[shsl-alchemical-chemistry]

A Lovely Idea | Magnus | Chapter Four | Closed for Natsume

@shsldoormat   It had been some days since the last trial. Things were quiet once again, with no motives or blockages to bring death into the village another time. The chemist, tucked away in his cottage bathroom, scrubbed away at the inside of his mask. The sinks water ran down the mask as he cleaned every last bit of it that needed cleaning. If Magnus was anything at all, he thought, he would certainly be a mask hygiene enthusiast. He was cleaning his mask constantly, just to make sure he looked as proper as one could be when wearing something like that so often. Yet, this time, there was something different propelling him to look the best that one hiding his face could even look. The Fool had opened up an amusement park, and, despite not trusting them at all, the chemist thought it’d be a lovely idea to spend the day there with his lovely girlfriend. He had asked her the day before if she would like going there with him, and as far as he remembered, she seemed just as positive with the idea as he did. Sure, knowing their host the amusement park could certainly be unsafe or life threatening, but going there certainly beat going on constant strolls and then calling them dates. So, he scrubbed and scrubbed, before drying it the best he could with a towel. Once the mask dried, a smile landed on the chemist’s face. The copper of the mask seemed just as new as when he had first put it on. Surely this was enough to impress the support, right? He thought so. So, quickly, he tugs the mask on before heading out towards Natsume’s cottage. Magnus gets there quickly, his heart beating wildly. He could not remember the last time he was this excited, especially in the hole that everyone called Cliffside. He knocks on the girl’s door briskly, before clasping his hands together as he waited for her to answer. Magnus takes a deep breath, before exhaling out of his nose. He hoped he didn’t seem too excited to the point of becoming annoying or anything of the sort, but he could not help his excitement to spend the day with someone he cherished so dearly.

[shsldoormat]

Natsume found there was no longer any comfort in the down period right after a trial. Though, that implied that they had been doing this for much longer than they had. Three trials. Eight of them dead. The weight of it all made the days drag, but also feel like it had been years since they'd been brought here. All too easily her mind could slip into obsessive thoughts on how the most recent deaths were in fact her fault. It was illogical, of course. Nothing she could have done would have stopped Monoko and Yuri from going off together--how would anyone have known? And for as much as she could have spoken to Calandra about various plans to bring down the Fool, her roommate always seemed to be set in her ways. Everything Natsume could have said would have been taken into consideration, but acted upon? It wasn't very likely.

Today, she couldn't afford to let these thoughts get the better of her.

Today was going to be a good day. She would make sure of it.

A groan escaped her lips upon opening the wardrobe. Natsume may not have been a seasoned veteran of the dating scene, but she knew well enough that at the very least you should try to look nice. She'd not nearly brought enough clothes for this situation. (But why would you prepare for something you never believed would happen.) She couldn't very well wear her work out clothes, and the one nicer outfit she brought looked more suitable for going to a networking opportunity than a fun day at an amusement park. So... the same dress again.

Cool. Great.

No! This wouldn't be a problem at all! Determined, Natsume wheeled herself into the bathroom: if her clothes wouldn't work, then she'd just have to do something with her hair, right? It seemed easy enough!

After around half an hour of holding up various sections of hair and humming at the mirror not knowing what to do (and about ten minutes total of more groaning) she managed to plait her hair into a cute braid. It wasn't anything extravagant, but she was a simple woman. She thought it was cute, at least. It was, wasn't it? Would Magnus think it was cute?

Things had been so hard lately--she wanted this to be as close to a perfect day for the Alchemist as she could make it. So when he knocked on her door, she was still fussing in the bathroom, making sure that this was actually the style she was going with. And, well, now that he was here she couldn't keep him waiting simply because she was indecisive! She sped to the door, stopping in front of it both in order to catch her breath a bit and to not make it seem like she was too eager.Deep breaths, Natsume.

She opened the door, and there he was, looking as handsome as ever. "Hi," Natsume greeted him shyly. Maybe it was a little ridiculous: they were both adults, after all, and this wasn't technically the first date type get-together  they'd been on. Still, this felt.... different. As if everything about Magnus made the space around him brighter and more vibrant. A potent mix between a normalcy that Natsume yearned for more than ever and the knowledge that this was a special moment, a special thing they were about to do. Did Magnus feel the same? Was his heart pounding just as hard as hers? "Are you ready t'go? Oh! Wait, do you want a drink first or anything?" Country manners, it seemed, wouldn't take a back seat even in the face of  a date. Or maybe she was simply trying to calm herself, regain one moment of control before  her heart lead her around for the rest of the day.

[soyapal]

morning sunshine trying to calm me before exams

[shslclassicist-blog]

una hirundo non facit ver | chapter 3 | Natsume

[shslclassicist-blog]

shsldoormat:

Selfish.

The word struck through her like ice, chilling every part of her body. Truthfully a part of her had come to accept that in time she would come across someone or they would come across her. She would not have a choice in the situation. Yet it had only been a couple of days since she, quote-unquote, returned to the land of the living–in the haze of everything that had happened she couldn’t possibly have come up with enough plans on how to approach the situation to not make this the most awkward, uncomfortable experience she’d ever  had in her life. She had been expecting names, angry words thrown in her direction as well, but ‘selfish’ hadn’t been one of the ones floating through her mind.

Questionable ‘objectivity’ aside, there was no point in running. If Kohana had something to say to her, then it was Natsume’s duty to allow her to say it. Outside of herself, the Classicist was most likely the one most hurt by Shin’s fate. Had she even begun to deal with those feelings? It wasn’t Natsume’s place to ask any longer.

It felt like moving through an ocean pushing back against her even though the plain tiles glided against the wheels of her wheelchair just as easily as when she had entered the grocery store in the first place. “I’m sorry, Wakahisa-san, but I must respectfully disagree.” As the aisle stretched out in front of her, seemingly endless and with no chance for escape, there was comfort in seeing Kohana more focused on the canned goods in front of her than the Support herself. “Whatever hole you hope to blow in the Fool’s claims by me bein’ alive is purely superficial. D-do you really still think that any of them believe the Fool will allow anyone to leave Cliffside alive?”

“Besides that, I think the basis you’re working from is… faulty.” She just had to keep up the act a little longer. She could stop talking soon. Let Kohana say her worst, let her get her anger out, and it could be over. “I don’t see how I “got away” with anything. I confessed to my crime during the trial. I confessed during the verdict. I t-tried to incriminate myself during the investigation too. As far as I can see, the only thing this proves is that… is that The Fool will punish the guilty who admit to their crimes as well as the innocent who got nothin’ to do with it outside of a fairy tale. If I had remained quiet, then… then maybe, but…“

Her hands were shaking now. She hated this. Hated disagreeing with people, hated conflict. But she especially hated how at the end of everything, everyone was still hurting. And that hurt could not be undone no matter how hard she tried. 

"I… don’t think I have that much power. I really don’t. Me showing myself to everyone only serves as a reminder of what we lost.” Her shoulders slumped, hair framing her face in a way that made her look more like a certain girl who crawled out of a TV than the positive Support that had existed before. Still, her hands clenched in tight balls, wishing the Fool was here so she could… she could… oh, who is she kidding. She would never be able to follow through on punching their sadistic host.

“If I go back to the cottages I’d just… bring everyone down. Cause unrest 'n strife. Y'all can’t afford that right now, not with everything else that’s happened. I can help in th'shadows. Distract the Fool, maybe? Find where their lair is? It ain’t much, but… it’s all I kin do.”

She tried to keep her focus on the soup cans. How much soup did Kohana need? As much soup as it took to distract her, that’s how much soup she needed. She didn’t want to look in Natsume’s direction, because she was hearing quite enough as it was. Kohana could remember that one conversation - the romance novel by the duck pond, the idle chatter, the giggling over her roommate’s quirks and eccentricities. This girl sounded like another person entirely. The metamorphosis was fascinating, if not horrifying. She hadn’t even looked properly, but she’d heard the wheels. She was in a wheelchair now? What had the Fool done to her?

Whatever they’d done, at least they hadn’t done the same to her as they had to her partner.

“I doubt their lair is anywhere within our reach. And there’s no point in distracting the Fool if you’re serving as a distraction for exactly nobody. Face it, Miss Nannini, you’re not helping anyone as a lone wolf. You’re hiding.”

Look at that, lentil soup. She took it off the shelf, turning to the back as if thoroughly interested in the ingredient list.

