understand why she was still a Miss. I swear to God, if that woman didn't have more money than she deserved I would never have anything to do with her.
"Believe me, I would much rather listen to that stupid teacher for hours, than dealing with Ms Kobayashi."
He smiled, finally turning his attention away from random crises and disasters in the newspaper. "I know. You're admirable, you know that?"
She snorted, a brief show of amusement and gratefulness visible on her still youthful features. Then a serious face. "Tai is having some grade problems"
Their sixteen-year-old son wasn't exactly any more open than other teenagers; he just had a very inquisitive mother. At least when in came to things that had to do with school. She would occasionally ask him how every thing was, but it wasn't like he would ever reply 'oh well everything sucks right now and I'm very depressed because I'm feeling this and she said that and they did this and he did that…' If he ever informed her about anything having to do with emotions she would probably choke on something or fall off the chair. She accepted the 'okay' for an answer, appreciating that he at least talked to her about other things.
"In what?"
She snapped back, blinking. In a second or two she remembered what she had been talking about. "English, mostly. Do you think there's something wrong with him?"
Mr Yagami turned page. "Wrong?" he glanced at her. "Just because he's got some school problems doesn't mean he's stupid."
"No that's not what I meant" she sighed, rolling her eyes at him. "I mean besides school, I haven't seen him with Yamato for a while." She said as an example, though that wasn't really what she thought was the case.
"Why would I know?" he muttered, not turning his eyes away from the newspaper. She blinked, slightly disappointed. Then she shrugged, hit by the realization that neither of them did know.
"Girl problems?" she offered half-heartedly, rubbing her eyes. She didn't really have the energy to discuss it anyway –especially not if neither one of them had a clue.
"Maybe"
She checked her watch and noticed that she should have left two minutes ago. After giving him a quick kiss she said goodbye and ran out, leaving a ready-to-be-cleaned kitchen, a ready-to-be-shaved man and a half-empty cup.
Yagami Taichi was a quick learner. When he was little, he used to watch guys play football down the street, and then mimic their moves and tricks until he could do it in his sleep. He made up new ones too and, simply by finding it more fun than anything else, trained to be the best when he started school, shortly becoming a star. He learned to be funny by idolizing his uncle, who –to him- was the funniest man on the planet and made everyone around him smile and laugh. When he first met Sora, it was because he made her laugh that he escaped getting beat down for destroying her red hat with mud. Back then she was taller than him, and he only had his charm to save him from receiving physical damage. Yamato was a different thing. While football and jokes were simply fun, this new blond kid was a challenge. Eventually Taichi learned exactly what to say and do to get his attention at all, to startle him out of his defense and finally trick him into surrender. Before Yamato knew it, he'd become so attached to Taichi that he couldn't turn back.
This afternoon, Taichi was once again faced with a challenge. He had already learned his mistakes; this time he didn't look like a human question mark when Yamato had tried to hint that he wanted sex, he didn't ask a hundred times if he really meant it, he was quick to start touching him without teasing, and he didn't speak. Still, there were so many new mistakes to be made.
Yamato pushed Taichi's hands back with an annoyed sigh, giving him a quick glare and removing his shirt by himself. Taichi ducked his head, feeling useless. There were so many things Yamato didn't like, and so many unspoken rules that Taichi was expected to follow. He let Yamato remove his shirt and then his t-shirt, slightly encouraged by the lustful look on the blonde's face as he gazed at his body. He then made the biggest mistake he could've done, he leaned in and kissed him, unable to resist. Yamato pushed him away with surprising strength, and Taichi was a bit taken aback. He barely had time to realize what he'd done wrong before Yamato started unbuttoning his jeans. He hesitatingly responded by unbuttoning Yamato pants, looking carefully at him from under his bangs. As the musician didn't make any signs on irritation, he quickly unzipped and pulled them down, leaving Yamato to take them off completely.
As they stumbled into bed, Taichi's mind was focused on what he was allowed, and not allowed, supposed and not supposed to do. He didn't want Yamato to feel unwanted, but he couldn't grope around like last time. He probably shouldn't speak, he shouldn't look at him, get him frustrated, or annoyed. He shouldn't be dominant, nor should he be slow.
When he made the blue-eyed boy frown, he thought it was the end of the world. Then suddenly he was moaning, and Taichi thought he was going to burst with pride. When he got a command to stop, he took it in and remembered it, and when everything just rolled on, Yamato silent and pleased, he tried to memorize that as well. There were times when he lost himself, -after all they were rolling around naked in a bed- and he happened to spontaneously do something that just felt right.
"Stop kissing me."
Taichi looked up at him –another mistake- and blinked. He swore that he had heard Yamato moan when he was kissing his collarbone, although that may have been because he was touching him at the same time.
Remembering to be quiet, Taichi just nodded and continued jerking him off mechanically. Just before Yamato was about to stop him, getting close, he removed his hand and waited for him to make the first initiative to go further. Pride filled inside him when his friend was a bit taken aback by his fast learning, and he made a mental note to himself that next time he'd make it without any slip-ups whatsoever.
Next day arrived, and during its hours of school time, Taichi made no attempts to approach, talk to, talk about or even think about the blond-haired jerk that seemed to have fallen off the face of earth. He talked about other things like football, his "cruel big-mouthed asshole for a coach" (which Sora could agree with; she had him as coach too), and various grade problems –or as he put it; grouchy teachers that either had love problems, money problems, or simply hadn't got laid for a very long time. Taichi even went as far as talking about girls, and trying to make Sora talk about guys, which was very ironic by a fact she chose not to say out loud.
It was one thing to see your friend miserable and hear him whine over it, but seeing him in this weird situation that could be working, but could screw everything up just as well was both worrying and frustrating. It was a dangerous balancing between chaos and brief happiness. Then again, she had to remind herself every so often that the brunet didn't think the way she did. Not at all. Therefore, he probably didn't feel the way she would've felt. Question is if that makes it right.
Either way, he kept surprising her by filling out the hole Yamato had left them with endless chattering, jokes and just being himself. She couldn't decide whether he was very good at acting, or if he was dumb enough to be happy, if there were something she had missed or maybe just –God forbid- didn't get. Since the blond wasn't a good topic to bring up, she couldn't exactly get any information out either. It was an evil circle, unless of course they were happy, but…
"…so then he said "Yagami, if you don't get your lazy ass out on the field, I'm throwing you out of the team so fast you wouldn't know what hit you!" I mean was an ass; I just explained everything about Kari –which I shouldn't even have to do, cuz it's none of his fucking business if she's in the hospital and why would I even have to talk about that, it's a hard thing to talk about y'know and then he goes and completely ignores everything I just said and threatens to kick me off the team! And he called me a lazy-ass! And then he gets even angrier when I say this and he makes me do a hundred push-ups. I think it was two hundred even…"
Sora sighed to herself. Originally it had been thirty push-ups.
"Hey, guy with blue hair! Ken right?" Taichi suddenly hollered, -making Sora jump in the effort- waving a cheerful hand at the younger teen that was passing them.
Sora blinked at her friend. Man, he's good at moving on. She was almost a bit proud of him, perhaps he'd even forget about Yamato after a few days. Obviously he wasn't as attached as she'd thought.
Ken observed him hesitatingly, slightly suspicious by the elder boy's wide grin and friendly manner. He felt tempted to jump back when Taichi made his way over to him faster than he'd expected, dragging him by his arm.
"You've met Sora right?" Taichi asked, pulling him down on the bench.
"I guess" Ken mumbled distractedly, politely nodding at Sora before glancing at the brunet.
"Sora, this is my stalker. Stalker, this is my… -ew-" he paused long enough to make a face. "This is Sora. She's not mine."
Ken looked back and forth between the rambling brunet and the sighing redhead. "In case you've missed it, Tai's retarded." Sora mentioned as a sort of excuse.
"No, I've noticed." The blue-haired boy assured, "I've had lunch with him"
The girl smirked, and Taichi immediately brought up their talks, chattering like only he could do. The only thing that he avoided mentioning was their missing friend, which Ken instantly noticed. Apparently the two had divorced themselves from the third person to complete the trio, question was why. Ken had some theories that he –now knowing better- kept to himself.
Well-raised boy as he was, he listened to the brown-eyed teen's pointless and quite random rambling until he had to get to class. He then quickly excused himself and hurried away to get there in time. Manners and punctuality often had a way of crashing with each other.
Taichi turned to the redhead and grinned widely. "Great kid, huh? Little weird though. He spies on people"
"…yeah." Sora replied hesitatingly, eyeing him.
Taichi's gaze rested on something behind her, and, noticing the change in his face -which was a day to night kind of difference- she turned around.
"Ah… I don't think you should say anything to him…" Taichi mumbled, eyes still glued to the blond musician who was making his way through the hall, soon about to pass them. The unfazed and somewhat distant expression on his face made her frown, raising an eyebrow at the tense teen beside her, as if he would be the one to explain. Ignoring his advice, she threw an arm up, waving.
"Matt!"
He merely glanced her way before passing her, turning his back to her shocked stare. After a few seconds of gaping, she looked at Taichi who looked both guilty and embarrassed.
"What the hell was that?" she gasped, still in shock. Sure, she had grown used to the blond acting strange, but this was a new record.
"Nothing. He' just like that, forget him." Taichi mumbled, desperately searching for something else to bring up.
The second he could make Yamato's face out he knew he'd done something wrong. He cursed inwardly, angry with himself. It hadn't even begun and already he had made a mistake. When would he learn?
"You do not wait for me like that." Yamato said as he passed by, not even looking at him. Taichi stared as the blond walked pass him, feeling like killing himself. Why couldn't he have just done it right and then everything would've worked? He had one chance and he fucked it up.
Not having the strength to move, he watched the musician walk home –for no reason. It was over.
There was a moment of regret when he saw the other teen turn around and glare at him. Maybe he shouldn't have stared like that.
"What the fuck are you waiting for?" the blond boy then said, loud enough to be heard by the brunet still standing where he had waited in the first place. At first he was just confused. Then fear of making another mistake built up in him. Yamato's impatient look forced him to take a ridiculously hesitant step forward. As soon as he'd done that, the blue-eyed boy nodded and turned around, once again starting to walk home.
-'-
Taichi smiled faintly as he walked down the stairs. He'd made him scream. Not once had he yelled at him or even frowned. Hell, he almost smiled once! Taichi hadn't lost focus, he hadn't said a word, and his timing was prefect. Plus they were done in time, so Yamato didn't even have to worry about his dad. Though he did rush afterwards anyway. But that didn't matter. What mattered was that he'd actually done everything right.
When a person keeps looking at you for a very long time and doesn't say anything, you really start noticing things about them. Especially if it's a very strange look they're giving you and their mouth is hanging open just a little, and their eyes are slightly bigger than usual. What he noticed about Sora as she was staring at him, was that her eyelashes were actually pretty long even though she never put mascara on them, and her eyes were not just the color of amber. They had both darker, almost sangria-colored shades and lighter golden glimmerings. Even though she had frozen in that rather amusing expression, different reflections of light made everything mix and blur. It was confusing as hell once he tried to define it all. Frustrated for no particular reason, he gave up on it and observed the skin instead. Again, as he paid more attention to it than he ever had before, he discovered new things. It was slightly yellowish and yet sort of pink and slightly sun-burnt. Though right now it seemed almost pale. Her mouth was still hanging open and, being a few inches taller than her, he could see a bit of the inside of her lower lip. There was a line right were the lips met, and the inside was darker than the outside. As she never used lip-gloss either, the outside looked pretty dry and he could spot very fine lines hinting lack of moisture.
Taichi had known Sora for about eight years and only once had he liked her as a girl and not just a friend. But that lasted for one day and no more. He had never had any distracting attraction towards her but still, right now he realized how much more interesting her face was compared to the plastic-looking ones on TV. He decided that Sora –even now, as she seriously looked like an idiot- was way more beautiful than any other girl he'd seen.
-'-
"…you did what?!"
Taichi ducked his head, avoiding her unforgiving eyes. He couldn't understand why she was so against it. He and Yamato finally had something, and she hated it! Why?
Something suddenly struck him, and he almost jumped back in horror. Sora raised an eyebrow, now looking more suspicious than angry. When he pointed an accusing finger at her, still not managing to speak, she frowned. "What the hell's wrong with you?"
"You're jealous!" Taichi hissed, and now it was his turn to gape.
Sora gaped right back for a second, then put a hand to her forehead, sighing darkly. One sentence was trapped behind her gritting teeth, desperate to jump out. But she was used to suppress it and she did, even though this time it was more difficult than usual.
"Tai, you're wasting my time. Just tell me why the hell you did it." She demanded lowly, frustrated that he was so stubborn.
"I'm wasting your time? Sora, will you drop this already! Will you let me live my fucking life and stop pretending that you know everything." He clenched his fists, determined to not give in. "Or deserve to know, for that matter" he added coldly. "It was just an accident that you found out in the first place. We wouldn't have told you if you didn't."
Sora closed her eyes, fighting the urge to choke him. He deserves the effort, he's just blind right now. Help him.
"Tai, please…"
He immediately softened, and sat down beside her. He'd always been a stubborn person, but he couldn't stand it when people got sad. The times he had cried the hardest as a child, were when someone else was crying. Sora knew this weakness, and right now she took advantage of it. Fair? She didn't give a shit.
"I just want you to talk to me. Even if everything's fine. Don't just avoid it."
"Sora, please. Let it go, will you?" he stared at the wall, as if that was what he was begging to get off his back. From his left, Sora's frustrated gaze buried itself into him. She hardly stopped herself from smacking him across the head.
"No, we're talking about it and that's final! I still don't get this. He doesn't want you to talk to him, look at him, be near him or even think about him. But then after school he demands you to-"
"No, its just… we've both realized that we want this, that… y'know-"
"You rather sleep with guys?" Sora finished, smirking at him. Until now, it had never been put out in the open, but it was rather obvious that Taichi preferred boys over girls. Or at least wanted both.
He shrugged. "…yeah. And I took it way better than him to say the least. But we can't be anything deeper than…" he paused, hanging his head and sighing.
"Fuck-buddies?"
He winced, closing his eyes. Sora stood up, running her fingers through her short red hair. Seeing the brown-eyed boy like this was irritating her. Not because he irritated her, but because he was suffering from his own stupid kindness and she couldn't help him. He was like a little puppy following his owner no matter how many times he got hit. She looked down at him where he was sitting on the bench. They were in the sports hall; the current class were having football outside on the field and wouldn't return until the end of the period. Sora had dragged him over there since Taichi refused to talk to her about this out in the hall.
It was obviously a sensitive subject and he wanted to avoid it. But she was not going to let him. If he told her everything, he could at least put some of the weight on her and not carry it by himself.
"Can't you hear yourself? Stop being a such doormat!"
He glared at her, anger building up. He knew that she was just trying to help and up until now he had looked past her constant nagging. But the way she was acting right now –like she had him all figured out and angry with him for not getting it himself- was something he couldn't stand.
"Will you for once realize that I'm not like you! I won't break just because he doesn't want to be my boyfriend and marry me and tell me he loves me everyday! I don't care, alright! I know sex to you is such a fucking big deal but to us it's just release. Sure it would be nice to have it with someone I care about but right now I don't fucking need it! We're not friends anymore, but I have someone to screw and for your information –since you apparently want to know everything- he's fucking good at it too! The only thing that seriously bugs me right now is you and your big mouth!"
He stormed out, punching the wall, knocking some box down and slamming the door on the way. If Sora hadn't felt so jaded she would've rolled her eyes.
Please give up, please give up, please give up, please… Let him give up…
"Yamato, quit bitching and open the fucking door!"
Taichi has been banging on that door for ten minutes. He's tried everything; begging, alluring, nagging, whining, demanding, threatening, pleading and of course constantly knocking. Nothing has worked so far.
"I'm not gonna give up, you hear that? And then your dad'll come home and I'll say you wont let me in and he's gonna let me in!"
Yamato rolls his eyes. He knew Taichi would go there sooner or later. Right now he sounds just like child who's threatening to 'tell mommy'. He feels slightly tempted to yell 'he's not coming back for the next fifty minutes anyway', ending with a teasing laugh just to piss him of. But that would be sinking to Taichi's level and he's not supposed to respond anyway.
Taichi sighs and sinks down to his knees, leaning his forehead against the door.
"Maaaaaaaatt" he whines, banging stubbornly. "Pleeeeeeease let me in… if you let me in I promise I'll fuck you" he adds, just low enough for the neighbors not to hear. He knows that last line was a pretty stupid thing to say, but right now he's willing to try anything.
"You know you'd want that" he continues, letting his voice drop an octave.
"I'll do anything you say Matt, I'll make you feel good." He murmurs to the Ishida's door using the sexiest voice he can muster, partly to make the blond uncomfortable and let him in just so that he'd shut up. "Come on Matt, I'll make you scream my name, I'll do you on the kitchen table or wherever you want it!" he says a little louder, hardly keeping himself from laughing. He almost expects some old lady to open her door and tell him to show some manners. Or whatever it is old ladies say to boys that are trying to work their best friend up through a door.
To his surprise (well maybe he was expecting it just a little) Yamato unlocks the door and opens it. Taichi clumsily gets out of the way and stands up.
Yamato looks at him, standing in the doorway. His cheeks are a little flushed and he looks embarrassed. Taichi knew he would break and let him in before any of the neighbors would hear.
"Maaaaaaat" the Idiot whines, still banging. "Pleeeease let me in!"
Yamato sighs deeply, closing his eyes. And he's back to whining…
"If you let me in I promise I'll fuck you" Taichi says in a playful voice, low but still annoyingly loud enough. Yamato feels his heart skip a beat and a shiver goes through his body.
Ignore him, ignore him, ignore him…
"You know you'd want that. I'll do anything you say Matt, I'll make you feel good…"
Yamato shuts his eyes and tries to push back the thoughts that are already taking over. Lips under his ear, Taichi's surprisingly movable hips rolling over his, hands wandering, teasing, exploring, testing and pleasing him till he can't hold back moans of pleasure. His clothes just disappearing and Taichi's eyes taking him in the best he can in the dark.
"Come on Matt, I'll make you scream my name, I'll do you on the kitchen table or wherever you want it!"
He sounds amused, but it doesn't help Yamato to calm down. Even though it's just a joke it still gets to him. He unlocks the door and opens it.
Taichi stumbles up from where he apparently has been sitting on the floor.
They observe each other for a while. Yamato glances around to see if anyone's there to see them, and pulls Taichi in.
He shuts the door and faces the hesitant brunet, who doesn't seem to know what to expect.
"Fine." He mutters, a familiar blank expression on his face. "But you better be good at it."
Taichi's eyebrows fly up and he laughs embarrassed, placing a hand behind his neck. The look on his face makes Yamato want to leap on him.
"Um…"
He's cut off when Yamato grabs his wrist and drags him with him. Taichi, confused and slightly awkward, follows him into his bedroom. Yamato shuts the door behind them and leads him to the bed. When he faces the brunet he's greeted with a 'what the hell?' look on his normally carefree face.
"Dad's home in fifty, no" Yamato gives the clock a quick glance, "Forty-five minutes." He says no more, just giving him a suggestive look that says it all.
"Wait, you're serious?" Taichi blurts out, staring at him. Yamato rolls his eyes and attacks his lips.
