red is not my favorite color but I can't help

お宅、 科学者、女史

[shriracha]

there is so much love i never thought would be

I think webtoon about my relastionship with hubby woild have fit this title

[shriracha]

I love how author makes impact literally in every frame

1: wow MC gone full villain!

2: oh it's fine, our reasonable MC meant completely legal action 😇

3: oh... so she does consider m...illegal actions as an option...

[shriracha]

[shriracha]

[shriracha]

When I watch investigations about how indie "self made" artists have access to much more resources than average person

It makes me feel better about all these songs I write and never make a proper record

Yes a lot of indie artists are selfmade but when the artist IS self made they're also much more talented in several ways and they give it ALL to one thing, like they risk and put all eggs in one basket. Couldn't be me!

And when the artist JUST writes interesting lyrics and sings in soothing voice, they have family connections or money

I'm not neither of them and I'm content with that. I'm not passionate or talented enough, I'm not lucky to be born into richness and it's fine. I still affect people, I'm still being heard even if its just a few acquaintances that just happen to watch my stories at the moment im craving for attention. My ideas will realize themselves someday in someone. It's not even like it's my own exclusive ideas, it exists in the ether and everyone can tap on it; I stopped being jealous of anyone who makes popular something I've too thought of. That's life. The world is full of talented people.

[shriracha]

Several times in my life I've been told I am a "good" girl by guys i had just a few dates with, meaning like faithful or something. A lot of guys I've dated briefly were soon (too soon) eager to meet me with their parents. It perplexed me as faithfulness never was my concisous valor, but a consequence of simply not being interested enough in majority of men that were interested in me.

Now I think I know why! I'm no pretty. Like, I'm no ugly, but I'm under average when I am not dolled up, and most of the times I'm not dolled up. Nevertheless, men do pay me attention. Yes, it's not a "f" boy type, but a type of men who look for more than a prettiness. In other words, I'm not interesting for men who hook up, evemthough I don't mind hook uping; but I'm interesting for men who seek more deep connection and they often don't want to hook up. Like, I'd be a whore, but i don't attract attention of man-whores. And the latter is more important for judgement. Like, my readiness to hook up doesn't matter since I don't look like one, therefore I'm not getting many hook ups. Like, I'm mixing signals: when I just want a hookup, I look as usual (kinda quirky/queery) and i talk and listen and we have great conversation, and the guy thinks there is something between us, but for me he is just a guy that is not unattractive to me, like he is fine for a night, but relationship? I need something more.

I mean, those guys, they were both right and wrong. I'm not faithful by choice, but rather by style choice (like, the lack of style).

[shriracha]

Rihanna video makes me even more conscious of aging.. when I (hopefully) will graduate from PhD, I'll be around same age. Rihanna has so many resources, and yet her face looks weird in motion. Like, motionless - she is flawless. But when she speaks? Am I only one who thinks her cheeks make weird shadows? Is it just age or fillers/botox?

If I wouldn't think that my research topics are important for environment, I would just drop out and start enjoying remnants of my youth. But I look at my baby and imagine how he is going to live through worsening climate change. I don't want to feel like I just spent my life on myself when I could have do something. Ofc I'm skeptical that I'll be able to so something, but it's not a reason to stop trying. But. I also. Want to look pretty in cosplay. I want stand in the spotlight and sing my songs inspired by the character I cosplay. It's just another type of joy. I can't say no. I cant decide what I should leave. In the end, I suck in everything. I keep my songs and video ideas in notepad till they loose impact due to story of the game progressing, but I'm also constantly distracted from research by suddenly emerging cosplay events. It's always "I'll start really trying after I graduate/after comiccon", but then I never give 100% of me into one thing.

Time is my enemy I keep forgetting about.

[shriracha]

[dangercocktail]

[elodieunderglass]

[shriracha]

Reading it all is just too much

[dionitro]

I fuckin get it girl

[ninoacca]

top 10 anime betrayals

[shriracha]

Sometimes i look at my baby and he is just a small animal with a tiny face of my husband, and he is the most beautiful creature in the world.

Then, sometimes, he looks like me and there are only "IT'S MY BABY" words pulsing through myself and I must hold him, hug him and kiss him, or I'll cease to exist.

[shriracha]

Sometimes I just need more furry comics in my life

[shriracha]

Him: pissed that I'm mad that he didn't do something he proposed to do himself

Him: pissed that I don't participate in home makeover as much as he wants from me but he never specifically told me what he wants me to do

Me: pissed that he doesn't do things he proposed himself to do

Me: pissed that he doesn't do things I directly asked him to do

Me: pissed that he never starts to do his share of chores that we (mostly me) came up to and he agreed on unless I ask him to actually start doing them.

It's not that much of a problem to just not believe in what he says. However, if i dont want to be single in a marriage, i need to assess how truthful his words are, and for that i require much more information, that I don't want to get out of him and he isn't enthusiastically sharing. I'm used that if a person says they ll do something, they keep in mind resources available and skills they have, and they do in fact possess ability to do the promised thing. However, he just says he will do something on a whim without thinking beforehand if he is physically/mentally/financially able to do it; and what's worse, sometimes he is able to do it, he just doesn't want to do it, and for him given word isn't a driving force. It's just unfathomable to me. He is so fine in many aspects. I consider myself extremely lucky. Any tradwife would be thriving in my place. However, I'm not tradwife, and I don't aspire. I'd rather be single mother, than a tradwife. I hate uncertainty and lack of control over own life that brings dependence on your romantic partner.

So, resuming. I need more information about his finances, loans, current and future projects, his relatives life events and I hate it. I am genuinely not interested in any of this things. But if he can't process himself what he can or can't do, I'll have to.

[shriracha]

My conversations about makeup be like

- your face tone is so even!

- it's bb cream

- ^_^....

- ....

- ...whats the name?

- I don't know, its korean?, I'll send you a photo

[shriracha]

Apart of genshin and cosplay.

Went to a book meeting. The topic was 2nd chapter of Sapolski' Biology of good and evil. I don't remember reading it, but either I actually did, or my feed is full of information like this, cause I didn't hear much new. In fact, i even explained a little the lock and key metaphor in other examples.

Sometimes I forget that my spectrum of knowledge in natural sciences isn't common /proud nerd stance/

Law people are fun. At least, specifically these two law girls.