Shit gets personal.

Walk with me through my life.

[shitgetspatysonal-blog]

Numb

That’s what I’m feeling right now. Not sad or happy or bored. I feel a lump in my chest and i don’t know what to do with it. 

Actually, i feel disappointed. So I don’t really have a role huh? I assumed and that was the dumbest thing i have done. Bestfriends? bullshit. You dont even bat an eyelash to me. I keep pushing myself to you to the point that I am so unbalanced. I am nothing, thank you for reminding me. You know what, I thank you. I want to get ahead people, to get ahead people like you who just play with you. Thinking I have some kind of impact to you. Dumbass. You dumbass. 

[shitgetspatysonal-blog]

it’s back

Ah love. I love that my last post was about love and here i am, literally collapsing because of a certain someone. Also, I am so cute. My previous posts are so true, so pure, that I can’t resist cringing and awe-ing at the same time.

So love. *gags*

well it’s not necessarily about love. It’s really about what I am to people. I’m still struggling to know what I am. I began thinking, am I even a good friend? it’s good that i havent resided to push my friends away but here i am, contemplating. It is hard. This suppose-to-be crush is killing me. I’m so confused. So lost. I’m so convinced that I am his bestfriend but am I? Ah I know its cringeworthy blah blah but cmon. Labels are so important. I don’t know why I am so hooked up on having labels. ugh labels labels labels. Useless, pathetic, loser. Indistinct. Confusion. What are you. Nothing. Air. 

I’m so over the place. I’m a complete mess. I don’t even know what you call this shitty feeling. So, you, Niki, and also future me, don’t mess up and share this to anyone. 

gets up shit messed 

[shitgetspatysonal-blog]

Let's talk about love.

I’m just so curious why does anything that relates to love is so interesting? Is it some kind of fuel that we have to have because well eventually wither and die? I’m so confused. I guess I’ll just find out sometime.

Alright okay one question why are we so addicted on love? I keep seeing people on Facebook sharing things about how it hurts to be left. They’re practically indirecting their ex. Its a trend. I’m not gonna lie, its becoming redundant now. I know they’re hurting but its just not something to post on a website where your family, friends, and acquaintances can see. I know its not my fucking business but you’re basically posting it in a place where everyone can see it so who’s fault is that?

I don’t hate love guys. I love love. I’m literally listening to a love song while I’m writing this.

Okay I have a confession, I pretended to like a guys because I wanted to know what it feels like to be in a relationship. Well we didn’t date okay. I just said that I liked him in front of my friends and out homeroom teacher. I mean cmon were talking about high school here. We do cringeworthy stuff.

I guess I’ll find out sooner or later. Though its clear that nobody would like me. Wow what a shame boohoo.

Shit gets related about love.

[shitgetspatysonal-blog]

I found out my problem

I found out my problem just this day. Today was a lovely Thursday of April 7th of 2016. I was fine. Well, I thought about myself. Who am I? Am I a good person? Where do I belong? See here's the thing. You know that people have labels. Oh that's nerdy cute girl. Oh that guy is a fuckboy. Oh he's that smart guy. Well where I'm standing, I have no idea what am I. The people around me see me as my achievements or my position as an EIC. That doesn't sound that bad but it really got me thinking: what am I without those? There's a reason why I call myself a mess because I'm all over the place. I have a lot to show. I am too much. I have come to realized that that's why my friend got mad at me because she thought I belonged to that particular group of friends. I don't have a limit. I don't have a boundary line. She said that I don't know the differences of a best friend and a regular friend. She's true because I do have a couple of friends and I consider them as best friends. All of those people serve a special place because I have shared a moment with them. What even is a regular friend? Troye did said that life isn't about finding yourself, its about creating yourself. Its my goal to distinguish what creation am I. I hate to admit that I don't really know myself. I don't know who I want to be friends with. I don't know if I can handle those responsibilities as an EIC. I don't know who to trust. I don't know who I want to love. I don't know. I have no label in the world. I end up thinking that I am nothing without those achievements. What will become of me when those are gone. I'm scared to think that I have no purpose other that being an EIC because even being a friend, I can't manage. My future is at stake. My family is constantly asking me of what course should I take on college or what will I be in the next five years. I still don't know. I have no idea. Its driving me insane because I don't have a purpose. Why am I doing this? What am I even doing? How can I take this? I'm constantly reminded that I dont have a stand in this world and its taking a toll on me. I am scared. I have no idea how to make a figure. I don't know how. I don't have a person to talk to. I am a mystery. A puzzle to be solved so I can make a picture. An image. Shit gets personally about me.

[apinchofpha-blog]

Open letter to you, Kristzelle. (Bestfriends Part 3)

And so, the problematic kid has come in terms of what she felt. She no longer feels sad nor mad. She finally feels at peace. Even though K might not see it.