The football star gives out a muffed noise and falls down on the bed, followed by the horny blond. Yamato prods his lips open and enters his mouth, feeling a strong relief of finally getting to do that. Taichi, after a short moment of shock, responds and wraps his arms around Yamato's waist. They kiss intensively, the musician all the while prompting and hastening, grabbing Taichi's t-shirt and pulling it off quickly. He strokes his hands all over the brunet's chest while kissing him deep and passionately, making said boy utter content noises into the kiss. Yamato straightens and pulls his shirt off, throwing it out of the way. He unbuttons Taichi's jeans and pulls the sip down, drags them down his legs and moves to pull them off completely. Taichi just watches him in amazement, never expected his friend to rip his clothes off like he was doing right now. Figuring he shouldn't make Yamato do all the work, he starts working on the blonde's jeans as well, undoing them and unzipping. With Yamato's help he removes the jeans and let them fall to the floor. Yamato hurriedly drags Taichi's boxers down and the brunet's mouth drops. 'Damn, he's horny.' Yamato lets the last piece of clothing land on the floor and quickly looks him over, smiling in satisfaction. Taichi pulls the blue-eyed teen's boxers down as well, -not too fond of being the only one naked- and pulls him down, letting their erections connect. Yamato moans and grinds eagerly, breathing into the brunet's neck.
"Touch me" he murmurs, panting a little. "Now!" he ads hurriedly, as Taichi doesn't immediately respond. Taichi rolls him over to his back and wraps his fingers around Yamato's arousal. Not wasting any time, or risking another irritated command; Taichi starts pumping him, immediately speeding up when hearing encouraging whines from the blond.
Yamato lets his arms fall to his sides and rests his head back against the pillow, breathing heavily. The feeling is amazing and he had no idea he'd been longing for it this long. Tired of the drab work, Taichi's hand begins to wander, light fingers teasing and caressing. Yamato lets out a groan in protest, pushing his hand away. Taichi gives him a confused look and mumbles 'sorry', not receiving any response. Yamato takes a look at the clock, relieved to see that there's lots of time left. He turns to the other boy, leans over and climbs onto him, knees on each side of his hips.
"Remember your promise?" he asks lowly, not managing to hide a coy smile.
Taichi blinks slowly, trying to think straight. "Promise?" No success, many things are distracting right now.
"Yeah, your promise. Remember?" Yamato repeats, giving him a sharp look.
But it's not enough to make the boy underneath focus.
"Um…"
Yamato lets out an irritated sigh, rapidly lying down next to him. If it weren't for his hormones he would've given up by now. Throwing a steady arm around the other boy's waist, he rolls him onto himself, letting the football player's legs rest between his own. He smirks when a light blush colours the tanned boy's cheeks.
"Remember now?" he asks, burying his gaze into Taichi's slightly unsure one.
"For real?" Taichi manages to choke out, not exactly expressing himself the way he wants to. "I mean…"
"Yes, for real" Yamato quickly assures, growing impatient. He wraps his legs around the brunet's waist, adjusting his body the best he can. Taichi is still hesitant.
"Shouldn't I…"
"No, it's alright, just do it." Yamato hastens, on the line of getting desperate. "Please."
He briefly regrets that command when a shocking pain shoots through his body. He can't blame it on Taichi; the brown-eyed teen is being as careful as he possibly can be. But it's not enough to keep the blonde from feeling like he's about to break into two halves. Yamato keep his mouth tightly shut, not feeling like making Taichi worried. That would only slow things down. He manages to pray one eye open to look at the clock, noting that they should really hurry up unless they want Yamato's dad to walk in on them.
"Are you okay?" the teen on top asks worriedly, his length buried into the blonde's body.
"Move" Yamato groans, shutting his eyes again. Taichi obeys, shortly working up a nice rhythm that for a few blessing seconds pleases the blue-eyed boy. He gives him one last command to speed up before letting go, allowing the brunet to blow his mind. Taichi's in heaven as he passionately thrusts in and out of the gorgeous body under him, hearing groans and soft cries out of one hundred percent pure pleasure. Yamato has lost control of himself and the football player is enjoying the hell out of it.
Sadly, everything has got to end sometime. The two boys' bliss ends rather quickly, leaving them sweaty and panting and, well… pretty much in a mess.
Yamato is the first to recover, turning his head to see that there's only about ten minutes left before his dad will come home. Taichi catches his breath slowly, enjoying the peaceful moment. The fact that he's still lying on top of his friend doesn't seem to bother him.
"Wow." He breathes out, nuzzling his face into Yamato's neck.
"Off."
"…huh?" Taichi pulls himself up to look at him, just about to catch Yamato's eyes when two hands push him away, making the brown-headed boy roll off and land on his back beside his friend. He opens his mouth to ask something, not completely sure of what exactly, when the blond gets out of the bed, heading towards the door.
"Where're you goin'?" Taichi calls after him, blinking.
"Gonna take a shower. You should get dressed."
Taichi frowns a little, staring after the naked teen as he enters the bathroom and shuts the door behind him. Then he shrugs and lets his head fall back against the soft pillow. He grins up at the ceiling, stretching his legs out in the warm sheets. Still warm after what they've done.
"Amazing…" he mumbles lazily, rubbing his eyes. With a soft smile on his face, he gets out of the warm bed and collects his clothes. He could use a shower too, but he figures that can wait until he gets home, no point wasting time now if Mr Ishida could walk through that door any minute.
Done getting dressed, he walks out of Yamato's bedroom and knocks lightly on the bathroom door.
"Matt? I'm leaving now."
Yamato doesn't answer so he knocks again. "Matt?"
"Alright, will you get out of here already! He'll be here any second, which part of that didn't you understand?"
Taichi looks at the door for a short moment, sulking a little. "…'kay. Bye?"
"Bye"
Taichi walks out of the apartment, takes the stairs down just in case and fortunately doesn't meet Yamato's dad. Perhaps Mr Ishida is late, he thinks to himself, grinning like an idiot. Not because of the thought of Mr Ishida being late, but because of what he has spent this afternoon doing.
There was a short silence. Yamato continued to stare at the floor, not daring to look up. Tai was till sitting so close, if he would just look his way once he might do something. If he did, Yamato would have to stop him for the third time and that just sounded so hard he didn't want to risk it.
-'-
He's freezing. There are goose-bumps all over his arms, legs and chest. He throws the window yet another look, noting for the tenth time that it's still closed. He's sweating, that's what's making him shiver from cold. At the same time he's burning hot. The sheets are moist from sweat and the cover is already ripped off in annoyance. It's lying in a pile on the floor beside his bed. He closes his eyes again and continues stroking himself, letting no noise whatsoever out through his close-bitten teeth. All the words, motions and noises are flashing through his head, letting him relive the event he's been trying to ignore the last couple of days.
-'-
Tai sighed in frustration. "Matt, you can't possibly expect me to believe that you don't want to."
Yamato frowned. Why was he so confident? Was it written all over his face?
'Tai is so freakin' hot I just can't resist him!' Yeah right…
…right?
"Just get over yourself for once, will you" he mumbled, not sounding as convincing as he'd like to. They sat there silently, Yamato staring at the carpet, Taichi staring at… whatever he was staring at.
"Why do you try so hard?" The brunet asked softly. "You're not gonna lose anything, y'know. And you're definitely not gonna win anything by holding back." When Yamato didn't answer, Taichi gently lifted his chin to look him in the eye. Yamato batted it away, giving him a cold glare. He looked like a dreadful dog, protecting his food. If he'd be able to, the blond would've growled. However, he wasn't a dog with sharp teeth, and his glare wasn't enough to stop the other boy.
"You're gay."
Yamato pounced on him, making the other teen hit his head on the couch.
However, the couch was quite soft so unfortunately for Yamato, he didn't hurt himself. Luck just didn't seem to be on the blonde's side this evening.
He pressed him down with all his weight, feeling a strong urge to just choke him right there. And at the same time, a strong urge to… do something else. Taichi grinned up at him, feeling slightly like an underdog being pinned down like this and dangerously glared at. But he had him right where he wanted him. He reached his hands out and stroked the blonde's hips. Yamato's glare changed into a frightened and almost begging stare. Perhaps because he was realizing how much this was affecting him, how small his chance was to resist. He was loosing.
Taichi smiled and stroked his back, reached lower and massaged, squeezed and caressed with no mercy. Yamato shut his eyes, hanging his head. His breath was shaking slightly, still trying to hold back any possible sound that was threatening to escape his lips. Taichi pulled him down, forcing their midsections together. Yamato stifled a groan, burying his face into Taichi's shoulder. The brunet turned his head, searching for the blonde's lips. He kissed his cheek, temple and hair, trying to elicit the musician's hidden face. Finally Yamato's lips met his and he didn't think twice before slipping his tongue into his friend's mouth.
-'-
He had no idea it would feel so good doing the wrong thing. It's like he's laughing at his paranoid self, ignoring its pleases for him to stop. Stop doing what he's not allowed to do. Not by anyone.
He likes that thought.
-'-
Yamato was helpless; Taichi's hands continued to massage his thighs, stroking their way up over his ass, inciting him to grind down against him. They went down between his legs, stroking the inside of his thighs and other areas. Yamato moaned into the kiss and started to grind his hips uncontrollably. Taichi moaned back, affectionately kissing along his neck. The blond started panting, finding it harder and harder to be quiet when Taichi's hands were everywhere. Trying to control the situation at least a little, he started fighting for dominance by intensifying the kiss and grab on to the brunet's hair. Taichi moaned, arching up towards him. Obviously Yamato wasn't the only one starting to lose control.
-'-
His mouth drops open and he tilts his head back as he intensifies the act, biting his teeth harder to hold back a groan. He can still feel Taichi's body under him, arching and moving in impatience. Longing for his. He has to force himself to keep to the original story, but it's hard not to add details. Still, reality is so much more arousing than fantasy, no matter how kinky the fantasy might be. And this playing in his mind is real.
-'-
Yamato hardly remembered the other teen leading him into his own bedroom, gently closing the door behind them. He wasn't really aware of his clothes being pulled off and thrown on the floor. He barely noticed anything until Taichi's naked body lay down over him and his mouth covered his once again, sending waves of pleasure throughout his body.
-'-
Yamato stares at his reflection, searching for something in those sharp blue eyes. The cold light in the bathroom makes him look sick. Maybe he is sick. He's been staring at his reflection for so long he doesn't recognize it anymore. There's no character in it, just a sick-looking, empty person with piercing blue eyes. He's not in shock any longer, though. His breathing has gone back to normal, his cheeks are cool again and the cold sweat has dried, forming a thin layer on his skin. He should shower. That's what he had planned to do when he'd bolted into the bathroom in the first place.
Minutes ago, maybe ten –or thirty even. An hour? Somehow he had ended up staring at himself in the mirror, not moving an inch. He briefly wonders what time it is, thinking that he should try to get some sleep for school the next morning. Then he goes back to the present and stares at his creepy reflection. Searching. Asking. Waiting.
-'-
The feeling was so intense he wanted to scream just to release some of the tension that was building up. Taichi hips rocked with his, his legs smoothly running along his, his mouth all over his neck and ear, making his skin wet from his hot breathing. With his hands over his, holding his arms over his head loosely, he ground his hips again and Yamato let out a loud groan.
-'-
He manages to tear himself away from the empty eyes and head for the shower, instantly being reminded of the shame. It hadn't even been a dream. There is nothing innocent or random in what he's done no matter how he tries to look at it. He hadn't even tried to escape the thoughts of his best friend. The bare thought still gives him those weird feelings, as he stands in the shower ready to turn the water on. He can't even blame it on not realizing what it was, or not understanding. Because he got it alright. How can you not get it when you're consciously thinking back of when you had sex with your male friend, replaying it over and over and shamelessly jerking off as you lay there in your bed with your eyes closed, ignoring everything else?
After all he has done to control himself and convince everyone that he's straight, Yamato was almost devastated when he realized he'd let himself down by fantasizing about another male after waking up in the middle of the night, not being able to go back to sleep.
Just like that.
-'-
From there on everything went fast. His legs were shortly pulled up around Taichi's hips and his mouth was parted from his, being left missing the warmth and then rapidly shutting to hold back a cry of pain.
-'-
Yamato closes his eyes as the water pours down over him. It's official then.
He's into guys. He's attracted to Taichi, out of all people, and not only has he already slept with him; he'd like to do it again. And again, and again…
So… what to do next?
'I'll have to avoid Tai, obviously. I can't be his friend anymore; I was stupid to think that in the first place. If necessary I'll avoid Sora as well. It's for the best anyway.'
Yamato sighs and tilts his head back, letting the hot water run down his face.
Once he's cleaned himself –already in a slightly better mood- he steps out and dries himself up, ready to get at least a few hours of sleep before going to school.
Sora sighs, throwing her brown-headed friend a look. "That's the third time you've asked that and no, I haven't seen him."
The brunet grumbles something, sulking. He slumps down beside her.
"Thought we finally were okay y'know, and then he starts again… I don't get him! Not even girls are that complicated."
Sora shakes her head in agreement. "Nope." She feels a very strong urge to comment on her friend's sudden need to talk to her about his love-problems. Or friend-problems, she' not even sure of what it is by now. But why would she care; it's not her problem. She glances at Taichi, sighing again at the frown on his face. Her problem or not, her friend is down and she's the only one there to comfort.
"Look, maybe it's just a coincidence. This doesn't have to mean he's avoiding you."
Taichi merely shakes his head. "It's not a coincidence. He was weird yesterday too."
"You mean when he hit you?" Sora asks, tilting her head.
"No, not that." Taichi pauses, shrugging. "Well yeah, that was weird too, but I mean after that. When we were at my place. Everything seemed fine like we were just friends, y'know? But then he started getting so tense. Like when he was going to clean my face up 'cause it had blood on it and everything…"
"You mean he actually hurt you?" Sora interrupts, looking worried.
Taichi pauses and blinks, briefly loosing the thread. "No, it was just a small scratch but he wanted to clean it; went on about blood poisoning and shit." he smirks, shaking his head. "So I let him because he's so freakin’ stubborn, and then I happened to look at him 'cause he was practically blocking everything else… and he got awkward! And not just a little awkward." Taichi goes silent, observing a few students passing. After a couple of seconds Sora looks at him.
"What do you mean 'not just a little'?"
Taichi blinks, looking up at her. "Oh, uh… he refused to finish and ran home." He shrugs.
"Weird."
"Yep." Taichi spots a redhead through he crowd, straightening. "Hey, Koushiro! You've seen Blondie?"
Koushiro stops and looks around, finds him and Sora sitting in one of the couches and shakes his head in response, shrugging. "Sorry."
"Well let me know if you do." Taichi mumbles, sinking back into the couch with a disappointed look on his face.
Koushiro nods. "Sure Taichi." He disappears into the crowd again leaving the two teens.
"You should leave him alone, Tai." Sora mutters from his right, sinking deeper into the couch.
"Who? Izzy? I just asked if-"
"No, I mean Matt. Remember him?"
The brown-eyed teen glares at her. "I did that, remember? That turned out just great, didn't it?"
"But that's what I'm saying! He's too sensitive for this. He can't handle it. Don't you see?" She shifted to face him fully. "You can't go back; you've already failed miserably. Stop trying before you end up hating each other."
Taichi stares at her, the words finally sinking in. "You mean stop being friends?" He pauses and waits for a 'no, I didn't mean it like that…' but all he gets is silence and Sora carefully studying his reaction.
"You're kidding, right?"
Sora shrugs and Taichi gaps at her. "What the hell's got into you? How can you even suggest that?"
"Because you're too blind to see he's not worth it!" Sora exclaims, looking deep into his eyes, trying to make him understand. However, all she can see in those dark brown eyes is confusion, shock and anger. He stands up, leaving without another word. She looks after him. 'Why can neither of them listen? Are they being stupid on purpose?’ It's not she doesn't realize how precious their friendship has been to both of them, she just doesn't get why they keep ignoring the fact that it's not going back. It'll never be the same.
She gazes after him worriedly. He's not storming away, like Yamato would've done. The football player just walks slowly as if he's just shutting everything out, too tired to listen.
He is once again having lunch without his best friend. This time he doesn't have any company at all. Not that he'd want any, although usually he doesn't like eating alone without anyone to talk to, but this day he doesn't feel the need to talk to anyone. Sora's words keep echoing in his head, even though he doesn't want to listen. They hurt. Not only because his childhood friend actually thinks that, after all this time he and Yamato had grown to become friends, but because she's usually right.
What if she's right this time as well?
There's a reason Taichi always comes back every time Yamato pushes him away, stubbornly forcing himself past his mask and cool eyes to find the human in there. And kick that human's ass for pushing him away in the first place. There's a reason he puts up with everything, and always gives him another chance. The reason he does is because he's seen the side no one else has. First time he saw that side, all his worries of that his endless efforts might have been a waste of time, disappeared. Yamato is a person who grows. He's not that kind of person who gives it all the first few days and then starts disappointing as the truth comes out. As the real person starts to become visible. The more Taichi got to know him, the more everything started to pay off. All the efforts and suffering and constant rejection was more than made up for.
Sure, he didn't completely change into a wonderful person just because Taichi discovered his real self. But the brunet always knew it was there and once he'd seen it, he never wanted to lose it. It was a comfort knowing that deep down Yamato cared, and wanted him to stay.
So Sora can just shut up about leaving him, because that is not happening, Taichi thinks to himself. I'd rather have it the other way.
He had earned Yamato's trust and he still earns it. He's not going to throw that away and leave. He doesn't want to either, no matter how difficult his friend is being at the time. That side of him is still there, very well hidden, but it's still there…
"Thinking now again?"
Taichi looks up into a pair of purple eyes and frowns, looking away. "What do you want?"
"Nothing. I just couldn't find an empty seat other than here. Do you mind if I…"
"Yes."
Ken is silent for a moment, hesitating. "Was that a 'yes, you can sit here' or 'yes, I do mind'?"
"I don't feel like talking, okay? Why do think I'm sitting here alone?" Taichi glares up at him again.
Ken blinks a few times before frowning a little. "I'm not going to talk to you. I just think it'd be pretty difficult to eat while standing up."
Taichi makes a face at that comment, glaring back at the table. "Well I don't care, you can stand all you want."
"With all do respect, this is a public place for everyone. I'm sorry if you don't want my company but I'm taking that seat." He puts his tray down across from the brunet, ignoring his intense glare.
"Don't you have friends?" Taichi rudely bursts out, giving him a belittling look. "I mean you can't just come here hoping that I would wanna sit here and listen to your fucking theories about me, just because no one else wants to either!"
For a short moment he expects the younger boy to get upset or at least offended, but he just bluntly stares back at him.
"You're really frustrated, aren't you?" he asks, observing him closely. "You're pretty rude to take that out on me, but I guess a can overlook that considering what you're going through."
"Ugh, you're so annoying, you know that?" Taichi growls with a reproachful look on his face.
Ken smiles and shrugs. "Been told that a few times."
They sit in silence for a while. Taichi starts eating again and Ken attempts to try out the food as well, but wrinkles his nose once he smells it and puts the fork back on the plate. He takes a sip of his water instead, looking back at the older teen.
"So you don't want to talk about it?"
