Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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Today's Document
$LAYYYTER
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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
izzy's playlists!
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trying on a metaphor
Andulka
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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@showthemhellangel
@showthemhellangel and myself have come to the paramount conclusion that rotting in bed should be a mandatory part of your day. it shall henceforth be the only consistent aspect of our schedules.
exactly what @therewillbedarknessagain just said. every single word of it.
there is to me about this place a smell of rot, the smell of rot that ripe fruit makes. nowhere, ever, have the hideous mechanics of birth and copulation and death - those monstrous upheavals of life that the Greeks call miasma, defilement - been so brutal or been painted up to look so pretty; have so many people put so much faith in lies and mutability and death death death.
secret history supremacy ftw
come, take my hand. i have so much to show you, so much to say. no, don’t step back, don’t be afraid of the bloodstains. you see, i held my heart in my palms for the first time last night. it felt good to know that there was a part of me that was still alive, covered in weeds and broken glass but beating all the same.
they say “your body is a temple”, right? or was it a cemetery? does it any of it matter when we’re all on our knees? “salvation will be ours”, we weep as we rip open the muddy earth with hands that bleed.
what do you beg for when you think no one can hear you? what do you beg for when you think god can?
// idk what to call this or what it’s supposed to be but i miss tumblr so im back; rewriting soon!
drishti · Playlist · 14 songs · 1 likes
a reordered version of the series i wrote on the seven deadly sins complete with its own playlist :)
i. pride, the most imperious of sins
heads held high and tainted glory, scar tissue covers our brittle bones like befitting armor. they tried to make us ashamed of ourselves, but we were destined to return home more imperishable than ever. the blood on our hands was worth reclaiming our priceless land; didn’t i promise you that fateful night we would last forever? long after the rivers dried out and the fields were covered in decayed heather. you might have betrayed us before but this time, with newfound viciousness, we’ll do it better. “your arrogance will kill you”, they tell us, as if we won’t get dragged to hell together.
ii. greed, the most desirous of sins
lush silks and blinding gold, we have empty castles for hearts. even eternity won’t be long enough for those of us grasping at exploding stars. we don’t want much. just glory without all the blood that comes with it. just pearls in our crowns and immortality slipping through our palms like sand. just empires to be rulers of without the curse of eternal damnation. just power and impenetrable fortresses without the promise of ruination. we don’t want much, just love without any teeth. but you know better than anyone that there are some things even gods aren’t allowed to have.
iii. lust, the most scandalous of sins
stolen kisses and forbidden touches, we’re leaving behind a legacy of lipstick stains on the holy grail. the veiled whispers and unending rumors reopen old wounds that made us frail. everywhere we go, our longing hunts us down like we’re a hungry wolf’s prey crawling along the forest trail. these rustling leaves sound like a lover’s sigh and the summer breeze is a warm embrace. we live in a cruel world with a craving for violence and always get told that it’s our own “morbid desires” that will be our fall from grace.
iv. envy, the most covetous of sins
eyes turning the color of a lush rainforest and steadily rotting hearts in our burning ribcages, we will always want what we can’t have. insatiability has carved a home deep into our brittle bones, we learnt eons ago that there is no salve for a jealous soul. clawing our way through royalty, yearning for what will never be ours is when we’ve felt most alive. don’t you remember killing our gods for their fortune on a stormy night, when the sky bled its bloodiest hue? this green-eyed monster has chased us deep into the menacing woods all our lives, don’t you think it’s time we bared our razor-sharp fangs too?
v. gluttony, the hungriest of sins
royal feasts and lavish meals, all the riches in the world can’t fill our gilded platter. there were times when our frail bodies and trembling hands weren’t weak enough to matter. now we hold banquets that make up for years of thirst and relentless hunger; wiping the blood off our mouths after tearing apart ancient gods with every bite. we’re here to take back the crown, and when it comes to those of us who are younger, we will never go down without a fight. won’t you let me be a sinner when we both know i won’t be enough if i starve myself tonight?
vi. wrath, the most vengeful of sins
burning battlefields and swords sharpened against ancient wounds, we’ve spent a lifetime praying to gods we made up on our darkest days. now, here we are, stronger and louder than them anyway. it’s our rage that makes us holy, the bloodcurdling fury behind these fragile shields that makes you stay away. the fire in our veins will burn the throne down and paint the streets you once ruled, ash gray. “your anger will destroy you”, but don’t you know we’ve bled lava and cried acid long before this tragic day?
vii. sloth, the most indolent of sins
luxurious linens and sluggish summer afternoons, the thousand wars we bore witness to settled an ache in our bones. all this martyrdom was never meant to be ours, we were never destined to travel down these wearying and wicked roads. years of corpse-covered fields and battles fought in vain, we know better than to venture into the unknown. a lifetime of sitting on someone else’s throne has given us power and its inescapable rush. if an idle mind is a devil’s workshop, won’t you come take a look at the bloodthirsty empire we’ve built inside of us?
