The art of the words “I love you.” - (Michael Afton x Mike Schmidt)
Originally posted to AO3.
Summary: No one’s ever told Michael that they loved him. Well, that was before Mike came into his life. And when Mike first uttered those three words, he couldn’t get enough. But he soon learned that chasing those words only caused more harm than good.
It felt like everyday Michael was searching for something. Someone to hold, someone to talk to, someone to have. He wishes he could carry something like that around in his pocket wherever he went, something he can pull out whenever things got bad. If he was too overwhelmed, if he was too lonely, if the haunting memories of his father came back to eat at his head. It was all just a parasite. All these… memories and thoughts. He wished he never had to think at all.
He held a doll in his hand. It was a marionette doll. They used to sell them at Freddy’s, whenever you pressed its chest a little audio would play. I love you. Michael still has the one he stole from the gift shop when he was just a kid. The thing still worked to this day. And he’d always be lying in his bed or sitting in his car, staring at it and pressing its little chest. Closing his eyes and picturing someone there with him, holding him, cuddling him telling him I love you.
No one’s ever told him it before. Not his mother, not his father, not his sister, not anyone. Only the stupid little puppet doll, with its scratchy little girl voice. The only comfort he ever got. Because it’s not like he’s been hugged in a while either. His father never gave him that attention anyway. And he hasn’t really dated either.
Well, he hasn’t dated until now. He’d come over to Mike’s place, sit on his couch, drink his coffee and sip his beer and watch TV. But they never went the extra mile, never kissed or had sex or said anything to each other that could make them look like a couple. Really they just… cuddled. At least Mike got that, hugs. His physical affection. But he always felt like something was missing.
Mike was out for a bit, Abby was with a friend for a sleepover. Michael was alone in the house, and he opted to just lay in bed, staring at his little old marionette plush while pressing on its chest.
I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
But he quickly stuffed it under his pillow when he heard the front door open. Mike didn't know he had such a thing in his possession, and he was worried that Mike would think it’s a pathetic thing for a grown man such as himself to have. His insecurities. Always crawling back to bite him in the ass.
Mike walked into the bedroom, immediately taking off his belt that was squeezing his waist uncomfortably. He sighed, “hey Michael,” he said. “Not asleep yet? It’s getting pretty late.”
Michael rolled onto his side, looking into Mike’s pretty eyes. It was dark, but he could still make them out, and gosh they were perfect. “Can’t sleep alone that much these days,” he said. “I was waiting for you.”
Mike took off his pants and slipped into the bed, wrapping his arms around Michael. He pulled him in closer with his arms. “Right,” he said. “I forget that it bothers you to be alone for too long.”
Michael melted into Mike’s warm embrace immediately, his arms wrapping around Mike’s and he closed his eyes. He was taller than Mike by a few inches, but he still liked to make himself feel smaller in Mike’s arms.
They stayed that way for a while. Just… quiet. Simple quietness. Until Mike decided he didn’t like the silence anymore.
“Hey.. Michael?” Mike said in a whisper voice. “Yeah?” Michael replied, his eyes stayed closed and face against Mike’s chest.
“You know.. I love you,” Mike said. “Right?”
Michael froze, his heart.. felt.. weird. He lifted his head, looking into Mike’s. He was quiet. So Mike kept talking. “I love you as much as I love my sister, you know,” he said. “You’re everything to me. I love you, Michael.”
Michael watched as Mike closed his eyes, getting cozy into the bed. All he could was lay there with his eyes open, staring at Mike’s close ones. He didn’t know what to say, but he just wanted to bask in it. That feeling. The warmth of the moment, being told I love you.
“I love you.. too,” Michael said, “Mike.”
The words kept repeating in his head.
He heard that voice replay so much that he spent all his time around Mike. When Michael had to work he followed him to work in his car then kissed him before he had to clock in. He spent more with Abby. Well, he tried to. He looked at her drawings, inspecting them like some art critic then giving her some random prompt. He watched her a lot, sometimes he’d even draw with her. Abby didn’t like him, but he was trying. He was doing all of this because he was so obsessed with Mike.