Taichi him a warning look and the purple-eyed boy holds his hands up in defense. "Alright, I won't ask again."
Yamato stares at the blackboard dully, blocking everything out. He hasn't listened to one word the teacher's been saying; he's been too busy trying to convince himself that everything is fine.
Today luck has finally been with him, keeping him from bumping into to the brunet that he is avoiding. ‘Temporally avoiding’, he corrects himself. ‘Once he gets the message he'll probably give up. Or Sora will talk him into giving up.
And then everything will work out…’
He won't destroy everything by letting Taichi know how he feels. Why not stop now before everything gets worse? It's bad enough that he didn't get it earlier. He should've got the hint when they made out in the bathroom. He should've got the hint when he couldn't take his eyes off him that day Taichi took him home to rest. He should've got the hint when he let Taichi trick him into bed. He should've got the hint when he kissed him, when it felt just like what they try to describe in all the romantic movies. He should've got the hint when he could hardly look at him yesterday, when he couldn't help but avoid him. He should've got the hint when he got absolutely paralyzed just because his warm brown eyes were directed towards him.
But no, he kept on denying. He didn't admit it until he found himself fantasizing about him just end up jerking off, not able to stop himself.
That was too obvious to deny.
Yamato shakes his head, he shouldn't think about that. Not only because it is very inappropriate, but also because if he even starts, he won't be able to stop. That was what had happened yesterday, when everything had seemed so normal for once…
-'-
"Just sit still and stop whining!"
Yamato's hands, that had been so hesitant and boggling at first, -almost afraid to touch him- were now pulling Taichi's head back stubbornly, forcing him to face him.
"Alright, alright" The brunet growled, glaring up at him. Yamato continued to clean his jaw-line with that annoying wad of cotton that just kept stinging whenever it made contact with the open wound –which it constantly did since that was what Yamato had insisted to clean up. He didn't even know what that scorching liquid was, but he decided not to ask. He observed the blue-eyed boy for a while, wishing he'd finish already. Not that he was a wimp or anything, but this felt very unnecessary.
Yamato noticed his gaze after a while, meeting it with his own. To his surprise he felt his heart speed up when he looked into those brown orbs.
Not because the look actually meant something, it was just a very weird reaction he got for no particular reason. It made him freeze, wondering what the hell was going on. But instead of calming down (even though he tried his hardest) he started to mentally hear the brown-haired boy breathe into his ear, letting out soft moans of pleasure with that deep sensual voice. His heavy breathing and moans filled Yamato's head up, making a deep blush spread over his cheeks. He could feel fingertips wandering over his skin, curiously exploring his body, growing more and more brave by every second and every noise that the blond boy made.
Taichi stared oddly at him, raising an eyebrow. "Matt?"
He stood up, no –jumped up from his chair as if it had been on fire. Taichi nearly fell on his ass since the other teen's knee almost knocked his chair over. He looked up at him, confused and surprised, but didn't get a single word out before his friend had slammed the front door shut behind him.
-'-
It's not that he doesn't understand why he acts and feels this way. You could just ask any other seventeen year-old guy to be around the girl he's into and see how he'd act. People act stupid around the persons they like. Want, or whatever. That's why they don't talk to them –unless they're one of those annoyingly confident people who actually can do that- and just observe from afar. Why should he have to constantly be around the guy he wanted right now? The guy he fantasized about. The guy he couldn't look in the eye. The one he acted weird around. The one he had to pull away from.
His best friend.
Just two more classes and then I'm free, Yamato thinks in an attempt to cheer himself up. Then I've made the first day. First day is always the worst…
His blond-haired friend is currently out of Taichi's head. He's walking through the hall, just ended last period and heading for his locker in the next corridor. Walking beside him is one of his playmates, chatting about last game, the next game, and everything having to do with football. Taichi isn't complaining. For the first time this Tuesday he's not pondering over his missing buddy, but simply chatting away like any other normal teen without problems should do. He hasn't realized before now, but he has actually missed that. This whole drama with Yamato has taken a lot of his attention and time, which he hasn't really noticed until now when he's finally blocking that out and focusing on other stuff.
Happily unaware of who is about to show up, Yamato is just about to close his bag, softly humming on a song he often plays at home (low enough for no one to hear of course) with a faint smile on his face. To his own surprise he has actually survived the day, without any anxiety attacks whatsoever, and no involuntary meetings with his no-longer best friend.
Lifting his bag and swinging it over his shoulder, he slowly starts walking towards the exit. His class had ended early, due to a confused and pretty much helpless sub, who had let them leave since there wasn't anything left for them to do in there. It wasn't his fault however, not entirely. When the students found out the teacher didn't have any tasks left for them planned, they saw their way out. And when it comes to escaping class just a little bit earlier (especially the last one of the day), students always manage to co-operate.
Yamato isn't completely sure, but he's got a feeling it was the substitute from that detention he had a while a go. The one he had together with Taichi. The one they escaped. None of that information would specify any detention since Yamato often got one, Taichi often got one at the same time, and they often escaped… But it was the one (and only) time they'd had that moody one with an "extreme headache" and light blue eyes. Fortunately for Yamato, he (if it even was him) hadn't recognized him this time.
Just as he walks out of the school, he hears someone calling after him. Just a second later he can hear someone running after. And that person's horrifyingly familiar voice makes his light mood sink and makes him freeze right at the spot.
So close…
-'-
Taichi's gaze happens to land on a head filled with dirty blond hair. For some reason it stays there for several seconds before he actually realizes whom the owner of that hair is. Successfully interrupting his playmate in a middle of a sentence, he exclaims 'Matt' and adds a quick 'bye' before he runs off. The cut-off teen stops, staring after him. Then he mutters 'weird-ass' and glares a little before brushing it off and continuing through the hall.
"Matt!" Taichi yells as the stupid –and apparently deaf- musician walks out through the doors. He follows desperately, slamming the doors open and stops dead to see his friend already standing still in the middle of the schoolyard with his bag over his shoulder and back against him.
"Matt! Where've you been? Why are you avoiding me? What the hell's wrong?" Taichi's voice is just getting more desperate and louder with each unanswered question. "What did I…? Hey, wait up!"
He easily catches up with the already walking boy and blocks the way. Yamato tries to get past but the brunet –being the mature guy he is- stubbornly follows his every move, keeping him from getting away.
"What the hell's wrong, Matt? Why did you act so weird yesterday? Did I do somethin'? Or say? What did I do? Why aren't you answering? Why…?"
"SHUT UP!" Matt explodes, then immediately tries to calm himself down from having an outbreak that has threatened to come out the whole day.
He closes his eyes and breathes deeply, bracing himself. Then he manages to say the words. The whole sentence comes out, even though he thought that was impossible. But he doesn't manage to look his friend in the eye and maybe that's why it doesn't convince the brunet enough to leave him the hell alone.
"What do you mean we're not friends anymore? Why not? I thought we were supposed to move on?" Taichi rambles, not making any sense out of that sudden answer. Still the blond had said it like it explains everything, like he should just say 'oh' and walk away. He automatically throws out an arm when Yamato makes his second try to get home.
"Don't be an idiot for once." The blond says with a steady voice, sounding way more impassive than he's feeling inside.
Taichi looks like a child who's just been hit by his parent without knowing the reason why. The expression on his face practically screams out "what did I do?" But Yamato doesn't see it. He can't look at him. He's got to make it.
Taichi lets him pass, his eyes following him for a long minute.
I hadn't planned to end this chapter here. But then I decided it was a good place to stop, and it became a cliffhanger! Don't know about you guys, but I'm really starting to like those, haha.
I'm sorry for those of you who expected lemon, but it was better than nothing, eh? I promise it'll come.
Oh, I almost forgot, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE REVIEWS! XD It's such a motivation, you have no idea how much I appreciate them. So keep'em coming 'cause I need them!
Something about that skirt, Taichi’s fifth visitor
Sequel to ‘Oh no he didn’t’
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything
Warnings: Language. Further chapters will be marked as sensitive as they also contain sexual content.
Chapter four
Taichi gritted his teeth.
He'd never wanted to kill Yamato as much as he did right now.
They had met in the hallway since Yamato, after a few polite minutes of being ignored, had taken the privilege to let himself in. After one blank look on his best friend, he'd fixed his gaze on the wall, muttering, "Still wearing that I see"
When the two geeks had left, Taichi had gone straight to the kitchen to take care of the many unfinished chores in there. He had then grabbed something to eat since the stomach-ache from the ice cream finally had disappeared, after that making his way to his bedroom, where he first got stuck reading a newly received message on the computer and answering it, after that he had finally started searching for some other clothes to put on.
And then this idiot had decided to visit.
It was funny how by time every guest grew more and more hated by him.
By now, as stated, he seriously wanted to kill.
Yamato, seemingly unfazed by his murderous look, crossed his arms sullenly and threw him a glance. The brunet was alternated with the floor, furniture behind him, the window, the wall, the ceiling, -hell, everything else there was to look at.
"Is there something you wa-"
"Look, I just don't understand why you always have to cross the line, I mean I respect you for taking that challenge and I wasn't one bit surprised either. But you really ruin it for yourself when you constantly go too far with every fucking thing you do."
Now he was done. It showed on the soundless exhale and change of foot.
"What are you saying?" Taichi finally asked, also crossing his arms. Ever noticed how you mirror the gestures of the person in front of you?
His friend put the calm and careless poker face on, and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I am saying that you have no self-respect, and I feel sorry for you."
"Really?" Taichi smirked and tipped his head back just a little, anything to feel taller. These sorts of behaviors were very necessary when it came to a mocking Yamato.
"All I hear is 'stop wrecking my half-existent self esteem by not bothering to care about how others might look at you!'"
Yamato shook his head, smirking –never mind totally beating Taichi's smirk. "Like I said, I simply feel sorry for you, the way you send out wrong signals to people."
"Like what?" Taichi laughed. "That I'm a girl?"
Yamato didn't blink. "That you're a fag."
The brunet's eyes darkened automatically. How could someone still look pure after saying something like that?
"This might come as a shock, but I don't have any control over people's stereotypes. And nothing other than stereotyping would lead them to believe that I'm a –sorry, was it fag that you said?"
Yamato looked like a blank, beautiful statue of stone. "Taichi," he sighed, skillfully making the brunet feel like a kid. "I was ashamed of you, but that's not the point. The point is that by being an idiot, you're digging your own grave here! And instead of just making a good statement like 'guys have every right to wear skirts if they want' you turn it into some kind of cock-tease as if the only thing you care about is having everyone in school drooling over you."
"Okay, you know what? I'm not gonna listen to this." Taichi decided, looking over his shoulder and mentally searching for his clothes.
"And why not?" Yamato demanded. "What do think I'll say?"
"It's more about what you've already said, Matt" the football player hinted, half turning away as if to mark that their conversation was over.
"I have to say this," the musician pushed.
"Yeah, well, I don't want to listen," the other shrugged as he turned and to finish his seemingly impossible task of the day; getting out of drag.
"You will fucking listen for once alright, once you understand you won't be so damn angry!" Yamato's voice rose as it became clear that the brunet was determined to ignore him.
"Then say what the fuck it is you have to say already!" Taichi shouted back at the other teen, working on letting his frustrations out so that he wouldn't explode.
As if suddenly realizing that he was serious, Yamato paused. He closed his eyes briefly, waiting a few heartbeats before murmuring "They got it all wrong. The kids at school."
Taichi was now facing him once again, although seemingly unimpressed with his argument. "Well, that is a damn shame. Get over it."
"No. I mean… I just hate the way they looked at you, and the whole thing, like it was for entertainment. Like you… like you're just an air-headed, slutty jock in a girl-uniform that had nothing better to do than waving your ass in front of them."
"So you're jealous." Taichi concluded tiredly, rubbing his temples.
Yamato shook his head, miraculously managing to make the other at least a little embarrassed over his statement. "I just hate the way they get the wrong idea about you. And I hate even more," he quickly added, as he noticed Taichi's roll of eyes, soundlessly saying 'tell me something I don't know',
"-that I looked at you like that," he mumbled regretfully, looking away as Taichi brought his attention back to the other boy. "I'm your friend, and I know all your qualities, your fears and hopes, how you act in most situations, your personality, everything. And I don't want to look at you dressed up like that and only think about the way you look and move, and… y'know, as a freakin' sex-object!"
Taichi sighed, smiling. Trust Yamato to get depressed by something like this.
"I'm glad you're ashamed" he assured, smiling comfortingly. "I'm glad you estimate me the way you do. I'm glad our friendship is this important to you, and I'm so glad that you haven't drooled, groped or hit on me like everyone else seem to be doing."
Giving him an odd look that made Taichi regret the last part, Yamato sighed. "Tai, I'm… supposed to be your best friend. I have that fucking crest of friendship. And look; throw a skirt on you and that friendship's out the window!"
"I didn't know you actually go for cross-dressing" the brunet commented, ignoring the completely serious –never mind miserable- guy in front of him.
"I don't," said guy muttered.
Taichi snorted softly, eyeing him. "Yeah right. And you're not the slightest embarrassed either huh?"
"Uncomfortable, yes, you're wearing a skirt! But uncomfortable as in… seeing your grandma naked"
"Dude!" the brunet protested, covering his face and groaning. "You did not have to do that!" Taichi glared at him accusingly through his fingers.
Yamato smiled slightly for the first time this day. "Sorry." He then chuckled a bit evilly, earning a scowl in return.
After a while the brunet's face broke into a smile. "You're safe, don't worry. I mean you were just upset over the fact that you, among others, were forced to see me as something sexual, and just…trashy" he trailed of, waving his hands in the air. "Whatever, you get what I'm saying."
The taller nodded. "As a slut" he offered.
"Right-"
"A sinner" Yamato added.
"Well, yea-"
"A whore"
"Easy on the name-calling!" the brunet exclaimed, somewhat offended. "So we're clear on that. –Shut up!" he interrupted, as the blond was about to come up with another name. "Enough. Geez… I get that you're ashamed and even though that feels a bit exaggerated for me, I don't blame you –I mean you must've got that crest for some reason right? But let me just get this into your head –I still don't care if they did. I think it's funny."
Yamato narrowed his eyes. "It's not funny."
Taichi put on a serious face, nodding. "Right." Face broke into a helpless grin, "but it is."
"It's not!" the blond protested, frowning.
"It is," the football-player reassured.
"You know sometimes you're just too careless for your own good"
Taichi brushed that off. "Maybe this is just a side of me that you shouldn't be a part of."
"Like what?"
"Um… a sexual side maybe?" Taichi suggested, fiddling with a pair a keys lying around.
A stretched silence forced him to look back up at the blond. "…Your sexual side is dressing up as a girl and walking through school for everyone to see?"
"No," he argued, dropping the keys rather clumsily and picking them up again from the floor. Making a mental note never to wear girl's underwear again, he faced the blue-eyed boy, shrugging. "One of them perhaps. Look, I didn't exactly throw it in your face; you could've just looked the other way –like you do when I talk with my mouth full, or burp, or scratch myself, or sing, or do bad impressions, or touch myself-"
"We were not gonna mention that ever again!" Yamato quickly reminded, face promising great pain if Taichi did anything else than nod.
The brunet threw his hands up. "Okay, okay just trying to make a point here. Which is that I –obviously- have sides you don't want to be a part of."
"Whatever," the blond muttered at the painting next to Taichi's head. He then turned around and headed for the door.
"So I'll see you later then? In regular clothes," the darker teen checked, scratching his chin and observing the blond for any signs of tension.
"Sure"
"I'm sorry for making you feel things you don't want to feel about a another boy-"
"Naked grandma!"
"Fine!" The brunet crossed his arms and glared, not too happy with being compared to a naked grandma.
Once outside, the blond turned around before closing the door. He finally took time to take in his friend's appearance, wrinkling his nose slightly. His eyes returned to Taichi's, holding a glint he'd only seen once before.
"Try again when you've got your own clothes back on"
The door clicked shut and Taichi closed his mouth, not before then realizing that it had dropped open. Grinning, the turned around and ran to his bedroom with all the more reason to finally change back into his old self.
He sounds so strange that for one second I forget how to say the word 'hey'.
"Oh… yes. I mean hey. Matt"
"Yes?" he asks, sounding a little confused.
"What? Wh…no, I meant Matt as in 'hey Matt' not 'hey Matt?'…"
"Oh."
"Yeah."
Is it just me, or is this conversation not going so well?
"So… what's up?" I ask, since I'm getting a feeling that small talk is pretty impossible to have with someone you've just… um, jumped.
"I just called to say that you better forget about last night. I mean… I don't want it getting thrown in my face over and over. I already feel stupid and I don't wanna have to think about it. It shouldn't have happened, but I can't change it so I just want to move on and forget it."
Silence.
Just how many times had he practiced saying that?
I shake my head, trying to think. I'm automatically opening my mouth to say "alright" or something stupid like that, but close it again. It's not alright! Not yet, no, it can't just end like that. He's stupid. Stupid and paranoid. Kick Tai, kick!
"You should come over" I say dryly.
Yeah! Go me!
"W…what?" he stutters pitifully, that hard-set attitude a million miles away.
He wasn't prepared for that. I wasn't supposed to say that. Things were not supposed to go this way. Now he's helpless. Moahahaha…
"I said you should come over" I repeat, trying to sound nicer. I didn't mean to sound so cold, I was just nervous. He's making me nervous!
"I can't" he says desperately. "I've got things to do."
"Like what?" I say, smirking. I feel so powerful right now I can't help acting like Mr Cool, himself. Not talking about that wimp on the other side of the line, but Matt in another, more masterful situation. If there's anything he's good at –besides glaring- it's smirking. His smirks totally outdo the times he smiles.
"…stuff"
I roll my eyes. He could've at least made something up… "You can come over right now."
"…"
"Kari's home." I'm not even trying to ignore the fact that he doesn't trust me to keep my distance. It's too damn obvious.
"I don't know, Taichi…"
"Don't call me Taichi!" I protest, getting annoyed. "Matt, we need to talk. We can't just pretend that didn't happen. You can't just call me and try saying stuff like that over the phone-"
"Fine!" he yells, already losing his temper. I sigh, rubbing my eyes. He sure is difficult.
"Alright."
He hangs up without another word and leaves me listening to the annoying beep. I hang up with a growl, glaring out the window. This all seems pretty much hopeless right now. I can already imagine how our 'talk' will work out. He'll say the exact same thing he just told me, I'll try to protest and in the end he'll lose it and leave. No matter how much he tries, Matt can't be patient. He's stubborn, but he's not patient. Well not when it comes to this anyway. I just hope he won't freak out and run home once he finds out that I lied. Kari's not home.
But it's not like I'll rape him! Why do I have to be the bad guy?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no! I can't go there, I can't face him! Not yet! Not after…
It's too soon. I can't just go there, knowing that he's done all that and… and… I mean I've been unmasked; I can't hide anything now. I hate him! He's probably sitting there, all smug and thinking he just got his cake and ate it too. Like he won.
I can't go.
But… if I don't go… maybe he'll think there is something. That he can walk around and brag about it, like I actually like him. Son of a bitch…
Alright, now I have to go there.
I walk out of my room and pass my dad's office. This is were he spends late nights working overtime, since he's got everything he needs in here and doesn't have to stay at work. That way he claims that I have no reason to complain about him being a workaholic since he's at home. Still doesn't mean that he's got any time for other things…
"Dad, I'm going out" I mutter, reaching the hall and grabbing my shoes.
