so unique, inspired

🎅  🎅  🎅  🎅  🎅

[wheresmulder]

We don't celebrate Xmas but we're doing it this year on a ridiculous whim bc my sister was like "what if we get a hot pink xmas tree" and me going "here's my credit card" so

And we haven't told my mom bc we thought it would be funny to surprise her bc she was like "what if we got a tree this year" after I already bought it so I did my best grinch impression like "NO. XMAS IS FUCKING STUPID. IN THIS HOUSE WE DO NOT FEED CORPORATE GREED." while my sister is in the backseat trying not to fucking laugh bc the tree is being delivered the next day so yeah we successfully got the package in the house without her knowing and last night we went to h***y l***y for decorations and my siblings and I were literally pissing our pants laughing at all the weird xmas shit and grabbing everything we liked and putting it in the cart while going "BIGFOOT ORNAMENT? IT'S IN THE MOVIE." like literally this:

Shout out to k&p for the gremlins 2 sketch bc LMFAOooOoo all the other customers/employees were like "👀 wtf is wrong with them/🤔are they actually making a movie" and then AND THEN. I SEE HIM

Hands down the most disturbing creature I've ever encountered. I was absolutely hysterical i couldn't stop laughing. My sister called him a curly toed weirdo. It's giving:

AND HE IS WEARING *PINK*???? HE MATCHES THE FUCKING TREE????

We almost passed out laughing i could not breathe. This little freak was EIGHTY DOLLARS??????? but all the xmas shit was on sale so he was 30 and we're like........ 👀are we.... 👀we're not....👀couldn't possibly... 👀but what if....

and i was like you know what. Commit to The Bit so guess what bitches?

He's in the movie. Say hello to my first born son 👨‍👩‍👦 Giuseppe Creeps👶🔪

(lil seppy for short)

this is us checking out I told the cashier "please be careful with my son" and she had to keep a straight face bc her manager was there but as we were walking away she whispered "have fun with your son" so I'm just spreading xmas cheer everywhere I go with this little freak. Idk how but he's going on the tree. He is In The Movie. He's the star of gremlins 2. I love him sfm. but when we got home I went straight to my mom with him on my shoulder like as a distraction while my siblings hid all the ornaments so my mom thinks this is the only thing we bought at the store (and we were there for over an hour):

So i walk in with him and WHEN MY MOM SAW HIM ON MY SHOULDER SHE FUCKING RECOILED AWAY FROM ME IN HORROR. FULLY LIKE:

IM SRS 100% THATS LITERALLY WHAT SHE LOOKED LIKE and I againnn almost fucking diiiiiiied laughing I could not breathe

SHE ✨️F E A R S✨️ HIM and has no idea about the tree were gonna set it up today while she's running errands this is the best fucking christmas ive ever had

[wheresmulder]

Update:

PINK TREE UPDATE:

MERRY CRISIS

[rgr-pop]

The URL you requested could not be found.

update your joanna sort for her birthday!! mine is newly jokerfied 

[gracklesong]

I thought you hated Sapokanikan

[shiny-brite]

Yes it’s bad but also a jam

[joeinct]

San Antonio Christmas V2, 12 10 16, Photo by Joe Bruha, Copyright 2020

[sovietpostcards]

Tree: done!

For the first time in years, I have a real life holiday tree this year! It’s so cute, and it smells amazing. I decorated it with all of my favourite vintage ornaments. ❤ About half of them come from my grandparents, the other half I acquired here and there over the years. I love these two long bead ornaments, they’re one of the oldest in my collection (late 40s/early 50s). I got them earlier this year! The tree would look even more ~vintage~ if it was covered with lametta, so maybe I should go buy some! :)

Do you have any vintage ornaments on your tree?

[shiny-brite]

he Sees you

[shiny-brite]

paper of the year!

[shiny-brite]

[shiny-brite]

gonna go in hard with the blue next year. which reminds me i have to go to w*lmart to get the blue garland on sale

[shiny-brite]

shiny brite candy cane bulbs

[shiny-brite]

murano glass candies is EXACTLY what i need. i actually have one of those paint cans in the photo, in red. and those tiny fruits! i want more apples for my tree, too, i love my apples. i saw an apple that was also a jingle bell (another thing i love--for the cats!) and it was a perfect idea but physically ugly. if i want murano candies there is so much choice out there! but i want really translucent ones. no one takes pictures of them on a tree, or in front of lights...