When Mike would get home, he’d race Abby to greet him. Usually he wins, long legs and all, and he’d kiss Mike as Abby made gagging sounds in the background.
He just wanted to hear it again. I love you. Over and over again.
He started doing things- things he thought would make Mike say he loves him. Sure he could just tell Mike he loved him himself, but… he needed the real, authentic thing. He worried that Mike’s I love you too’s would just be filler. An automatic response to the information given.
He was doing Mike’s dishes. He hated doing dishes and Mike knew that. But Mike decided to cook something real nice last night for dinner. He didn’t usually cook great meals. On good days, he’d heat up frozen stuff and maybe boil water for pasta. On bad days, it was TV dinners. Last night he cooked a real meal, and Michael helped.
They left the dishes for tomorrow, and that’s why Michael had the chance to do them.
Mike walked into the kitchen, it was early in the morning. Literally six in the AM, and he woke up this early because he heard noises. And that’s where he found Michael, doing the one thing he swears he hates.
“Are you…? Doing dishes? Voluntarily?” Mike said incredulously, like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. And it was true, he truly couldn’t believe it. “Usually I have to fuckin’ batte you to get you to do some work around here.”
Michael looked back at Mike from the sink, “I woke up in a good mood,” he said. “That’s all.”
“So you’re doing dishes? For me? So I don’t have to do them?” Mike was definitely thankful, he didn't like doing dishes either, but he always had to do them. He’d try to make Abby do them, but she’d bitch and complain and he hated hearing it. He walked up to Michael and gave him a kiss on the cheek, “god, I really do love you.”
Michael smiled, feeling that little jolt whenever he heard those words. “I love you too, Mike,” he said. He liked how Mike touched him. Rubbed his back so tenderly as his lips touched his clean shaven, smooth cheek. But it’d always end so soon.
Mike was about to go back to bed, but Michael stopped him.
“Not gonna stay for coffee? I made coffee.”
Mike looked over to the full pop sitting on the counter. “Oh,” he said. “It’s early, I wanted to.. go back to bed.”
Michael rolled his eyes, “oh come on. Abby’s gonna be asleep till ten at the least. Don’t you want to spend time with me alone, Schmidt? Before she wakes up?” Anything to keep Mike around.
Mike sighed, shrugging. “Yeah, sure, fine,” he said. “I don’t want coffee though. I didn’t buy creamer this week…”
“Drink it black like a real man,” Michael said. Mike scoffed, “I’m not crazy.” He went and joined Michael, helping him with the dishes situation. He started to dry and put them away in their respective places.
It was nice. Michael liked this. He just wanted to hear it one more time. One more time.
There it was. Just what Michael yearned to hear.
Mike wasn’t dumb. Even if Michael always said he was, he wasn’t. Mike could tell something was off about Mike ever since he started telling him he loved him, and started being more and more affectionate. Michael never really said I love you to him off the bat, he needed to be told it. Mike began to realize that fact after two months of this going on.
Michael kept being helpful, too helpful. Doing chores without asking, paying for things he didn’t need to pay for, babysitting Abby whenever he needed and always doing whatever Mike asked him to do. Mike would always say I love you whenever Michael listens to him, because it just slipped out when he was happy. He got sentimental quickly.
Well, Mike’s car broke down in the parking lot of a gas station-convenience store. He called Michael to come pick him up in his car because he was fucked and this night was shitty. Plus, it was raining.
Michael showed up pretty quickly, whipping into the parking lot like Mike was dead on the ground or something, going into cardiac arrest, and immediately got out of his car.
“Hey, got here as fast as I could. I called the tow truck, it’ll cost two hundred bucks. But I can cover it,” Michael said. “It’s freezing. Why couldn’t you have just waited in the damn car?”
