She Wanted Storms

When the moonlight maddens me, my final refuge lies in poetry.

[montivagent]

“You will hear thunder and remember me, And think: she wanted storms. The rim Of the sky will be the colour of hard crimson, And your heart, as it was then, will be on fire.”

— Anna Akhmatova, from “In Memory of V. C. Sreznevskaya ”, Selected Poems (via weltenwellen)

[shewantedstorms]

Let Me Tell You

Let me tell you about broken things -

about empty kisses and hollow breasts.

Let me tell you how he breaks me -

bedroom eyes and teeth that clip wings.

Let me tell you how he tricks me -

light caresses as he breathes my name,

and let me tell you about the morning -

this empty bed and his smell and how 

I am imploding again.

Let me tell you about close enough -

sometimes I can pretend that he means it

like a child can sometimes pretend

his dead pet is merely sleeping.

Let me tell you about gratitude -

tears taste the same as sweat when all

is said and done and in the dark he’ll never know

the difference as he shakes with satisfaction

that I shake with grief. 

Let me tell you about grace -

the art of forgiving when he calls me her name,

the art of playing off some horrible truth

with a smile and shake of the head,

and let me tell you about romance -

from all I’ve ever seen and felt,

it’s either dark or it’s dead.

[shewantedstorms]

You've Changed

“you’ve changed” you cry my name like the answer to your pain - like I will save you. “you’ve changed” you whisper broken like I should have stayed the same. Broken and afraid, to you I should remain forever chained. “you’ve changed” like you’re afraid  of what I’ve become now that I’ve picked the lock and escaped my cage. “you’ve changed” like the dirtiest curse you could think of to say “you’ve changed” like the doors have all closed now that I’ve ran away from old fears and scars that shackled me to the ground. “you’ve changed” like I can no longer touch you if I do not bow down to you “you’ve changed” like you are afraid of a me no longer crippled with pain. “you’ve changed” but do you realize it would have killed me to stay the same?

[shewantedstorms]

Why I cried myself to sleep last night.

Because I lost him as surely as the sun  will rise tomorrow and wake me from dreams in which I am still his savior. Dreams in which I am anything to him at all.  

Because I still love him the way the child still loves his pet after it has ran away. The way the teenager still loves his old teddy bear even after it has fallen to pieces. The way the arson loves the ashes as they sift through his hands once the fire is over.

Because there is too much time for forgetting things no one should forget. Like the weight of his eyelashes brushing my cheek or the exact pitch of his voice when he asked me what he meant to me (everything.)

Because it was never over just as it had never truly begun like the love of ocean and sand brought together and torn apart by the tide. Never given enough time.

Because I’ve read his letters one thousand times too many and not nearly enough to bring him back to me the way I wish he still was.

Because someday he will belong to another woman and the same looks he gave me will belong to her and because when I think about that I can’t sleep for days.

Because he was mine, once, and never again. Because these verses are the last I will write with his face in my mind.

Because forever is such a long time for forgetting. 

[shewantedstorms]

I left and you stayed.

I left and you stayed memories all warp and fade your voice I can’t recall. I left and you stayed once you called me, the phone rang  I paused, didn’t answer.  I left and you stayed who are you now? I saw you once, from far away -   I called out your name, you met my gaze, then silence. your eyes said too much.   I left and you stayed my leaves have all begun to  change colors and fall.   I left and you stayed our footprints old and worn remain I retrace them in my dreams.   I left and you stayed crimson tears fill weary eyes tainted with regret.   I left and you stayed soon you will forget my name, my memory slain.   I left and you stayed it all boils down to this time passed, we both changed

[shewantedstorms]

Bone Marrow and Wine

Secrets deep as bone marrow -

Your subconscious tastes like wine

I drink you in deeply

I moan

and you sigh

[shewantedstorms]

Lover, Lover

Tell me a story, lover, of a time you felt weak, I want the gift of your journey laid out at my feet. You are so beautiful tell me how this came to be, I want to drink from your bloodstream, I want to bathe in your heat. We are so sacred, my own saving grace, I pray to our eternal soul to pull me out of time and space and let me sleep in your arms tonight, just let me sleep in your arms tonight. I pray to our eternal soul that morning proves you real again, that morning sings us together again and the sun weaves nets of shadows across our naked skin and when I open my eyes, I pray that it is your bed I open them in. 

[shewantedstorms]

“I would love to be the ocean dark and deep I would love to carry sailors on my tossing, churning seas. But instead I am a river, instead I am a stream my waves are much less deadly my kisses half as sweet. No dark and trembling wanderers come to watch my gentle swell no hurt and troubled outcasts come to rinse what they can’t tell. The sun that rises on my banks is never half as bright as that of the wide, wild ocean and her vividly beating heart. Oh, I wish for her ripples and glimmers, her moon-bound pull and flow, I’d love to contain her sandy depths as they wrap around the world But I am a humble river, bent in longing to her side, with my currents of envy I feed her huge and rushing tides.”