"Where and for how long?" Is his short and head-on reply. That's the way dad works. Time is way too valuable to him to be wasted by any oh-so-pointless small talk.
Okay let's see… how long will it take for me to tell Taichi to get over himself and piss off?
"Tai's place. I dunno, maybe an hour." Tai is dense. And if I'm going to do this the right way then it's gonna take a while.
"Right. He was here last night, right?"
"Um, yes" I mumble, begging silently for him to stop asking things.
"Did he sleep here as well?"
"Yes" I choke out, hoping that didn't reveal anything.
"Hm." He mutters and I open the door before he can ask anything else.
"Bye dad!"
"Bye Matt"
-'-
It feels like it's written all over my face. Like I'm the one who did something wrong. Why do I have to carry all the guilt? He's probably proud of it and I'm just ashamed. Jerk. I should kick his ass. I'm tired of all this! He can't just pretend that he can do whatever he wants. Literally.
Gah, no, don't think about it! It didn't happen.
Shit, I forgot it's only a few minutes from my place to his. I should've walked slower. Why do I let my mind drift like that? Okay, I'll take the stairs, that way it'll take longer. Fuck, I'm ridiculous! I'll get there no matter how slow I walk, no use trying to get away. You're gonna kick his ass Matt, come on! Stop being a wimp!
Wholly shit, I'm already here… damn it! Maybe I can just turn around and go back?
No.
I lift my finger, pressing the doorbell. No looking back now, I've already screwed my last chance of turning around and go home. Now he's gonna open that door, and… WHOLLY SHIT, he just opened the door!
"Come in."
This is not happening. Right?
He steps aside and I walk in, studying the floor. Thousands of questions are running through my head. Is he looking at me? What's he thinking? Does he think he owns my now? Does he think I'm cheap? What does he think?
You can't blame me for being awkward. This guy knows how I look naked. This guy knows what it's like to have sex with me. He knows how I smell, how I act, how I sound, how I feel, he knows everything! He's stepped into my space; he's destroyed my walls. My cover. My mask, my whole defense. There's nothing to hide from him; he already knows it.
"You want something? You look a little pale…" He walks over to the kitchen and I watch his back, suddenly noticing something that makes me wanna spin around and bolt out of this apartment.
"Where's Kari?" I take a step back, feeling the door behind me as I watch him closely. He walks around the kitchen, opening a cabinet.
"Are you hungry or would you just like something to drink? We've got tons of Pepsi…"
"I said where's Kari?" I repeat a little louder, perhaps letting just a little desperation slip out. He turns his head and takes a look at me.
"She'll be here any minute. Why are you standing there like an idiot, come on, you want some Pepsi or not?" he hastens, looking at me like I really am an idiot. Well, maybe that's not complete bullshit... I walk into the kitchen dumbly, already forgetting what I was supposed to say to talk my way out of this. Should've written it down… He hands me a cold can and I stare at it, feeling very distant. I'm very tired all of a sudden. So tired of thinking, trying to make decisions over and over. Trying to work everything out. But it's my fault, really. I'm the one who got myself into this mess, so I should be the one to get myself out of it. Only question is if I'm capable of it.
He takes a seat on the kitchen table, cracking the can open. "So… do you feel like talking about this? Was there something more you wanted to say or do you… just wanna talk?" He pauses and grins a little. "This is going smoothly…"
I would've grinned back if I weren't that awkward. "It's just like I told you over the phone. I'm really tired of all this and I want to… can't we just forget it?"
He shrugs, seemingly unfazed. "Sure. Then what?"
I blink, opening my mouth to answer, but then closing it again once I realize I have no idea. "What do you mean then what?" I mumble, trying to win some time.
"Do we go back? I mean like it used to be, or is this it? You're breaking up with me?"
I stare at him. "What? What do mean brea…?"
"As in friends, duh…" He grins and I look away, a little embarrassed for even considering that was what he meant. "Is this the end, or what? What do you want?"
"I don't know, I just need… I really don't know, alright? I just wanted to make it clear that we'll both move on and don't get caught up on it. That was just one mistake too many, and I just want to forget, you know?" I shoot him a glance. He sips his Pepsi and sighs, looking at the fridge in front of him.
"I'm sorry I acted so stupid, Matt. I never think before I do stuff and always expect you to be the responsible one." He goes silent and lowers his gaze. I'm just starting to wonder if I should say something when he continues, "And for once you didn't think and now it's your fault?" He looks at me. "You should yell at me, demand an apology! I'm a jerk…"
Oh great. Now he's trying to make me feel guilty.
"We both did the wrong thing, none of us were thinking! I could've said no."
Give me a break, I can't just nod and agree!
"You did!" Tai exclaims, looking even guiltier. "And I ignored it. I just kept going"
"I could've pushed you away, it's not like I was completely helpless…"
"Yeah, but I didn't exactly give you any time to think either" Tai mutters, shaking his head.
"I was the one who kissed you in the first place!" I blurt out, not thinking.
He stops and looks at me for a while, obviously trying to remember. "Oh yeah… you did."
"Right. We're both idiots. Now let's do ourselves a big favor and forget it ever happened." I say, feeling like I just solved a big fat math problem.
Tai doesn't seem too relieved though. "Matt, look… I just want to tell you that I'm really sorry for doing that, okay? I'm supposed to be your best friend and then I come on to you like that… I guess I lost it. I mean I… you're very attractive, y'know?"
"Attractive?" I echo, not able to hold back a snicker. Well, that's a weird way to express it…
He blushes a little and I stare. "Well yeah, I mean… or whatever, y'know, I can't really describe it… you just look good, alright?"
I keep staring. Tai never blushes. He's never embarrassed; he's too stupid to get embarrassed! This must be serious. Well okay, maybe it's not that weird feeling embarrassed when you're attracted to your male best friend… but still! This is Tai blushing!
He looks up at me again. "Aside from you freaking out, I don't really regret it. Honestly. I liked it. But I'm sorry it happened like that, and that it was sudden and rushed and… y'know, I'm sorry it went that way. But I just want you to know, in case you're… wondering. It was great." He smiles faintly and takes a sip from his Pepsi, looking at the fridge again.
I stand there motionless for a while. Then I turn around and start walking towards the hall. Noticing I forgot to return the unopened can. But it's not the reason I stop in the middle of the Yagami's living room. While standing there, trying to come up with something to say, he startles me by asking if I forgot something. Still having my back against him, I continue musing frantically.
"Matt?"
I wince, knowing I have to say something right now, or it'll be too late.
"There's something I have to do before I leave."
Tai smirks behind my back and gives me an amused glance. "And what's that?" he questions, laughter clear in his voice.
"Kiss you." I reply, like that's the most freaking logic thing in the whole world.
"Huh."
After sitting motionless on the table for a few seconds, Tai jumps off and stands in font of it. He places the can on the table behind him, and turns around again with a shrug. "Knock yourself out."
Upon hearing that invite, my eyes close automatically and I turn around. Opening my eyes again, I walk up to him silently. He watches me silently.
Everything is so silent it's ridiculous.
I reach the normal conversation distance, pass on to I-think-there's-something-in-your-eyes distance, and then stop at hardly-any-distance-at-all distance. He's still looking at me, waiting. I wrap my arms around his waist, as if preparing myself. After a while he places his arms around my shoulders. Our noses are touching, our feet are touching, I feel his breath on my lips, and I can even feel his body heat -which really proves that we're standing close. My gaze flicks down to his lips. Up again, meeting his eyes. I blink. His eyes gaze down at my lips wistfully. Finally snapping out of my daze, I close that last distance. His lips are softer than I remembered and I just stand there, pressing my own against his. I thought it would feel stupid and weird and unnatural, but… it's like I'm allowed. I don't have to worry; I can just stand here and kiss him for as long as I want. This slow. Just this simple touch alone is so sensual.
I pull him closer, letting our frames connect and he tightens his grip around me. I don't know for how long we stand like that. He seems relieved when I make the first move to deepen the kiss, like he's waited for me to take the first step by myself. Our tongues meet I actually get butterflies in my stomach. It's so weird... I've already slept with him and yet this blows my mind. It's like ten times more real, last night is just a blur of faint memories. My hands roam his back, measuring and testing. He's so warm and strong. Not at all like a girl would be. I let my hands stroke his hips, enjoying the feeling of muscles under the fabric. Suddenly it all feels so right. His whole body fits; it's just what I want. I want it to be flat there, and broad there, solid there, muscular there, there and there… and I want the kiss to feel like this, it want the scent to smell like this, the lips to taste like this. He pulls away teasingly and I bite his lip, causing him to grin. His hand makes its way up to my neck and he captures my lips again. It feels like we have all the time in the world, and nothing matters. We have no reason to stop.
Right?
I pull away and inhale deeply, hiding my face into his neck. Slowly returning to reality I realize what I'm doing and release him, stepping back. Reality hits me like a ton of bricks.
I had no right to do that… What the hell gave me the idea that this was okay? It isn't right! I had no right to do that to myself, I had no right to do that to him. We have no right to do this to each other. So why did I think I had the fucking right to make out with him?
Taichi looks a little giddy and gazes at me through half-lidded eyes. I stare back.
"Matt?"
I turn around and get the hell out of there.
…Which I should've done way before that.
You know what's funny, though? Right now I'm actually too tired to even think about it… Meh, I'll do that tomorrow.
"What's up Sora?" The brunet joins her on the bench after locking away his bag. Sora shoots him a glance that goes unnoticed by him. However, after a not so discreet watching of her brown-haired friend during a few seconds she gets busted. Taichi turns his head and raises his eyebrows questioningly.
"What?"
"Nothin'" she asserts, finding another spot to look at. Yamato soon arrives and they both greet him, Sora watching this one as well very closely. He sits down on her other side. After a few awkward minutes Sora breaks the silence.
"What's going on?" she asks firmly, looking back and forth between the two boys. Taichi looks at her startled, and hesitates a little before muttering,
"That's none of your business, Sora"
"None of my business? That's bullshit! I'm the one Matt called just minutes after throwing you out! I'm the one who comforted him!"
Taichi stares at her, blinking in surprise.
"Sora shut up!" Yamato growls from beside her, keeping an eye on the few students around the hall. Said girl rolls her eyes.
"It's not like they're listening..!" Before Yamato can reply, Taichi breaks in. "You told her?"
Again, Yamato doesn't get a chance to reply. "Of course he told me! You're obviously not capable of talking to each other by yourselves."
"We did talk!" Taichi bites back, glaring at her.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!"
They both quiet down and look up at Yamato who is standing in front of them, glaring at Sora.
"I don't want you to talk about this here." he says in a surprisingly calm voice. "You don't know anything, got it? And we didn't do anything." He glances at Taichi quickly. "Alright?"
"Right." Taichi replies dully. Sora stays silent. Yamato looks at her impatiently.
"Sora?"
She looks up. "Fine. But you keep shutting me out like this and you better not come asking for my help! I don't know why the hell I even bother"
Her two friends roll their eyes at her, both unaware of the other one doing the same. Sora frowns. "What!"
Yamato notices the brunet's similar reaction and smirks. To his dismay Taichi meets his eyes and he quickly goes back to looking at Sora, who's still waiting for an answer. Her friend beside her shakes his head. "You obviously don't get it so maybe you shouldn't bother."
Sora shoots him a dangerous glare and her winces, jumping off the bench.
"Class? Right? Like now?" he mumbles and head for his locker. Yamato takes one look at Sora and decides that class indeed should be starting like right now. The redhead looks after him as he makes his way over to his locker, growling to herself in frustration. "You don't get it" Yeah right… get what?
She stands up as well as the school bell rings, noting that the stupid football player's sense of time apparently isn't that bad. Opening her locker, she makes a mental note to herself to figure out this situation. Not to help any of them out though, just for her own amusement. She's going to find out how they truly feel and what they are denying (which is not that difficult if you think about it) and then sit back and watch all the drama, just to be able to run out and say 'I told you so' once they've finally got the picture as well. Sora collects her things and shuts her locker, smiling to herself. They don't want my help then they aren't getting it. Still doesn't mean I can't observe from afar…
You may wonder why she even cares, it's not like it's any of her business, right? Well see, Sora is just generally bored at the time. And as we all know, people mostly find interfering with others love life (or perhaps sex life is more suitable in this case) highly exciting.
The brunet's gaze lands on a blue-headed boy, sitting by a table not far away. Said teen waves casually and smiles, gesturing towards the empty chair across from his seat. Taichi shrugs and makes his way over to the table, nodding slightly at the bluenet.
"Sup Ken?" He sits down at the empty seat and begins to eat. Taichi is one of the few people that doesn't whine about the school lunch. All he sees is free food to fill his stomach with, what it tastes like is not that important as long as he can eat it.
"Are you extremely hungry or just very dense?" Ken comments, staring at the eating boy in front of him.
"Why?"
"Well you're actually eating that"
"Yeah, so?"
Ken just shakes his head at him, grinning. "Where's Matt?"
Taichi glances up at him, and looks around the hall briefly. As usual he can't help but getting a little irritated being asked that, but this time he's actually wondering himself where his blond friend is. They've had separate classes before lunch, so he has hardly seen him since this morning. Ken notices the senior teen's frown and smiles to himself.
"There's something between you two, isn't there?"
The brunet is just about make up an answer and casually change subject when he accidentally meets his eyes.
"Wha, no, course not, wh… um, why do you, where did you get that, what the hell!" he exclaims as the bluenet keeps gazing at him as if he could look straight through him. "Stop doing that!"
"Stop doing what?" the other boy asks innocently.
"That… you… your…" Taichi stutters, pointing at him over the table. Then, while noticing some odd stares from the nearest tables, he offers a few smiles and pulls his arm back. He shakes his head, muttering "Whatever" to the human question mark in front of him and goes back to eating.
"You haven't answered my question." Ken reminds, glancing at him patiently.
"Yeah, well… it's none of your business anyway"
"So there is something?" The computer geek replies more as a statement than a question.
The brunet sighs and glares at him for a moment. "Eat your food."
"I won't tell anyone, don't worry." The genius promises, smiling. "I usually keep things to myself. Otherwise there wouldn't be any secrets left and that'd be pretty boring, don't you think?"
"Oh I see" Taichi looks up again and meet his eyes. "Everyone tells you their darkest secrets, right? You know everything about everyone."
The bluenet shakes his head, giving him an amused look. "Not really. I just like observing."
"You mean you spy on people?" Taichi asks skeptically, raising an eyebrow as he turns his attention towards his food once again.
"No. There's no need to. Do you have any idea how much you can see when you actually look?" he says, eyes filled with mystery as well as excitement.
"Wait, don't tell me" Taichi stares off into space, wrinkling his forehead.
"What are you doing?" The younger teen asks, blinking in confusion.
"Thinking." Taichi mutters, still keeping the same expression. Then he sighs and looks back at Ken. "I have no idea."
"Oh. Well, um… a lot" Ken shrugs, not really getting where this was heading, nor what was going on in the brunet's head. "But that's besides the point… I've seen big changes between you two. There's something different. And I'm guessing you've got something going on."
"Like what?" Taichi snaps, glaring at him. Ken hesitates a little, shifting uncomfortably. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all…
"Well… some kind of flirt or at least attraction. But it was just a guess."
"You're wrong."
"Right." Ken nods, showing that he has no intention to argue with the older boy. Taichi nods right back at him, smiling. He feels proud for convincing this blue-haired geek that nothing is going on –at least nothing that isn't supposed to be going on. If only Yamato could see him now, he'd be so proud.
Last period has ended and students are already leaving the school, lucky to have survived yet another Monday and already longing for the weekend. However, in one of the halls things are not all that peaceful.
The football player furiously storms up to the musician (yea, well… in this story Yamato does play guitar but that's unknown by most people and he's not in a band) who is standing by his locker, not giving the blond any chance to notice him before letting out his anger. At first it was just light and rather innocent annoyance, but during the day it's had its time to grow into confusion, form confusion into sullenest, and from sullenest into pure anger. Now he's downright pissed.
"What the hell, Matt!"
Startled, Yamato looks at his friend just to see a sharp glare being directed towards him. "Huh?"
"If you hadn't noticed, I'm the only one here who's trying to co-operate!" the brunet growls, stopping just inches away from Yamato's face. The blue-eyed boy blinks innocently and opens his mouth to ask what the hell his friend is talking about when Taichi interrupts him.
"I'm the one who has done nothing but trying to help and comfort you and follow your demands just because you decide to constantly freak out and panic! Not once did I argue or not listen, I was always showing sympathy and I was always there, waiting for you to talk to me whenever you felt like! And now you're fucking avoiding me when the only thing I've ever done is co-operating! Why do you always have to run away? You're such a coward! Such a wimp-."
Taichi barely has time to finish before Yamato's fist connects with his face.
There's a horrible moment of silence as his friend loses balance and hits the ground, his hands covering his mouth.
Then someone lets out a whistle, which is shortly followed by applause, cheers and complimentary comments. Yamato stares at the people that have gathered while Taichi was having his outbreak. Now, as the 'faggot' has actually managed to knock the football star down, they found nothing else more apropos than applauding. Yamato stands there for a while, taking in the comments and cheers from the students who have all spent the last two weeks claiming that he's gay and gladly talked behind his back. And now they are all looking at him with stunned, admiring, and encouraging faces, their vision of him visibly growing in their eyes.
Yamato shakes his head, looking back at his friend. 'Idiots…'
"What…? Matt, what the hell!"
He looks up into Sora's widened eyes, not having the time to say anything before she glares up at him from where she's been staring at Taichi. Said teen is now puling himself up to a sitting position, still pressing his hand against his jaw. After hesitating for a few seconds, Yamato decides to deal with his injured friend rather than explaining to Sora.
"Tai, I'm really sorry. Really." He mumbles, kneels down and looks at him carefully. The brunet glances up at him through his bangs, sighing.
"Nice punch." He states, much to the blonde's surprise. "So much for calling you a wimp, huh?" he smiles, standing up. After a moment, Yamato gets up to his feet as well. Sora can only stare as the two teens catches a few glances of each other, starts grinning and shrugs, brushing the whole fight off like it was nothing.
Yamato collects his things, hands Taichi his school bag and joins him on their way out, briefly waving goodbye to Sora. Said girl shakes her head in defeat, not bothering to even try to figure out what just happened there.
'Guys are so simple sometimes it's confusing.'
-'-
Yamato pats his brown-haired friend's shoulder in attempt to comfort, catching a glimpse of Taichi's eyes from under his bangs.
"You okay?"
His friend looks up from the ground. "Yeah I'm alright." He grins a little and Yamato lets his arm fall back to his side. They cross the schoolyard and walks out through the school-gate.
"Sorry I hit you" he mumbles, his blue eyes glued to the asphalt.
"Don't worry about it. I don't blame you."
Yamato smirks, shrugging slightly. They continue walking home in a comfortable silence, occasionally exchanging a few words along the way.
The musician feels strangely calm; as if he's got a feeling it's all finally over. Maybe things will start rolling again and all the mistakes will just fade away into the past.
Right now, as he walks on the cycle path beside his best friend, faintly smiling to himself, he has absolutely no idea that today his last piece of hope of him and the brown-eyed boy ever getting back to the way they used to be, will die down.