“Contrary to what you might think, Miss Nannini, none of us want you dead. There’s enough bloodshed here as it is. Have you heard about what happened to Sora Noji? Our numbers are dwindling fast. We’d rather have you alive than otherwise.”

Come to think of it, how many of them were left now? They’d started out as a group of sixteen. There were ten of them left now. Six casualties. That was six families who’d lost a member, six holes left in lives that would never be filled. The more that Kohana thought about the ramifications, the more overwhelming the whole situation was.

“You might think everyone hates you, and you cannot expect to be quickly forgiven - it’s not easy, you must understand - but knowing that you’re alive could bring us all a little bit of hope. Just a little, but it’s in quite short supply here, you know. There’s people who care about you here. Are you so wrapped up in your own self-pity that you can’t see that? That we’d all maybe feel a little bit uplifted knowing that’s one less life pointlessly lost than we thought? Or maybe you’d rather stew in your own misery than look forward to the future. It’s your choice.”

Her voice was very calm, very level. It was the kind of voice she used in board rooms, controlled with just a touch of steel to it. There was no shred of any kind of emotion in it, no anger or hurt or even annoyance. Perhaps her comment on selfishness had been a bit too impassioned, but as she coolly examined the recommended serving amount of this lentil soup, Kohana managed to speak as though she felt nothing.

But then a thought occurred to her. Placing the soup tin neatly into her basket, she closed her eyes and reached into her pocket. She’d shoved the machine’s gift in there without a second thought, and hadn’t dwelled on it. It just sat there. She hadn’t wanted to look at it, and had even thought once or twice of destroying it, but now, it could be with the person it belonged to.

“I must go now. I need to be back at my cottage before curfew. I’d advise you to do the same, but I doubt that would convince you.”

Kohana took a deep breath before holding out the photo in Natsume’s direction, still not looking at it.

“I got this from the machine. It’s not mine to keep. I believe she’d want you to have it.”

[shsldoormat]

"I don't expect to be forgiven."

The words came through clearer than the rattling sound of chains that had wrapped around Shin's appendages less than two weeks ago with just as much weight behind them. There was no hesitation. No... well, anything. It was a statement of fact, as if Natsume were standing next to Kohana reading the ingredients off the soup labels that interested her so. "I understand where you're coming from, and what you are trying to do, but I am not the person who can achieve that. Any hope I would bring would be short-lived and would be outweighed by being a constant reminder of the failures of the rest of the group."

Natsume hadn't seen the attack against Sora, hadn't heard the gun shot, but somehow still she could imagine it in almost perfect clarity. Had the Fool spoken to them before doing it, too? Had they shooshed their young peer, promised them that what they were doing was for the best? Used that chillingly calm voice? That grating, overfamiliar voice?

She would almost prefer that right now to listening to Kohana. It was frustrating--so frustrating!--listening to her talk about things with such assuredness when she had no idea. Not /once/ had she thought about herself since coming back. Not ONCE. If there was anything she had learned during her life, and now especially here in Cliffside, it was that people were much better off without her. Shin... Shin would have been much better without her. She would have been alive. But she had to keep on going with this life Shin gave her and she wasn't about to integrate back into the Fool's game just to prove a point to some masked strategist who wouldn't even care. And the others? People were never so forgiving. Never so easy to trust after the first time bitten. It was better for them to focus, right? Better to give them this chance to continue on their own without the distraction of her existence. A-and she could feed information through Calandra and Tsubasa! If she found any. Why would anyone want her back? What did she add?!

"I want you all... to be as happy as you can be while you're here. This is the only way I know how to support people: from off-stage." The conviction in her voice began to quiet once more. "You discovered me, Wakahisa-san; found out that I /am/ alive. So if you can, please answer one thing for me. Do you feel uplifted?"

Though she remained there, Natsume didn't expect an answer. Her thoughts may have been harsh, her heart an endless storm of emotions that couldn't be quelled even with the drugs the Fool had filled her with, but the words leaving her mouth felt even more scathing than they probably actually were to the Classicist. She could try to dismiss the question, ask it to be forgotten, but would that too be met with accusations of 'running away' and 'wallowing in pity'? If supporting people in her own reclusive way fell under that assessment, then maybe nothing she did was safe. Which... was something she would have to accept and deal with.

More unexpected, though, was Kohana not only approaching her, but giving her something. The angle of the Classicist's arms were the one thing to make her look up from the ground. At first, it didn't click. A photo? Why? But as the realization set in, a pained, broken 'oh' came from her. It was Shin. It was unmistakably, unrepentantly Shin. So young. So happy...  The photo shook with small tremors and Natsume accepted it, bringing it closer. Examining the medal, the proud expressions on Eiji and Maiko's faces, everything. "Even back then, she was so, so talented. And jes like a lil' sunbeam brough t'life."

Breathing in her next breath was met with some resistance. Kohana didn't need to hear her crying. Kohana deserved more than that, deserved more than seeing Natsume at all. But just as with being found, Natsume couldn't hold back the hot tears from trickling down her cheeks. "Thank you. I know that you--" She stopped herself and pressed the photo against her chest, against her heart, curling her torso over top the photo as if protecting it. Maybe later there would be time for Kohana cry on her shoulder (if the Fool kept her alive that long), but after this conversation the Classicist would probably not take kindly to the offer. "Just... thank you so much. I mean it."

[shslclassicist-blog]

una hirundo non facit ver | chapter 3 | Natsume

[shslclassicist-blog]

shsldoormat:

If Cliffside had ever, for one terrible, terrible second, felt like home it certainly didn’t now. No longer did the winds remind her of the rural days of her past–they only served to remind Natsume of her intense loneliness that she only had herself to blame for. Shin’s voice may have been the last thing she heard before passing out, but that week apart from the others drove away any fool notions that the dancer may still be alive somewhere. But she was alive, and the question as to “why” rang dull and hollow like a battered bell.

She couldn’t stay. That much she knew. Even if her roommate had forgiven all for the blood on her hands, she may not forgive the way she left–with a note and a simple word of thanks in the dead of night–after all the Consigliere had done. And if the Fool had anything to say about her leaving their carefully tailored confines for a more rustic surrounding they hadn’t said it yet. Maybe they wouldn’t speak with her ever again either.

As if that would be a bad thing.

Separating herself from the others had some consequences though, the most pressing of which was food. She didn’t exactly have a fridge out there, or any cooking apparati that wasn’t banking on her remembering things from that one time she went camping more than a decade ago. And sure she could squirrel things away for later, but she could only bring as much back as could fit on her lap: the one time she had balanced her haul more precariously the items had, unsurprisingly, fallen to the ground leading to a lot of frustration and crying that she was glad no one was around to hear. She may not be eating much these days, but her stash wasn’t endless.

In a general sense, Natsume could guess the schedules of the others back in the village, and it’d become a short term ritual to travel in the early morning to pick some things up as to not disturb the others, in whatever way that feeling may manifest in them. Going out as early as she was this evening was a huge gamble, but dang it, she’d forgotten to go that morning and she’d already not eaten the day before (she could practically feel Shin scolding her from beyond)!

She remembered when the grocery first opened she practically cried from happiness. Now, though, it felt more tainted than it was already. It was a maze. The Fool could be waiting anywhere. Watching. Deciding whether or not they had done enough to her; maybe it was time to bring her back for another week. Not for an instant did she believe their desire for death and pain had been satiated in any way. She had to put that aside for now, though. She had to pick up granola bars.

The wheels gliding across the tiles of the market were comfortingly quiet enough; she could do without the intermittent clicking sounds that came from the chair, but to complain at this point would be more than selfish. And Natsume hadn’t heard anyone else walking around, but as a voice called out to her from within the aisle she just passed she grasped the wheels so tightly that her body jerked to a stop. She could back up. Check and make sure that it was just her imagination. (It wasn’t. There’s no way that was her imagination.) Instead, she remained frozen between the two aisles.

What should she do? That… that had to be Kohana, right? Anxiety pulsed through her head, strobe lighting images of endless confrontations at her.

“Umm,” her voice was barely more than a squeak. “J-just gettin’ some food. I’ll be gone soon so you can pretend you didn’t see me.”

Please let her pretend she didn’t see me.

She could live her life as a hated ghost, and the others could go on thinking she got what she deserved. But she had worked SO HARD to make sure she wouldn’t be seen….