[shiny-brite]

my candies are some of my favorite, i want to expand the collection!

[shiny-brite]

master of ceremonies

[shiny-brite]

tree pic! crop was lusher this year so we had lots to choose from. got a skinny boi because we knew we’d have a lot of people over. good choice. held lots of stuff and turned out great but honestly last year’s desperate and pathetic tree turned out so perfect i’ll keep trying to relive it forever!

[shiny-brite]

mery chrismstszz babes

[truenightwings]

have you ever noticed how in ‘twelve days of christmas’ so many of the gifts are various birds? who has access to these many birds? why is this person receiving so many birds? can i receive this many birds? i want answers

[facts-i-just-made-up]

This is because the song was written in the 1780s under the reign of George III, when birds were extremely scarce in England due to over-hunting. The specific birds listed were the most hunted, thus the song is about the singer’s true love finding the rarest things in country to give for Christmas. All 12 gifts were birds in the original published song.

The birds included were:

A Partridge in a Pear Tree- Both things uncommon in the country, partridges having gone extinct in the region due to hunting in 1763, when the last of its kind was shot down by The Duke Of Ellingsby and left for his dogs. Pear trees cannot grow in the region at all.

Two Turtle Doves- The rarest known dove, now completely extinct as it was hunted for its precious shell. As the only shelled bird, the Turtle Dove died out around 1850. Its shell was often used to make frames for glasses.

Three French Hens- The French Hen was not technically a hen, but a species of vulture which resembled a chicken. This species was farmed, not hunted, but was exceedingly scarce as the breed was closely controlled by its farmers, the French family who would go on to introduce “Bird Mustard,” a type of mustard meant specifically for the breed. French’s Mustard is still made today.

Four Calling Birds- A “Calling Bird” refers to a Aves Cornelius, Or the Calling Cornish Grouse as it’s known today. It exists now only in zoos. The bird is notable for its male having a corkscrew shaped 14 inch penis, which was dried and and turned to powder for use as an aphrodisiac at the time.

Five Golden Rings- Referring to the Gold Ringed Pheasant, a delicacy which was overhunted to extinction, the last known specimen being eaten by Gerald Geraldson Esq. who consumed the bird with a dollop of French’s Bird Mustard.

Six Geese-a-Laying- This does not refer to Geese laying eggs but to Alayin Geese, golden geese which were likely the inspiration for a goose that could lay a golden egg. They were already extinct by the time the song was written, but this fact was not known until around 1830.

Seven Swans a-Swimming- Swans are common today but only because of an intensive breeding program. They were as rare in the 1780s in England as Astatine is today. This is why the duck in “The Ugly Duckling” is so remarkable, not for its beauty but for its rarity.

Eight Maids-a-Milking- The Maidenbird was the only known bird to have live birth and nurse its young with milk. “Maiden’s Milk” was used to make the original egg-nog, which was a royal delicacy reserved only for the children of the king and queen and even to them it was only served on Christmas. The bird is now extinct.

Nine Ladies Dancing- Seems an odd gift to give a lover doesn’t it? Unless you know that the Dancing Lady Eagle was the only eagle to live in England at the time. It was named for its habit of shaking violently to rid itself of Eagle Ticks, which resembled a frenzied dance. It was trophy hunted to near extinction, and lives only in captivity now. As the tick has gone extinct, it no longer dances.

Ten Lordes-a-Leaping (To use the spelling of the time)- The Lorde Heron still exists today, though it is no longer called the “Leaping Lorde” as it was in the time of the song. Identical visually to the Royal Heron, the only way to tell if a Lorde is a Royal is whether the genome runs in its blood. The Royal gene being extremely rare, that kind of luxury was not for most people, who could only afford a different buzzard.

Eleven Pipers Piping- The Piper Finch is still rare though it’s sold today at some pet shops and bird markets. Its voice was said once to be the most beautiful sound in the world, but is now considered a nuisance by most. The Piper Finch is most famous as the type of bird seen adorning the tip of the Washington Monument, as George Washington raised the animals. The British Piper Tax was one of the reasons the colonies split off to form the modern country of New England.

Twelve Drummers Drumming- The Drumming Magpie. Immortalized by Gioachino Rossini in his opera “La Gazza Tamburo.” The rarest bird in England by far, only three were known to exist at the time of the song’s writing. This would make twelve of them an exceptional rarity and near impossibility to crown the parade of gift birds. The drumming Magpie is named for its habit of tapping on trees to drive out maggots and grubs for it to eat.

