Life Unlimited

STOP❗❗❗NSFW Please enjoy yourself...

[gaay]

y'all ever notice how guys standards for girls are so much more unnecessary than girls standards for guys are….like i’ve heard guys say things like “if she doesn’t send nudes i can’t wife”, “she’s gotta be willing to fuck anytime i want”, “if she doesn’t give head it’s a deal breaker” and girls say thing like “he needs to love and care about me” or “he needs to not be afraid to show me off” like girls’ expectations for the men they date are so ridiculously low because it’s just so uncommon for guys to love their girl unconditionally and show them off while guys expectation for girls are so stupid and unnecessary because they already know that their girl will support them and love them no matter what and they take advantage of that….

[theartitself]

yup

[shephholden-blog]

Bullshit

[tyleeiswastedd]

[tarynel]

I hope yall stop fucking tumblr niggas in the new year. Let this year on tumblr be a lesson. No more tumblr dick.

[shephholden-blog]

There's still at least me tho. I'm a good man looking for a good woman.

[shephholden-blog]

[sixpenceee]

One of the most coolest looking vortex marbles I’ve ever seen. (Source)

[shephholden-blog]

This is exactly what I imagine the universe and earth look like, a vortex doughnut marble snow globe with no beginning or end yet finite in is nothingness.

[lolfactory]

This sheet music for Star Wars

funny tumblr ☆ Facebook ☆ Twitter ☆ follow

[this funny picture via lolsnaps]

[ink-metal-art]

Sons SOA

[shephholden-blog]

SAMCRO

[ultrafacts]

The Camden bench evolved from designs developed for Camden Borough Council. It is designed with today’s street seating needs in mind, such as resisting criminal and anti-social behaviour: • Deters rough sleeping – ridged top and sloped surfaces make it difficult to lie on. • Deters drug dealing – no crevices in which to hide such materials. • Deters bag theft – recesses along the bench’s front and back allow people to store bags behind their legs out of harm’s way. • Reduces littering – there are no flat surfaces or crevices where litter usually accumulates. Dirt and water flow off. • Easy to relocate (for example, to move it away from a problem area) – there’s no need to bolt the bench to a foundation and built-in lifting eyes allow the bench to be moved easily by truck crane.

Source: [x]

Click HERE for more facts

[shephholden-blog]

I find it ironic that both the UK AND THE US CAMDEN have THE SAME PROBLEMS.

[dutchster]

[shephholden-blog]

That's fine, except the Antarctica accord prohibits any traveling to said south pole. One land mass and one ice cube. If anything, unplug it. Wait 30 years, plug back in.

[1111animals]

Solitary Animal 1111 Animals - Ep 88

[rikivi]

[shephholden-blog]

The womb

[chroniclesofabarmaid]

This girl just made my night. I want to meet her just so I can tell her she’s my spirit animal. We take a lot as servers and bartenders (and I’m sure retail workers and other service industry professionals alike) and we write things off as being “part of the job” but that shit gets so old and she calls it out.

(Side note: I wish she didn’t feel the need to say what she was wearing, but I get it. She CLEARLY wasn’t leading him to think anything sexual of her. But even if she was wearing a skimpy outfit - keep your hands to yourself like they taught you in kindergarten. Sing a song if you have to. Let’s write it together, okay?

To the tune of Three Blind Mice: Don’t touch her Don’t touch him Let’s all keep Our hands to ourselves If you start to feel the need to reach out Put your hands in your pockets and give a great shout Let’s respect our neighbors and workers and friends Don’t touch her Don’t touch him. Side, side note: If you need a children’s nursery rhyme rewritten in accordance with your anger, you know where to find me.)

[shephholden-blog]

Everything I love about this blog in one post. You're welcome tumblr.

[chroniclesofabarmaid]

Naked Tending.

Him: I heard you got a new job.

Me: You heard right.

Him: What is it?

Me: A non profit.

Him: Ew. Of course. Do you wear clothes there?

Me: Am I wearing clothes now?

Him: You are always naked here.

Me: I am literally wearing a male’s flannel shirt and jeans that are too big for me.

WHERE EXACTLY IS THE NAKED.

(Remember, check out the new site at www.alalanews.org!!)

[shephholden-blog]

You're so emotionally naked, duh 😅😅

[chroniclesofabarmaid]

Smells Like...

Him: It just seems really derivative, kind of like his music.

Pro tip! Using the word “derivative” to describe a band makes you sound like a pretentious asshole! Especially when the band you’re talking about is Nirvana.

[chroniclesofabarmaid]

A Good Time To Call.

The phone rings.

Me: Hello?

Her: Yeah hold on a second. 

[chroniclesofabarmaid]

Can't. Even.

Eating dry spinach out of a cardboard box in the back of a livery cab on my way to work is a strange and existential snapshot of what my life is like while bartending during holiday party season.

[shephholden-blog]

#thestruggle

[chroniclesofabarmaid]

#GetOut

Seven white guys in their forties came in on a Saturday. They ordered seven beers, tipped four dollars. They sat down and it was apparent almost immediately how drunk they were. They were yelling, they were insulting each there, whatever. That’s fine.

My coworker, who happens to be black (this is important later), realizes that it smells like lighter fluid. She looks over at their table and sees they’ve turned all of the candles upside down. We use candles with fluid in them as they burn longer throughout the night. She picks up the candles at their tables and sees that lighter fluid is spilling all over the wooden table tops. She calmly started cleaning it up.

The guys pull out matches and say they were just about to relight them. She says, there’s no need, and pulls the candles off the table. Honestly, if you lose the privilege of having candles on your table, that’s on you. It’s not that hard to not do what you did. 

A few minutes later the guys are lighting matches under the tables and bouncing them off the table. Again, my coworker goes over to them calmly. She tells them they can light matches in the bathroom or they can light matches when they smoke outside. They cannot light matches at the table. This - though she didn’t say so - should really be self explanatory. But some people need more guidance than others.

The guys start getting aggravated with all these rules so they start threatening to call the cops on us under their breaths. They make jokes, they act like we offended them. They finish their beers and start to pack up their stuff. They start getting louder, since they are cowards and know that they are leaving soon so they better get it all out now. 

First Guy: We better go.

Second Guy: Yeah, they don’t even like us here. They want us to leave.

First Guy: Yeah, they took away our candles.

Second Guy: All lives matter.

…

Excuse me what now. Did you guys just “all lives matter” my black coworker because you couldn’t handle the responsibility of candles on your table without threatening to burn the whole bar down? 

Your oppression is so real. So. Real.

[shephholden-blog]

#whiteout