If there was anything that you dreaded more, it was nighttime. The fear and guilt always crept into your mind as soon as the lights dimmed and silence engulfed the dark room. Nothing made its presence known enough for you to distract yourself from the imagery that flashed and replayed night after night inside your head.
Everyone tells you it wasn't your fault, you want to believe that it wasn't, but it still holds a heavy weight in your chest for you to disregard it. You could never persuade yourself enough to think you weren't the cause of Shirabu's accident but had you processed things quicker, you would've done something to change the outcome.
You remember he told you a while back that he'd switch schools by the time you two would move up to your third year. It didn't affect you as much then since you two were only in middle school then, but the months pass by so quick it's hard to believe that your third year is only mere months away.
Just get through this year, then maybe the guilt would start fading once he goes. You'd tell yourself, but it always made you feel even more guilty. Instead of facing what caused your anxiety, you pushed it away. You were afraid that all the walls you'd built up until the present would fall and that you'd have to build them up once more when you muster up the heart to face him.
It was always such a pain to turn your gaze to his direction, seeing him unable to use his legs, unable to play the sport he's loved since his middle school days, having no other choice but to sit back and watch the rest of his team play without him. Semi Eita even took his position back as setter.
publishing as is again, i need to clear up drafts but i wanna publish the ones i really wanted to post back then but couldn't. i hope yous enjoy â¤ď¸ also, go check out more on my masterlists cos these partial works are open for any continuation or derivatives, etc. but on one condition: ask permission đ¤ that's allll
He was scared that the animals would not like him, so he didnât get anyÂ
Even though the dorms allow pets, he never gave into the temptation to get any.Â
~~~~~~~~~~~
ânO!â You scream doing an undignified dance with your legs as you try to block your cat from running out the door . It was somewhat successful as you managed to stop him from running towards the open door down the left to the hall.Â
Your happiness was cut short as you saw the direction he was running in.Â
Left. Towards the boys' dorms.Â
Fuck.Â
Closing your eyes in a brief moment of wanting to cry. You set down the pile of things in your arms, drop your bag, and start to walk in the direction of the little shit.Â
You were a bit hesitant to go near there as you knew that a bunch of volleyball boys had dorms near you, and to be honest, they scared the shit out of you.Â
You hear your cat meowing for attention right before you turn the corner, deciding to wait and see what happens as you poke your head around the corner.Â
There was a boy petting your cat, one of the scary volleyball boys to be specific. Except right now he was under your cat's power to get pets from anyone.Â
It was kind of⌠cute. His face was scrunched up while he used a high pitched voice to hi to your cat.Â
A hand falls on your shoulder and you scream. What the fuck. What the FUCK. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?Â
Turning around quickly you lose your balance and fall into the hallway right before the boy who was petting your cat.Â
âHello~â a boy with box dye red hair had come up behind you as you were watching Shirabu. You remembered your friend saying the red headâs name was something like tenderâŚ
âUm hiâ, you turn to look at the startled boy, who your cat was butting his head against in protest of the petting stopping, âI was looking for my cat.â
The red head raised an eyebrow. Your face turned almost as red as his face, you turned away and stood up quickly. You bow to Shirabu and scoop up your cat, trying to get away from this situation as fast as possible.Â
You shoved the cat in your dorm and grabbed your stuff. You stand up to see Shirabu behind you. His face is dusted with a light pink as he looks at you.Â
He opened his mouth to speak, before closing it. He gives you a piece of paper and tells you, with quite a bit of difficulty, that this is his number and hoped you would call him. Then he walked off, leaving a flustered you behind.Â
âââââ-
please ignore the random changes between present and past tense.
Iâm also thinking of a tags list. Tell me if that is something any of you would be interested in.
Warnings: Mentions of blood and injuries, angst, Mentions of violence, cussing
The news of your death came in a bit delayed, unexpected, unanticipated, dreaded.
Gojo walked down the stairs and scanned the crowd in front of him, Yuji was smiling but Gojo noticed the slight waver in his expression, the rest behind him couldn't even meet his eyes.
"What a warm welcome!" Satoru snickered, Yuji laughed but looked at his teacher with a sense of guilt. "Sensei.." Yuji started, Satoru raised a brow, tilting his head to signal Yuji to keep going.
"____.. Is dead."
Satoru's smile dropped, his mouth left agape. His face contorting into one of displeasure and anguish.
"Hah?" His voice cracked, he stared at his former students. Eyes silently begging for the moment they all break into laughter and pat his back, telling him it was all some twisted joke and that you were actually at home waiting for him.
"She's-" Maki tried to repeat what Yuji had said, "No. I- I heard you."
This seems all too familiar to him, the sick, grueling feeling of loss. He could already anticipate the bitter feeling of his heart dropping.
"How? When?" Satoru pleaded, he looked at Yuji with grief and regret, regret for not being there. "Just a few hours ago.. before.." as Yuji explained how and when his voice died out, Gojo stared blankly, thinking, reminiscing, looking at empty possibilities. Had he known you'd pass mere hours before his unsealing, he would have found a way to shatter the prison himself.
"Who?" Gojo questioned. His shoulders tensing and expression crestfallen.
"We don't know."
A cycle, a sickening, cruel cycle, a cycle that always finds a way to make even the strongest feel helpless.
Tsutomu Goshiki did his best, is it even worth anything?
