Maybe this is a mistake, maybe not, but the fact is im leaving for good
The idea of coming back to the au fills me with so much anxiety and shame that i can no longer look at my work in a positive light. Ive tried to draw the au on many occasions and each art piece floods back all the mistakes and lies I've said to innocent, kind people.
I planned to come back next year yet every time i keep thinking about the future, the more my depression skyrockets and I'm filled with so much self- hatred and the actions of my past. If it matters, ive been sober since the callout and have a wonderful therapist helping me. But despite all of this, my self esteem and confidence has dropped and im no longer proud of having my tumblr, twitter and Instagram accounts or even my name. After some advice and numerous chats with the suicide prevention team, i am abandoning the au, the moomin fandom and all of my accounts.
I am writing this to once again to apologize for the people i have hurt and trusts that i have broken. I wish you all luck and happiness in your lives and hope you all have wonderful lives. Never stop growing and never stop being amazing. Things get better and the world would be dark without you.
Taking my own encouragements, I'm continuing to work on myself to gain confidence and have a better self worth than i have had all these years. I will miss you all. But life goes on, and hopefully the next day will brighter than the last.
Im sorry for not being strong and coming back but i need to move on and heal fully for the years of damage that I've caused to myself and get to know the me that hiding in fear and chasing approval. I'm working hard to be a better and honest person and i am once again sorry for leaving but its for the best.
Im sorry to all the people who submitted art and asksto my inbox, but i cannot post them. I am sorry, but i do not feel that the association with me or the blog is beneficial to anyone. To my supporters, thank you and im so sorry that i made you worry for me. Im still having trouble with self esteem and feel i am not worthy of forgiveness or acceptance, but thank you so much for seeing the positive in me when i cannot see it in myself.
I am sorry to everyone, i let you all down and im trying to get better.
This my final goodbye, so goodbye everyone i wish you all the best
Love *the previously known* Shibe
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