The absurdity of the situation was absolutely staggering. Here she was, encountering the disappeared murderess of Cliffside, who she’d thought long gone, who her roommate had sacrificed herself to protect, in a grocery store with a tin of tomato soup in hand. It didn’t feel like any of it was actually happening, and for a minute Kohana wondered if her mind had rapidly deteriorated without her noticing. Then again, all of life in Cliffside felt unreal. It was a parade of one ridiculous event to another. At this point she was willing to believe anything, and she wasn’t about to pretend that she hadn’t seen what she’d seen.

“I’m not going to pretend.” She said, her voice oddly calm compared to how she felt. It sounded stern, authoritative, like a scolding guardian. “Come back, Miss Nannini. Don’t run away. Don’t be a coward.”

She didn’t bother chasing after her. Primarily because she hadn’t the energy, but also because she doubted the support would flee. Guilt was a potent feeling, after all, and she was certain that Natsume had to be drowning in it. It would be simply heartless of her otherwise. No, she would stay. Kohana carried on collecting her food and supplies as if the whole predicament was uninteresting.

“You do realise, Miss Nannini, that hiding yourself from the rest of us is selfish? I don’t mean to stoop to the level of personal attacks, of course, I’m simply stating objective facts. But you are being selfish.”

Kohana hadn’t quite sorted through her feelings towards Natsume. She’d considered them to be totally irrelevant. Natsume was no longer one of their group, therefore there was no need to think of her, just like there was no need to dwell on past events. But now she was here, right in front of her, and Kohana didn’t even know what her opinion was. She’d tried so hard to leave it all behind. However, personal feelings aside, she understood the wider context here, the potential, and so she kept on talking.

“Half of the motive for people to commit murder in here is escaping. That is a fact. If you hide in the shadows, then there may well be another tragedy, and that blood would be on your hands. But if the group discovers that you, someone who committed murder and got away with it, so to speak, are still just as trapped as the rest of us - then that could blow open the Fool’s whole plan. It removes one of the main driving forces to kill. Don’t you understand the power you have, Miss Nannini? I don’t think you do. Because if you did, you’d be ashamed of yourself for hiding away.”

[shsldoormat]

Selfish.

The word struck through her like ice, chilling every part of her body. Truthfully a part of her had come to accept that in time she would come across someone or they would come across her. She would not have a choice in the situation. Yet it had only been a couple of days since she, quote-unquote, returned to the land of the living--in the haze of everything that had happened she couldn't possibly have come up with enough plans on how to approach the situation to not make this the most awkward, uncomfortable experience she'd ever  had in her life. She had been expecting names, angry words thrown in her direction as well, but 'selfish' hadn't been one of the ones floating through her mind.

Questionable 'objectivity' aside, there was no point in running. If Kohana had something to say to her, then it was Natsume's duty to allow her to say it. Outside of herself, the Classicist was most likely the one most hurt by Shin's fate. Had she even begun to deal with those feelings? It wasn't Natsume's place to ask any longer.

It felt like moving through an ocean pushing back against her even though the plain tiles glided against the wheels of her wheelchair just as easily as when she had entered the grocery store in the first place. "I'm sorry, Wakahisa-san, but I must respectfully disagree." As the aisle stretched out in front of her, seemingly endless and with no chance for escape, there was comfort in seeing Kohana more focused on the canned goods in front of her than the Support herself. "Whatever hole you hope to blow in the Fool's claims by me bein' alive is purely superficial. D-do you really still think that any of them believe the Fool will allow anyone to leave Cliffside alive?"

"Besides that, I think the basis you're working from is... faulty." She just had to keep up the act a little longer. She could stop talking soon. Let Kohana say her worst, let her get her anger out, and it could be over. "I don't see how I "got away" with anything. I confessed to my crime during the trial. I confessed during the verdict. I t-tried to incriminate myself during the investigation too. As far as I can see, the only thing this proves is that... is that The Fool will punish the guilty who admit to their crimes as well as the innocent who got nothin' to do with it outside of a fairy tale. If I had remained quiet, then... then maybe, but..."

Her hands were shaking now. She hated this. Hated disagreeing with people, hated conflict. But she especially hated how at the end of everything, everyone was still hurting. And that hurt could not be undone no matter how hard she tried. 

"I... don't think I have that much power. I really don't. Me showing myself to everyone only serves as a reminder of what we lost." Her shoulders slumped, hair framing her face in a way that made her look more like a certain girl who crawled out of a TV than the positive Support that had existed before. Still, her hands clenched in tight balls, wishing the Fool was here so she could... she could... oh, who is she kidding. She would never be able to follow through on punching their sadistic host.

"If I go back to the cottages I'd just... bring everyone down. Cause unrest 'n strife. Y'all can't afford that right now, not with everything else that’s happened. I can help in th'shadows. Distract the Fool, maybe? Find where their lair is? It ain't much, but... it's all I kin do."

[shslclassicist-blog]

una hirundo non facit ver | chapter 3 | Natsume

With the exception of her trips to search for the Fool, Kohana stuck mostly to her own cabin. She had nearly a week’s worth of translation work to catch up on, after all, that’s what she kept telling herself. Never mind that there was no practical use for her translations and no deadlines to keep to besides the ones she set herself. There were no publishers and no students for her in Cliffside. But she kept working with the mindset that she had to make up for lost time, first thing in the morning after the alarm up until whenever she fell asleep past the curfew.

It was familiar, an easy routine to preoccupy herself with. She was making absolutely marvellous progress for whenever - if ever - she returned to her old life. Reams and reams of translations there for the publishing. Even if she was beginning to expect that it was a futile pursuit, she pursued it because it was what she did best, and certainty was such a rare commodity in their current predicament.

Nevertheless, she was not (to her chagrin) a robot without basic human needs, and so after a few days it was necessary to restock on food. There was about half an hour left until the curfew - surely she couldn’t take that long. Just a supply run, then she’d be back to work just like before.

So there she was, loading food into her basket (enough for a few days, at least) when she caught a glimpse of gold out of her peripheral vision. At first, she almost dismissed the sight as uninteresting, before her mind kicked in to form the relevant associations.

There was one person in Cliffside with golden hair like that, and that was someone she hadn’t expected to find in the grocery store.

Kohana was frozen in position, soup tin in hand, torn between carrying on as if she hadn’t noticed or continuing to silently observe. But that would not answer her questions, and she had so many of them bubbling to the surface that she could not be content with silence.

“Miss Nannini?” Her voice was incredulous, but not necessarily shocked. “What on earth are you doing here?”

[shsldoormat]

If Cliffside had ever, for one terrible, terrible second, felt like home it certainly didn't now. No longer did the winds remind her of the rural days of her past--they only served to remind Natsume of her intense loneliness that she only had herself to blame for. Shin's voice may have been the last thing she heard before passing out, but that week apart from the others drove away any fool notions that the dancer may still be alive somewhere. But she was alive, and the question as to "why" rang dull and hollow like a battered bell.

She couldn't stay. That much she knew. Even if her roommate had forgiven all for the blood on her hands, she may not forgive the way she left--with a note and a simple word of thanks in the dead of night--after all the Consigliere had done. And if the Fool had anything to say about her leaving their carefully tailored confines for a more rustic surrounding they hadn't said it yet. Maybe they wouldn't speak with her ever again either.

As if that would be a bad thing.

Separating herself from the others had some consequences though, the most pressing of which was food. She didn't exactly have a fridge out there, or any cooking apparati that wasn't banking on her remembering things from that one time she went camping more than a decade ago. And sure she could squirrel things away for later, but she could only bring as much back as could fit on her lap: the one time she had balanced her haul more precariously the items had, unsurprisingly, fallen to the ground leading to a lot of frustration and crying that she was glad no one was around to hear. She may not be eating much these days, but her stash wasn't endless.

In a general sense, Natsume could guess the schedules of the others back in the village, and it'd become a short term ritual to travel in the early morning to pick some things up as to not disturb the others, in whatever way that feeling may manifest in them. Going out as early as she was this evening was a huge gamble, but dang it, she'd forgotten to go that morning and she'd already not eaten the day before (she could practically feel Shin scolding her from beyond)!

She remembered when the grocery first opened she practically cried from happiness. Now, though, it felt more tainted than it was already. It was a maze. The Fool could be waiting anywhere. Watching. Deciding whether or not they had done enough to her; maybe it was time to bring her back for another week. Not for an instant did she believe their desire for death and pain had been satiated in any way. She had to put that aside for now, though. She had to pick up granola bars.