It's loud. And it's irritating. The voices of comparison and neglect repeat over and over and it's plaguing in his thoughts. He wishes he could ignore them, just as he's been able to before. But no matter how much he lies to himself, the truth just comes so obvious. He was solely bearing and not ignoring. And he could only bear so much until he no longer can.
He's done this multiple times yet how many more are needed for him to be recognized? Hasn't he proved himself the day he was qualified for Shiratorizawa's starting lineup? He felt so much praise that day, and he thought they would last.
Just as tomorrow comes, he's done his best, yet there was just no room for someone like him in this prestigious team's spotlight. As he thought.
_________________________________________________
Another harsh day of training, the coach's yell still rings in his ears, he's exhausted yet he still craves the improvement that everyone's been nagging him about.
Just when will he reach that point? How much longer does he have to practice and train just for his serves to be consistent? How many more hours does he need to give up for improvement? How much further does he need to exhaust himself? Neglect everything, chase his breath over and over, make more and more muscles sore, till his own body won't cooperate anymore.
Once again, his sight, all vague and dark, huffing and huffing for air, he's drenched in sweat, and he can't bring himself to move for a while. Then, the pressuring thoughts would come flooding his restless mind.
"Can't I just give up for a while?" he exhales. hands covering up his face. He was obviously tired, physically and mentally. But don't mind, this wasn't unusual for athletes. After all, this was all needed for improvement.
_________________________________________________
The whistle blows, it was quiet then it was loud.
That moment was shocking and unexpected.
Despite giving it his all in everyday training, he finds himself frozen in place. His eyes widened, he was breathless and he couldn't accept. The loud cheer that filled the gymnasium couldn't be heard.
He couldn't even hear his teammates' encouragement and comfort. They've lost, he had lost.
this has been rotting in my drafts and my burnout brain could not finish it properly đŞ help
a/n: special thanks to the beautiful @stinkyme for inspiring me to actually write this and for fangirling over the idea with me <3
gojo satoru, like any dad, got his fair share of âbullyingâ from his daughter, his 5 months old baby.
some dads get peed on, others get their hair pulled, and others get their nose bitten on the daily. it's a little something to make them suffer a bit like the mothers had to during the pregnancy.
your husband, however, is always getting smacked in the face whenever he has his blindfold on, and I mean harshly smacked in the face and unforgiving scratching.
the first time it happened was when he was going to school. he was ready, uniform on and everything, but he simply had to say goodbye to his two girls.
skipping to your shared bedroom, he placed two big smooches on your face. then, after much of pulling him off you, he went to smooch his little girl. a big unmatched grin was on his face as he looked down at her in her crib.
he picked her up, cooing softly at her, âwhat a pretty girl, just as pretty as your mama, huh?â
satoru then laid her gently against his chest and started rocking her softly, while humming. after a while, he felt her stir a little in his arms. she sleepily looks up at him, and he smiles down at her, âgood morning, babyââ
now, your daughter was used to seeing her dad without the blindfold. she was used to getting met by her dad's bright blue eyes.
so when a strange unknown man was holding her up instead of her papa, she started wailing and screaming, repeatedly smacking him in the face.
whenever her littleâstrongâhand landed on the blindfold, she would try to pull it off with all her baby might. you scrambled out of your bed at the loud screeches and screams of both your husband and your daughter.
you saw how satoru was desperately trying to, as gently as possible, make her release her grip. you stumbled on your words, before yelling, âyour blindfold! take off your blindfold off!â
âI! am! trying!â he yelps as she continues slapping the hell out of his face.
you hurry and take his blindfold off, swiftly throwing it to the side. he started rocking her, smiling despite the red marks and scratches all over his handsome face, âitâs me, daddy! you see me?â
almost magically, your daughter calmed down in an instant with the occasional hiccup from her previous crying. he smiled, âthere you go; thatâs my girl.â
she gently made grabby hands at him, and he quickly pulled her back into his chest. your daughter instantly snuggled into his shoulder and hid her face in his neck.
you stared at him for a moment, âwell, at least we know that she bloody hates that blindfold.â
it honestly kind of adds up.
you remember the many times that your daughter was generally distressed or fussy and instantly calmed down when she saw her dadâs eyes. you also remember that one time your daughter was actually zoning out while looking at satoruâs eyes, her own safe place.
satoru chuckles with a shrug, âI have you as my savior, anyway.â
âyou canât always count on me to be the one to save you from our daughterâs monstrously strong grip.â
and he canât.
no one is brave enough to try and to fight back a baby, let alone the strongest sorcererâs baby.
that attack happens way more than satoru would like. for example, whenever youâre busy, he takes his little princess to the school with him. in general, everyone helps in taking care of the little angel (devil in some cases).
however, god forbid she sees satoru coming back from a mission with his blindfold on.
it took some time for your husband to learn his lesson and immediately take his blindfold off before he entered the school. until then, he was prone to his daughterâs crazy strong hand smacking his face till his entire face is painted red and not the cute kind.
satoru never believed in his students to save him, except for yuuji. the first time it happened around the students, most of them were either laughing or speechless.
yuuji did try to save his sensei from his smacking machine of a daughter, but ended up getting smacked himself.
your husband did hope that, maybe, nanamiâs heart would soften, and he would finally help him.
nanamiâs heart did soften, just not for satoru. instead, your daughter now has a special soft spot in nanamiâs heart, as he did in hers, but that isnât our topic for today.
the amount of times you would enter the room to find nanami chuckling or smiling at your husband getting beaten to a pulp by your baby. satoru could be sobbing, ânanami, please! save me!â
and nanami would simply smileâsadisticallyâand hum, âI donât think I will.â
youâre pretty sure that nanami believes this is godâs way of punishing your husband for all the mischief he caused.