Yamato studied the green, non-smelling goo on the plate.
Was that food?
How could that possibly be food? It looked… very uneatable.
"So what's your definition of the perfect goal, smart-ass?" An annoyed brunet snapped at their redheaded friend over the table. His voice was just one out of over a hundred voices that were filling the dining-hall, giving Yamato a headache.
"Give me a break, I just said maybe you should quit bragging for one second and shut up! I'm trying to have a nice, quiet meal here." Came the reply from a very tired Sora.
"Then you shouldn't have said it could have been better! It was perfect! Matt wasn't it perfect?"
Yamato looked up, a confused look on his face. He hadn't been paying attention. Why? Because they were talking about football.
"Wasn't what perfect?" He asked slowly, trying to make the wheels in his head spin just a little bit faster.
"My goal!" Taichi exclaimed, throwing his arms out.
"Oh. Uh…" Yamato shot Sora a help-me glance and fumbled with his fork, not meeting Taichi's gaze. He didn't like this situation. Not only because he had missed the game his friend had been talking about ever since their first lesson, but also because right now those eyes were burning themselves into him, as if they could look straight through him. He hated it.
"What would he know about football?" Sora muttered, munching on an apple she had chosen over the green uneatable goo.
"More than you, obviously" Taichi spat, looking back at Yamato again, continuing the process of burning a hole through the blonde's skin. "Well?"
Yamato shrugged helplessly. "It was great, what can I say?"
"So it couldn't have been better?" Taichi prompted, leaning forward slightly. At the very last second, Yamato noticed Sora's stare, sending very strong signals over the table.
Don't agree.
He shook his head, gaining his sense. Like he was gonna be the one to give Taichi an even bigger ego than he already had...!
"You can always get better, y'know. Life would be too boring otherwise."
Sora smiled proudly at him and Taichi's hopeful expression fell. He leaned back again, crossing his arms over his chest. "You guys suck."
Yamato rolled his eyes, extremely grateful that Taichi's painful staring was over. Now all that was left was a sulky glare and a very familiar pout.
I'm not only talking about this never-ending class, but also this useless, pathetic debate that's going on in my mind. It's between my hopeful (and slightly pitiful) self and my huge, domineering negative self. Actually, I think my negative self just scared away my hopeful self and now he/she/it is ruling my mind, making me more and more depressed.
I'm doomed.
You might wonder what the hell my problem is. Well... I don't know! I'm all torn and confused and so goddamned frustrated. I thought everything would work out from here and just roll on, but… it doesn't feel like it used to. Everything's weird.
If I ever had a chance go back to normal, this negative spirit really fucked that up. That's right; I've reached the bottom. Now I'm just depressed. No one to save me either. No use, won't work. Life sucks. What the fuck is he looking at?
"Yamato, will you please answer the question?" My teacher pleaded, for what seemed to be the tenth time.
Oh.
I shifted in my seat, somewhat ashamed of the glare I had just sent him. The guy is only doing his job, after all.
"Um… I… what was the question?"
My teacher sighs. They always tend to do that around me… "Forget it. Koushiro, will you help Yamato out?"
The smart-ass looks up and opens his big mouth to come with a too-smart-to-follow answer that'll make the teacher proud. And slightly confused...
"Well, it's probably that Yamato's a disgusting fag and that all he wants to do is fuck his best friend Yagami Taichi after school instead of learning good, healthy things from our teachers. Actually, rather than listening in class he's daydreaming of blowing his friend sitting in front of him. That little slut just can't get enough of Yagami's cock, can he? The rumors are true. Matt is gay."
The teacher nods his head, satisfied with Koushiro's answer. Then he turns to look at me. "Did you understand that, Yamato?"
He frowns a little, giving me an odd look that's making several other students turn in their chairs.
"Yamato?"
Now the whole fucking class is staring at me.
"Yamato, is there something wrong?"
I stare at him, eyes wide. Koushiro didn't say all that… it's ridiculous. Right? Why am I being so paranoid? Maybe it's just my imagination. Yeah. My head is screwing with me.
"Yamato…? Are you all right?"
Why are they staring at me?
"No."
Was that my voice? Seeing how everyone's turning their heads right now I guess not. Everyone's looking at Tai. I must be looking at him too, because now his gaze is glued to mine. "He's not. I think he should go home."
"He does look a little dizzy…" Someone says.
Everyone's nodding in agreement.
What are they talking about? I'm not dizzy! Whoa… someone's grabbing my arm. I think that's my arm… okay, maybe I am dizzy. Is that the door?
-'-
Years or a second later -have no clue-, I wake up, my head feeling like one big, heavy rock. It's warm in here, makes me feel dozy. I know this smell. I know this bed. That's my bed. It's my room. I'm at home.
I open my eyes, immediately spotting my ceiling. Did I just have a dream? A super-weird dream where Koushiro said I'm cock-sucking fag in front of the whole class? Must've. It was just a dream… Or more like a nightmare. Much worse than I ever would've imagined… Couldn't have been real. Koushiro would never even talk like that. And he wouldn't have… nah. It was just a stupid dream. You can't control dreams. Must've been… What's Tai doing here?
"Hey." He's smiling softly at me.
Wait… forget I ever said the word 'softly' 'cause that makes me sound like a chick. He's sitting on a chair. My chair, to be more specific. He's resting his arms on his knees and is leaning forward, studying me carefully. This is the first time of this week he's looked at me for so long. And only me, not distracted by anything else around him. Actually, this week he's been very… normal. He hasn't cracked stupid jokes (other than the old ones he always do); he hasn't teased me, or flirted with me –only been the same old buddy, hardly looking my way at all. Mainly talking to Sora. No messing with me or getting on my nerves. Just normal.
What the hell?
Why's he like that? Okay yeah I told him to, but him actually doing what I say is just creepy. I mean it actually sunk in. He got it. What the fuck is wrong with him!
"Matt?"
"Mm?" I look at his eyes again, shifting my gaze from the spot where it had been glued to as I'd been thinking. This new view surprises me. And come to think of it, actually impresses me. As he looks right there, he should look always. Like all those times when he whines over how all the girls worship me (his opinion, not mine) and don't even notice him. They should take a look at him right now, right there –sitting in my chair. He's got sunlight over his skin from outside, making it look like velvet, and his hair in that special way that even makes me forgive its ridiculously big volume, and his eyes are sparkling in gold and brown… For a while it's like I'm looking at a photo. He's not moving, remaining his expression that just makes him look… wow. It's like someone just brought out the very best of him, I've never seen him looking better than that.
"Why are you smiling?"
"I'm smiling?"
Now he's grinning right back. "Yup. What, do I have something in my face?"
"No, I was just thinking a little. You know… about how many girls that would've fallen in love with you if they'd seen you right now." I say, half smiling.
Though Tai might give impression of being confident, he's not that sure of himself when it comes to this. He always sulks and goes on about how my 'pretty' looks always works. And every time I feel the guilt to tell him that he looks just fine (after telling him to shut up and that I'm not pretty; I just happen to be hot). But I don't 'cause I'm a guy. And I don't talk like that. I don't give complements. But this right here, wasn't a compliment –it was a fact. And I'm glad I finally got the chance to say something like that, just as a statement, not a stupid made-up compliment.
I wait for a reaction, expecting a sheepish grin, a blush or some stuttered reply. But do you know what he does? He frowns! He almost looks insulted. He shakes is head in that you're unbelievable sort of way, narrowing his eyes a little.
"Maybe I don't want girls, Matt. Ever thought of that?"
Eh?
I must've given him a very clueless look, 'cause he rolls his eyes and stands up. I look up at him, totally confused. What the hell did I do? I didn't fucking say he was ugly and he'd be alone forever!
I even meant what I said! And I practically said he was beautiful!
I stare after him as he walks out of my room, blinking like a dog that's just been flicked on its nose. I thought he was gonna be flattered, and maybe squeeze the shit out of me and get all affectionate and bug me until I got pissed and punched him and we'd start fighting and then shrug it off and then… well, you get the point. Dammit, I called him beautiful! This is if you read between the lines, but anyone would've got that.
It's hard for a guy to be this blunt! Don't I deserve to be bugged? I mean, why couldn't he have just… lit up like he always does when he's happy and smile wide and throw himself at me and hug me and talk in a squeaky voice and not let me go even if I tried to get him off me. And then continuing being all cuddly, act stupid and spend the rest of the day trying to make me embarrassed and uncomfortable by being more physical than necessary.
You guys wanna hear something really stupid? Yesterday Tai was so obsessed with his freakin' goal that he kept on nagging about it until I finally said sommin' like 'it could've been better'. He immediately got pissed, and then at lunch he asked for Matt's opinion. At first that stupid blond just said that it was great because he hadn't even been there at the game. But then he also said it could've been better. So Tai gets real pissy and starts pouting and acts really stupid at art class and yells at the teacher for telling him not to draw so bad (okay so she didn't actually say that but I know that's what she meant), screaming things like 'I don't fucking care if I screw that picture up, this is useless! I don't wanna be some kind of weird-ass artist anyway so screw this shit!' And then when he's sent to the principal's office he mutters something stupid like 'Sora said my goal could've been better'...
He's an idiot. But hey, what else is new?
I've noticed this space between them, by the way. Yes, I'm talking about the main characters of the "OMG I made out with my best friend in the boys' bathroom" drama that took place last week. I'm not talking about that annoying I'm not fucking talking to you, you asshole space though; this is a new kind. It's quite similar to the kind of space they had before the "OMG, I made out with my best friend in the boys' bathroom", because back then they were…
…quite normal.
And them being normal right now is just too freaking awkward for words! Tai's just acting, I'm sure of it. He seems to have stepped back a little… not that Matt is all pissed or anything, but it's like they've made a deal or something. Think I missed a few things when they were having that detention. Although it doesn't really count as detention 'cause they escaped like right away, and went home (and then got a new one the day after). They always do that. So pointless…
But what I'm trying to say here is that it seems to bother Matt a little. Of course it could be just be the fact that he's used to Tai being weird and annoying and clingy and stupid, but maybe… maybe he's actually missing it? Now that Tai doesn't do all that he's realized that deep down it's just what he needs. And I'm not just talking about Tai's general stupidity, but also all the affection. The teasing, flirting, what ever you wanna call it. I think Matt wants that.
But I don't think Matt will ever up for it again. At least not with me…
In case you sick freaks out there managed to way misunderstand all that, then let me tell you that I'm talking about running! Not the other thing. Heh, I don't think he'll want that either, but whatever. I'm leaving him alone now, anyway, since he's taking all this so serious. I mean, I know he's a serious person (compared to me who isn't?) but he knows I'm just messing and I know that he knows and I also know that he has no idea that about eight percent of it is actually serious. It's not like I'm completely acting when I keep teasing. It's not just because it's fun. Well, wait… it is because it's fun but it's not only fun because he gets mad, but because it's… it's way of… um… I don't really know how to explain it.
But I've stopped that. For now. Dunno for how long it'll be necessary, but right now it is. To be honest I was sorta dense with the whole gay-thing and just made fun of him… um… but come on! It was fun!
But okay, so I didn't really get that it actually bothered him a lot. Like hurt even, not just pissed him off. I feel kinda bad about it now, although you've gotta admit that this dude is way too serious for his own good! If it had been me, then I'd play along. Or just ignore it if I got tired of it. I wouldn't have taken it personally.
Listen to me; I'm fucking defending myself here. And Matt's not even here to hear it. But like I said, I feel a bit guilty so it's like I have to defend myself. But I shouldn't. We're fine now. Though it's a little weird since I have to keep this distance and all. And I don't mean not talking to him, but I have to start being a 'normal buddy'. Everyone knows what I'm talking about here, right? Well okay, 'normal buddy' as in a guy who hangs out with you, chats and stuff BUT doesn't cling, pounce, pat, flirt, tease or just mainly finds ways to touch you.
My only excuse for usually doing all that is that I'm a very… ahem, open person and I sometimes get a little weird or affectionate or pushy. I mean, as you all know by now I have reflexes. And I do say or do things before I think. Sometimes I don't even think at all and don't even get what I did wrong when they're yelling at me…
Ya'll know that line where you're just supposed to stop and not cross? Yeah, I don't know where the hell that line is, so when I've (obviously) crossed it, I don't even realize it until I'm getting punched or yelled at or just stared down… (you know people who just stare at you strangely when you've done something wrong? They're scary…)
I'm called a lot of things thanks to the way I act. But honestly, I don't know how to behave! I mean I have my moments when I accidentally do things the right way and people find me very polite or charming or whatever, but I can't control it. Although I learn after a while what a certain person can stand and not stand. And when it comes to my closest friends I can behave myself, if it's really serious. Just like I backed off when Matt had that outbreak. And just like I'm going to give him his space until he feels comfortable enough to have me around again…
Or!
I'll act even more normal –almost avoid him- until he gets that he secretly wants it! I have no doubt that he can live with it; we're best friends. If he couldn't stand me, he'd leave. The weirdness is a big part of my personality and if you've got a problem with that then you've got a problem with me. I know he's gonna break any moment and want me back. And maybe not only because it's who I am and he's okay with it, but also because he likes it. Of course he's in denial right now, but there is a possibility that he likes that closeness and affection. And once he experiences not having it, he'll realize that he enjoyed it and he'll want it back.
I know Matt feels left out now that I'm keeping that space between us, he's been very distant… depressed even. And in this one class he acted really weird so I took him home. Man, I had almost forgotten that day… that was when he stared at me for so long and smiled and then said…
That ass.
Everything was okay until he said that about girls falling in love with me. I know he was referring to all those times I've complained over his popularity. Now that I think about it, I am kinda glad he said that though because all those times he never tried to comfort me or say that I looked good. That almost made me feel like he thought I was ugly or sommin'. Sorta made me insecure about myself. Everyone needs to hear that you're good enough sometimes, not totally useless. I mean I always went on about how the girls like him because he's downright Greek fucking God and he always said something like 'No they don't. Quit whining already!'
Heh. But that day I could tell he was impressed. It felt…
...good?
…wonderful?
Hardly use those words, but I guess wonderful suits. Come to think of it, he shouldn't even have said anything, that look said it all. But that was my fault 'cause I asked what he was looking at. So he had to explain. I shouldn't have asked that. Some things do not need to be put into words. Words just destroy everything… whoa, I'm getting poetic...
Okay Tai, back to earth.
Plan, remember the plan. Stick to the plan and he'll come crawling back. There's no way in hell he won't come back. I mean it's pure logic! He told me to back off, I back off; he misses me and wants me back. Simple as that. Right? Well I think it makes sense...
Why does it have to be so damn hard to be Tai's friend?
I don't know what to do. Since that day I said that shit about him looking good, he's been even more… unreachable. I mean it's like he's right there, but there's this thick wall between us. Every time we speak at all I'm so filled with angst because I know I've lost him. Maybe not completely, but he's drifting and I can't seem to stop it. I don't like the way he's so normal. Everything he does is so innocent and appropriate and common. It's like I don't know him anymore. He's missing everything that makes him… Tai. And now I don't even have the guts to try talk to him. It can't be like this, it just can't. I want us to be friends. I want him back. Him, not this stupid 'normal' dude he's suddenly become. I gotta… I… shit, I don't know what I should do.
I want it to change but I can't talk to him anymore. Not for real. Now there's only small talk between us and I hate it! It's been too long now. I've suffered for four days, it's like I'm practically alone. He's not even my friend anymore. We just… hang out, for some reason. And he often dumps me to hang out with Sora.
Being three really sucks.
What if he's angry? What if he got mad when I told him to back off? That would really suck because then I would have to apologize… I hate apologizing… and I hate all this fucking drama!
Didn't know it would get this complicated… I'm not really improving anything since I'm analyzing everything, probably making it more than it is. But things aren't the way it used to be, and Tai has changed. Maybe it's not the end of the world but I still want it to change. To go back like it used to be.
"Hey Matt" Taichi greeted his friend briefly as he opened his locker, three lockers away from Yamato's.
Said boy shot him a glance and mumbled a reply, gaze returning to his own business when brown eyes met his for a split second. Last period had just ended and students were hurrying out of classrooms to go home and not returning until Monday.
"Hey guys!" Sora said, grinning uncontrollably. After 80 minutes of English she couldn't be happier to finally have some time off. The weekend had once again arrived, not a moment too soon.
"Hi Sora"
She looked at them both, standing at their lockers, hardly noticing each other. On a normal Friday Taichi would be jumping around, stressing Yamato who would turn his whole locker upside down to find books he needed to bring home over the weekend. On Fridays they were both in a good mood (if you don't count Yamato's stressed self that only got worse when Taichi nagged and rushed him to get going). They always chatted about stuff they'd planned to do during the weekend, games that would come up, what they'd do the next weekend and so on.
Now the silence was ridiculous.
"So what are you guys doing this weekend?" she said, unlocking her locker and tipping books and papers into it. Those who claim that every single girl is orderly are WRONG.
Taichi shrugged casually, slamming the locker shut before everything fell out. "Dunno. Nothing planned."
"Huh. What 'bout you Matt?"
"Uh… I…"
Sora shot him a glance, raising an eyebrow. Yamato sure seemed tense… All she'd asked was what he'd do during the weekend, nothing to freak out over… Right before she was about to change the subject, Yamato managed to choke out "I was just about to ask if you'd like to hang out this weekend?"
Sora's amused gaze flicked over to the brunet, who looked up and met Yamato's eyes. She couldn't help but smile as they both stared at each other for a moment; it looked just like Yamato had asked him out.
"Yeah sure." Taichi replied suddenly, smiling smoothly at him before looking at Sora –spotting her quirked lips.
"What ya grinning at?"
The girl just shook her head, unable to stop smiling. Before Taichi could ask anything else, a bright voice was heard from behind her, making her turn around.
"You coming or what?"
The honey-eyed girl noticed the two boys and waved cheerfully at them "Hey Matt, hey Tai!"
"Hey Mimi" both guys greeted in union. Mimi grabbed Sora's hand and started dragging her away, shooting them a quick glance. "Sorry for stealing your friend but we've got a movie to catch!"
Sora shrugged helplessly at them and waved goodbye.
Yamato shook his head as he closed his locker. "Can't be easy to be friends with her."
"Nope." Taichi said, also shaking his head. "But Sora seems to handle it pretty well. It's almost like you and me"
Yamato grinned, he'd never thought of that before. "Yeah you're right. Well it's obvious that Sora and I are very tolerant people."
"Hey! Mean." Taichi stated, shooting him a mock glare.
Yamato just laughed, happy to finally break the ice between them. At least a little. Figuring he had nothing to lose, he said, "So you wanna do something tonight, or…?"
"Sure. Ain't got anything to do anyway."
They exited the school and started to head home. "You know…" Yamato began, once he decided no one would be able to hear, "I'm sorry for that outbreak, I mean if it offended you or anything…"
There was a moment of silence as they continued walking, both studying the asphalt.
"You mean the… when we'd escaped detention?"
"Yea." The blond mumbled, not taking his eyes off the ground.
"Oh."
Yamato glanced at his friend. "That's it? 'Oh'?"
Taichi shrugged. "Well I mean it didn't exactly offend me, but you know… it kinda sucks."