Mike shrugged, “I didn’t want to. The heat broke last week so..” he sighed, “wouldn’t have helped- wait, Michael. You don’t have to pay for the tow truck. I’ll pay!”
Michael shook his head, “no, nonono, no. Come on, let me. I have the money,” he said. “You don’t have to worry about it. I see you already wasted your money on crap anyway.
Mike looked down to the plastic bag he was holding, full of cavity-inducing candy, soda, and beer. He gave Michael a deadpan look, “shut up, Afton,” he said. “And it wasn’t that much money. I’m paying for the tow truck!”
“With money you don’t have?! No! Just let me, Mike,” Michael said firmly, not understanding why Mike wasn’t being compliant with his help. Usually he’d nod along with that dumb smile of his and tell him how much he loves him. What changed?
“Michael, you don’t need to do all this shit just to make me tell you I love you,” Mike said, which caught Michael off guard. Right, that’s what must’ve changed.
Michael went quiet, his arms at his sides with his eyebrows furrowed. “What- what the fuck are you talking about?” He said.
Mike in response rolled his eyes. “Look, I know you like to say I’m stupid, but I’m not,” he said, crossing his arms. “You don’t need to do this shit. You don’t need to prove anything to me.”
“I’m not trying to!” Michael snapped, “what’s wrong with doing stuff for you? Isn’t that what a boyfriend is supposed to do?!”
“Yeah! … I guess!” Mike huffed, “but, you don’t say you love me. Ever. And you started acting all weird after I told you I loved you. So what is it? Is it your rough childhood? I know you didn’t have a good one. Vanessa told me- before stuff with me and her went to shit. So what? Why are you doing all this- this acts of favors or whatever the fuck it’s called-” he huffed shaking his head tiredly. “Service! What’s with the acts of service? You've never been told I love you before?–”
“Maybe!” Michael said, tired of hearing Mike's rambles. “You know how my fucking father is. Maybe I haven’t!”
Mike paused, then he sighed, “is that really what this is about? You act all weird for that? You know if you really wanted me to say I love you so much you could just… tell me yourself that you love me,” he’s said. “The only I love you’s I get are from Abby! And she’s my sister, so it barely counts.”
Michael kept staring at Mike. When he got really upset or sheepish he never looked away from a subject like most people, he just kept his eyes locked. Sad and embarrassed.
“So you feel the same way, don’t you Schmidt?”
Mike never liked it when Michael called him by his last name, but there was no way he could stop him at this point. He shook his head, “I guess. I guess not as bad as you, but… enough for me to notice something’s up,” he said. “I just. I wish you would tell me you love me. I mean. All these stupid things you’ve been doing— I don’t want you doing them so much anymore. Just tell me you love me.”
Michael frowned, a deep frown that showed how shitty he felt. His attempts at getting love just made Mike feel unloved. God, he was shitty. As shitty as the worst person ever, as shitty as his dad, a—
“I can hear your overthinking from here, y’know,” Mike said. He stepped closer to Michael and gave him a quick hug, he wasn’t good at PDA. Especially not with the occasional person who walked out of the store.
Michael shrugged, “I didn’t want to make you feel like shit,” he said, “I freak even myself out, isn’t that funny?”
Mike shrugged, “I guess, but…” he sighed. “You’re not paying for the tow. Okay? I am. And we can talk about all this stuff… later.”
Michael’s lip twitched, and he shook his head as he shoved his hands into his pockets. “Fine, fine!” He said, not looking forward to the future conversation waiting for them at home.
He looked over, watching as the tow truck pulled into the parking lot. He looked as Mike perked up, walking towards it to ensure the guy knew where to stop.
“Hey,” Michael said, catching Mike’s attention, who turned around to look at him. “I… love you, Mikey.”
Mike just stared, a smile twitching at the corners of his lips, before he quickly pushed it away, awkwardly rubbing his mouth as if he had an inch.
“Yeah, yeah, I love you too, Michael.”