ignoring that, it grips your heart how satoruâs face would brighten up the moment he saw you. he would run up to you, giving you the baby to calm her down while he gives his face a rest.
and your little girl was smiling and giving you her version of cheek kisses.
your husband recovered quickly though, and took her back, his blindfold finally off. he doesnât do it without pecking your lips though, âmy savior.â    Â
then he gets lost in his own world with his little girl, and their laughs and giggles filled the room. her hands were gently holding her dadâs face as she squeals, and satoruâs heart soars as he forgets about his beating from a moment ago.
now, that doesnât mean that his dear students donât make fun of him for always losing against his little girl. during one of the recent teasings, he simply huffed, âyou never tried the grip of a baby! tell them, yuuji!â
yuuji shudders as he remembers how long the slap mark lasted, âshe is one hell of a strong baby.â
itâs one thing for panda and nobara to laugh, itâs another for megumi and maki to do so as well. your husbandâs ego simply couldnât take it anymore. he took his baby in his arms and gathered the baby bags, sparing one last glance at his âbulliesâ.
and so your husband dramatically exits the room, âI need my wife! I canât with you people anymore!â
NOTE: idk if writing this made me sadder or was therapeutic either way let's cry together :')
SUMMARY â During your youth, you, Geto and Gojo made a magic charm that would reconnect the three of you in a different reality one day by a golden silk thread.
WARNINGS â not proofread, "just a dream" trope but really u just shifted realities and forgot your other life, angst, implied death / crossing over, based on the latest chapter bc i'm in pain and when i'm in pain i write đ sooo just in case: jjk manga spoilers (major char death, chapter 236)
Gojo caressed your cheek and muttered " You're such a pretty crier, but don't cry for me. Sh, I'm right here, baby, I'm right here. ", keeping his other hand intertwined with yours.
. . .
Your two eyes blinking out of a dream, coming back to reality. Or was it the other way around? Maybe you were awaking into a lucid dream.
At first it's a white space. A void. There's nothing but neutrality and emptiness. Then a golden silk thread is sewn across your chest. It leads down a corridor of white, one that stretches so far it almost feels like you're taking an infinite walk.
There's a door at the end, you open it. And all there is behind it is your old classroom, just as it was. There's Gojo Satoru, smiling that wide toothy smile like nothing in the world is wrong. And there's Geto Suguru, shaking his head and sighing a laugh over his best friend's ridiculousness. And there's Shoko Ieiri, peering over her folded arms as she rests her chin on the desk sleepily.
Walking obliviously into this memory while the real world continues on outside, you completely detach from reality and cross over. Why is it this memory ? It was such an ordinary day.
But it wasn't an ordinary day, you're mistaken; that day you wove a golden silk thread and imbued it with something, magic is a good word but no â it was an otherworldly "magic", something that's not sorcery.
You drift through this classroom memory, Gojo says hello and Geto smiles. Before you realize, you're floating past the exit door and enter another room â another memory.
It's then that you realize you're just drifting along the silk thread, hopping across each memory that you wove into it; their purpose to carry you over into another reality entirely.
More memories. More. And then some more. You're travelling through them, looking at them as if through a dream lens, half-detached, in a state of limbo. Not between life and death, but between realities where you're alive.
Maybe it was cruel.
The three of you leaving the world behind, shifting into different realities at your death, just so you could be happy and peaceful.
Final memories roll by, and you shift over; and in an instant, that whole journey seeps out of your mind.
You wake up just like any other day. Nothing is out of the ordinary. Gojo is crushing you with his weight, forcing you to blink awake and mumble groggily.
That was a long dream.
" Wakey wakey, sleepyhead â full body attack ! Okay, seriously, wake up. I want breakfast and I can't eat it unless you're with me. You know that. Why are you crying ? Did you have a nightmare ? Oh really ? What was it about ? "
Gojo follows you like a puppy throughout your morning routine. Though really, it feels like a mourning routine this time. Your chest feels so heavy, and you keep hugging him as if you haven't seen him in years.
" Hey, Suguru listen to Y/n's fucked up dream. It's insane, like a manga plot or some shit. Wish I had dreams of that. You should write it. "
" Oh ? Do tell. I'm curious. Aw, why the hug ? Y/n ? You okay ? Come on, let's make some pancakes. "
You watch the two of them in this ordinary habitat; Gojo lazing at the kitchen doorframe, talking about the awful ending to his favorite story.
" Y/n, you're zoning out. "
" Are you crying ?! "
" Sorry. I just missed you guys. I don't know why. "
" But we saw each other yesterday. We spent the whole night together. It was my birthday. "
" Yeah, and that's what's freaky; I feel like I just travelled for years. It feels surreal to look at the two of you. "
" Don't cry, come here. Satoru, take care of the pancake it's gonna burn. Y/n, wanna talk about it ? "
" No, I just want to hug you two. "
" GROUP HUG. "
" Satoru you're suffocating her. "
" Good group hugs are suffocating ! "
You stay with them in a long group hug. Everything feels alright.
" . . . the pancake is burning."
Suguru tends to it.
Satoru looks at you. " Cryin' ? Still ? Come here. You're so sensitive. "
He engulfs you in a hug again. Warm, soft, nice-smelling; this is definitely your ordinary reality. What a bizarre dream, though. Truly a bizarre dream.
