Aug, 6, 2019
Given the modern day, Hollywood-esk, trends, by now everyone at least has an idea of what demonic possession is. You wake up to find your eight-year-old staring at a wall with a butchers knife in hand and then he tries to stab you, or maybe grandma has been saying really weird things lately and Susie says she saw her come out of the woods covered in blood, oh God, someone call a Catholic. Now, luckily for literally everyone on the face of planet earth, that is not usually how demonic possession goes down.
My Story:
When I was little my mom used to take me to with her to preform exorcisms and cast demons from people’s homes. Starting at the age of three I began to feel pity for the things we were getting rid of, I was just a child, but I could feel their pain, their anger, and sometimes their fear. I didn’t understand why we were doing this, and I certainly didn’t understand why I wasn’t aloud to speak to anything I saw, heard, or felt. Why is it that all I could do is pray?
I remember seeing the shadow people, I remember that sometimes when my mom, or our pastor, “got rid” of these things, they would sometimes follow me home. My mom thought we were fine because she had called upon angels and they bound and threw these monsters into an empty pit, never to be seen again. However, I could feel them touch me, I could hear the clawing, whistling, hissing, and screaming, I knew that they weren’t gone, they had simply relocated.
My first impressions of possession we’re a couple of women who spoke with voices that were not their own. My mom spoke to them in a language I couldn’t understand, but I knew. They couldn’t enter into a church without crying, they’re eyes we’re glossy, and their skin had become pale, but no matter how many exorcisms they had preformed on them, God did not come to save them.
By the time I was eleven I had begun to ask why. If this God of yours is so powerful why does it take basically annoying the thing into leaving for it to genuinely leave? Now when I was fifteen and had begun summoning demons, and I found out I could consent to temporary possession, there was no one on earth, or in hell, that was going to stop me.
The problem was that the demons I had seen in peoples homes and bodies before were not major spirits, they had minimal powers, and were not even fallen angels, but were built by the fallen angels. Now I wasn’t about to let fucking Tom from accounting roll up in this bitch and steal my body, and I was already in a pact with Belial, so I think everyone sees where this is going.
I want to state that at this time he had not yet given me a reason to believe that he could not be trusted (which he very much can’t be.) This was, of course, before he tried to kill me and sent me through six months of emotional, spiritual, and physical hell. When I let him possess me it felt like ecstasy, He spoke and I knew it wasn’t me, it was one of the most amazing experiences I had ever had, until it wasn’t.
What I didn’t know, was that by giving him access that one time, it didn’t just stop at that one time. I never thought to close the door and he let other things in. For the next six months, most of which I can’t remember, a lot went down. I had people in my head pretending to be alters, he used those “alters” (lesser demons/familiars) to lock me away in my own mind, and split my soul into what he wanted me to be. (Side-note, I have DID, and that’s what he used to manipulate me.)
I became “Amara” and in that time I worshiped him despite everything he was doing to me, I loved him without conditions, I was being tortured and all I could do was smile. I was in hell, it was hell. Then, after those six months of non-stop torture, he convinced me and my girlfriend to attempt suicide.
We went into the woods where he himself possessed me and made me swallow at least two-hundred pills. I left my body, my soul had given up, and by the time help arrived I was on my death bed, that’s when I, Alisha, returned.
I couldn’t remember much, because I wasn’t there. I told my mom everything that happened, told her about the magick, the possession, all of it (minus the sex). Her, an old pastor of ours, and my grandpa agreed that they could get rid of him and the others, because through God all things are possible. My mom didn’t believe me when I told her who we were dealing with, but my grandpa did.
When I got home from the hospital I threw away everything witchcraft related, fully convinced that I was about to convert. My grandpa cleansed the house, and was convinced he was out of the home, so they brought me into it. That’s when “I” started screaming, called my mom a bitch, my mom had to yell “Belial, shut the fuck up!” (which was great btw.)
It took around an hour of screaming, crying, cursing, non-stop prayer, and horrible physical pain, for any of us to think that it was finally over. I thought we did it, I thought he was gone, and the house was safe. I thought, foolishly, that I was safe.
That’s when I realized how many were in me for the past six months of my life. I thought I had 20+ alters, I only had 5/6. Amara imploded, all the rest, other than the 5/6 I started out with, disappeared. I had to AT LEAST have had 15 lesser spirits influencing, possessing, and taking over for those six months.
The problem is that night he came back. He was supposed to have been gone, I was supposed to be able to convert and move on, but even the all-powerful (super dead) God, couldn’t help me.
I’m stuck. I can’t leave, so I’m going deeper. Demonic possession had a lot to do with the events that lead me to making this blog , so I feel it’s only fitting if I explain what the reality of it is.
Consensual Vs. Non-Consensual Possession:
Most cases of possession are in fact asked for. Most demons don’t just go around jumping into random human bodies for the heck of it. Unless, of course, they really are just that bored.
There is this idea that demons possess people because they want to destroy humanity and the best way to do it is to become as close to a human being as possible. Possess little Sally and make her slit mommies throat, because obviously that’s going to cause a lot of damage in the grand scheme of things.
That really isn’t the case. Even with all of the things that can go wrong, like in my case, there is still a ton of benefits to possession, especially if you’re a spirit worker. To be able to have a demon, spirit, or God speak directly to you can be a great experience, if you know how to do it safely and properly.
Non-Consensual possession is often something that becomes very violent, and consensual possession can quickly become non-consensual. The good thing is that this type of possession is rare. The Catholic church tends to get who’s possessed, and who’s just struggling, mixed up all the time. If you do happen to find yourself in this situation however, an exorcism can help.
Consensual possession tends to go like this. 1. You summon the being 2. The Being asks what you want 3. You ask it to possess you 4. You get a little sick 5. You go through possession. This can look like anything from a normal conversation, to you pinned to the floor speaking in tongues, it just depends. 6. You will then tell them you command them to leave your body. If they do not leave you will need to give the licence to depart.
You can often find out different things through possession than you would via normal spirit communication. For example, King Azazel is an amazing cook and Lucifer can write poetry like it’s no ones business. You can have a spirit write down it’s sigil, enn, or even language. And, if you have another person there, cuddling is always nice.
Possession is definitively not something I recommend for beginners. It can get intense and it can hurt you even if you have a mass amount of experience. In the end you are giving something complete control over your body, mind, and sometimes even soul. Please be careful, and never let something you don’t think you can trust take over.
-A.P. Barker