"I didn't mean to push you away or anything… I just wanted you to stop insulting me…" Yamato said, staring to feel the need to defend himself.
"Yeah I know. But I don't really know how I'm supposed to act right now, y'know?"
The blond was quiet for a while. What he would say right now would affect a lot of things and he wasn't even sure of what he wanted, much less of how he was supposed to put it.
"You don't have to act any different, just… show some respect."
"I already am!" Taichi exclaimed, looking at him.
"Yeah, well… you don't have to avoid me. Or act any different."
"But I didn't know how I was supposed to act in the first place!" The brunet protested, throwing his arms out.
"Well now I'm telling you. You don't have to change. Just continue being stupid and weird and all that stuff."
Taichi smiled suddenly. "K."
Yamato risked him a glance. He returned Taichi's smile, feeling a lot better. After a while of eye contact, he noticed Taichi's expression changing. His lips formed into a pout and his eyes became big and watery.
"You're my best friend…"
Yamato rolled his eyes. "Oh geez…"
"In the whole world…"
"Don't start, Tai!"
Tai threw himself at him, nearly making the other teen lose balance. "I looooove you!" he squeaked, giving his friend a big sloppy kiss on the cheek.
"Ew don't fucking kiss me you retard!" Yamato protested, pushing him away. He wiped his cheek with a disgusted look on his face, blushing. Taichi just grinned at him. Yamato rolled his eyes.
"Good to have you back" he said, smiling dryly. Taichi responded with a dazzling smile of his own.
Then he tilted his head to the side and threw his arms out.
"Uh-uh" Yamato shook his head. "You've already hugged me once"
"I didn't hug you, I attacked you," the brown-eyed boy argued, pulling him into a bone-crushing hug that made Yamato wish they weren't outside were anyone could see them.
"Will you let me go already!"
"Nope."
Yamato managed to free himself from Taichi's grip and made a big distance between them just in case.
"You're so gay" he muttered, starting to walk again. Taichi just shrugged.
"How can I not be when I've got such a hot best friend?"
"SHUT UP!" the blond exploded, as expected. "What the hell happened to showing respect?"
"Whoa, take it easy!" Taichi said, laughing nervously. "I just complemented you, you can't exactly blame me for complementing people." He added, a slight hint in his voice.
"Well you sure got pissed when I complemented you" Yamato shot back, bringing that up without thinking.
Taichi didn't answer.
They silently walked home, reaching Yamato's place after about ten minutes.
-'-
"Hungry?"Yamato asked as he headed for the kitchen.
Without waiting for a response, he started searching for food. Like Taichi wouldn't be hungry…
"Yup" the brunet replied from the hall, closing the door behind him. He entered the kitchen, helping himself as he started digging through the fridge.
-'-
Taichi sat silently at the kitchen table and watched his friend making him sandwiches (he always managed to talk him into doing that, since he claimed that he himself was unable to do anything in the kitchen besides eating). He made a few comments about Yamato's apron –which was not being used at current moment- and Yamato told him to shut up a few times.
Just a normal Friday night.
They ended up watching some weird romance slash comedy on TV in lack of better things to do. It was around midnight; both boys were bored to death but didn't feel like going to bed yet. Friday nights weren't supposed to be spent in bed sleeping; you're supposed to do something! Why? Because you can. And if that means (as in this case) that you're stuck watching some useless, crappy movie, then so be it.
Taichi was entertaining himself by pointing out all the clichés, commenting one of the main character's bad haircut every now and then, constantly telling his friend what (according to his theories) would happen next, and so on. The blond was putting all his strength into keeping himself from punching his face in.
"…and now they'll both lean in to kiss each other, but will be interrupted by something and another drama will start, taking their minds off one and other until the movie ends, where they'll go back to that freakin' kiss and THEN there might be another interruption because this is comedy and that is just hilarious."
"Will you shut up!" Yamato yelled at him for the fifth time this evening. He glared at his best friend who glared right back.
"You'd rather watch this crap in complete silence so that you can really concentrate on following this unique story?"
"You'd rather have duct tape over your big mouth or me kicking your ass?"
"Second choice please, 'cause you can't do that anyway." Taichi replied, grinning wickedly.
A loud gasp was heard from his left.
"You're right." Yamato's blue eyes widened in shock of this new realization. "I'm so pathetic! I wish I had big muscles like you, Tai" he continued, shaking his head and sighing.
"OMG, that's SO funny!" Taichi exclaimed and went back to watching the movie as if nothing had bothered him in the first place. Yamato smirked at his friend's skillful imitation of anyone from Mean Girls, and looked back at the TV screen. After a few seconds he remembered that it sucked and glanced at his friend. He still hadn't commented anything yet. His mind drifting and eyes still locked on his best friend's profile, he barely reacted when the brunet slowly turning his head to look at him.
"You're staring." He stated, gazing at the blond who blinked in confusion.
"Hu-oh-sorry." Yamato mumbled, shaking his head. "But the movie sucks." He added as an excuse, shrugging.
Taichi's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You think? Of course it sucks! I mean…" he looked back at the screen, pointing at it accusingly. "…it's ridiculous! It's not even a real story, it's just a fast-written, slap-dashed story line that's supposed to be funny and it's all just about them getting together! So fucking predictable and boring-"
That last word made its way out just before he was cut off.
It was a small motion. It had nothing to do with anything -that was the reason why it was surprising. It was slow enough for Yamato not to head-butt him, and fast enough for Taichi not to move.
Taichi's head tilted back against the backrest of the Ishida's green couch, due to the pressure from Yamato's lips.
The blue-eyed teen's thoughts were pushed away for the moment and all that was in function was touch, taste, smell, and hearing. There was no good explanation for his actions; the boy was simply kissing his best friend. His brain was locked and there was nothing in his way to stop him from deepening the kiss, from lingering his arms around the brunet's head and from exploring Taichi's mouth in every way he wished.
As if the strong attracting force had just been turned off Yamato pulled back, disconnecting their lips in the effort. He felt slightly numb and light-headed, his gaze swaying around the room as if he were drunk.
"Okay so now it's alright to attack people? Or did that only apply me?"
Yamato's gaze landed on the teen beside him and he looked at him dizzily.
Said teen was smiling from amusement. "Care to tell me why, dear friend?"
Yamato blinked slowly, shaking his head. "I…"
"You know, if you're gonna blame that on reflexes you can just forget it, man" Taichi added, grinning. "You could've at least got yourself drunk so that you'd have some excuse."
It finally sunk in and Yamato stared at him. Then he looked away. Taichi smirked at his realization, watching him curiously.
Yamato stood up suddenly.
"I'll go make some more popcorn…" he mumbled, and turned around to go hide in the kitchen. Taichi rolled his eyes and grabbed his wrist.
"Matt" He said in a gentle voice, pulling him down.
"What?" The blond said as he lost balance and fell back into the couch. Taichi let go of his wrist and turned towards him, winning eye contact. He reached his hand out, unable to stop himself from brushing blond strands away from Yamato's face. Yamato just looked at him, waiting for his friend to tell him what he had wanted to say. As he didn't wince, the brunet just continued stroking his hair, caressing his cheek with his thumb sensually. Yamato started blushing, realizing what he was doing. He started to pull back, but Taichi's hand placed itself behind his neck and pulled him into a kiss.
Yamato pushed him away. "What the fuck are you doing?" he choked out, staring at him in disbelief.
"Kissing you." Taichi answered, grinning.
"Why?" the blond demanded, not liking the way his friend made it sound so innocent.
"'Cause it's nice" the brunet replied, chuckling.
"Wh-?" Yamato was cut off as Taichi kissed him again. This time he put both of his arms around his neck, refusing to let him go. After a while Yamato found himself kissing back, letting himself melt into the kiss and his brain once again get locked. Somewhere in the kiss their tongues met and Yamato finally lost himself in Taichi's arms, his scent, warmth and touch.
Hysterical voices were heard from the TV, where chaos had taken over in the movie. Neither boy cared. Taichi's fingers were running through Yamato's hair as he kissed him deeply. Yamato's arms made their way around his friend's waist and Taichi pushed him down on the couch. He somehow ended up lying on top of him with Yamato's legs on each side. He intensified the kiss and rolled his hips over the boy underneath. Yamato moaned and pulled away from his lips, turning his head to the side. Taichi took advantage of this and started kissing his neck, nuzzling his face into the smooth skin.
"Get off me!" Yamato pushed him off the couch and the brunet landed on the floor with a thump.
"Damn Matt, don't be so violent!"
He sat up and gave him a questioning glare. "What the fuck, dude?"
"I was just about to ask you the same thing." Yamato bit back, sitting up in the couch.
Taichi gave up, not in mood for fighting. "Look… I'm sorry, okay? I lost it." He sat down beside him.
Yamato just stared down at the carpet. "But you know…" Taichi continued, moving a little closer. "…it seemed like you enjoyed it." His hand placed itself on Yamato's thigh and the blond glanced at it.
"If you liked it, then… nothing matters." Taichi leaned over, breathing along his friend's neck, sending shivers up his spine. "I liked it too..." he whispered, his hand carefully moving along his thigh on its way in to his crotch. Yamato held his breath. He could feel his other teen's lips gracing his cheekbone. "Just don't… think" the brunet breathed out, almost as a moan. Yamato shut his eyes as Taichi's hand cupped him, just about to squeeze and arouse.
"No!"
Taichi's hand was pulled back quickly, and he moved away. Yamato stared at him as if he had just tried to choke him. "I said I didn't want to! Get the fuck away from me!"
"Matt…"
"Stop!"
Taichi glared at him. "Will you calm down? I'm not attacking you, stop making it sound like that!"
"Y-you can't just come on to me like that, and…"
"Matt, relax."
Yamato finally met his friend's gaze and found himself glued to it, unable to look away.
"There's no one here to judge you, Matt. No one needs to know"
The blond teen looked at him. He knew there was no way in hell he was ever gonna give in to that. He wasn't some kind of gullible dumb-ass who could be talked into anything. He was rather the opposite. Taichi had no chance, he could just forget it.
"What the fuck was I thinking!? I'm such an idiot! I'm such a fucking idiot! Why? WHY! Sora, what am I gonna do? I'm so fucked up! I'm such an idiot!"
The redheaded girl watched her normally calm friend almost ripping his hair off his head, kicking various things around the room and crouch down on the floor, curling up to a ball. He wasn't crying, though she could see that he was in some kind of pain or misery. He was angry, though he didn't seem to have the strength to break or hit anything like he usually did when he was pissed.
She knew he was upset and confused. Of course it's hard to deal with stuff you really don't want to deal with. Stuff you just want to lock in and never let out again. Stuff you want to deny and forget.
She bit her lip, trying to decide whether she should comfort him or not. Many times that had only led to Yamato having a fit, and made things worse. But right now it seemed like he could actually use it. Sora made her way over to the pained boy, sitting down beside him carefully. To her surprise, he rolled over to his back and stretched out on the floor, glaring up at the ceiling. He placed his hands behind his neck and sighed deeply, looking very calm all of a sudden.
"I always think before I do shit. Always. I'm not stupid, like him." he said softly.
"I know" Sora mumbled, not even realizing she was insulting Taichi.
"Why did I do it, Sora?"
"Because you're a guy? Guys always think with their-"
"Yeah, I know. I'm very aware of your fucking opinions."
"Sorry" she muttered, remembering that she was supposed to comfort him. "Don't beat yourself up about it, Matt. So you made a mistake, big deal. Shit like that happens all the time."
"I know. But it wouldn't be so bad if it was a girl!"
Sora was quiet for a while, hesitating. "Matt, do you have anything against homosexuals?"
He stared at her. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean!"
"Well it does seem like you think being gay is the end of the world." She pointed out, tilting her head.
Yamato pulled himself up to a sitting position, not meeting her eyes. "I don't have anything against gay people, I just… don't want to be gay myself!"
"What makes you think you're gay?"
Yamato gave her a well-duh -look and rolled his eyes. Sora shrugged. "Well yeah, so you slept with Tai, but that doesn't mean anything! Doesn't mean you wanted to. Or liked it." She glanced at him and he looked away, blushing.
"Did you?"
"No!"
She sighed, shaking her head. –Denial.
"Okay, Matt. But let's just forget all these homophobic and 'I don't wanna be gay' –thoughts, and pretend that nothing's wrong with what you did, which it is also my opinion… do you regret it?"
"Yes." he said without a blink.
"Hey, think before you answer! Remember; no judging, no gay-bashing, no damn paranoia, just… listen to what your heart is saying, despite how incredibly cheesy that sounded."
The blond teen sighed and rubbed his eyes. He stared at the floor, blinking hard. "You and your stupid questions…" he muttered after thinking for a long time.
"Well, okay –let me put it this way… was it awful? Disgusting? Wrong? Weird? Scary?"
Yamato looked up. "Why the hell would it be scary?"
Sora shrugged. "I dunno, I was just trying to come up with some adjectives…"
"Oh. Well…No. It wasn't any of that." He hid his face in his hands. "That's what's awful! I enjoyed it! That's what's disgusting!"
The girl shook her head, sighing. She smiled softly at her friend, even though he couldn't see her.
"I don't think so. And you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. Just don't think about it for now, okay? Just let what happens happen. Stop analyzing."
"Fine."
"Good."
He lied down on the floor again. "You should go now. I need to sleep," he muttered, rolling to his side and turning his back against her.
Despite his rude way of asking her to leave, she stood up and nodded in agreement. "You're right. I won't bother you. But Matt…"
"What"
"Just try to remember that it's not a crime, just…"
He waved that comment off lazily. Sora sighed in defeat. "Okay. But just don't worry about this too much. Don't get caught up on it."
"Bye Sora."
"Fine" she muttered, pouting a little over the fact that the boy didn't want to listen to her preach. Not her fault that she was so smart and had many opinions.
"You're still here."
Right. She was supposed to be leaving, not standing here and pout.
Okay, so… I'm trying to overcome the freak-out part, and just move on with the getting-over-this part.
But it's not exactly easy to separate them. I mean, let's just for example start with how to move on. To move on I have to continue being Taichi's friend. Because I'm pretty sure that avoiding Taichi wouldn't be moving on. And by being Taichi's friend I have stop fucking calling him Taichi all the time –his name is Tai, dammit! Gah.
Okay, moving on. Other thing that I'll have to do to be his friend is to face him. Sadly. And talk to him. And hang out with him. Now, while thinking these thoughts I'm automatically going back to the freaking-out part, thinking I can't face him! I can't talk to him! What'll I say? 'Hey Tai, great fuck this weekend but let's just forget it ever happened and stay friends, k?' And while I'm at it, I start thinking about how Tai will act around me. If he's gonna act the way he does around the girls he –claims- has got his way with then I'm doomed! So yeah, still on the freaking-out part…
Maybe I should just stop thinking about it altogether. Yeah. That sounds good. I'll do that…
Okay, it's not working! I'm too sensitive and paranoid to stay relaxed! I can't cool down; it's impossible! I know it's not a crime to have a one-night stand. That's what he was. Just happen to know him too. Shit! What about him, though? What'll he think? Will he get hurt? Is he gonna get all bitter and treat me like some kind of ex? It was nothing! His fault anyway…
This isn't going anywhere. It's useless. I should sleep.
Why can't I sleep? Why! I'm great at sleeping! Analyzing isn't helping anyway, so why can't I stop?
RIING
What the hell was that?
RING
Oh, the phone…
I reach out and grab the phone, even though I really don't want to speak to anyone. What if it's Tai… Shit. Maybe I should hang up…
"Yes?" If it's him then I'll hang up.
"You're not sleeping."
Who's this? What kind of person would call someone just to say 'you're not sleeping'? Oh, Sora…
"You woke me up."
"Liar."
I grit my teeth. "Fine. What do you want?"
"You need to talk to me."
I ache an eyebrow. "I do?"
"Mhm"
I sigh, leaning back against my pillow again. "About what?"
"Well, let's see… there's always yours and Tai's intimate moment last night."
I frown. "You said I shouldn't think about that, and now you're fucking calling me up and reminding me of it!"
"I could tell you were beating yourself up about it, instead of sleeping like you said you would"
"So now you're a psychic too?"
"No. You're just very predictable."
"Am not."
"Are too. Like this with Tai; I knew you'd freak out, even though deep down you know that's what you wanted."
I resist the urge to argue, and take a deep breath. "Could be. But, it's not. Just because you're running around trying to be a matchmaker doesn't mean I'm…"
"Gay?"
"Into Tai…" I say, not thinking. Of course I'm not gay either, but I was going to say into Tai and then…
Silence.
"Aha."
"I'm not."
"You're not what?"
"Gay."
"Why did you sleep with Tai?"
I sigh. That's what I've been trying to figure out myself, why would I be able to tell her?
"He… I don't know."
"Were you drunk?"
"You know I wasn't."
"Did he force you into it?"
"No." I say, like she's retarded.
"Then why? Did he seduce you?"
Why am I having this conversation with her? This is none of her business! She's not my consular.
"I'm just trying to help you Matt."
She can read minds. Seriously. She just read my mind! It's scary…
"Yes, course he seduced me. It wasn't like he just said 'hey Matt? Wanna fuck?'"
"So he seduced you and you fell for it?"
I grit my teeth. Damn her.
"Yes."
"Because…?"
"Because I… ugh. He worked me up and I wasn't thinking!" I add quickly, not liking the sound of me being worked up by him. Why would I be? I'm not gay, so why did I get worked up? I'm not into him so why did I do it?
"So he made you…"
"Shut up!"
"Just like he did in the boys' room. Right? He worked you up there too. I don't know about you Matt, but I'm starting to see a very clear connection here."
Now she's mocking me. I hate her.
"I hate you."
Sora chuckles, and I hate her even more. "I think you need to talk to him."
"I think you need to get off my back!"
"Oh sure, blame the messenger!" Sora bites back, loosing her patience.
"Soon you're gonna realize I was right, and you were just in denial!"
"Why don't you get a life and stop bothering me!" I yell into the phone.
She's quiet for a moment. I know she's pissed, but I don't give a fuck. She can't just tell me what to feel and what I need to do to be happy! She doesn't know!
"That's real smart, Matt. Well, you're on your own. Good luck with that."
Click.
Girls…! They're so weird. They always have to be right and get their opinions heard! And everyone has to listen and nod in total agreement! Fucking control-freaks… probably the reason why I…
…prefer them over guys. Right. Guys aren't… at all like girls. They…
Okay, all girls aren't like Sora. There's plenty of girls that aren't control-freaks… that I could consider… being with?
I put phone away and roll over to my stomach. Stare into the wall.
I can't believe he actually gave into me! I mean… he's like… way out of my league, frankly. According to some. According to me. He's…
Damn.
Well, whatever –I had him! You heard me; I had sex with Yamato Ishida!
Well, I sort of knew there was something there after us making out, but I never thought he'd sleep with me. Never.
Before you get all worried let me tell you that yes, I am aware of that he's probably freaking out right now. And regretting this. At least thinking he is. Deep down though, I don't think he does. I'm prepared to wait. And –if necessary- prepared to convince him. He might need a kick to get real for once and stop denying. I'm prepared to kick.
I just realized I'm sounding very stupid right now. Oh well, I'm just happy. Wish I could brag about it a little, but I won't. No one can know. If I tell anyone I'd fuck up my only chance to get this guy. If nobody knew, and if the rumor would just die down this could actually be something!