FINALLY.
quotes from sharp objects that will haunt me forever
• "I'm here, I said, and it felt shockingly comforting, those words. When I'm panicked, I say them aloud to myself. I'm here. I don't usually feel that I am. I feel like a warm gust of wind could exhale my way and I'd be disappeared forever, not even a sliver of a fingernail left behind. On some days I find this thought calming; on others it chills me."
• "Would I ever have the discipline to let the water cover my face, drown with my eyes open? Just refuse to lift yourself two inches and it will be done."
• "I drank the rest of the sours and had dark sticky dreams. My mother had cut me open and was unpacking my organs, stacking them in a row on my bed as my flesh flapped to either side. She was sewing her initials into each of them, then tossing them back into me."
• "This place is miserable and I want to die, but I can't think of any place I'd rather be."
• "I always feel sad for the girl I was, because it never occurred to me that my mother might comfort me. She never told me that she loved me, and I never assumed she did. She tended to me. She administered me. Oh, yes and one time she bought me lotion with Vitamin E."
• "Sometimes if you let people do things to you, you're really doing it to them. If someone wants to do fucked-up things to you and you let them, you're making them more fucked up. Then you have the control. As long as you don't go crazy."
//Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn
bringing this back because the show has me wanting to re-read the book and why should i be mind-fucked alone
literally turning on my laptop right now so i can watch this
can’t wait 😭
same 😭
quotes from sharp objects that will haunt me forever
• "I'm here, I said, and it felt shockingly comforting, those words. When I'm panicked, I say them aloud to myself. I'm here. I don't usually feel that I am. I feel like a warm gust of wind could exhale my way and I'd be disappeared forever, not even a sliver of a fingernail left behind. On some days I find this thought calming; on others it chills me."
• "Would I ever have the discipline to let the water cover my face, drown with my eyes open? Just refuse to lift yourself two inches and it will be done."
• "I drank the rest of the sours and had dark sticky dreams. My mother had cut me open and was unpacking my organs, stacking them in a row on my bed as my flesh flapped to either side. She was sewing her initials into each of them, then tossing them back into me."
• "This place is miserable and I want to die, but I can't think of any place I'd rather be."
• "I always feel sad for the girl I was, because it never occurred to me that my mother might comfort me. She never told me that she loved me, and I never assumed she did. She tended to me. She administered me. Oh, yes and one time she bought me lotion with Vitamin E."
• "Sometimes if you let people do things to you, you're really doing it to them. If someone wants to do fucked-up things to you and you let them, you're making them more fucked up. Then you have the control. As long as you don't go crazy."
//Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn
bringing this back because the show has me wanting to re-read the book and why should i be mind-fucked alone
literally turning on my laptop right now so i can watch this
can’t wait 😭
quotes from sharp objects that will haunt me forever
• "I'm here, I said, and it felt shockingly comforting, those words. When I'm panicked, I say them aloud to myself. I'm here. I don't usually feel that I am. I feel like a warm gust of wind could exhale my way and I'd be disappeared forever, not even a sliver of a fingernail left behind. On some days I find this thought calming; on others it chills me."
• "Would I ever have the discipline to let the water cover my face, drown with my eyes open? Just refuse to lift yourself two inches and it will be done."
• "I drank the rest of the sours and had dark sticky dreams. My mother had cut me open and was unpacking my organs, stacking them in a row on my bed as my flesh flapped to either side. She was sewing her initials into each of them, then tossing them back into me."
• "This place is miserable and I want to die, but I can't think of any place I'd rather be."
• "I always feel sad for the girl I was, because it never occurred to me that my mother might comfort me. She never told me that she loved me, and I never assumed she did. She tended to me. She administered me. Oh, yes and one time she bought me lotion with Vitamin E."
• "Sometimes if you let people do things to you, you're really doing it to them. If someone wants to do fucked-up things to you and you let them, you're making them more fucked up. Then you have the control. As long as you don't go crazy."
//Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn
bringing this back because the show has me wanting to re-read the book and why should i be mind-fucked alone
a heavy summons lies like lead upon me, and yet i would not sleep.