" So how'd I die in your dream ? " he asks curiously.
" I don't want to talk about it. I just want to cry. " you choke, crying more into his chest. Suguru scolds him from the stove, while he scrapes burnt pancake batter off the pan.
Satoru looks down at you, cupping your one cheek, and says something that you swear you've heard before.
" Such a pretty crier. But don't cry for me. Sh, I'm right here, baby, I'm right here. "
Š arminsumi
Do not plagiarize / repost / translate / copy layouts / etc.
...he doesn't understand. he's in a big confusion and he just can't seem to accept.
"...When I've stayed longer by your side and he never cared less."
... No. He doesn't want to accept. Because he had always wanted you. Ever since the moment you met, till this day in spring, a confession for his twin was what broke his heart.
⥠= I could say that he's balancing the role of handling children. In one condition, he has the power to make his one child get the highest grade because they got it from their father, but couldn't make the other reach the highest (or so they tried, depending on the genes whose Shirabu married to đ§).
But in my opinion, he did not ready to have a kid. Imagine how chaotic it would be having 2 twins with different personalities. One acts like his father, and the mother is the very messy person on earth 𤪠actually Shirabu himself falls in love with that lucky person- đ
Imagine when you want to go outside to do the groceries and ask him to take care of both of them. And what happens when you're gone, that one sunshine is playing with his dad, giving him toys to play with, and the others just sit right next to him, acting like their own dad, watching what's their twin doing but as long as they're happy, they don't care.
(Let's just call one 'Sunny' and the other's 'Luna')
Shirabu: đ I'd never realized I buy you guys these many toys *looking at all the stuff inside his kid's box*
Luna: Yeah but Sunshine loves it. They don't want to lose a single piece of it and want to cherish it.
Shirabu: đ He acts like your mother. And she still keeps all my presents until now since we met.
Luna: Well, it's not someone's fault you guys fall in love and get married. Such a disgustingly cute love story but it'll last forever đ
When I say they were having fun it actually went like Sunshine giving lots of energy along the time, and Luna was like "đ Nah fuck this shit bro I'mma go take a nap đŞ" And after Sunshine's energy drained, she slowly felt tired, and sleep on his father's lap. Shirabu was actually loving it with all his heart and sometimes played with their cheeks until he falls asleep too đ¤Ł
And then you came back, finding toys all over the living room, with your husband sleeping between your two children, making his arm as their pillow đ
It's a really cute scene and taking a picture with it, making it as a wallpaper đŁđ
Anyone who likes angst and shiratorizawa, please go check it out. My friend Widya is so good with fics, and I want to support them as much as possible (so yes, this is a boost post ;).
They've put so much dedication, work, and love into this, and the way words flow smoothly together makes the reading ten times more enjoyable; although they've only published one chapter for now, it's very promising!
Widya, I solely wish you enjoy the whole process of writing/publishing unconditionally, and I am honored to know I've been able to help/motivate you through it alongside Kei.
P.S. I am even more delighted to know I'll be able to feel the thrill of reading it!
A shirabu x reader angst inspired from @ohkiyo's [ Sleeping Pills ]
I love your stories @ohkiyo!đ
____________________âĽď¸_____________________
He had enough. He just couldn't bare it much longer.
Thus, he forcibly shoves the pill into your mouth. Your weak body couldn't do anything.
"I'm sorry..., I just had to" the emphatic tone of his voice made its way to your ears.
Your vision slowly blurs as you look deep into his sorrowful expression.
It was unclear for you to see, A tear runs across his face.
Your body had given in to the effect of the drug that shirabu had given you. You were fast asleep.
Finally, he felt a bit reassured and a sense of relief.
...
You're almost about a week staying in the same hospital as shirabu works.
Even if you weren't in favor of it, Shirabu had to be your doctor.
Not being able to sleep properly or at all, being tired in the morning, not being able to focus, and depression. After an assessment with him, he diagnosed you with insomnia.
He felt sad and pity for you. It was shocking news for the copper-haired doctor.
As far as he remembers, You were happy, you were laughing, you were having fun... weren't you?.
Jokes on him, that was 7 years ago.
Back in high school; When you didn't have to care so much and when you thought all was well. You were so full of energy, you'd laugh everything off. A smile is always displayed on your face. The 'you' that Shirabu had always loved and admired.
But now, you, yourself don't even know who you are.
As your parents would always remind you that you're just a 'disappointment'.
That whatever you do, your siblings will always be better. That no matter how hard you work on something, there'll always be comparing instead of praises.
Why did you choose to work so hard to get your parents' approval? When you could've just focused on yourself and done what you love?
You're a fool for letting your mind rule over your heart. You chose to lock yourself into the cage and not the freedom you could fly into. All because of your pride and for the sake of your public face.
You've forgotten about yourself. True, you get praise for your efforts now, but is it worth the pain you went through? Such big efforts for such little praise. You won but at what cost?
Are you happy?
You wish you were.
You'd wish you can turn back the time and be happy again.
Bring back the joyful times. Smile genuinely again.
Little do you know, your doctor wished the same.
"Y/N please, take your medication."
you're waiting for him to leave the room but instead, he was patiently waiting, for you to take your medicine.
You didn't like the medicine given to you. It tasted bland and disgusting. It makes you sick. You just can't stand it. And so, you hid or throw away every pill given to you.
But Dr. Shirabu eventually found out.
"I know what you have been doing Y/N, you aren't getting better. And you know you won't if this goes on."