— Diary of the River - S.w.S (shewantedstorms)

[shewantedstorms]

“Let me make you holy. Tonight, I want you to drink the tears I shed for you. My sweat is blessed by the divine rituals of human desire. Let’s discover fire together, feel the exquisite burn of playing with Eve’s temptation. I want you to lick the forbidden fruit, and then kiss me with it’s juices on your lips. Slice me open with your hungry breath and drink the blood that beads along the incision. I will make you forget your own name, and then I’ll rechristen you with something a bit more majestic, so that when I whisper it in the dark, warm space of your neck, it turns both of us into dark and rushing waves as we clash like a hurricane - a miracle, of sorts. And I can be your holy ghost; I’ll have you speaking in tongues by the end of the night. We’ll be the holy trinity baby, just you and me and the electric spirit between us. We’ll build God in the pull of our breath and the rush of adrenaline as we exhale, completely as one. I’ll build us a temple and we can worship ourselves together - I’ll offer myself up, a human sacrifice, and you can do with me what pleases you most. Drink my wine and eat my bread, everything I have is yours. The world never had a religion like ours.”

— Let me make you Holy - S.w.S. (shewantedstorms)

[shewantedstorms]

“Your body is the texture of ecstasy. Somewhere, there is a field and a full moon. Beneath the stars we are making love, our moans intermingling with the thrumming of cicada song. The entire history of human desire can be summed up in one hungry kiss passing between our lips, or the slick and warm between my thighs that gathers from one look into your eyes. You bring me closer to the fire of truth around which I dance nightly. The fire is in your eyes, it crackles in the space between my tongue and your teeth. We are not afraid to burn. Come. Wrap me in your arms until my entire world is enveloped by your heat and the scent of your body, the texture of flesh compressing and sliding until it stops mattering which body is mine, which eyes are yours. We breathe fire. We make love for days. I forget my own name. Gladly.”

— Texture of Ecstasy by S.w.S. (shewantedstorms)

[shewantedstorms]

“The night is throbbing. Night is just like that - it undulates with desire and the hook is in my mouth again. Is this what you wanted? What we all want - a lover to pull by invisible string until you are inside me and for a moment, only touch. Only light. For a moment, we cross over. I die and wake up on your chest. Your dark eyes slip closed. Entangled like this, it is easy to forget. Burning like this, we make a game of intimacy. It’s not fair. Loving like this, full of distances, I pull your mouth into my own. I seek to drown. You put your hands on me. Time bends like it does sometimes, and for a moment they are not your hands. I’m sorry. Time bends for a moment and I remember a field in August, the bright touch of a lover who saw the moon in my eyes. I touch you anyway. Full of aching, I pull your mouth into my own. Oblivion is not the same as bliss I tell myself, drowning.”

— The In-Between Loves by S.w.S.  (SheWantedStorms)

[cherryirises-deactivated2020042]

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[shewantedstorms]

I know it will get easier but..... Having to leave someone you are genuinely in love with fucking KILLS UGH I want to scream and cry and smash everything I see. I want to free fall just for the impact. I want to call him just to hear him say his name on his fucking voice mail and I want to bundle every good memory I have of him and light it up like a Chinese lantern and let it float away. I am honestly so conflicted right now because it seemed like so OBVIOUSLY the right decision to leave him until I did it and now I tremble at the thought of sleeping next to him again and I want to fly to Miami just to see his face when he opens the door and I want to make a puddle of myself in his bed. I want to wail until my voice becomes a whisper I want to run until my lungs give out I want to call him and tell him that last night I reached for him in my sleep & woke because he wasn't there & when I remembered it was over I couldn't breathe I just shook until exhaustion stole me back to sleep. And I know it was the right thing to do because I know I can't keep him I don't want forever with him but oh man do I want today.

[shewantedstorms]

In the end, it was quiet. Moss grew in the cracks between us. We softened into our separate skins, and let fungus grow in the wet spaces between our tongue and teeth. The sun rose and fell like a body breathing. When you finally stood to leave, you said nothing. The moss swallowed your footsteps like a feeling. The air was thick with the possibility of rain.  I fell asleep dreaming of the word “speak” and woke alone in a bed of white chrysanthemums. When I realized you were gone, My body felt swollen with rainwater. Throaty and full of loss I murmured your name into the creek bed. Too late, I realized but oh ~ There is so much I wanted to tell you.

K Stocker (shewantedstorms)

[oceanvuong]

[Poem] | Dear Rose, by Ocean Vuong | Harper's Magazine

Poetry

have a new poem long up in harper’s yay

happy new year be safe be golden. 

–ocean

[shewantedstorms]

His skin is summer, his kisses a light rain.  By the end of the night I am drenched in his presence fingers intertwined like a statement of fact. Like a prayer that says: "Maybe I do not need to be alone to find myself"

“I wrote this in his bed” by K. Stocker (shewantedstorms)

[shewantedstorms]

Say Surrender.  Caramel torso rippling with the leavings of desire. Say hunger. Hug her. Say tongue with teeth like small moons. We're getting there.   A bed can be a piece of furniture or a world unto itself  depending on who's tangled in it's sheets.  Say white out. When I touched him, everything else went to static. I wanted to move together like a body breathes.  But I have never struggled so much to just breathe as when he touched me. Say tongue-tied. Butterflies. The way dawn's fiery reflection ripples on the pond. I wanted this to be more than the hunger of one body for another. I wanted the purity of depth. Say puddle. I am splashing in his tangled sea of blankets lips wet and primed for salvation while he uses the rest room. Say rest room. The rest of the room fades to atmosphere. There is just a bed, just a boy, just the ebb and flow of our desires coursing like a flooded river. Help me. I just wanted to breathe together.

Say Surrender (after @oceanvuong) by K. Stocker (shewantedstorms)