We could be friends at school and more at home. No one would know. It could work! Well okay, maybe I shouldn't get too hopeful… better to just see what comes, not expecting anything. Although I do hope I'll get some. Just one more time… Last night was just too goddamn good to be just a onetime-experience.
Too bad he's not easy. Although maybe that's why he's so desirable…
Did I just use the word 'desirable'? Man. Well, I don't know how to describe him! I mean, there's always beautiful and delicate and gorgeous and HOT… haha, he'd so kick my ass if he'd ever hear me say that! I honestly don't know what he'd do if I'd call him cute. Not that I would, though. Yeah maybe out of spite, but not for real. That's like… calling the pope queer. Whoa, where did that come from?
I mean it's like he's so much more than those words –they're too pitiful to describe him. But he's still pretty average, and that's what's so perfect about him, although he's not perfect, 'cause that's a bad thing, I mean he's got his flaws, and that's what I like too, because that makes him…
What the hell does that make him? What am I even talking about?
RING
…was that the phone? I look at the phone just as it rings again. I bounce off the bed and throw myself at it.
"You've reached the Yagami's residence, this is Yagami Taichi speaking -I hope you're honored- now what may I do you for?"
That's reflexes. Swear to God.
I wait for the reply with a grin on my face. The reactions are always the best part. No answer. But I'm pretty used to that, it is a lot of words to take in. Though it usually doesn't take this long…
I push him away and stare at him, speechless for a few seconds. Then the most natural question pops up in my head and I'm just about to scream 'What the hell are you doing!' when he pulls me in and attacks me again. This time I'm too stunned to even push him away.
So I just stand there, trying to figure out what I possibly could've said to make him think that he could just…
Maybe it's because I was about to say something about his ass…? Did I lead him on by that?
This is so incredibly screwed up! I mean… well, I don't believe I even have to mention the first reason why it's so wrong; it's pretty damn obvious. But second of all, even if I was gay, he's not my type! I mean, how could you ever expect me to date a guy who can't even take care of his own hair? And third, (as if those reasons aren't enough) he my best friend. Okay, that might sound a little ironic coming from me just after my little… ahem, outburst, –but he is, and best friends cannot date each other.
So I have every right to freak!
Alright, maybe it could have been worse (could've been someone ugly) and yes, maybe he's not that bad of a kisser… and… perhaps I don't hate the feeling of his strong arms around my waist…
What was my point again…?
No! No Matt, get a grip! This is Tai! Tai is making out with you! Don't you dare tell me you like it!
I don't mean to sound cocky, but I think Blondie here actually likes it. Who would've thought?
I'm not saying I don't, 'cause… well, if I didn't then I would've stopped by now. Yeah, I have weird reflexes but I can control myself…
So you might wonder why I don't stop. To tell you the truth I'm not too sure. I am enjoying this, but… Matt is really gonna freak out about this. He's not really the type of friend you can make out with whenever you feel like… um, I mean if you would feel like.
Fuck, what am I doing?
Ah screw it. It's too late for regrets now, right? And besides, Matt's gonna freak just as much over a seven seconds-kiss as a… wait, how long has it been?
The brunet shrugs and continues with his actions (mainly because Yamato doesn't make any signs on pushing him away, so –according to Taichi- there's not really any good reason for him to stop). After a while the blond even starts to respond to the kiss, placing his arms a bit awkwardly around his friend's neck and spreading his lips slightly. He doesn't have to ask twice before Taichi slowly enters his mouth –mostly out of curiosity- and starts to explore. Yamato soon follows his actions.
After a few seconds, this little innocent kiss starts turning into a rather hot make-out season. Both boys find themselves enjoying this (perhaps just a little more than what's appropriate in a school's bathroom).
In just three or four seconds they've made their way over to the sink, possibly -incredibly stupid as it may sound- considering to use this to take things further… on.
Oblivious to a certain redhead watching them, Taichi gets more and more obsessed with trying to get noises out of the blond. He does quite a good job; soon learning that straddling his hips with both hands while teasingly grinding against him gets the best results. Yamato puts his hands onto the sink for support, gasping when he feels Taichi pressing his lower body against him. Taichi is now stroking his hands all over Yamato's chest, down to his hips and around to the blonde's back. Finding the firm rounding on the back of Yamato's pants, he squeezes him gently, grinding harder. Yamato moans and moves his hips along with him, losing all control when he hears the brunet groan.
Someone clears their throat, getting both boys' attention. They look up, being greeted by Sora standing in the doorway, with a smirk on her face. After a while, her smirk changes into a frown.
Now she looks pissed.
Taichi snaps back to reality and jumps away from Yamato, running a hand through his hair nervously.
Yamato's blushing, having a hard time finding a safe spot to look at.
"What the hell were you guys thinking?" Sora shouts suddenly, making both of them jump. Then she realizes what she just asked and her face changes from pissed into slightly disgusted. "Ew, no don't answer that…"
Short silence.
Then Taichi decides to take first initiative to explain. "Um… we... I…um…" is the successful start. Then he sighs deeply and hangs his head. "I attacked him."
Sora raises an eyebrow. All though she isn't surprised to hear that Taichi had made the first move (not surprised at all) she hadn't expected him to just admit it like that.
"Tai, that's… that's not what I meant," she says softly, not liking the guilty look upon the brunet's face.
"What I meant was, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU GUYS THINKING? Do you even realize that anyone could've walked in on you? Why can't you just think with your heads, instead of your-"
"Okay, we get it!" Taichi interrupts, glaring at her. This is starting to feel a lot like being caught by his mother. Yes, it had been risky and yes, they were stupid but she could at least understand a little how Yamato must feel like right now! Taichi himself is afraid of even looking at him. He knows that whether Yamato blames him or himself or both of them he will most definitely beat himself up about it.
Sora sighs, crossing her arms over her chest. "Fine. But you should be pretty damn glad it was me who caught you eating each other's faces. I mean you could at least have done it in one of the stalls!"
"This wouldn't even have happened, if Taichi hadn't fucking attacked me" Yamato mutters.
'Oh great, now we're back to first name-callings.' Taichi thinks to himself and rolls his eyes. Last time Yamato had used his whole name was before Taichi'd become his friend –when they were rivals and Yamato was cold as ice, not letting anyone get close.
"I wanted to shut you up, and so I did." Taichi answers simply, not even looking at him.
"Well, you could've found an other fucking way to shut me up! And the reason I was yelling in the first place was because you came in here just to start bitching!"
"So I can't even use the damn bathroom? It's not like I knew you were here! And I didn't even kiss you on purpose, it was a-"
"Oh, let me guess; a reflex? Right! That's what you said after you'd punched that guy –twice as big as you- after he'd called you a loser. You were unconscious for five minutes, got a black eye and was grounded for a week! And what about the time when you-"
"Would you just shut up!" Sora exclaims. "You not solving anything! And don't get me wrong; I'm not expecting you to do that right now. But for Christ's sake, don't make it worse!"
"Fine" Taichi mutters, crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm sorry, okay?"
Yamato snorts. "Fuck you"
"Fine"
"Fine!"
"GUYS! Stop it!" Sora shakes her head, pretty sick of the two of them by now. "Let's just get back to class, all right? Before anyone suspects anything."
The blond snorts again. "Why bother? Bet there's already a new rumor of us having threesome" he mutters bitterly.
"Which would lead to some serious slut-shaming, so let's get out of here" Sora repeats, looking over her shoulder.
"It would also make Matt bisexual, and we can't let that happen, can we?" Taichi adds.
"Shut up, Yagami!"
"Well, one step down from being gay, right?" Sora responds with a shrug.
"I'm straight! Sora, not you too!"
The redheaded girl shakes her head. "Well, after witnessing that I'm not so sure anymore… you can't exactly blame me"
Yamato growls, not knowing what to answer. He's not too fond of the subject. That was a mistake, they couldn't just expect him to explain himself just minutes after! He's way too confused...
"Well, we better get going" Sora says again, turning around and checking the hallway carefully.
"That took quite a while, don't you think?" Mrs Suzuki, the music-teacher says as Taichi enters the music hall. His classmates look up at him, smirking. Taichi scratches his head and grins a little.
"Yea. Well, uh… I kinda got locked in one of the stalls, n'…"
A few students snicker, shaking their heads. Taichi will never lose his crown as the worst liar in the entire world.
"…so I had to jump over the door, but then I hit my head and fainted…"
"Just go to your seat, Taichi" the teacher sighs. The brown-headed teen shrugs and heads for his seat, ignoring the others giggles.
"10 minutes?" Mr Takahashi says skeptically, aching an eyebrow.
Sora smiles and puts on an innocent face."I ran into Mr Saitou and he wanted to talk about some of the tests we've been doing this term. I didn't have the heart to interrupt him."
Her teacher smiles, making half of his class roll their eyes. "I see. Well, get to your seat, we were just about to start on the-"
"I'm sorry, Mr Watanabe" Yamato replies half-heartedly, heading for his seat.
"Care to explain why, Mr Ishida?" The teacher continues, not letting this one slip.
The blond stops, seemingly considering it. "No?"
None of his classmates is surprised. This is a rather common conversation between Yamato and Mr Watanabe, a conversation the other students are pretty sick of. But it's better than class, so they don't make any effort to stop it.
"I suggest you do, unless you desperately want detention."
Yamato glares, not answering. Not because he desperately wants detention, but because he's too tired to think about manners and he doesn't really want to reveal his and Taichi's make-out in the boys' bathroom.
"I didn't exactly hurry, and I guess I lost track of time. I don't really have a good excuse, Mr Watanabe"
The teacher shakes his head. "That's too bad. Well, I guess I should congratulate, Mr Ishida. You just got yourself a detention."
"Tripped and fainted, huh?" Koushiro says amused as the students leave the music hall.
Taichi shrugs and grins. "Whatever."
"So what were you really up to?" the redhead asks, looking at him suspiciously.
"Skipped class, happy now?" Taichi mutters.
"Yagami Taichi!"
The brunet stops and turns around, looking confused. "Yes?"
His teacher stands there, hands on her sides, looking very pissed for being the usually happy music-teacher. "I'll have to give you detention, Taichi. Skipping 10 minutes of class and then trying to lie about it is unacceptable!"
"But Mrs Suzuki-"
"No buts, Taichi"
The brunet sighs, "Yeah, yeah…" He shoots Koushiro a glare; said boy shrugs and grins sheepishly.
"You'll be in-"
"…room 68, I know. How long this time? The usual?"
His teacher sighs. "Taichi, if you'd just admit it when you're skipping class, things would be a lot easier." She pauses. "Of course you can just stay in class altogether, but I suppose that's way too much to ask, huh?" She smirks, slowly returning to her normal self.
The brown-eyed student smiles hesitatingly. "I'll see what I can do."
"Can things get any worse?" Yamato mutters to himself, glaring at the notebook on his desk. He's been told to read a certain number of pages –too many pages mind you, and then summering them altogether. He's not allowed to go before he's done, which means he has to actually do it as well. The pages are about what Mr Watanabe had been rambling about in class, and of course "if Mr Ishida would've paid attention in class instead of skipping, this would be perfectly easy!"
His babysitter is reading some book by his desk, not moving an inch. Yamato hopes he'll just fall asleep, so that he can sneak out. But of course that'll just lead to another detention...
After observing the substitute for a moment, he goes back to glaring at his notebook. He jumps a little when the sub speaks. Not to him, however.
"Ah, finally! Yagami Taichi, is it? I see you can't even make it on time for your detention. No wonder they're all sick of you."
Taichi is quiet for a while, standing in the doorway. He observes the sub suspiciously, obviously wondering who the hell he is.
"Wow. You're nice." The brunet shakes his head, quite amazed. Then he smiles. "Well, I guess I shouldn't be the rude one, -Yagami Taichi, nice to meet you. I'm truly sorry I'm late, now where's my punishment?"
"Right there on the desk, and I expect you guys not to bother me. Because of you two I have to work overtime, plus I've got an extreme headache. And you're not aloud to speak anyway," the sub ads as an afterthought.
At this point, Taichi has noticed Yamato and is now walking toward his own desk, not taking his eyes off the blond.
"Hey."
Silence. Yamato continues to glare at his notebook.
Taichi sits down in his chair. "Why I'm here? Well you see, I tried to come up with an excuse but Mrs Suzuki didn't believe me. And then…" Taichi frowns, remembering whose fault this had been in the first place. "…then Koushiro asks me what I was doing during those ten minutes and I said I'd skipped class. And she heard and got pissed. What about you?"
"Kid, are you deaf? I said you aren't aloud to speak!"
Taichi looks up. "Oh. Sorry, my bad." He grins and the sub rolls his eyes. Taichi glances at his books, sighs and then looks back at Yamato.
"You pissed off Mr Watanabe, didn't you?"
"Not my fault he's so bitter." The blond mutters. "I said I forgot the time, and I apologized even! He's such a hard-ass."
The brunet snickers as the sub slams his book down and glares at them. "OK, you-" he points at Taichi, narrowing his eyes. "You go sit there, got it? And then you shut up!"
Taichi smiles at him and stands up. "Of course." He bows deeply, making Yamato smirk as the sub starts to turn red with anger.
"Just do as I say!"
Taichi walks over to the desk the sub has pointed out for him, which is placed on the other side of the classroom -as far away from Yamato as possible-, bringing his books with him. He sits down, shifting a little before sinking back and stretching his legs out underneath the desk. He places his books on the desk and rests his arms on each side.
"Anything else?" he asks, voice dropping an octave, and his brown orbs burying themselves into the sub's light blue ones, giving him a seductive look.
Yamato can't help but grin this time, looking back and forth between them. Taichi just never knew when to stop.
To the brunet's delight the sub blushes. But he quickly shakes it off and glares at the annoying student. "If you continue to disrespect me I'm going to have to give you another detention. Is that understood?" His voice is dangerously close to the edge, and Taichi decides to let him be. He's had enough fun for today.
"Alright, I'll stop."
He starts opening his books and grabs a pen from his pocket. The sub returns to his book and the room finally goes silent.
However, the second their babysitter's eyes leave him, Taichi turns his head and grins at Yamato.
(This sucks!)
The blue-eyed boy reads his lips and rolls his eyes.
(No shit?)
Taichi gives the sub a glance and looks back at his friend, wiggling his eyebrows.
(Hot?)
Yamato could see from Taichi's questioning expression that he was asking for his opinion. With a blank look on his face, he gives Taichi the finger. The brunet cracks up and the sub once again goes mad.
"What am I supposed to do to shut you up?" he yells, losing his temper.
"Duct tape works." Yamato mutters from the other side of the classroom, smirking. Taichi shivers at the memory.
"Dude, that was so mean! I thought you were gonna rip my fucking skin off after that!"
The blond shrugs innocently. "It shut you up, didn't it? Not my fault you're incapable of doing that by yourself."
"I see you've got some problems in that area as well," the sub states warningly, shooting Yamato a glare. The blond in turn responds with a glare colder than ice.
Taichi puts his chin in his hand, turning his attention to the man in front of them. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but you do seem to be more desperate of leaving than we are. Hell, we could stay here all night! Isn't that right Matt?"
Said boy nods in agreement, smirking. "Yep."
The sub sinks back into his chair, glaring at both of them. "What I want has nothing to do with what I'm doing. And if this means I'm gonna have to stay here all night then so be it. It's my duty. Now get to work because you're not leaving until you're done."
"Can I go to the bathroom?" Taichi asks.
The sub stares at him. "You're kidding, right? Do you think I'm stupid?"
"Uh, no?" Taichi replies in a where-the-hell-did-you-get-that-from? tone.
"Then do your fucking work and stop bothering me!"
"But I gotta-"
"No you don't."
Taichi sighs deeply. "If I read like two pages of this crap, will you let me visit the bathroom?" The sub cocks an eyebrow, glancing at him.
"Make it three."
"Aw man! You're so cruel!" the brown headed teen exclaims, laughing inside.
The substituted teacher smirks. "That's my job."
-'-
Yamato enters the bathroom quietly, shutting the door behind him. Taichi jumps out from one of the stalls and do a sort of victory-dance before giving him a high five.
The blond smirks at his geeky friend and then gives him a serious look. "We've got to hurry, okay? Think he's back in the classroom now. Soon he's gonna start running around."
Taichi nods, still wearing a wicked grin and peeks out from the girls' bathroom. Without a word he runs out, and darts off through the hall. Yamato soon follows him, in a slightly slower speed than the hyperactive football-player.
They reach their lockers where they grab their jackets and schoolbags, and then storm out. Finally reaching the schoolyard, and out of hearing distance, Taichi lets out his victory-bawl.
"YEAH BABY! WE RULE!" He jumps around Yamato, cheering over their successful escape. Yamato rolls his eyes.
"Alright, alright, he just might hear us, you know."
Taichi shakes his head, grinning like a mad man. "Nu-uh. I CAN BE AS LOUD AS I WANT AND THERE'S NO WAY HE'S EVER G-"
Yamato covers his best friend's big mouth with his hand. "Want me to bring out the duct tape again?"
Taichi just looks at him, no signs on trying to speak. Then suddenly something wet reaches Yamato's hand and he pulls it back with a disgusted yell. "What the hell! Dude you're so gross!" Taichi shrugs and grins.
"Reflexes, y'know?"
Yamato looks at his hand, miserable. Then he glares at Taichi. "I don't care what the hell that was, just keep your fucking tongue away from me!"
Silence.
Several comebacks are hanging in the air but are never spoken. Taichi is stupid, but he's not that stupid. Bringing up the "accident" again will only make things worse.
They start walking home.
"You know you liked it." Taichi replies, contenting himself with that half-hearted comeback.
"In your dreams, Yagami" is the rather obvious reply from the blond. Taichi stops and stares at him, looking shocked.
"Who told you about my dreams?"
Yamato shakes his head, grinning. They start walking again, looking straight ahead. Yamato gives Taichi a quick glance and they look at each other for like a second before focusing on the ground before them.
"Wait…" Yamato says after a while, a thought hitting him suddenly.
"What?"
"How come Sora didn't get detention?" Yamato says, frowning.
The brunet sighs, shaking his head. "Girls…"
Yamato nods his head thoughtfully. "Yeah. Didn't she have history? With Mr Takahashi?"
"Well, that explains everything" Taichi says, smirking. "He sure likes those pretty girls." He laughs bitterly. "And the guys he treats like shit."
Yamato hesitates, frowning. Taichi looks at him. "What?"
"He's not that bad, though. Is he?"
Taichi looks confused for a few seconds, but then his face lit up and he smirks. "He's treating you well, huh?"
"Wha… well, he…"
The brunet snorts. "Figures."
Yamato looks at his brown-headed friend strangely. "What do you mean?"
Taichi shrugs, keeping his eyes ahead of them. "You're the pretty-boy." he says, matter-of-factly.
"What! No I'm not! What, you think he's…? No fucking way!"
Taichi grins at him, quite amused by his friend's reaction. "Way."
"How does he treat you? Does he spank you whenever you say the wrong answer?"
Taichi snorts, shaking his head. "I wish!"
Yamato aches an eyebrow and Taichi realizes what he just said, blushing slightly. "Not like that okay! I mean… he's evil. He bullies me! And the only students he's nice to are the pretty girls and -apparently- the pretty boys." Taichi says, sounding like he told his friend the secret of the universe.