His straightforward statement runs through you like a cold breeze. His "can't be defied" death glare just makes it worst.
You can't even look him in the eye after he found out what you did.
"Oh well... sorry..." you said weakly as you stare deeply at the untouched pill, not having much care for it.
"Alright, go on. Take your medicine." he sighs and crosses his arms waiting for you to do so.
"I don't want to," you said firmly
"You need to and you have to. You know you need to, right?" he confronts you.
"...so what if I don't get better?" in a cold tone you spoke.
Hearing this, He felt a slight pain run through him. His chest felt heavy. And, he, was in a slight panic.
He couldn't get a hold of himself. As soon as he knew, his body was already ahead of his mind.
__________
Now, on his knees, his hands gripping the pipe borders, he sobs on the edge of the bed where you lay unconscious.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry"
he didn't want things to be like this. he's aware that what he did was wrong, but he just can't help it.
Because he loves you so much.
"I'm sorry... I just don't want to lose you," he said in between his soft sobs, his tears running across his warm cheeks.
"Even though, I know I don't have the right to do- to say so... I just want you here with me. Because I- I love you," he confesses, finally realizing his feelings for you.
Seeing you in pain hurts him, he doesn't want you to be sad, and he doesn't want to see you suffering.
Because for the past 7 years he had feelings for you. He has loved you even before he knew it. That's why please don't leave him. He'll do everything he can to help you, to keep you.
"Please don't leave me so soon." he wished you knew his feelings for you. " I love you".
As he calmed down. He sits down on a chair near your bed and strokes your hair gently. Trying to keep you in peaceful slumber.
A few minutes pass, **beep** his pager rings. Letting him know that he is being summoned to help. Standing up, he let out a sigh before leaning down to kiss your forehead followed by a whisper, "Recover quickly, my love".
Ushijima turns to the little ace with his usual neutrality. "She went back to the dorms. She was menstruating and said it was quite severe."
"Hmfph. How bad can it really be." Goshiki exhales hotly through his nostrils. "How's she gonna learn the ropes if she's not here!"
"Tut, tut, don't be like that now." Tendou sings "the red tides rising can be quite surprising!" He points a finger at his own abdomen. "Don'tcha know what women go through?"
Goshiki stands there in increasing embarrassment as his seniors list out the symptoms and struggles of periods. With steam practically pouring out of his ears he asks "h-how do you all know so much about this!"
"Paying attention, obviously," Shirabu sneers. "And if you want to keep our manager for this upcoming year you'd better change your attitude when she's suffering like this."
Goshiki practices his apology all night but when he sees you walking to class with Shirabu he chickens out and runs away.
What does he have to apologize for after all? Being an ignorant teenager?!
He still feels guilty.
So instead of finding you to apologize he spends the day doing some research in the form of asking his female classmates awkward questions, eager to redeem himself.
You're still not feeling great but you don't want to miss practice again.
As much as the demon coach assured you to take the time you needed, you can handle being here today and the guys make it so much more manageable.
Ushijima lifts the net from your hands, Reon pushes the ball cart instead of you, and Kawanishi and Shirabu help carry the full water bottle racks.
"Thank you again for being so understanding yesterday," you say to Washijo with a bow of your head. He's about to wave off your apology when there's a loud, stuttering call of your name.
"I-I'M SORRY YOU'RE A GIRL!"
You turn to find Goshiki bowing at the waist holding out a stuffed-until-it's-almost-breaking plastic bag.
"I GOT YOU THESE THINGS TO HELP WITH YOUR P-PERIOD! I ASKED ALL OF MY CLASSMATES WHAT HELPS THEM THROUGH THEIR P-P--TIME OF THE MONTH AND I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO GET SO I GOT IT ALL IT WAS VERY OVERWHELMING AND CONFUSING AND IM SORRY PLEASE DON'T LEAVE OUR TEAM."
You glance around at the other players who seem as stunned as you except for Ushijima who stoically nods.
"Well done, ace."
Tendou giggles and starts to turn Goshiki's embarrassment into a song.
From the far side of the court you make eye contact with Shirabu. The setter wasn't lying when he said Goshiki was intense and, despite his criticism of the first-soon-to-be-second year, he nods in approval.
You smile and accept the bag. "Thanks, Goshiki-kun." With a peek inside you grin at all the things he got. "Well done indeed, ace!"
Goshiki pops up as you walk away, eyes sparkling. "Sh-she...she called me ace..."
Ushijima points out "yes, Goshiki. That's what you are."
He sits there with you on your hospital bed; he listens to you; as you talk about the things you want to do when you'd recover. His hand lays gently onto your hair. Every stroke is full of care, taking strands of it, and he'd start to braid.
"Kenji-- Shirabu-san"
"Kenjirou is fine. "
"But like, you're a doctor-"
"I'm your boyfriend."
A smile is displayed on your face.
"Kenjirou, You'd take me to the "Attack on Titan Park" in Kyushu's Ĺita Prefecture right?" you said with sparkling eyes.
"Mhm, of course, I would"
"But... wouldn't you have work?"
"I'll take a day off and leave my work then."
"Eh! You'd do that? But your work is important!" you turn your head to face him. But only to be flustered when you see him smiling heartily at you.
He pauses his braiding and said.
"I'd do anything for you, love"
I was imaging a while ago, so I decided to write it đ
He had his eyes laid on you since the first day. Observing your every detail. Taichi Kawanishi, your classmate, just can't take his eyes off you. He doesn't know why you just look so beautiful, so pretty, so gorgeous to his view. He loved everything about you. The way you tuck your hair behind your ear, the way your voice sounds, the way you laugh, he loved it all. And he just can't get enough of it.