The wheels gliding across the tiles of the market were comfortingly quiet enough; she could do without the intermittent clicking sounds that came from the chair, but to complain at this point would be more than selfish. And Natsume hadn't heard anyone else walking around, but as a voice called out to her from within the aisle she just passed she grasped the wheels so tightly that her body jerked to a stop. She could back up. Check and make sure that it was just her imagination. (It wasn't. There's no way that was her imagination.) Instead, she remained frozen between the two aisles.

What should she do? That... that had to be Kohana, right? Anxiety pulsed through her head, strobe lighting images of endless confrontations at her.

"Umm," her voice was barely more than a squeak. "J-just gettin' some food. I'll be gone soon so you can pretend you didn’t see me."

Please let her pretend she didn't see me.

She could live her life as a hated ghost, and the others could go on thinking she got what she deserved. But she had worked SO HARD to make sure she wouldn't be seen....

[siriuskitty]

Colour

[animeromance23]

[shsl-alchemical-chemistry]

I See The Light | Chapter 2 | Natsume

[shsl-alchemical-chemistry]

shsldoormat:

Giggles bubble over in tandem with Magnus’s. She can’t help it–the happiness has to go somewhere, and if she keeps it inside she may burst! Never in her wildest dreams would she have ever hoped that someone would feel the same way about her as she did them. In fact, as Magnus raises her hand with his trembling fingers, she begins to thing that maybe this is actually just a dream. These things can’t… they don’t happen to her. This is something like from one of those dramas, one of those books where the lovers meet on a starlit night and embrace, confessing everything to the galaxy above them. Her mind is telling her it’s not real screaming at her that she shouldn’t; she’s ruining his life and he doesn’t understand what kind of person she really is. However, in this, the beast of negativity in her mind has lost. After all, if she were dreaming, her negative thoughts wouldn’t be there.

Magnus’s hand felt too real, though; his voice too visceral and coherent to be forgotten after sleep faded away in the morning light. She wanted to soak it all in like a sunbeam, have the memory of it on her skin like the dozens of freckles that peppered her face and shoulders.

Is this what it’s like to love someone and be loved in return?

Natsume nods along, hanging onto every word of Magnus’s explanation. It’s almost unfathomable to her just how alike the two of them really are, and how both of them hadn’t had any idea at all about the other’s feelings. The hand still laying atop of his laying atop the branch relaxes. No longer is it a glass jar trying to capture a butterfly, to keep the marvelous thing there for fear of it leaving and never coming back, but now a blanket, a piece of warmth filling into the cracks between his gloved fingers. “I do,” she says to the ground, at first. Though still grappling with how such a fantastic person could think so highly of her, she can’t bare to keep her eyes of him any longer. “ I do! I do like you back. A lot!” She wants him to know this. There’s no ‘seem'ing about it: her feelings are true. “And I feel th'same. A-about you bein’ different from my other friends. I’m usually pretty affectionate with my friends, so at first I didn’t think nothin’ of  it, but then… I don’t know how ta explain it. It just… felt different. It wasn’t just that I wanted to hug ya or hold yer hand, but that I… I started lookin’ forward to it, too.”

“After we first danced, I um, ” her shoulders rise a little from embarrassment, “ ‘Stead of thinkin’ just about what we should do next, I started wonderin’ how I could maybe look, um, cooler to ya.” As the words come out of her mouth, she still can’t believe she actually said them. It’s just so easy to talk to him. “I wanted it t'be more than jes lessons. I really wanted t'make it worth yer time. Somethin’ worthy of someone as great as you.”

Her expression drops in doe-eyed blankness as he asks the all important question: what’s next? What IS next? Though she has a few dates underneath her belt that never translated into anything she could confidently call 'dating’. And Shin’s one night stands were… also definitely not dating. If she were following the world of dramas and romance flicks, they’d either kiss again and the scene would fade into them getting married however many years later, skipping the need for the dating period entirely (something that Natsume ABSOLUTELY didn’t want to miss out on) or as soon as they cemented their feelings, a rival character would show up or… some figure from one of their pasts would arrive to induce drama. Both sounded pretty bad and frankly unrealistic, but there was a reason she didn’t take her cues from movies… mostly.

“Yes!” The answer propels from her like a shooting star, leaving little glittering debris of uncertainty behind it. “I mean. If that’s okay with you? I would, um, really like to date you.” As she speaks, the lost look fades, replaced by calmness, an understated elation that’s easy to see in the twinkle of her eye. In a fluid motion she slides the hand that had been resting on his and gently nudges her fingers between his own until they’re entwined with each other. “Everything else… we can figure out on th’ way. In our own time.”

“You’ll always look cool to me no matter what you do!” Magnus responds truthfully. He certainly felt flattered with how much she seemed to want to impress him, and he pretty much did the same thing back, but he felt disappointed in himself that he didn’t even realize how much she tried. It was admirable, really. But at the same time, it was true, no matter what she did, he’d probably always see her as a cool person. As she continues, a small, excited squeak escapes the chemist. “Yeah, yeah! So, does that mean it’s, uh, official or something? Are we… dating? I mean, you would like to, and I certainly would like to date you back, or something! It’s a yes from me!!!” The words are now coming out much more quickly. So quickly, that he seems to almost trip his words up. But really, who could blame him? This was an entirely new experience for him, and it felt amazing. Magnus felt almost like he was getting on a roller coaster that he had never really paid much attention to, but now that he really did look at it, it looked fun and interesting and beautiful. Thoughts of where this roller coaster went in the future filled him with excitement and adrenaline. Of course, there was always the underlying threat of being killed by one of the others here in Cliffside, but the masked boy is too busy bursting of excitement to even remember that issue. More short giggles come out of Magnus before he takes his hand not intertwined with hers to his head. He clutches onto it as if he had a headache, but in reality, he just simply couldn’t believe what was happening to him. “Wow, this is… This makes me really, really happy, if you couldn’t already tell! And, and! I just want to… I just want to kiss you again, and, and…” There’s such a commotion of thoughts in his head that the words get stuck. Laughs leave him instead, as he laughs at his own utter cheesiness. 

[shsldoormat]

Without wi-fi at their current location, Natsume isn't sure how much more official things can get--if your relationship status changes in the forest but no one is around to "like" it, did it really change at all? (Of course it did. And when she got the ability to do that, she'd have to ease Magnus in gently. He might not have a social media account to worry about, but fans and antis alike show up in the most unlikely of places.) She squares her shoulders and looks right into those tinted glass eyeholes of his. "If you say we're datin', and I say we're datin', well, then I reckon that's just about as official as you kin get." She tries to sound professional, final, but there's a tone of excitement and giddiness that lends levity to the statement.

They're dating. D a t i n g. The concept seems so strange and foreign in her mind, but when paired with the Alchemist it's natural. Like crossing the street when the walk sign goes on. Like peeling vegetables before cutting them up. Maybe some part of her always realized she wanted to date Magnus, but now that it was actually happening it wouldn't be long before she wondered how she'd ever lived with the absence of him.

Magnus has little way of knowing how much reassuring the Support needed on a constant basis--another topic that would need to be breached with Shin, that is if the Swing Dancer is still cognizant of that fact--but him reiterating his happiness both calms her nerves and sends them spiking. In a good way.

It's one of these spikes that urge her to move closer to him, using her now free hand to balance herself as she pulls herself up. Though he can't see it, he can probably make an educated guess that with the slant of her body and the small suction-like sound that comes soon after that her lips touched the section of his mask that would be his forehead. With the metal still fresh on her lips, she moves once more, placing a small kiss against the slits around his mouth. Much more fleeting than Magnus's, which she points out in her own, awkward way. "Oh! Um! Was... was that too short?" She smiles apologetically, her entire face  turning to anemone. "Sorry. I'm kinda new to this, too."

[shsl-alchemical-chemistry]

I See The Light | Chapter 2 | Natsume

[shsl-alchemical-chemistry]

shsldoormat:

It feels as though the silence between them is going to crush her until all that’s left is a fine dust of what used to be the Support. As hard as it is for her, though, Natsume figures it must be that much harder for Magnus. Without being able to see his face she’s left to assume the worst. He must be disgusted. O-or uncomfortable at the very least. The pause in conversation only because he’s working his very hardest to find the nicest way to let her down easy. She’s fine with this. It’s what she always expected when these pesky feelings began to pop up. Really…. she’s fine…

But then, it happens

.She’s bombarded by a flurry of textures and senses; worn, smooth gloves, cool metal, and a tingling down her spine transmitting the reality of how close she now was to him. She hadn’t even had time to grab a breath. Even if she did, it wouldn’t matter; her body catches up with the situation much quicker than her mind does, releasing a light sigh of contentment as her lips rest against the copper. She can’t tell for certain-somewhere along the line her eyes flutter close–but she thinks that she can feel the heat from his lips beyond the barrier of the mask, too.