~ macbeth; act ii scene i
gotta love shakespearean quotes text posts😌
my dull brain was wrought with things forgotten
~macbeth; act i scene iii
“the world is ending tonight”, you scream and i can hear the laugh in your voice; see your smile with bloodstained teeth. i want to tell you that even this burning city looks holy with you at the wheel. instead i say, “you’re going to kill us at this speed.” “if i don’t, they will. live a little, let’s die in the name of revolution tonight.” because this is who we are. skeletons holding tragedy in their hands- always destined to be burned at the stake. there’s black lava leaking from your mouth now and staring at your red eyes, i can feel my heart break. “we were supposed to be gods you know but no one cares about the living anymore. don’t you want to be powerful enough to matter?” drip. drip. shatter
there’s a fire in the distance and i can only watch as you race us into the smoke. devil knows i can’t stop you, the unknown has always felt a lot like home.
// just leaving this one out here because it reads like a weird remix between the 1975′s ‘love it if we made it’ and lizzy mcalpine’s ‘reckless driving’ with a touch of richard siken’s ‘driving, not washing’ and then demonize the whole thing in a dystopian setting BUT i promise to work on this initial draft very soon
an honour
“the world is ending tonight”, you scream and i can hear the laugh in your voice; see your smile with bloodstained teeth. i want to tell you that even this burning city looks holy with you at the wheel. instead i say, “you’re going to kill us at this speed.” “if i don’t, they will. live a little, let’s die in the name of revolution tonight.” because this is who we are. skeletons holding tragedy in their hands- always destined to be burned at the stake. there’s black lava leaking from your mouth now and staring at your red eyes, i can feel my heart break. “we were supposed to be gods you know but no one cares about the living anymore. don’t you want to be powerful enough to matter?” drip. drip. shatter
there’s a fire in the distance and i can only watch as you race us into the smoke. devil knows i can’t stop you, the unknown has always felt a lot like home.
// just leaving this one out here because it reads like a weird remix between the 1975′s ‘love it if we made it’ and lizzy mcalpine’s ‘reckless driving’ with a touch of richard siken’s ‘driving, not washing’ and then demonize the whole thing in a dystopian setting BUT i promise to work on this initial draft very soon
love writing lowkey no real plot just vibes
the world is painful
dive in to numb them,
choose to numb them.
the world- it is all too much
give us ways to kill our pain
pain demands to be felt.
greatest thing
is to
die young
blackout poetry
“what is this body if not a crime scene?”
the sirens have started to get louder so let me tell you a story before it’s too late. i don’t know who called 911 but they must’ve smelt the corpse from a mile away. all i know is it started a few years ago- the maddening obsession to be someone else dragging its claws down my raw throat. and now, every time i open a closet, bones i took out to fit in fall at my feet. i’m trying so hard not to recognize myself, don’t you see? i can be small enough to matter; hold my breath so i’m weightless enough to float in water. there goes my cleanest white dress from all the mud they dragged me through. oh, the things we do to get called the prettiest.
this is the story of how i learnt that only the worthy are loved enough to have a happy fate. how god tastes like the summer i threw up everything i ate. how each night ends with me spilling my guts on the bedroom floor. i’ll destroy myself a million times just for art’s sake, i want nothing more. you can take the knife from under my pillow, but the one sticking out of my side will always stay. i won’t stop you from leaving, not even for another day.
and i won’t blame you when you let them take me to my grave wrapped in caution tape, as i scream in a voice only you can hear: “what is this body if not a crime scene? who am i if not a murderer?”
// everyone loves a dead girl
(yes, i stole the title from the lines of another poem i wrote before so yay recycling)
oversharing on tumblr should be a valid coping mechanism
i feel everything slip away, like sand raining down an open fist.
i tried to hold on, hold in, but to what effect?
sometimes you’ve just gotta cry yourself to the point of a fever you know?
the things matilda by harry can do to a person are criminal
i’ve spent my entire life trying to go home, looking for the remnants of a childhood i remember running from. i did find it one warm summer night, hiding behind the bookshelf with tears in its red-rimmed eyes. it follows me around like a ghost now, singing “you can’t return to a place that never existed” and i’m terrified that no one else can hear the lullaby that helps me sleep at night.
so i dream about how i was 12 when they found me floating face down in the lake. i was only 12 when they buried me in a white dress with blood on it that wasn’t just mine.
so can i tell you what i’ve learnt in the last six years? dying is easy, it’s the haunting that will kill you again.
// no title, just a random brain dump i will probably rewrite sometime soon
carolina by taylor swift in where the crawdads sing is going to be a marvellous track omfg it already sounds so haunting and ethereal
this aged SO WELL oh my god
carolina is literally one of the best things i’ve ever heard
i just know it must be ICONIC and i havent even heard it yet lol