You caught him staring at you with a gentle expression and a smile that just continues to grow. You waved at him and made a confused face, you wondered why he was staring so deep into you. You were also a bit surprised that you caught him smiling, something that is somewhat rare for him as he always has a blank expression or a scowl.
Taichi snaps back to reality and quickly turns his attention away from you. He's embarrassed and flustered at the same time. He's blushing, ears turning red, he covered his face with both of his hands.
Pretending to wipe his face off, he acted cool and unbothered again. As he turned to take a glance at you, he saw you laughing and giggling with your classmate. And suddenly there's this fluttering inside him again, he can't help but to let out a smile and so he quickly hid his face on his desk with both arms covering him. He thinks to himself, just why is it that he melts when you smile? why is he so amazed at every expression you make? why does he fall so much for your so melodic voice? He hasn't felt this way before, he wanted to somewhat stop this feeling but he also wanted to keep it forever at the same time.
"Y/N" do you have notes from our science class?, can I borrow them?" suddenly, his chest felt tight and he felt a mixture of somewhat sorrow, anger and a bit of envy as if something is being taken from him, yet he couldn't point what was causing it.
He was jealous.
A bit after lunchtime, he caught you sleeping in the classroom. Red hues start to appear on his cheeks. He admired your sleeping face from his seat. He smiles as if it reaches his ears. A genuine, true, happy smile. His thought fills with the present view he sees. He found your sleeping face 'cute'. And he'd like to look at it forever.
A classmate enters, and Taichi's head quickly turns and his smile fades to his casual expression.
It took him months to realize. Without Tendou pointing it out for him, he would've never realised on his own. Suddenly it all made sense, everything he felt when he was around you, the fast beating of his heart, the thoughts of you in his head, the scenarios he'd make of you and him.
He had a huge crush on you.
And he was quite good at not making it obvious too.
Tendou and his other upperclassmen suggested, that he should confess to you. It had been on his mind lately as well. He thought of it over and over.
Until he was sure, he was going to.
After thinking about it endlessly, he finally had the courage and confidence to finally confess. He's nervous but he's excited, he's happy that he could finally tell you how he feels and how he wants to be with you.
Now he's on his way to tell you. When he saw a scene that made all the fluttering go away and was replaced with a feeling that felt like his stomach dropped.
His best friend, Shirabu, was asking you out. And he only stood there in shock. As he saw you returning Shirabu's feeling. He felt broken inside. He couldn't do anything, even though he badly wanted to.
He couldn't reach you anymore.
Oh wowww, I made a fluffy fic for the first time đ, seriously though, it's my first time making stories like these. I hope it was good đ
Being in a Long Distance relationship with Tendou.
He'll never forget to check up on you from time to time. Even when he is super tired from work he would always make time to check on you. He'd ask you how your day was and he'd always listen. he'll never let his sleepiness win over him. Cause he wants to know if you are okay and if you miss him as he misses you.
And he would also hug a pillow and pretends that it's you, whenever he misses you.
like the reader is mentally unstable like somewhat depressed because of family problems/etc etc.
And shirabu is always busy, he didnt notice this, until the reader tries to đ herself.
no fluff ending i tell you.
If this is too hard to write, its ok todecline this đ.
Keep up the great work kuroe! â¨
đđđđ đđ, đđ đđđ đđđđđ đđđ â Shirabu x reader
a/n: I hope you like this kei (@shiratorizawa-can-step-on-me), I tried my best to make it as angsty as I could since I don't write angst often <3
Warnings: reader is dealing with family issues and a neglecting Shirabu hence the depression, knife, blood, suicide attempt
Word count: 2.7k
He'll only realize it when it's too late, and then, he would have failed to save you completely.
It wasn't uncommon for you to leave your house in a rush to escape the living hell your family put you through; it was, however, uncommon that your boyfriend, Shirabu Kenjiro, didn't pick up your call. His volleyball practice had ended a long time ago, and night hadn't even fallen yet.
While you wondered why he wasn't replying, you then remembered he had an important test coming in a few days that he swore to get the best grade on. You sighed as you watched your screen go dark, wiping away a stray tear that had stayed on your cheek. You sat down on a bench thinking about where you'd stay for the night; there was no way in hell you'd go back to your house after storming off like that.
After considering all the possibilities you had, you settled for the academy's dorms you deemed safer than a hotel room on your own. You were quick to make your way to the institution, and on your way there, you dialed Shirabu's number once more and initiated the call.
The phone rang for a while before you heard âI'm busy, please call me back later.â You sighed again; for the second time in the night, you were greeted by his voicemail.
What is he doing? You thought, unable to figure out what was keeping him so busy. You kept walking, and deep in your thoughts, it only struck you now that it had been daysâif not weeksâhe was this busy. Fewer calls, fewer chats, less time together, less everything; the last time you went out in one another's presence was a month ago.
You were tired of that; all you wanted was to spend time with the one you loved, yet the sole moments where you got to see him were during class, and you could only talk to him during breaks. After that, nothing was guaranteed that you'd hear from him before the following day, and it never once failed to sadden you.Â
Was there a reason why he kept himself so busy from you? Had you done something wrong? Had you been too clingy? How could you be clingy when you didn't even get to see him?
