The House of Silk

@sherlock-bee

House of feelings&thoughts. Belong to one who is interested in Sherlock Holmes And Harry Potter and all sorts of interesting books, Leonie, (nearly)18. Undergraduate of BFSU. Trying to cope with being far away from someone I love and the fact that I'm sinking probably way too deep. Sometimes moody. Sometimes lazy. Welcome:)

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And then there‘s the little problem with E lol. Guess I’ll just call him E. Well he is sooooo cute! I’m currently staying at home and far from him and idk whether i should say fortunately or what, i don’t think of him as frequently as when in last semester and i don’t feel as strongly for him(now).

Mum&dad reckon that was just a crush(maybe even not a crush) and idk, they just don’t like E very much. Funny, E doesn‘t like me much lol

Well i kinda know that he isn‘t really attracted to me...... but i actually don’t care so much. And sometimes you just wouldn’t care. I mean, when you want to get close to him so much, you wouldn’t even care so much about his own opinion on this(oh shit this is definitely true, sometimes i just cant stop myself. And probably don’t want to stop myself anyway.)

And.... i still decide to tell him(if by then i still feel for him) when we graduate. Funny coincidence, but we are going to graduate in the same year, which is two years later. I would tell him then if need be [

Just this is kinda funny and i feel so strongly i should do like this lol

Right, idk.... looooong time no see again.

Well..... At present everything is in a funny state.

Just, i suddenly realized that things probably won‘t just go on as smoothly as ever without me doing anything.

Fact is, i probably need to do something, and i better start NOW.

Idk what exactly, but i guess this is because i grew older and shits.... just, things are not so simply and clear as before i suppose.

It’s kind of scary actually, when you think about it, because it‘s like..... a new area? Somewhere you have not been to

And besides there are those obvious responsibilities waiting, standing in your path ahead? Idk but it feels like this

Why, i guess this is human life? That‘s what happens

Ok, here i am.... trying to take down some shits anyway

I feel like I’m really so interest-driven... mostly just doing things out of interest or curiosity(or both

So in short... i guess this kind of mirrors some needs within my heart that i wasn’t aware of before. Yes its been too long a time, and he once had my whole-hearted love, so i guess this does cover up some of the problems. But anyway, guess we are on the right track now. I definitely need to talk more with him.

And besides, the shitty business lol.... can’t help realizing that i was correct(or maybe, at least partly correct) in not being too close to ppl. I know there are merits of being close to them, which i would shortly come to. But like, mostly these two or three days i was continuously interacting with ppl and listening to their stories. I can’t say that i didn’t enjoy this at all, considering the fact that I pretty much launched some of these conversations, but still, just in the middle of somewhere, or just suddenly when i find that i have “see through” this person I’m talking to, or when their narration goes too long(and without much interesting information/detail), i might just suddenly drift apart(?) and be like”oh why am i here listening to this talk”

Be like: secretly presupposing that they’d realize their faults and be brave enough to face them

So: write down words that don’t sound so good

Ending up getting remarks from the teacher: you put in some negative connotation that wasn’t there in the original text

Me: Ok fine

#school #daily shit #omg who knows #i just feel like doing so #still i tried #five hours spent on this!!!

Should have been doing my homework and preparing for the presentation on Monday morning but am actually shedding a lot of tears over videos about COVID19 on YouTube