Gab

20 Im not an alien

[shrimpjelly]

Just tried to have sex with a guy & I got scared so I sent him some photos of my feet so he could finish in my bathroom. Weird night. Think I’m gay

[shrimpjelly]

My thoughts consist of hating myself, hating everything else, the inevitable decay of our environment & societal collapse that is quickly becoming a bigger concern day by day, & epic transformer autobot decepticon smackdowns.

[shrimpjelly]

Why is geology the loser of the sciences? Like geologists are always getting shit on & i feel bad for them. No way you are the dork of the dork community, how much more lame can you get dude oh my god.

[shrimpjelly]

My boss: can you find the bucket of glue i brought for this job? I just bought some & i have no idea where i put it

Me who just ate the whole bucket of weird smelling buttercream: glue?

[shrimpjelly]

Sometimes the day pulls every ounce of will left in my very small reserve & i wonder why i even still move forward, then i put my headphones on & cuddle my cat & i completely forget what i was griping about before. like get a load of this emo, fucking loser who can’t handle a 9-5 work day

[shrimpjelly]

Being alive is weird. Who is everyone? Who am i? What the hell am i doing here why do i have to do taxes why can’t i just be a cat who gets mad at people & shits in their shoes?

[shrimpjelly]

Anxiety is so stupid because what do you mean. Like in general

[shrimpjelly]

My biggest enemy is my mouth. Cuz i think of something to say & then everytime it comes out as fucking gibberish & i look like an executable fool of a fat king. Like SHUT UP BRO i WILL beat you within an inch of your life.

[shrimpjelly]

Why am i the funniest person on earth when its just me? Like why can’t these super powers kick in when im around other people? As if i have a secret identity that i dont want to keep hidden.

[shrimpjelly]

Im always the last to laugh in a room because im slow. So ive just started laughing if everyone else is laughing even if i didnt hear the joke.

My biggest fear is someone tryna bounce a joke off of me tho, like where they say something & then want me to respond with someone even funnier. Everytime that has happened every nerve in my body has short circuited & then i projectile vomit everywhere. Like heres your joke dude, please never talk to me again.

[shrimpjelly]

Everytime i see someone parked like a douchebag i imagine in my head lifting their car with my bare hands & throwing it into walmart. Might as well have parked there intially cuz ur sideways on a handicapped & babystroller designated spot as if this world is your oyster. Its not your oyster, i’m gonna pummel your oyster bro.