Nothing made sense anymore. Your self-doubt added itself to all the issues you were already dealing with; you felt like suffocating. So many problems haunted you day and night, and right now, your family being awful to you did nothing to help the case of your neglecting boyfriend.
They showed zero sign of empathy but a hundred to hurt you.
Your steps caught up with your thoughts as you finally arrived at the gate of the academy, a sigh of relief leaving your lips. You were glad knowing you had a safe place to stay for the night that was mere minutes away from where you studied.
You made your way to your designated dorm after getting your key and made a pretty unexpected meeting; Tendo Satori and Semi Eita were in the halls, walking straight in your direction. They didn't notice you at first, but when they did, surprise was written all over their faces before they slowly waved at you.
âHey, what are you doing here y/n-chan?â Tendo said, wrapping his arms behind his head. âI decided to finally test out the academy's dorms,â you replied, hiding the genuine truth behind the reason why you were staying here. âI'm pretty sure your home would have brought you more comfort though,â Semi said, unaware of the actual discomfort you experienced in your household. âPerhaps...â you replied, unconsciously sighing; if you received money for each time you had sighed today, you would be enormously wealthy by now. The setter raised a brow at that, deducing you had kept some things hidden. âHow come you haven't brought your lovely boyfriend?â Tendo teased. âI would have brought him if only he would return my calls or texts,â you said, examining the players' reactions.
âI swear that kid studies way too much,â Semi mumbled, earning a giggle from the red-haired. âYou most certainly are right Semisemi~â Tendo laughed before facing you again. âI'm sorry this is happening to you, but I promise we'll get your boyfriend back on track. If not, we'll force him; our y/n-chan deserves the best Kenjiro can offer!â Tendo said, smiling at you before he and Semi left.
So even they know that he's busy, you thought, telling yourself you weren't the only one he was neglecting then.
Or maybe you were.
You wouldn't be sure until he told you, but with everything that crashed down on you, you couldn't bring yourself to gather the energy to have that talk with him right now, so you'd wait, as long as you have to. More precisely, you'd wait for him until he'd eventually finish everything that kept him oh-so-busy. Still, you couldn't help but wonder,
Will he be willing to spare me some of his time when he completes everything?
You laid down on your bed, contemplating your home screen, which was a photograph of you and Shirabu you had taken on a date where he kissed the top of your head while you nuzzled into him, snapping a picture in the mirror that reflected undying, endless and passionate love the two of you once shared.
A kind of love you wouldn't be able to share anymore.
It left you hopeless; your life was falling apart, and your relationships were failing whether it was with your family or with your boyfriend. You never thought theyâd ever have a thing in commonâconsidering how your family treated youâyet, you found one; it seemed like you didnât exist to both of them.
None made your life easier, and they did nothing to help your distressed state; you were slowly falling into the profound, obscure realm of depression where all your worries, fears, and doubts resided everywhere, patiently waiting for a moment to make you fall even deeper.
Except you werenât expecting to fall deeper so soon.
[Received at: 02:45am | From: Kenjiro <3]
âHey, sorry I missed your calls, had to study as I told you. Letâs catch up next weekâ
You were convinced the sole reason he had sent this message was Tendo and Semi telling him to after the conversation you had with them last night. Otherwise, you were sure he wouldnât have sent anything; after all, he was busy, wasnât he? Even being up at two in the morning he still didnât have any time to spare you.
Studies go first, right?
Nevertheless, a week is 168 hours, thus 10 080 minutes, which equals 604 800 secondsâa week is long. You couldnât bear to live like this any longer, not in a world where you didnât feel loved.
Who will care if I disappear? If I die? Whoâll miss my presence? Whoâll come crying desperately at my funeral?
Who showed me until now that I mattered?
Shirabu Kenjiro did.
Even if he now ceased, he once did show you that you mattered more than anything in the world.
âY/n, why do you like me?â Shirabu asked while you walked at his side, heading towards the academyâs dorms after his tiring practice. âHm? Well, I like how determined you can be at times. For example, in volleyball, you always make sure to improve your sets over and over again so that Ushijima can have the best tosses for his spikes; truly, thatâs admirable. Of course, that adds up to your intelligence and your mysterious personality that can still be caring. But overall, I love you for who you are,â you answered, gladly easing his insecurities with all the love you had for him. âI wasnât expecting that, but thank you. I love you too, much more than you could imagine,â he said, eyes darting away from you while heat flooded his cheeks.
A memory that was from the time of your life where you were the happiestâand where you fell head over heels for shiratorizawaâs setter, Shirabu Kenjiro.
âTell me Kenjiro, do you even know how miserable I am now?â you murmured to yourself mostlyâbut you would have done anything to get him to answer your question.
âOf course you donât. Youâre too busy with your studies to even spare me a glance during breaks now,â you continued, a dry chuckle leaving your lips. âI find it quite ironic of you, after saying that you loved me more than I could imagine. Guess you wonât even bat an eye if I leave you, huh?â you said, tears of exhaustion rolling down freely on your cheeks to stain your bed sheets, but you could care less about it for now since your heart ached so, oh so badly.
And that lingering ache did go noticed by many people; teachers that asked you to stay after class to question your dark eyes and lack of attention, friends or classmates that pointed out your absence of appetite and how you drank less, or even players of the volleyball club texting and asking you why you werenât stopping by at their practices anymore.
Your state was getting worse, and so many were aware of it, aside from one person.
Shirabu Kenjiro.
