MOVED (do not look thru here plz)

.hahahhauuugggh

[shestillhasthoughts]

I'm moving to a new blog

This has been my secret-vent-sideblog for almost bit over a year... But we're in a new era now!

[shestillhasthoughts]

Dad got this fucking ridiculous manicure set with like 24 things in it, all jumbled into a case, for $6. And wants/vlh me to sort it.

... there's some good blades in there.

[shestillhasthoughts]

and now AL is gone.

[shestillhasthoughts]

How can anyone love their fathers?

[shestillhasthoughts]

:(

[shestillhasthoughts]

Looked up "how to be better for yourself as a bpd npd" thinking i could find some articles

the top were "how to make bpd stfu," "protection from the bpd aka psycopath" LIKE HOLY SHIT luckily there's some real stuff underneath but it just hurts so much to remember my existence is seen as pure unfixable deserve-to-suffer evil.

[shestillhasthoughts]

Existing is haaaard, man. especially when you cannot rely on yourself for your mental wellbeing AT ALL because Yourself (brain) is Against You and that is The Problem and actually The Problem is that you can't do anything about it and every other Problem is just symptoms

oh wait no according to every fucking "help" source ever this is impossible and the only way to get help is is HAHA FUCK YOUUU because they refuse to help ..

.---you...

fuck people are going to get mad at me now

[shestillhasthoughts]

GGAHHHHH so into [insert any english pronoun to ever so slightly change my tone and discreetness]

[shestillhasthoughts]

The only one to stop tearing my life apart must just be me. Even though the reason i have a problem and the problem itself is that i need help. NOPE. Everything says—Oh no don't try—Everything says change must be done by yourself. Getting "help" would mean hurting people because they can't handle what i realy need, and that would expand onto the piece of my problem that is hurting people

[shestillhasthoughts]

that horrible angry feeling in your chest when. hatred.

[shestillhasthoughts]

little do you know I'M INTO THIS!

[shestillhasthoughts]

being a masochist and realising that fear is just basic survival instinct and not realizing that fact because it's so isolated from the bias

[shestillhasthoughts]

UH OH

[shestillhasthoughts]

oh COME ON what do you mean i JUST realized that i have anxiety triggers?

[shestillhasthoughts]

WHOOPS

[shestillhasthoughts]

DAD JUST WALKED IN HGDJDHSHSK THE ONE TIME I GET CURIOUIS AHAHA

the sleeve up may have been obvious but he's excitedly talking about his crush. teehee.

[shestillhasthoughts]

I am a daughter...