All too soon he breaks away and Natsume is left to her own thoughts scrambling to fill in the gaps in her memory where her body took over. He’s speaking, she knows this, but the most she can do at that moment is trace the parts of her lips where bitter copper still hangs on like a memento, eyes focusing on nothing in particular.

He… kissed her. HE kissed HER.

And as soon as that hits her, as soon as it really sinks in there, she becomes very aware of the words he’s now saying. In between each pause she thinks of saying something, anything to reassure him that there isn’t any need to apologize, but stops herself. She doesn’t want to rush him; she’s terrified of ruining this moment.

“You…"His confession finished, it’s now her turn to make a move, though not nearly as suave (if you ask her). In a quick movement she untangles herself, scooting to face him fully and clasping both of her hands over one of his. “You’re not funnin’ with me, right?” Inside, it feels as though a field of flowers had bloomed all at once, the event reflects more in her face than her words. Her learned defenses beg her to maintain some sense of apprehension–to not give in so quickly to words that could be lies and used against her later. Trepidation lingers certainly, but her mouth is a all bloom, a mouth full of bright daisy petal teeth curved up in a smile. “You really… like me, Magnus?”

Surprise fills the chemist as she takes his hand. He feels the inside of his mask get warmer and warmer, and he hopes that the beads of sweat he feels on his forehead don’t begin to drip profusely. She… she wasn’t angry at all? He had thought that maybe, just maybe, she’d be upset that he acted so abruptly, but… Magnus couldn’t help but feel relieved and excited that this was going the way he had hoped it would. He takes his free hand and cups it over one of her other hands. The self proclaimed alchemist nods, his excitement quite visible. “Y-yeah, yes, I do! I… I really do!” Magnus sputters the words out, almost too elated to even speak right. Small, happy giggles left him as he looked down at their hands. She had always been open with him, and he had held her hands numerous times before. This time was so much more different, though. Before he had looked at her hands– Those perfect, perfect hands– Platonically, with no real idea of how he really felt. Now he saw her hands as hands belonging to he loved… romantically. The chemist had no idea that this is what it’d feel like, having someone with him that he loved and who loved him right back. Hesitantly, he takes his shaky, outside hand and pulls Natsume’s hand that it had cupped over up slightly higher so he could focus his eyes on it. His thumb gently dragged over the top side of her hand as he continues pouring his heart out.   “I-I don’t know, I always saw you as a bit different from my other friends. Not in a bad way at all! You were just really special, and you still are. I just… I didn’t know what that feeling was. I had just assumed it was just a very open platonic feeling. But when I put just a bit more thought into it, I realized! I realized that it was romantic feelings, not platonic feelings! Now everything just makes so much more sense. Now I understand I saw you as one of the prettiest, one of the kindest, one of… Guuuh, I’m, I’m getting really cheesy!” The masked boy raises his head back up to the support, and lets out an airy laugh. “I’m just really happy that you really do seem to like me back.” He wanted to say something about Shin again, and how he didn’t know if he could fully trust what she had said about Natsume saying that she liked him, but for once he actually could stop himself. Besides, he certainly didn’t want to upset the blonde, especially with what the topic was. Magnus shifts his seating on the branch slightly. “I-I just… What’s next, then? I’ve n-never really, um… I’m not sure what to do n-now.” Truthfully, he never really saw anyone outside of platonic status before. He had been to busy with working before, so the poor chemist is very inexperienced. His grip on her hand grows firmer, almost in a protective manner. “Like, um… Uh, would one consider this d-dating now or something? Or, is there, like, more needed to consider it like that, or…”

[shsldoormat]

Giggles bubble over in tandem with Magnus's. She can't help it--the happiness has to go somewhere, and if she keeps it inside she may burst! Never in her wildest dreams would she have ever hoped that someone would feel the same way about her as she did them. In fact, as Magnus raises her hand with his trembling fingers, she begins to thing that maybe this is actually just a dream. These things can't... they don't happen to her. This is something like from one of those dramas, one of those books where the lovers meet on a starlit night and embrace, confessing everything to the galaxy above them. Her mind is telling her it's not real screaming at her that she shouldn't; she's ruining his life and he doesn't understand what kind of person she really is. However, in this, the beast of negativity in her mind has lost. After all, if she were dreaming, her negative thoughts wouldn't be there.

Magnus's hand felt too real, though; his voice too visceral and coherent to be forgotten after sleep faded away in the morning light. She wanted to soak it all in like a sunbeam, have the memory of it on her skin like the dozens of freckles that peppered her face and shoulders.

Is this what it's like to love someone and be loved in return?

Natsume nods along, hanging onto every word of Magnus's explanation. It's almost unfathomable to her just how alike the two of them really are, and how both of them hadn't had any idea at all about the other's feelings. The hand still laying atop of his laying atop the branch relaxes. No longer is it a glass jar trying to capture a butterfly, to keep the marvelous thing there for fear of it leaving and never coming back, but now a blanket, a piece of warmth filling into the cracks between his gloved fingers. "I do," she says to the ground, at first. Though still grappling with how such a fantastic person could think so highly of her, she can't bare to keep her eyes of him any longer. " I do! I do like you back. A lot!" She wants him to know this. There's no 'seem'ing about it: her feelings are true. "And I feel th'same. A-about you bein' different from my other friends. I'm usually pretty affectionate with my friends, so at first I didn't think nothin' of  it, but then... I don't know how ta explain it. It just... felt different. It wasn't just that I wanted to hug ya or hold yer hand, but that I... I started lookin' forward to it, too."

"After we first danced, I um, " her shoulders rise a little from embarrassment, " 'Stead of thinkin' just about what we should do next, I started wonderin' how I could maybe look, um, cooler to ya." As the words come out of her mouth, she still can't believe she actually said them. It's just so easy to talk to him. "I wanted it t'be more than jes lessons. I really wanted t'make it worth yer time. Somethin' worthy of someone as great as you."

Her expression drops in doe-eyed blankness as he asks the all important question: what's next? What IS next? Though she has a few dates underneath her belt that never translated into anything she could confidently call 'dating'. And Shin's one night stands were... also definitely not dating. If she were following the world of dramas and romance flicks, they'd either kiss again and the scene would fade into them getting married however many years later, skipping the need for the dating period entirely (something that Natsume ABSOLUTELY didn't want to miss out on) or as soon as they cemented their feelings, a rival character would show up or... some figure from one of their pasts would arrive to induce drama. Both sounded pretty bad and frankly unrealistic, but there was a reason she didn't take her cues from movies... mostly.

"Yes!" The answer propels from her like a shooting star, leaving little glittering debris of uncertainty behind it. "I mean. If that's okay with you? I would, um, really like to date you." As she speaks, the lost look fades, replaced by calmness, an understated elation that's easy to see in the twinkle of her eye. In a fluid motion she slides the hand that had been resting on his and gently nudges her fingers between his own until they're entwined with each other. "Everything else... we can figure out on th’ way. In our own time."

[shsl-alchemical-chemistry]

I See The Light | Chapter 2 | Natsume

[shsl-alchemical-chemistry]

shsldoormat:

Natsume pulls back a little bit, giving Magnus some room to breathe. Still, her face remains scrunched up in confusion and apprehension as he struggles with finding convincing enough words for even himself. Would a so-called mild conversation really make Magnus so nervous?

Flashbacks of moments where Shin took it upon herself to interfere with Natsume’s romantic affairs played out in the darkness surrounding them. Shin really… had her best interest at heart, Natsume knew this, but to the surprise of no one except maybe Shin herself shouting across the street Hey! Y'think my friend is cute??? or cornering some poor person strongly hinting that they should ask someone out weren’t exactly winning strategies. Magnus could be saying that this was all his idea, but his nervousness spoke of a nosy mastermind behind it all.

Her suspicions are all but confirmed the moment he mentions that he’d been talking to Shin about the two of them, and she’s not quite sure if she should be feeling pity, frustration, or working hard to keep those feelings from showing. Of course, being Natsume, in a situation like this it’s impossible to hide what she’s feeling.

“H-huh?”