The man you so easily fell for, the man who claimed no one or nothing else could ever drive him away from youâyou learned the hard way promises arenât always kept, not even by the ones we trust most.
With an unsettling comfort, you laid down in your bathtub, carefully setting aside what seemed to be a farewell letter to this cruel world. In your right hand, you held a sharpened knife while the other held your phone, where Shirabuâs contact was opened. You shifted to the message section and typed out each one of your feelings, writing and organizing them in the rawest way there was precisely so he could know how you really felt without any sugarcoating.
Meanwhile, your boyfriend was exiting the gymnasium when he heard a notification coming from his phone. Curiously, he checked his device and saw your contact; he wasted no time unlocking it to read what you had sent him. Maybe you offered to go on a date?
Oh, how naive was he.
His eyes widened at the content of your message, devastated at this sudden confession of heart-wrenching thoughts.Â
He had failed you. He failed to love you properly as he promised, and he had been oblivious for far too long. Shirabu didnât know how to feel except to be aghast at how he treated you.
Yet, what sent a shiver down his spine was the last phrase of your message;
âSave me, if you still can.â
âShirabu, are you feeling alright? You look quite pale,â Ushijima said, putting on his shoes. âI need to go,â he blurted out, starting to run to the dorms.Â
And while he ran, your blood gradually filled the tub. You had successfully severed your radial artery that was resting in your wrist and was uniquely waiting for your life to fade away.
Even if thatâs all you wanted, Shirabu Kenjiro decided otherwise.
Breathless, he entered your dormâwhich was already openedâand yelled out your name. His voice was a mere echo to your ears; you began falling unconscious, and it was right when he slammed the door of the bathroom open.
He had failed you so much in such a short time. However, the love he held for you never once faltered; therefore, there was no way in hell heâd let you die.
âY/n?â Shirabu shook your soon lifeless form to attempt to wake you upâhe was terrified to lose you.
âHold on, alright? Iâll get you help,â he said, dialing the emergency services with shaky hands that betrayed his tough facade, letting you know that he was a worried mess when it came to your safety.
âPleaseâdonât leave yet. I love you,â Shirabu sobbed, powerless while he remained on the cold floor of the bathroom, trying his best to stop the hemorrhage. Those three words were the last thing you heard before your vision turned utterly dark.
The ruthless sunlight that went through the curtains awoke you in addition to the steady bip of your heartbeat. Weakly, your eyes allowed you once more to view this world you desperately tried to leave; but the warm weight on your hand wasnât something you were expecting.
You found yourself gazing after so long at Shirabu Kenjiroâs sleeping form who held your hand.
Too weak to yet speak, you squeezed his hand hard enough to let him know what he was waiting for the mostâyour awakeningâhad ensued. His eyes opened the second he felt it and landed on you, now awake and safe.
âY/nââ he tried to apologize, but you were quick to cut him off.
âSo you finally got one of my texts huh?â you said, gazing at him coldly as a stranger would.
âI know it wonât change anything, but I am truly sorry. Even if you donât believe me or donât accept it, I just want you to know it.â
You tried to retort to what he was saying; however, a cough came out of your dry throat since you hadnât drunk in a few days after all. Shirabu quickly filled a cup with water and handed it to you, a small smile coming to his lips, although he knew you didnât share his love anymore.
âShirabu, let me tell you something.â
âGo ahead.â
âYou know, for a while, I accepted that you were always so busy, and I waited for you. But you never seemed to care, you were always doing something that kept you away from me. So Iâm not sorry for saying I donât believe you when you say you love me. If you loved me, you would have at least returned my calls explaining yourself. If you loved me, you would have at least given me a bit of your time. You do know itâs not impossible to balance academic and personal life right? Well apparently you didnât. I canât believe it took Semi and Tendo for you to just send me one message, a message that said âLetâs catch up next weekâ because seemingly you didnât have an ounce of time to spare me. Maybe you didnât care? Maybe you were too lost in your work you ended up forgetting me? I donât know. But if there is one thing I do know this time, itâs that I donât want to keep this up with you. I donât want to be with you anymore, not when you canât make time for me. Not when I needed you most. If I ended up here on this miserable hospital bed, itâs partially because of you. Donât look so shocked, because if only you would have returned my call that night, maybe I wouldnât be here, and maybe we would have had a second chance to fix us. But itâs too late now, whether you still want to be with me or not, youâll never have me again. I gave you so many chances to make it up to me, but you never once took any of them.â
âYet, Iâm curious to see if you can even recollect the very little time we spent together; remember when I asked you if you were tired of me, and you replied I'm tired, but never of you ?â you said, gazing up at him.
âYeah?â
âWell, this time Shirabu, I'm tired, but of you.â
You didn't call him by his first name, Kenjiro, with your oh-so-gentle voice that usually accompanied your soft grin; now, it was Shirabu, with an expressionless tone while no smile graced your lips; he could only blame himself for it. If he lost you, it was his fault.Â
If he lost the one he considered to be the love of his life, it was his fault, and he shall bear that guilt whenever he sees you, hears about you or even thinks about you.
But he also knows itâll hurt when you'll find someone elseâsomeone thatâll treat you way better than he did, someone thatâll actually make time for you to cherish you; someone thatâll be able to make you heal from all the pain heâs put you through.
And he can only wish he could go back in time and fix everything before it was too late.
Because Shirabu Kenjiro is willing to try to save youâand your relationshipâover and over again just because he wants to be with you once moreâeven if you arenât willing to anymore.
I actually cannot write @shirabaee - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