"But you're a pretty boy too, Tai…" Yamato tries, not able to hold back a grin. Soon he laughs his head off, with a rather annoyed Taichi watching him.
"I'm… I'm sorry…" The blond says between laughter. "It's just… you should see your face!"
He starts laughing again.
'It's funny, because he's not pretty.' A little voice inside Yamato's mind tells him.
'Yes, he i-'
'Shut up!'
"May not be pretty but that doesn't mean I'm not totally hot! Now that's what the ladies want!" His friend argues, walking beside him.
'Tai is not pretty. He might be good-looking, but… wait, what!' Yamato shakes his head, trying to ignore his thoughts.
"Earth to Matt? You in there?"
The blond looks up. "Huh? Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking."
Yamato punches his arm, glaring. "You never get sick of those gay-jokes, do you?"
Taichi throws his arms out, giving him an innocent look. "They just keep coming! Not my fault…" Taichi glances at him. "Just because you're so damn uptight all the time… Want me to pull that stick out of your ass for you?"
Yamato stops in middle of the road, giving him a death-glare. "The fucking stick up my ass just happens to be you, Yagami!" he shouts at the brunet standing in front of him. Before his friend can voice the obvious comeback, he continues: "Yeah, I know; ha, ha –but I'm fucking serious! Will you just stop making fun of me! I don't like it, and I'm not comfortable so why can't you just fuck off!"
Taichi's silly grin disappears and he sighs deeply. "Matt it's only-"
"Don't give me that! 'It's only jokes, I was just kidding!' That's not enough! If you gotta tease me then find something else to make jokes about! Tease me about my hair! Or about how I suck at football! Or-"
"Your pink apron?" Taichi asks, snickering. Then he gets serious again and shakes his head. "I'm sorry. For all of it." His brown gaze hits the ground. "Sorry for teasing you and accusing you of being gay," he pauses, looking up again. "…although I didn't realize I did, okay? I mean I was just checking, y'know?"
Yamato remains silent and Taichi stares at the asphalt again. "Okay whatever... anyhow I'm sorry for that. And for..." Taichi pauses, searching for the right word. Then he gives up and chooses the one Yamato had preferred to use in the first place. "... for attacking you. Sorry. It's just… I… it feels like you're just denying everything. And it's frustrating for me! I mean when that happened…" The brown-eyed teen looks up, meeting Yamato's gaze. "Who knows what we'd done if Sora hadn't-"
"I would've stopped you, Tai." Yamato interrupts flatly. "I didn't like it. I'll never like kissing guys. And it's not just because I'm afraid of what people think, but because I just… don't."
Taichi looks at his blue-eyed friend for a while, seeing so much more in those eyes than his words are carrying. But he doesn't say anything. He just nods.
"Okay."
Yamato blank face fades away and he raises his eyebrows, looking surprised. "What?"
Taichi smiles faintly at his best friend's reaction. "Okay" he repeats, although he knows that Yamato heard him the first time. The blue-eyed boy stares at him, not knowing what to say. All this time he's been trying to get that into Taichi's thick skull, and now that it has finally sunk in, it fees like he has... lost something.
The two teens continue to stand there, gazing at each other. One of them wondering why he feels so empty all of a sudden. The other one wondering if he has just made the right choice.
"Hi Matt! What's up?" Sora greeted her friend happily. She sat down beside him on the bench, placed not far from their lockers. A grin was riveted on her face and she seemed determent to not let it fall off. The blond, however, didn't seem all too happy.
"Nothing."
She shot him a quick glance. "Are you okay?"
"I guess."
Sora's smile suddenly turned into a worried frown so he forced a smile on his face.
"I'm fine, don't worry."
"Okay." She sighed in relief and he smiled to himself. It was so easy to satisfy people.
"So where's Tai?" Sora asked, changing the subject.
"He forgot his keys. Again."
"Oh. Shock."
"Yeah…"
She glanced at him, frowning at his distant yet empty expression. "Matt, I understand that this whole thing bothers you…"
He looked up in surprise. "Huh? What, I didn't even say anything!" he protested, not understanding why he was suddenly being attacked with a psychologist-line.
"Well no, but it's written all over your face." She stated, tilting her head.
He sighed in frustration. "Sora, seriously… if everyone in school thought that you and Mimi went home and had lesbian-sex every day after school, wouldn't you freak out?"
"Nobody's judging you, Matt-"
"Yeah, no one except everyone that heard what I said yesterday. Plus those who've heard it by now. Someone has already written 'fag' all over my locker."
"Matt, it's just a stupid rumor; I'm sure something more interesting will show up soon and take away the attention."
He gave her a long look. "Sora trust me, nothing's more exciting than other people's personal stuff. Especially sexuality."
"And poor little Matty who doesn't even have a sexuality."
Yamato glared up at Taichi, who had just showed up. "Go fuck yourself."
Taichi blinked. "Without you? Are you sure?"
"Tai!" Yamato hissed. "People will hear you!"
"Uh... no they won't, 'cause you're already late for class."
"What?" Yamato looked around. The three students were all alone in the hallway.
"Oh. Well… either way I'm not comfortable with you making jokes about that."
"Mhm, because you're unsure about your sexuality?" Taichi said, rubbing his chin and eyeing him skeptically. It was the second time this morning someone attacked the blond with a psychologist-line.
Sora laughed. Yamato stared at him.
"WHAT! How can you even say that? Didn't I tell you I'm-?"
"Yeah, let's go. We're gonna be late." Taichi smirked and started walking. Yamato looked ready to kill.
"If anyone's a fag here, it's you!"
Taichi turned around. "Ouch. Man, you really broke my heart."
Sora looked at the two best friends. She wasn't that amused by this conversation anymore.
"I can't believe you said that" she said in a low voice.
"Matt would say anything about anyone. Just to fit in. I'm sure he'd talk behind my back if I were gay" Taichi gave Yamato an accusing glare. The blond glared back.
"Um… guys? C'mon, we better go." Sora pleaded. None of them listened to her.
"If I were you, I wouldn't be surprised if people talked behind my back already," the blond said, eyes cold.
"As for me people can think whatever they want. I don't go home and cry like a baby just because no one likes me." Taichi shot back.
"Well maybe if you weren't such a bitch all the time…!"
"If they think I'm a bitch, that's their problem."
"So you're just gonna spend your whole life pissing people off?" Yamato shouted.
"If that means being myself, then yes." Taichi said calmly.
"That's not being yourself, you weren't born to accuse people of being gay!"
"Well if you weren't so damn paranoid-"
"I'm not paranoid!" Yamato yelled.
"GUYS!" Sora shouted, making the two pissed off teens shut up in surprise. "Can you at least wait until lunch break or something? We're gonna be late!"
"Fine." Taichi turned around and headed for his locker.
"Fine." The blond headed for his locker. Sora sighed and followed her two friends.
Five minutes left of the lesson. I'm not really looking forward to lunch today. Matt and Tai haven't talked since their fight this morning. And in five minutes we're gonna have lunch. No, four.
Anyway, I'm not gonna stand it if they start again. They've been friends forever, and they almost never fight. Well... of course they fight, but now they're hurting each other's feelings. That's worse.
This is freaky.
"Okay class, I think we'll end it here for today." the teacher announced, looking at the clock. "Don't forget to write down the homework! Have a nice lunch."
-'-
I look around the dining-hall, searching for them. Suddenly I see Tai's giant hair. I start walking towards his table. I notice Koushiro sitting next to Tai, and this other guy I've seen around but never really talked to. Then I realize that Matt's not sitting at that table. I look around again and spot his blond hair at the other end of the hall. Weird. Then I see that he's sitting alone. I turn around and walk across the floor and sit down next to him him.
"Hey" I say and try to see if he's upset or something. But his dull face doesn't show any emotion.
"Hey." he mutters, voice just as dull as the look on his face.
"What's up?" I continue in a cherry voice.
"Not much."
"Okay. So… where's Tai?"
He sighs softly. "You can stop now, Sora."
"Stop what?" I ask, not liking how incredible fake my "happy" voice is sounding.
"Pretending that we didn't fight this morning."
I sigh and give up. No use there, right?
"So for how long are you two gonna avoid each other?" I ask, changing my strategy.
He shrugs. I frown.
"Are you gonna be like this all the time from now on?"
He looks at me. "What?"
"You know… down?"
"I'm just tired, okay? Drop it." He looks back at his food, letting me know the conversation is over.
I sigh and start eating. I'm not gonna stand this for very long. Why do they have to drag me into it? And where the hell is Mimi? I need a happy person right now.
Yes, finally lunch! Thought this lesson would never end. Damn, I'm hungry…
I jump to my feet and grab all my books and storm out of the classroom. History isn't one of my favorite subjects. I open my locker and throw in my books. Then I quickly close it before anything falls out. It took a while to learn, but now I never fail. Although I haven't found a way to handle this when I open my locker. But I will. I definitely will...
Automatically I hesitate before I go to lunch. But then I remember that Yamato –that bitch- is definitely not worth the wait, so I continue impassively down the hall on my way to lunch.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Thank god for Koushiro! To tell you the truth, besides Matt I don't have that many close friends. I was just lucky to spot the redhead sitting in the middle of the dining-hall.
"Hey Izzy! What's up?" He jerks his head up and looks at me like I'm an alien or something. Then he smiles.
"Hey."
I sit down beside him. "So how're you doin'?"
"Good. Haven't seen you for a while."
"Yeah, well… you know. Where's Joe?" I ask, not really knowing what else to say. I personally hate it when people ask where Matt is as soon as they take a look at me. Joe is Koushiro's best friend. He's two years older than him, but they've got a lot in common.
"He's got math right now, will be eating later."
"Hey Izzy! Oh, hey Taichi!" Ken sits down opposite to me. He's one of Izzy's friends as well. Also a computer geek. (A/N: This is my story and in my story Ken is a computer geek, dammit! Okay? Good).
"Hey Ken."
He smiles awkwardly, trying to think of something to say. "So where's Matt?"
I can't help but feeling lonely when I see him talking to Ken and Koushiro. Where the hell is Sora? I should've waited for her. But I didn't want to talk to Tai. He's so incredibly stubborn! And he doesn't even try to understand me. Instead of supporting, he makes bad jokes and teases me. That's what I was expecting from others, not him. Jerk. Oh, there she is. But… what the hell? Why is she walking towards them? Is she gonna abandon me too? Great!
I look away and out the window instead. Why do I care? I don't need them. They're all idiots anyway. Why would I have to put up with a bunch of idiots?
"Hey!"
I don't bother looking up. Feeling guilty now, are we?
"What's up?"
Oh, nothing, just that my best friend has abandoned me and that I'm all alone and the whole school thinks I'm gay…"Not much."
"Okay. So… where's Tai?" Oh for Christ's sake…
"You can stop now, Sora."
"Stop what?"
I seriously feel like hitting her in the head. "Pretending that we didn't fight this morning."
She sighs. Yeah that's it, throw away that happy face and deal with it.
"So for how long are you two gonna avoid each other?"
I shrug. Oh I don't know, just for the rest of my life or something like that…
She frowns. "Are you two gonna be like this all the time from now on?"
"Like what?" What do you mean 'like this'?
"You know, down?"
Geez man, let it go! You make it sound like I've been like this for months! "I'm just tired, okay? Drop it."
She sighs and starts eating. I glance at her. It's not like it's her problem, why is she so pissed?
God, guys can be such… girls sometimes! They still haven't spoken a word to each other and this is the last lesson for today. Why can't they just grow up?
I reach my hand up and catch my teacher's attention.
"Yes, Sora?"
"May I use the bathroom please?"
"Yes you may."
I rise to my feet and walk out of the classroom. The hall is pretty much empty. Right now Tai would be having music and Matt's got biology. I'm stuck with history. It sucks. All though the teacher likes me so I don't really have to pay that much attention. Sometimes being a girl kicks ass!
I reach the girls' bathroom within a few minutes and it's just as empty as the hallway.
As I flush the toilet and open the stall again, I can see my reflection in the mirror.
Whoa, I look like somebody died or somethin'… Guess it's just because of Matt and Tai. I can't help it. I know they fight a lot –basically because Matt is really moody and Tai's so stupid- but somehow they always manage to forgive each other –after fighting for a while.
This is different. This is serious shit they've gotten into.
I start washing my hands when I suddenly hear an argument from the other side of the wall. Someone's yelling in the boys' bathroom. Or rather a very pissed off blond. Yes, of course recognize Matt's voice. Who wouldn't? I shut the water off and listen intensively. I can't hear what he's saying, but he sounds really upset. Then I hear someone answering with the same pissed tone.
Tai.
I still can't hear what they're arguing about but I can guess –I'm not that stupid… Matt shouts a few more things and then he suddenly stops. I hold my breath, waiting for any noise. Then I can't take it anymore. I've gotta now what's going on! What if Tai killed him! Okay, I think I'm freaking out a little… calm down, Sora, Matt's not dead… he probably just… stopped talking?
I sneak out of the girls' bathroom, relived to see that no one's in the hall. Still.
There's still no sound from the guys' bathroom, so I sneak up to the door –trying not to make any sounds at all- and peak my head inside.
Oh my.
Well, at least Matt's not dead. He seems more than fine to me. He actually seems a bit… excited.
Seriously, I've never witnessed such a heavy make-out in my entire life! Well, maybe on TV, but not for real… okay, there was that one time, but… not between two guys!
I watch the make-out scene for a while with a smile on my lips, trying to come up with a way to take advantage this situation. Blackmail? Meh, should've brought my phone… you never know what you're gonna witness in a school's bathroom.
Matt is almost lying on the sink with Tai all –yes, ALL- over him.
I really hope they'll get embarrassed when they find out that they've got an audience.
They'll blush (at least Matt will) and jump away from each other, both trying to come up with an explanation.
It's funny how I just know what my two male friends would do if I caught them making out. Is life really that predictable? I mean, how the hell would I know that?
Man, they're really into it. Think I better interrupt soon before they do it –in a school's bathroom, where anyone could walk in on them!
Both of them seem more than willing to. I'm actually getting pissed right now. Minutes ago Matt was so damn paranoid and afraid of people thinking he's gay -and now… well, now anyone could get that proved.
I take a deep breath and clear my throat, trying to get the attention. They don't hear me (the kissing-noises, moans and panting are too loud) so I do it again. This time I get a reaction. Two pair of dizzy, pleasure filled and confused eyes are looking at me. I smirk, amused to know that any second they'll freak.
I hate biology. The clock is obviously not working since it doesn't move and I just can't seem to stop yawning. I wanna sleep, but it's too loud in here and the teacher would just ask me a question I wouldn't know the answer to and then accuse me of Not Paying Attention.
What was it we were working with? Can't even remember.
I raise my hand.
"Yes?" The teacher says immediately, hoping that I might have an answer to why the bla bla needs the bla bla bla so that the bla bla can bla… Wouldn't count on it…
"May I use the bathroom?" I say in the most polite way I can muster. The teacher wrinkles his forehead and looks at me for a long time before he sighs and mutters that I'm excused.
"Thanks'" I say as I make my way out of the classroom. Outside I almost bump into a student, who quickly disappears behind me. Weird. The hallway is empty. I head for the bathroom, not knowing where else to go. Wouldn't wanna be caught skipping class, now would we?
-'-
I'm washing my hands, like I've actually used the bathroom. Not that I need to; the bathroom is just as empty as the hall. I just like washing my hands. I like the feeling. I know that sounds weird, sad and a bit kinky but everybody has got a weird habit, right?
I almost cry out when someone pulls the door open and steps inside. I'm really grateful I didn't, but I jumped and gasped. Well, guess you can't have everything... I look back down at my hands and for about ten seconds I actually think it's someone I don't know. Then I turn to walk out.
Tai stands there, leaning against the sink, looking at me.
He looks challenging –like he's waiting to see if I'm going to run out or if I'm gonna say something. I stand there for a while, thinking. On one hand, I want to ignore him 'cause that's my first instinct when I'm pissed at someone. On the other hand, I wanna say something mean, something sharp. But I can't think of anything. Now I've already looked at him for several seconds, I can't just start ignoring him now.
"Do you want something?" Okay, neither sharp nor mean, but it's letting him know I don't feel like wasting any time on him.
Tai continues to look at me, smirking. "What? Are you afraid someone's gonna see you here with me –in the boys' bathroom? Now that would be a scandal!"
I roll my eyes without even thinking. "Spare me. I've got better, more interesting things to do. Biology with Mr I'm Too Old For This Shit But I Need The Money So I'm Stuck With You Brats And Don't Even Think That You're Gonna Pass."
"...well, that sounds great."
I don't answer. When I move to walk out of there, he gets in my way, which makes me stop right at the spot. I'm not surprised, but it's really getting on my nerves.
"So you're still pissed, huh?" I ask, knowing he's gonna snap any second.
He throws his arms out. "I'm thrilled, now GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!"
I continue smirking; knowing this just pisses him off even more. He hates it when people don't take him seriously. Especially when he's dead serious. Anytime now he's gonna push me. Or hit me, whatever he finds most satisfying.
"Tai," he finally says in a calm, almost soft voice. "I don't have time for this. Let it go."
I frown. Not only because I was wrong, but also because he's not yelling anymore. Which means he's not pissed, just tired of me. But I'm not giving up on this. We're gonna talk and that's final.
"Why? So that you can run away from this? Like you do with everything else? You've gotta learn to deal with stuff, Matt!"
He looks at me, blinking in surprise. Blinking twice… 3…2…1…
"DON'T YOU FUCKING TELL ME WHAT TO DO! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CAN'T DEAL WITH THINGS THE RIGHT WAY! YOU ALWAYS MESS EVERYTHING UP! SO DON'T YOU FUCKING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"
That's it...
"WHO THE HELL'S GONNA TELL YOU WHAT TO DO IF I DON'T! YOU JUST CAN'T ADMIT THAT YOU'RE NOT ABLE TO DEAL WITH SHIT! WELL GUESS WHAT! SHIT HAPPENS, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!"
Damn. Why does a him screaming always make me yell right back? I was supposed to have the control. And now I've already lost it.
"YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING AND I DON'T KNOW SHIT! I HAVE A BRAIN YOU KNOW, SO STOP TRYING TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO OR WHAT I'M THINKING 'CAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON INSIDE MY HEAD! AND LET ME TELL YOU-"
Shut him up, Tai, shut him up, shut him up, shut. Him. UP!
"…THIS, TAI, YOU'RE NOT MY FUCKING DAD OR MOM OR WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS YOU THINK YOU ARE, SO YOU CAN JUST TAKE ALL YOU GODDAMNED OPINIONS AND SHOVE THEM UP YOUR-"
He yelps in surprise and I swear to God I'm not any less shocked than he is. I mean I certainly didn't plan to do that. I didn't suddenly get all romantic while he was screaming his head off, thinking 'wow, those lips looks so soft… I wonder what-' No.
I guess it's just because I've kinda got this reflex that always causes me to (automatically) do stuff that pops up in my head –which could be practically anything. So I could've punched him just as well. Or turn on my heel and walk away. Or poke his stomach. Or… well, you get the picture.
This time, however, the idea of kissing him popped up in my head and so I did, much to my own surprise.