Again she feels the burning swath of red on her cheeks against the coolness of the night, coming back with a vengeance. This… isn’t usually how it goes. He’s supposed to give that half-smile then say that he’s flattered, but he has feelings for someone else. Or that he isn’t interested. And then she’s supposed to smile and nod, say that she understands and that it’s all right. Did Shin actually show some discretion?

“Well you’re very nice…” It would be so easy to lie right now. She should lie. He could do so much better than her and she should be helping him to reach his full potential. That… that’s what she was born to do, right? Help other people be the best they could be? “And, um…” But she doesn’t want to lie. He asked for the truth, after all. Even if in her experience the ‘truth’ is less actual truth and more ‘the answer that I most want to hear, but presented believably’. Yet maybe this time… she can just say what she really thinks. Maybe this time, it will end up okay.

The answer comes painfully slowly, like pushing a boulder from in front of a cave. An interesting image since Natsume, for her part, seems to be drawing in closer to herself (trying to become the boulder in this simile she’s not even aware of). She can’t pull her knees up flush against her chest while sitting on a tree branch, but she sure tries, her arms already scrunched in making herself as small as she can be.

Small things are harder to hit, harder to hurt.

“I know it ain’t really the time or place for it, so maybe I’m jes weird. And it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way, but I,” for someone who just withdrew herself so much, it may be strange to see such a smile on her lips, oh but there is one. Delicate. Bashful. Ashamed. “I think I’m startin’ t'grow sweet on you.” A moment comes where it feels as if she may uncoil herself, finding herself at ease with her decision, but then it passes–the entire thought process of relief and worry writing itself on her face for Magnus to watch in the pale lights of the fairy tree. She’d done it now. She should have just lied rather than put her friend (would he still even be her friend?) in this awkward position. 

Once she finishes speaking, silence fills the tree once again. The only thing one could hear for a few moments (which, really, felt like minutes) was the rattle of leaves in the tree. It seemed like the chemist had frozen up. It was a bit hard to understand what he was thinking, since his face was hidden, but it could be assumed that the reason for his sudden freeze was shock. Of course, who wouldn’t be shocked when hearing something like that? Everything that he had possibly thought about this relationship with the support recently has been confirmed. Shin was actually right! She did like him, she really did!  Suddenly, in one quick motion, he grasps onto Natsume’s cheeks and pulls his face into hers for what one might call a kiss. Of course, the cold metal of his mask stops his lips from actually touching hers, but despite that, a kiss is a kiss. It lasts for a moment before Magnus pulls backwards. His breathing is quick and heavy, as if he ran up thousands of flights of stairs to simply get to this point. “A-agh! I’m sorry! I-I just, I couldn’t help, I mean–!” The words come out, quickly and very flustered. Newton, what has he done now?! Once again, he’s made an action without really thinking about it. He feels his face get warm underneath the cold, copper mask. A gloved hand comes up to the mouth slits of the mask. How on earth was he going to get out of this one?! The self proclaimed alchemist exhales, and puts his hand down onto the branch. If he was going to do something as huge as kissing her, he was going to have to live up for his actions. He couldn’t run away. If he did, who knows what would happen? Would that mess up their relationship? “Ah… I’m, I’m sorry! I just… I really couldn’t help it, because I think… I think I’m starting to grow sweet on you back.” The words come out in slow sections, where he could pause and say what he really felt and thought. Magnus digs his hand into the branch further. He just kept making things worse and worse to deal with, didn’t he? But, then again, he really did feel ecstatic. She really did like him! The words that she had spoken kept repeating in his head like a broken record. Wow… As much as he really wanted to believe it, it truly did feel surreal. Maybe, just maybe, things would turn out okay.

[shsldoormat]

It feels as though the silence between them is going to crush her until all that's left is a fine dust of what used to be the Support. As hard as it is for her, though, Natsume figures it must be that much harder for Magnus. Without being able to see his face she's left to assume the worst. He must be disgusted. O-or uncomfortable at the very least. The pause in conversation only because he's working his very hardest to find the nicest way to let her down easy. She's fine with this. It's what she always expected when these pesky feelings began to pop up. Really.... she's fine...

But then, it happens

.She's bombarded by a flurry of textures and senses; worn, smooth gloves, cool metal, and a tingling down her spine transmitting the reality of how close she now was to him. She hadn't even had time to grab a breath. Even if she did, it wouldn't matter; her body catches up with the situation much quicker than her mind does, releasing a light sigh of contentment as her lips rest against the copper. She can't tell for certain-somewhere along the line her eyes flutter close--but she thinks that she can feel the heat from his lips beyond the barrier of the mask, too.

All too soon he breaks away and Natsume is left to her own thoughts scrambling to fill in the gaps in her memory where her body took over. He's speaking, she knows this, but the most she can do at that moment is trace the parts of her lips where bitter copper still hangs on like a memento, eyes focusing on nothing in particular.

He... kissed her. HE kissed HER.

And as soon as that hits her, as soon as it really sinks in there, she becomes very aware of the words he's now saying. In between each pause she thinks of saying something, anything to reassure him that there isn't any need to apologize, but stops herself. She doesn't want to rush him; she's terrified of ruining this moment.

"You..."His confession finished, it's now her turn to make a move, though not nearly as suave (if you ask her). In a quick movement she untangles herself, scooting to face him fully and clasping both of her hands over one of his. "You're not funnin' with me, right?" Inside, it feels as though a field of flowers had bloomed all at once, the event reflects more in her face than her words. Her learned defenses beg her to maintain some sense of apprehension--to not give in so quickly to words that could be lies and used against her later. Trepidation lingers certainly, but her mouth is a all bloom, a mouth full of bright daisy petal teeth curved up in a smile. "You really... like me, Magnus?"

[shsl-alchemical-chemistry]

I See The Light | Chapter 2 | Natsume

[shsl-alchemical-chemistry]

shsldoormat:

A nervous trill of laughter leaves her lips when he questions why she wouldn’t have had friends growing up, knowing full well why she didn’t and why it may be better that she still shouldn’t. Now was neither the time nor the place for that–this wasn’t about her throwing a pity party for herself over a childhood that couldn’t be regained, after all.

She’d never heard of Kiso-Cho, but somehow Natsume could picture it, or the bare bones of it. Small villages had the uncanny ability to look the same to outsiders. Yet, the structure of these villages was never the important part–it was always the people, and hearing that the people in Kiso-Cho had been so cruel to Magnus made her dislike it just a little bit more. How could people claiming to be his friends hurt Magnus like that?! And how… how could a father or any parent not support their child? It was a perfect storm of awful and had she the ability Natsume felt as if she’d rain down upon that little town in Nagano. But maybe… he wouldn’t like that. Maybe Magnus had moved on from the past and wanted to look towards the future. She should do that, too.

Kicking her legs slightly, she hums happily as he finishes. “That sounds nice. Living in a new place and getting a new start.” Is she a little envious? Maybe, but these feelings drown beneath her genuine gladness for the Alchemist. “If it’s okay, kin I come visit ya sometime? I’d like to see it. Oh! If it’s in the summer we can set off fireworks and everythang…” She didn’t want to impose–giving a few months for him to mull it over and politely tell her no seemed fair. She was, basically, inviting herself over to his house.

Natsume is pretty sure she’s never heard sweeter words than Magnus’s ‘right back at you’. The simple fact that he hadn’t picked out every silly thing that’d rolled out of her mouth and put it on display for her to consider the silliness of them washes her with such a wave of comfort she almost loses her balance on the branch. How easily he makes her heart the butterfly in the daisy field of his compliments.

Fluttering wings begin moving more sharply and erratically the moment he brings up Shin, however. She takes in the further compliment, packaging it away to re-visit later, and leans in a bit closer to him, her face much closer to his now. “What’d Shin tell ya….” It wasn’t a question so much as a statement that Natsume knew something. Not about Magnus, perhaps, but Shin… Shin! What’d she tell this poor guy? “Did she put you up t'this?” She glances around at the ground below, looking for a familiar white shirt and black hair, and if she knows Shin, a hand sticking out of a bush in the shape of a thumbs up. Seeing nothing, she turns back to Magnus, not angry, but definitely wary. And maybe, just maybe, a prick of fear or sadness in-between.

