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im 29

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Some beautiful nubile delicate gullible credulous souls here on tumblr think this is an actual corporate account run by a multinational oil company. It is not

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(with tearful, eruptive rage) so that’s pretty cool

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(with disdain) sounds like something a 26 year old would say

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With my failteam playing failball

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What I don’t get about skaters is you’re gonna smoke all that weed and then what you wanna do is get on a skateboard with your impaired vestibular system and heightened nerve sensitivity then crash your skinny unpadded bony ass on the rough hot pavement?

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It has been foretold that a mortal of your stature shall bear the brunt of my mysterious, relentless pussy 

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Ok but weed is literally just Give you problems juice

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*trying to evade my friend’s question about how I’ve just started dating the 37th guy in a row named Dave, coincidentally also the name of my father* guess you can say I’m just living Dave by Dave…

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going to my job at burglary and embezzlement

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Goimg to my ELECTIVE job where I CHOOSE to work for a living :)

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Lady Luck HATES Her: This Girl Is A Total Loser!

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Gay mlm love be like let’s get each others warts ^^

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PLEASE fart loudly in public bathrooms to raise awareness to ppl with butthole problems ✊

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tumblr mobile be like let’s hide notes from daddy :3

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The last time I heard from him, he was using language to express ideas and refer to things both abstract and concrete

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Quantum entanglement w the girls

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me when the overall tone is eerie and primal