Today's Document
tannertan36
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Janaina Medeiros
Discoholic 🪩
blake kathryn
Andulka
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todays bird
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
DEAR READER
Sade Olutola
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🩵 avery cochrane 🩵
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
hello vonnie
Monterey Bay Aquarium
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@shit-archer-says
Malory: What does Lana think she's doing?
Cyril: Well, I think she's -
Malory: She's embarrassing herself, that's what. Fawning all over Ellis Crane...
Cyril: Trying to make Archer -
Malory: When he's clearly much better suited for a woman like, well, me.
Cyril: Jealous. Hey, how's Ron?
Malory: He's gre-eat. How's nobody?
Okay, so I've been watching like a hawk, and here's the whats: Lana's pissed at Archer cause she thought he was mackin' on Bleached Asshole, and she's pissed at Archer cause she thought he was a Hollywood honcho like ol' Whitey Crane over there, who IS mackin' on Lana, who's totally full of crap cause deep down, she's totally buyin' into Whitey's bullshit. So to get back at her, Archer's gonna pretend to mack on - but not really, cause deep down he's got a real-life crush-boner for her - Veronica Deane.
Pam Poovery (7x5 Bel Panto Part 1)
Krieger: But wait, if you fry Barry's CPU, he can't tell you where Miss Archer is.
Archer: Well, I'll worry about that bridge when I come to it.
Krieger: I... kinda think you should worry about it before then.
Archer: Krieger, if I worried about a fraction of the stuff I should be worried about, I'd never get anything done.
Samuel Johnson tells us that puns are the lowest form of comedy. But for me, it's murder.
Barry Dillon (7x4 Motherless Child)
Archer: Cyril, I am so mad right now, my mouth tastes like copper.
Cyril: Well, but are actually mad at me -
Archer: Yes!
Cyril: Or at the bullies who tormented a scrawny teenage boy with no friends?
Archer: You!
Cyril: Because I find it interesting that you were bullied in school, and now as an adult you're a bully. Do you want to talk about how you bully me?
Archer: I do, Cyril. I really do. But I'm afraid I'll tear up, and then not be able to see the road, and then plunge us off a cliff, and then, if you're still alive, STRANGLE YOU TO DEATH WITH MY BLOODY AND BROKEN HANDS!
My freshman year, you two were seniors. Right before winter break. Anyway, you each had maybe 20 pounds on me and you cornered me in the field house, and you just LAID into me. And then you got me upside down over the toilet and I started screaming because I looked down and the toilet's full of piss. Whitney had pissed in it. So I'm screaming and you're both laughing and it's all echoing off the tiles, and then Whitney looks down at me with these crazy eyes, and he screams at me, "You think I won't f**ing kill you?!" And then he punches me, hard, and I am choking on the blood from my nose and then you dunk me, and hold me under for - I honestly don't even know. I lost consciousness. But long story short, I didn't make varsity that year because I was getting over pneumonia, which I got because during that swirlie, turns out I aspirated water in my lungs.
Sterling Archer (7x3 Deadly Prep)
Veronica Deane: Whoever these people were, they stole, um... My goodness, look at me. I'm - I'm shaking like a leaf.
Archer: Would you care for a drink?
Lana: Archer, it's barely nine o -
Veronica Deane: Corpse Reviver #2, please. But if you don't have real absinthe, I'll have a double sidecar. French.
Malory: Oh, that sounds good. I'll have -
Archer: There's not enough.
You work at the Figgis Agency now. And around here you don't work-a the case, you don't get-a the, uh, paycheck!
Cyril Figgis (7x2 The Handoff)
Malory: Here's a headline: "Malory Archer Bankrupt: Feckless Son To Blame."
Archer: Look -
Malory: And even if we get a case, what some cheating husband, fake whiplash? The whole thing is just so... grubby!
Archer: Grubby? Grubby?! When we were spies, you murdered the Prime Minister of Italy!
Malory: Prove it.
Archer: I can't! Because Krieger chopped him up, and then we stuffed him in trash cans all over four different boroughs.
Malory: Well, then - Wait, four?
Archer: I'm not schlepping to Staten Island in the middle of the goddamn night.
His name's Furlock Bones.
Pam Poovey (7x1 The Figgis Agency)
Dr. Sklodowska: We can reach the clot in time!
Archer: How? To get from his foot all the way to his brain would take, like -
Dr. Sklodowska: Literally one minute.
Archer: I'm sorry, I think you mean figure -
Dr. Sklodowska: Literally. That's how long it takes blood to cycle through the body, so...
Slater: Seriously?
Archer: What?
Lana: Yeah, that doesn't sound right.
Dr. Sklodowska: Well, we could ask Wikipedia.
Archer: Good luck, I've got negative one bars.
Dr. Sklodowska: Or we could just ask me, the woman who graduated from Harvard Medical School summa cum laude.
Archer: With a minor in Spanish Bragging.
What was that? Sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of me thrombolizing the shit out of that thrombus.
Sterling Archer (6x13 Drastic Voyage Part 2)
luciosbonnet replied to your quote “I have changed! I have a kid… A little baby girl, Abbijean. With Lana....”
This scene was so cute <3
I know! It’s one of my favorite moments :)
Slater: Bridge is online, and we are ready for miniaturization process, over.
Archer: Said your dick.
Slater: That would mean it's too big, dummy. And so it's ready to be made smaller.
Archer: Damn it!
What? Are you kidding? It's not about the money. Pam, we are going on a voyage of medical discovery unparalleled in not only the history of mankind but also, perhaps, its future. Hippocrates, Galen, Percival, Sharp. For thousands of years, physicians have dreamed of having the power to see what we've been given the chance to, through this truly awe-inspiring process of miniaturization, which I think you'll agree, is the very embodiment of Arthur C. Clarke's Third Law, which states that any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. Or, if you like, a miracle... Plus, I'm going to use the money to buy an orphanage and then bulldoze it.
Cheryl Tunt (6x12 Drastic Voyage Part 1)
Krieger: All righty, can somebody give me a hand?
Cheryl: But Doctor, I thought the patient was getting the hand.
Krieger: Speaking of hands, nurse, I'm -
Cheryl: Overplaying yours?
Krieger: Well, I was gonna say "Putty in yours," my dear, but I'll have to hand it to ya.
Cheryl: Hmmm. Keep your hands to yourself, Doctor.
Cyril: Can we have a show of hands, who thinks this is getting out of hand?
Ray: GOD DAMN IT! CAN YOU PLEASE. SHUT UP. AND SEW ON. MY ROBOT HAND?!
Pam: ...Hand job.
Randy grew up on the wrong side of the tracks, ran with a bad crowd, got in some trouble, went to juvie. He worked in the mess hall there, fell in love with cooking, and so when he got out, he went to culinary school. And now he's got TWO restaurants, Lana, one Michelin star, and a marriage that's on the rocks. He's here to go balls deep on farm-to-table, you know, trying to get back to basics... Like that time Rocky went to Russia.
Sterling Archer aka Randy Randleman (6x11 Archer Y Morfilod)