“Oh, of course! Please do visit the shack sometime! I think… I think hanging out with you out of such a dangerous setting like this would be really, really fun! And, um, I think you’d feel right at home in the shack. It’s certainly not much, but it’s cozy.” There was an excited tone in Magnus’s voice. Just the thought of something made the chemist look forward for the future. Perhaps they could bake together, or perhaps they could go on walks together, or perhaps… He stopped the running of his thoughts, and decided to let it run no further. As much as he looked forward to the future, he couldn’t stop thinking about the present, either. And right now, the both of them were trapped in a village whose ‘mayor’ only has the intention of having each citizen kill each other off. Magnus, now suddenly much more alert after hearing Natsume’s response, quickly shakes his hands at her in denial. “Nonono!!! No, she didn’t put me up to this at all! This was… This was all my doing.” Great, now you really messed it up. A pit in the chemist’s stomach begins to grow. This feeling wasn’t an abnormal one for him, but this time it certainly felt different. It grew much, much faster than it usually did, causing the empty, anxious feeling to swell at a much higher pace than usual. “Really, she didn’t say or do anything wrong! I had just had a mild conversation with her.” As he continued to speak, Magnus felt himself making everything much worse than they needed to be. The feeling of guilt in his chest was immense. Why’d he have to open his fat mouth? It was as if he was being backed up into a corner, and soon it felt like he had no other choice but to really just say what had happened, just so that there was closure, and so that he didn’t start up any issues with Shin and Natsume’s close bond.   “Uh, we had just spoken about, um… Us. You and I, I mean.” The poor chemist felt his heart beating much harder than it ever had. It rang through his ears like the boom of a bomb that had just gone off. “Um, about… ummm….. Er, before I really go on and mess things up more than I already have, answer this question: How do you feel about me? Uh, as truthfully as you can be.” He really did mess up this time. What on earth did this mean for their relationship for the future? Did he just completely destroy any and all chances he may have had?

[shsldoormat]

Natsume pulls back a little bit, giving Magnus some room to breathe. Still, her face remains scrunched up in confusion and apprehension as he struggles with finding convincing enough words for even himself. Would a so-called mild conversation really make Magnus so nervous?

Flashbacks of moments where Shin took it upon herself to interfere with Natsume's romantic affairs played out in the darkness surrounding them. Shin really... had her best interest at heart, Natsume knew this, but to the surprise of no one except maybe Shin herself shouting across the street Hey! Y'think my friend is cute??? or cornering some poor person strongly hinting that they should ask someone out weren't exactly winning strategies. Magnus could be saying that this was all his idea, but his nervousness spoke of a nosy mastermind behind it all.

Her suspicions are all but confirmed the moment he mentions that he'd been talking to Shin about the two of them, and she's not quite sure if she should be feeling pity, frustration, or working hard to keep those feelings from showing. Of course, being Natsume, in a situation like this it's impossible to hide what she's feeling.

"H-huh?"

Again she feels the burning swath of red on her cheeks against the coolness of the night, coming back with a vengeance. This... isn't usually how it goes. He's supposed to give that half-smile then say that he's flattered, but he has feelings for someone else. Or that he isn't interested. And then she's supposed to smile and nod, say that she understands and that it's all right. Did Shin actually show some discretion?

"Well you're very nice..." It would be so easy to lie right now. She should lie. He could do so much better than her and she should be helping him to reach his full potential. That... that's what she was born to do, right? Help other people be the best they could be? "And, um..." But she doesn't want to lie. He asked for the truth, after all. Even if in her experience the 'truth' is less actual truth and more 'the answer that I most want to hear, but presented believably'. Yet maybe this time... she can just say what she really thinks. Maybe this time, it will end up okay.

The answer comes painfully slowly, like pushing a boulder from in front of a cave. An interesting image since Natsume, for her part, seems to be drawing in closer to herself (trying to become the boulder in this simile she's not even aware of). She can't pull her knees up flush against her chest while sitting on a tree branch, but she sure tries, her arms already scrunched in making herself as small as she can be.

Small things are harder to hit, harder to hurt.

"I know it ain't really the time or place for it, so maybe I'm jes weird. And it's okay if you don't feel the same way, but I," for someone who just withdrew herself so much, it may be strange to see such a smile on her lips, oh but there is one. Delicate. Bashful. Ashamed. "I think I'm startin' t'grow sweet on you." A moment comes where it feels as if she may uncoil herself, finding herself at ease with her decision, but then it passes--the entire thought process of relief and worry writing itself on her face for Magnus to watch in the pale lights of the fairy tree. She’d done it now. She should have just lied rather than put her friend (would he still even be her friend?) in this awkward position. 

[shsl-alchemical-chemistry]

I See The Light | Chapter 2 | Natsume

[shsl-alchemical-chemistry]

shsldoormat:

She wants to believe him, she really does, but her mind has such a fierce argument as to why she should absolutely be apologizing. That she should be apologizing harder. That she is, in fact, making Magnus’s life worse in little ways she knows are ultimately untrue and insignificant but still seem like blaring red sirens in the dark of night. Yet this debate team assault in her mind calls to recess the moment she notices that her hand is so close to him. He’s saying words, but in that moment all she can hear are heavy heartbeats pounding in her ear. She… she shouldn’t be acting like this. She’s a grown adult! And any… any sort of non-platonic sentiments her heart was giving her right now were most assuredly not reciprocated by her friend. Surely he knew he deserved better than her.

Suddenly she realizes that she had been staring at him and it feels more than justified when he places her hand back beside her where it belongs. “Oh! Oh no,” she stammers, trying to avoid eye contact knowing full well she might expose herself in this moment. “It’s, um. It’s fine. Really….“Ugh, come on Natsume. You held several perfectly good, normal conversations with him before! Why is it now that she finds herself with nothing to say, nothing to observe except the lingering warmth of his body heat on her hand. Why was she making this so awkward? Oooh! If Shin hadn’t brought up that romance hooha earlier….

Magnus must have been aware of the awkwardness settling in as he tried to bravely step over it back into something resembling normal conversation. Natsume could kiss him–no! no! she could… thank him profusely!–for his efforts. She couldn’t make him fix this on his own, though: she’d been the one to mess everything up in the first place. Try as she might, though, her efforts would have to remain silent as her entire attention was absorbed by what he said next.

How… could he have been alone? Typical thoughts of death in the family and seclusion tried to reason why, but it still didn’t make sense. Someone like Magnus should be surrounded with people, with friends! How had no one realized how worthwhile it was to spend time with him? How could they ignore his sunny disposition and bright outlook on the world? Magnus was the sort of person others should flock to, and something about the whole of it all offended Natsume. If she’d lived near him then he wouldn’t have been alone! They could have been climbing trees together since the start.

But, she doesn’t say that. Instead, now, she meets his look, with a smiling expression that speaks of understanding. "I know how you feel.” She lets out a low chuckle. “It’s funny. I was jes thinkin’ earlier that this tree reminded me of home, too.” She didn’t know if she should continue–just stop there before saying something he may not care about–but he shared something with her. And she wanted to return the favor. “I didn’t always live in Minoh. Actually moved there from Osaka. And the city’s great, y'know, but I had the hardest time makin’ friends.” It would have  been more accurate to say that she made more bullies than friends, but that was in the past. “So my mama decided to move back to th'country to help me adapt better. Growin’ up in the city, I had really no idea what nature’d look like when it wasn’t regulated, so you kin imagine how wide my eyes were seein’ all those trees in one place, standin tall and majestic.” The longing in her voice was un-ignorable, the forest they were now in perhaps not measuring up to Minoh’s. “But, then I met Shin and started my life. So someday I hope when you see a tree like this, you can associate it with th'home you make: the home with the people who love you and care about you, and not loneliness.” Her smile spreads out into a grin. “I think yer makin’ a pretty good start right now!” Her breath cuts off unnaturally. Oh. Oh what did she just say. “I.. I mean, it doesn’t have to be love-love. Or it could, don’t let me tell y’ what to do or nothin’ but um..” Running her fingers through her hair she pulled out a strand and began twisting it around her finger. What was she even saying now?

Silence passed between them, Natsume for her part trying to get her self to calm down. There’s no need for this. She should just act normal and not like the mess she is. Almost too aware, her eyes immediately focus back on him as he begins speaking, trying to assess the damage she may have caused. Which… is probably impossible with the mask and all. So she waits. And listens. And…

“Eh?”

What… what is he talking about? H-her eyes? Well, no one else is around so logic dictates that it would have to be her eyes, but what is she supposed to do. Her eyes fly open, whites the size of dinner plates as a sunset of pink and red hues bloom on her cheeks. She should… she should compliment him back. Yes. Perfect plan.

