don't change a thing...

I'm a realist; stop calling me pessimistic.

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Cleaning my office after a crazy few weeks and I stumble across this. This is just one of the billions of reasons @tanna82 is so important to me. She knows how terrible I am at accepting help, and also knows how easy it is for me to forget what I’m doing is sometimes really, really hard. This life we’re living isn’t exceptional, more complicated, more depressing, or even more difficult than anyone else’s, but it’s harder than anything we as a family have ever experienced, and I need to remember that. I need to remember we’re doing the best we can with what we’ve got, and that has to be enough sometimes. Thank you Tanna, for acknowledging that, and for emphasizing with me. ❤️❤️❤️#fuckcancer #gbm #glioblastoma #braintumor #braintumorawareness #cargiver #greymatter (at Merlin, Ontario)

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As much as I hate the cold (it feels like -31 today!!), I just just can’t argue with that view. And as much as I adore this place in the summer, seeing that frozen lake always amazes me. #lakelife #lakeerie #lakeerielove #lakeeriebluffs (at Merlin, Ontario)

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I can say with 100% certainty that 2017 wasn’t the best year of my life - not even close. With its ending comes hope though, which is more than some have I’m sure. A hope that things will get better, even marginally. Hope that we can celebrate at least one more birthday, one more Christmas, one more New Year’s Eve in 2018. And with that hope comes deep appreciation that we had 2017, as tough as it was. We will continue on fighting, putting one foot in front of the other and living one day at a time. And we will be grateful for every moment. #bestnine2017 #gbm #fuckcancer

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I have the best friends in the universe. Thank you for keeping me anchored. I’ll always be your compass @tanna82 . You mean the world to me. #alexandani #bffgoals #bff (at Merlin, Ontario)

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Eldest and youngest. #cats #dogsofinstagram #catsofinstagram #ronaldweasly #hotrod #hotrodthedog #bffgoals

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Things are finally settling down again, as much as can be expected. Joe was able to be discharged last Saturday, and since then, we tried our best to bring a sense of normalcy back to our lives. I find myself using that word a lot lately - “normalcy.” No matter what we do, I know nothing will ever be like it was before all this. Our lives have shifted in such an unimaginable way there’s no possibility of ever getting them back. I know that. Instead, I suppose we’re reaching for someone else’s normalcy at this point - something to tide us over until the next change happens. #fuckcancer #glioblastoma #endbraintumours #gbm (at Merlin, Ontario)

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Words can’t begin to express how happy seeing this smile makes me. ❤️❤️❤️ #fuckcancer #glioblastoma #endbraintumours (at Windsor Regional Ouellette Campus)

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The surgery went awesome!!! He’s awake, alert, and even remembered my cellphone number; necessary because no one let us know the surgery was actually finished before 9pm. 😜 Regardless, this is fantastic, great, amazing and wonderful. Thank you everyone for caring and taking this journey with us. #winning #fuckcancer #glioblastoma #endgbm (at Windsor Regional Ouellette Campus)

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This is (hopefully) the last night Joe sees this view. His surgery was cancelled within minutes of him being put on the table. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day. #endbraintumours #glioblastoma (at Windsor Regional Ouellette Campus)

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And so it begins. Sitting in a waiting room. The same one I sat in last year. Waiting for the same surgeon to complete the same surgery on my husband’s brain. The next three hours are going to seem endless. #fuckcancer #glioblastoma #endglioblastoma #endgbm #endbraintumours #curebraincancer (at Windsor Regional Ouellette Campus)

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The view from my office today. Joe has been here since Halloween night. We got the call that a room had become available at around 7:30 while trick-or-treating. Though we’d been expecting it, we both went quiet; a stark contrast to the laughing and happily yelling children running by us down the street. The feeling of joy in normalcy disappeared before the porch lights turned off, we got into the car and drove home to get ready. Joe’s tumor is back, and almost as large as it was when first discovered. It was, unfortunately, definitely not pseudo progression. Luckily, his neurosurgeon is confident in another aggressive resection attempt. Joe collects high-risk factors like baseball cards; he’s already experienced embolisms, deep vein thrombosis, and pneumonia since this started. Obviously, this isn’t going to be easy. Good thing he’s a fighter. This tumor doesn’t know what it’s up against, and for that, I’m grateful. #fuckcancer #glioblastoma #endbraintumours (at Windsor Regional Ouellette Campus)

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After hearing not-so-good news, a cat is the best bandaid. #catsofinstagram #endbraintumours #glioblastoma (at Merlin, Ontario)

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It was like the sky came down to earth to kiss the water... #lakelife #lakeerie #lakeerielove #lakeeriebluffs #fog #clouds (at Merlin, Ontario)

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These three faces are going to kick cancer’s ass. These three faces are going to smile in the face of adversary, and these three faces are going to live each day with positivity, optimism, and faith in a better day tomorrow. These three faces have hope and won’t take no for an answer. I wish this post was all good news, but there has been reported growth on Joe’s tumor. We are not afraid though. We may fall, but we will get back up. We WILL beat this. ❤️❤️❤️ #endbraintumours #glioblastoma #fuckcancer (at Merlin, Ontario)

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Today, Joe had an MRI. Not entirely out of the ordinary for him; he has one every three months because of the radiation trial he’s involved in. This one though, this one is a big one. His last MRI showed “additional contrast,” and a slight change in size. This could be due to a bunch of different reasons, but the top two are re-growth or pseudo-progression. We’re praying for the second. I honestly don’t even know how to pray, or whom to pray to. Not because I don’t have faith, but because I hate feeling like a fraud. It’s so easy to acquire faith when you have nothing else to grasp. If I had a choice, looking back, I wish I had a deep, strong faith my entire life. I know faith can’t change physical things, but I know it can change how we feel about the outcome. Tomorrow, we get the result. #endbraintumours #gbm #glioblastoma #endglioblastoma #mri #faith #hope (at Windsor Regional Ouellette Campus)

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I’ll never get over the clouds out here. #lakelife #lakeerie #lakeerielove #lakeeriebluffs

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#fogdays means a nice, family outing after it lifts. #family #pizza #andysplace (at Andys place)