So there you have it, the song is a love song about finding the rarest birds in England for the one you love. This stands in stark contrast to “The Eight Days of Hanukkah” in which the gifts include horseradish, cement, hair dye, a basketball, and lint.

Bonus trivia- Christmas was never celebrated as a 12 day holiday until after the song was written. The song likely inspired the tradition.

[woundability]

THIS NEW YEARS EVE IS #FREETHEPEOPLEDAY!

Donate here to create a pool of matching funds for 2019’s #FreeThePeopleDay!

All contributions from December 13th through 30th will be used to match funds raised on December 31st by the local bail and immigration bond funds of the National Bail Fund Network. Click here or read below to see a list of the more than 60 community bail and immigration bond funds around the country who will be participating in #FreeThePeopleDay!

This will be the third year of #FreeThePeople Day. In 2017, we raised $230,000 for local community bail & bond funds. In 2018, we raised $492,000 for local community bail & bond funds. In 2019, what can we build together?

BAIL FUNDS

Arizona Tucson Second Chance Bail Fund Colorado Colorado Freedom Fund

Connecticut Connecticut Bail Fund Florida LGBTQ Freedom Fund Hawaii Hawaii Community Bail Fund

Illinois Champaign County Bailout Coalition Chicago Community Bond Fund Kentucky Louisville Community Bail Fund Louisiana New Orleans Safety & Freedom Fund YWCA Greater Baton Rouge Community Bail Fund

Massachusetts Massachusetts Bail Fund Minnesota Minnesota Freedom Fund

Missouri Kansas City Community Bail Fund Race Matters Friends Community Bail Fund Reale Justice Community Bail Fund Nebraska Omaha Freedom Fund

Nevada Vegas Freedom Fund

New York* New York City Emergency Release Fund Across New York State Columbia County Bail Fund EOC of Suffolk Inc. Charitable Bail Fund OAR of Tompkins County Bail Fund Syracuse Jail Ministry North Carolina Alamance County Community Bail Fund North Carolina Community Bail Fund of Durham

Oregon Portland Freedom Fund Pennsylvania Bukit Bail Fund of Pittsburgh Dauphin County Bail Fund Philadelphia Community Bail Fund Philadelphia Bail Fund Tennessee Hamilton County Community Bail Fund Memphis Community Bail Fund Nashville Community Bail Fund

Virginia Richmond Community Bail Fund Roanoke Community Bail Fund Washington Northwest Community Bail Fund Wisconsin Free the 350 Bail Fund

*New York state is in the process of implementing new pretrial laws and regulations that have recently impacted the operations of community bail funds.

IMMIGRATION BOND FUNDS

National Haitian Immigrant Bond Assistance Project LGBTQ Freedom Fund RAICES Bond Fund

Alabama Etowah Freedom Fund

Arizona Pima Monthly Meeting Immigration Bond Fund California Statewide Freedom for Immigrants National Bond Fund Bay Area Immigration Bond Fund Northern California Immigrant Families Defense Fund Southern California Al Otro Lado - Vida Libre Bond Fund Orange County Justice Fund San Diego Immigrant Rights Consortium – Borderlands Get Free Fund Colorado Immigrant Freedom Fund of Colorado

Connecticut Immigrant Bail Fund Iowa Eastern Iowa Community Bond Project

Louisiana Freedom for Immigrants National Bond Fund Massachusetts Beyond Bail & Legal Defense Fund

Michigan Kent County I-BOND Fund

Minnesota Minnesota Freedom Fund Mississippi Mississippi ICE Raid Bond Fund

Nevada Las Vegas Family Unity Bond Fund - Arriba Las Vegas Workers Center New Hampshire NH Conference UCC Immigrant and Refugee Support Group

New York LIFE Bond Fund (New Sanctuary Coalition) New York Immigrant Freedom Fund

Ohio (includes Northern Kentucky) 3R Fund for Immigrants Pennsylvania Community Fund for Bond and Legal Support

Texas Fronterizo Fianza Fund Hutto Community Deportation Defense & Bond Fund RAICES Texas Bond Fund

Vermont Vermont Freedom Bail Fund

Virginia Cville Immigrant Freedom Fund

Washington Fair Fight Immigrant Bond Fund

[shiftythrifting]

An assortment of alarming second hand Santas.

Season’s Greasons