Shit gets dramatic

[shitgetspatysonal-blog]

Movie Marathon Madness March 22 2016 I chose madness becuase it seems apprpriate to thw way I acted lasy night. Im gross okay jeez. Till now i dont know why I vlogged it but here i am. So yeah I watched Les Mis, That museum movie (its a plus plus), Roman Holiday, and Heneral Luna. Oh no i forgetten about Cooties but i watched that also. Great movies for a great night. Alright catch ya later. Shit gets gross ha

[shitgetspatysonal-blog]

Sunday Drives March 20, 2016 A tiring day. We drove to Tagaytay today and I cant help but to feel like theres something missing. Heres some of the photos I took today and I hope you appreciate it. I dont really know what to type. Its just the usual. We attended mass, ate breakfast then left. But as always, shit gets pewpewpersonal

[shitgetspatysonal-blog]

Bury me in kdramas

Hallo hello hillo to another update of my miserable summer of 2016.

As you may know, my summer has been shit and a way that I spend the start of this summer is by watching kdramas. I don't know why but currently I'm feeling so furious and uncomfortable. It could be my brother or Nanay, who knows?

So yeah I watch kdramas. Too much. I have literally watched five kdramas for half a month. These include Rooftop Prince, Who Are You School 2015, She Was Pretty, My Unfortunate Boyfriend, and Cheese in the Trap. I must say, I'm half proud and half ashamed.

I dont know why but I got obsessed real quick. I really like the way that it affects me so much. I cry and laugh and smile when i watch. Its weird, lets be honest. So yeah, if you are having a stressful day, try to watch some kdramas. Maybe, just maybe, you'll feel better.

한국어 똥 은 개인 이다.

[95won]

[shitgetspatysonal-blog]

The one when I wrote something at three am

It was March 14, 2016. A cold and comfy night. I was scrolling through my feed at askfm when i saw this kid getting hate. I was pissed so i wrote this: Wow okayyy so I have concluded that people are fucking nasty. I seriously am grossed out by how much capacity of bashing they can do. Can people just can get along what the fuck man. I was tired and grumpy for it was three am. I just wanted to post this because its just too much and i would want to read this again. Personal shit is not that personal.

[shitgetspatysonal-blog]

Last day of classes. Part three of three

[shitgetspatysonal-blog]

Last day of classes part two of three

[shitgetspatysonal-blog]

Last day of classes. Part one of three

[shitgetspatysonal-blog]

Askfm is poison

Well welcome back you little shit haha. I haven't updated in a long time damn. I have something to confess. I am bothering people, big time. It all started when I got an account in ask fm and that's probably the biggest mistake I made this summer. There's absolutely no reason for me to ask them stuff but there I was bothering them. I feel like they have enough in their plate and I'm literally just adding more and more. I made a promise that I'll never use that anymore. Its poison to my image I swear. Mistake were made and it'll never go away now haha. I feel like they feel pity for me so they reply to my asks. I was straight up embarrassing myself. Shits back and its personal

[shitgetspatysonal-blog]

Unnecessary

im seriously gonna write unnecessary things here and here it is

i feel like shit tonight. maybe im just over analyzing shit but i seriously feel like i have alot to do but im just sitting here, typing this. i dont know why though. it just keeps on going on. i feel useless and pressured. paty, i dont know i am so confused right now. probably youre laguhing your ass right now but i wear to you, i am feeling like absolute shit. should i have it checked? should i even bother? will this take a long time? can somebody help me?

oh now theres an addition to the feelings, loneliness. i literally have noone to talk to at this time. i need that friend. i actually feel like i should share this to someone i know but i think they wouldnt care. they dont care about me. i think its time that i accept that people do not care about me. is that okay?

i think i get it. its okay if they dont care. i just want them to take me seriously and currently, anyone i know who takes me seriously is asleep, unreachable, or changed their thinking about me. 

[badlydrawneverything]

[shitgetspatysonal-blog]

my social skills are on fire!!1!

[shitgetspatysonal-blog]

Bestfriends pt. 2

Hello and welcome to the second part of Bestfriends and today, live at three am, I'll be writing about Niki E. Niki is my close and best friend. I consider her as like my sister. And today, its her birthday. That's the reason why I am writing this. 

She is incredibly a nice and mean person at the same time. Its cool actually. But in all seriousness she is very tough. I aspire to be her but we have something that we have in common. We both are lost. I like a person who let's me help them and lets me help them. We have each others back not against. That's the reason why I love our friendship. I love how it's not so fragile and that little things are appriciatd and at the same time neglected. So, Paty, don't forget Niki. 

And because we are back, shit gets personal.