fresh

im your coworker texting you at 3am and you cant put me down like a mutt because you need this job

[shrimp-pulpit]

dude if i dont pull this haru SSR in the next 50 dollars worth of gems the united states government is going to become aware of my presence real fuckin quick

[shrimp-pulpit]

do you think our boss will get the message if i start mailing him pictures of breloom

[shrimp-pulpit]

once knew this guy named james who smoked so much that when he died we just put him in a meat grinder and now we mix the ground jimmy into kief and resin and shit whenever we roll our joints

[shrimp-pulpit]

started using a label maker to put a hidden message that says "go to hell fuck die" on every product we sell

[shrimp-pulpit]

hey its me the evil clone of your coworker. im gonna start a lubricated suck and fuck montage of every single customer that comes in instead of shooting them with a gun like your "Real" coworker wants to

[shrimp-pulpit]

get fresh or get fucked

[shrimp-pulpit]

tried installing one of those high frequency rat deterrents adjusted for humans but i think i miscalculated the Levels because i just gave nine customers a hands free orgasm and now i need you to come in to help me mop up

[shrimp-pulpit]

ive been charging my meter for the last 5 hours and the next customer that even TRIES to talk to me is going to get a taste of my Ultra

[shrimp-pulpit]

so help me god i will send you to the gnomes and sell the trinkets they make out of your bones

[shrimp-pulpit]

i think when you die theres a room with awesome hats

[shrimp-pulpit]

preparing a festive yule log and i set it alight in my fireplace and it starts screaming and now everyone is telling me i killed tung tung tung sahur

[shrimp-pulpit]

got a virus that makes every button on this godforsaken website a hyperlink to Hatsune Miku Triple Baka (HQ)

[shrimp-pulpit]

god will keep killing mutts like you until the totality of dharma is realigned

[shrimp-pulpit]

CUMFUCK MY GODDAMN PIPES DUDE THE MARKET IS DOWN 5% FOR MOTOROLA STOCKS

[shrimp-pulpit]

do you believe in reagonomics or have you experienced ego death

[shrimp-pulpit]

yeah no i cant come into work today i got a restraining order

yeah some stupid twink handcuffed me to a radiator

what

no thats what it means

i know what a fucking restraining order is shut up

[shrimp-pulpit]

im waiting for the day a customer pisses me off enough that i can lob my breakroom cumsock at them