“Oh, uh, well, thank you!” her words come out in increasingly higher tones before she straightens them out. “Your, um, your mask is very well crafted!” No. No, that was the worst. That might not even have anything to do with him. “Wait, wait, let me try again. Umm, you have a great smile! I’m… I’m sure. I mean it’s something I kin just feel..” Natsume waved her arms around as uselessly as she felt. A short groan comes out of her as she buries her blushing face in her hands. “You’re real great to be around and I hope that you forget this moment right now because I can’t stop my gosh dang mouth from movin’.”

“Eh? You, one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, having a hard time making friends?” he had a hard time believing that. Why wouldn’t anyone want to be friends with her? Natsume was caring and talented and pretty and… And he just didn’t understand why people wouldn’t want to befriend her, or even be mean to her if that was the case, and he really didn’t want to think that that was the case. Yet, he understood where the support was coming from, and he continued with an understanding tone in his voice.   “But, uh, I do understand what you mean. I mean, I’ve always lived in a small village, but when I was in primary, I lived in Kiso-Cho, which is in Nagano. You might have heard of it, I’m not sure! It’s a smaller village, though. But, uh, living there wasn’t the most fun thing. It might sound wrong, but I wasn’t always as optimistic as I am now. My dad wasn’t the most supportive, and I, uh…. I didn’t have any friends. I mean! I did have friends, but they just… turned on me? I’m not sure why. But then again, I really just shut the blinds on myself for a while……. That was sort of my fault. But, once I found Newton, things started getting a lot better! Now I live in a nice little shack in a different village, which is real nice.” He was a bit worried that by coming out so much about his past would worry the support, but it was in the past. He was much happier now, so all of that didn’t matter anymore! The masked boy watches as she messes up her own words. He felt bad for making her feel so flustered, and he wanted to apologize, but there had been enough apologizing between the two already. Plus, the sight was quite endearing, for a lack of a better word. A light, airy giggle left him, and he lifted a hand up to where his mouth would be underneath the mask. “Ehehe, right back at you! Well, except for the whole mask thing, since you don’t have a mask, but, y’know!” Magnus feels himself getting a bit flustered, too. Oh Newton, who knew how hard flattering someone could be?! If there was an answer, it was certainly not the masked chemist.  Unfortunately, things were about to get much harder for the self proclaimed alchemist. “Sheesh, I’m definitely not on a roll right now. Maybe it was the conversation with Shin I had earlier, or something…” he began to speak, not quite realizing that he was speaking aloud and not to himself. Magnus rolls his shoulders back and huffs, trying to think of something else he can say. Of course, he still didn’t quite realize that the former words were aloud, but even if he did, he wouldn’t quite understand how that could be an issue. “Er, anyways, yes, you really do have nice eyeeee–irises! They’re, uh…. Um, almost warm, ish? If that makes any sense!” The chemist continued, not stopping at making a fool of himself in front of the support.

[shsldoormat]

A nervous trill of laughter leaves her lips when he questions why she wouldn't have had friends growing up, knowing full well why she didn't and why it may be better that she still shouldn't. Now was neither the time nor the place for that--this wasn't about her throwing a pity party for herself over a childhood that couldn't be regained, after all.

She'd never heard of Kiso-Cho, but somehow Natsume could picture it, or the bare bones of it. Small villages had the uncanny ability to look the same to outsiders. Yet, the structure of these villages was never the important part--it was always the people, and hearing that the people in Kiso-Cho had been so cruel to Magnus made her dislike it just a little bit more. How could people claiming to be his friends hurt Magnus like that?! And how... how could a father or any parent not support their child? It was a perfect storm of awful and had she the ability Natsume felt as if she'd rain down upon that little town in Nagano. But maybe... he wouldn't like that. Maybe Magnus had moved on from the past and wanted to look towards the future. She should do that, too.

Kicking her legs slightly, she hums happily as he finishes. "That sounds nice. Living in a new place and getting a new start." Is she a little envious? Maybe, but these feelings drown beneath her genuine gladness for the Alchemist. "If it's okay, kin I come visit ya sometime? I'd like to see it. Oh! If it's in the summer we can set off fireworks and everythang..." She didn't want to impose--giving a few months for him to mull it over and politely tell her no seemed fair. She was, basically, inviting herself over to his house.

Natsume is pretty sure she's never heard sweeter words than Magnus's 'right back at you'. The simple fact that he hadn't picked out every silly thing that'd rolled out of her mouth and put it on display for her to consider the silliness of them washes her with such a wave of comfort she almost loses her balance on the branch. How easily he makes her heart the butterfly in the daisy field of his compliments.

Fluttering wings begin moving more sharply and erratically the moment he brings up Shin, however. She takes in the further compliment, packaging it away to re-visit later, and leans in a bit closer to him, her face much closer to his now. "What'd Shin tell ya...." It wasn't a question so much as a statement that Natsume knew something. Not about Magnus, perhaps, but Shin... Shin! What'd she tell this poor guy? "Did she put you up t'this?" She glances around at the ground below, looking for a familiar white shirt and black hair, and if she knows Shin, a hand sticking out of a bush in the shape of a thumbs up. Seeing nothing, she turns back to Magnus, not angry, but definitely wary. And maybe, just maybe, a prick of fear or sadness in-between.

[shsl-alchemical-chemistry]

I See The Light | Chapter 2 | Natsume

[shsl-alchemical-chemistry]

shsldoormat:

Be careful.

The words hit her and she pauses for a moment. Scars of callouses and blisters past whisper that there’s no need to be careful–careful doesn’t get the job done. Careful never learned the steps to a complicated routine in the wee hours of the night or performed on stage fighting against various illnesses. Her lack of care for herself may have ended up bringing injury down upon her head more than once in her lifetime, but the result was worth it. It had to be worth it.

‘Careful’ sounded like distrust; like a key being turned in a bird cage. Shin always warned her to be careful the most after the damage had been done. The Dancer keeping her eyes on her unmoving as if to make sure Natsume was doing everything to her specifications, as if that would prevent harm from coming to her. The tug of war ended with a silent whimper: it was much easier to give in to Shin’s need to feel like she was helping than to rehash the same arguments that Natsume was perfect capable of standing by her own decisions even if they hurt her in the end.

Face still turned away from him, Natsume’s mouth twisted in a frown, eyes narrowing with determination, but her voice sounded as light as ever. “Don’t worry! This ain’t my first rodeo!” She didn’t want to worry him. She really didn’t. Yet neither did she want his “careful” growing to whisper lies to him about how delicate and in need of protection she was.

All her thoughts would have been moot if she’d slipped from the branches back onto the ground, but she’d hung on and pulled herself up. The question remained of if Magnus would be joining her.

Soon, the warmth and weight of Magnus’s hand filled her own and gripping back just as tightly the effort to get him on that tree branch began. Adjusting to the schedules and thought patterns of others was a familiar process for her–adjusting to someone’s literal weight, not so much, and the whole ‘in a tree’ thing definitely wasn’t helping. Lashing out and grasping one of the branches above her Natsume managed to stabilize herself enough to stay on top as Magnus struggled to find his footing. There was no way she would let him fall; if anyone was going to fall, it was going to be her after using all her strength to finish getting him up there. Fortunately no one found themselves sprawled out on the forest floor, and with somewhat labored breathing Nastume now found herself next to the Alchemist once more.

“There was a lot more moss on here than I realized,” Natsume tries to comfort him. “But I think y'did jes fine.” Taking a seat next to him, the worries finally catch up to her. Magnus may have hurt himself. He may have been injured, and for what? So she could make one more stupid attempt at proving something to herself? Maybe Magnus didn’t even want to climb the tree, and now she’d forced him into a situation that he was too kind to decline from. How selfish was she?!

“Sorry,” embarrassment comes out as a whisper, then strengthens with guilt, “I kinda forced you up here, huh.”

Without her thinking, her hand tightens around Magnus’s. “I should have thought it through better, ‘n you almost got hurt…” She was used to living with her own failures: they never hurt anyone else, and she could belabor them as much as she needed until she learned better. But knowing that she could have hurt Magnus! The mere thought of it sends a throbbing pain through her heart. Anyone but him.

Would he still hang out with her after this? She’d understand if he thought twice from now on, but… being in Cliffside without spending time with Magnus… she hated the thought of it. And it would be all her fault if it came to pass. 

He settles himself down onto the branch better, and slowly pulls his legs outwards so that they dangled down towards the ground. It was definitely a bit scary getting up here, sure, especially with his mask and how dark it was getting. Of course, there were the lanterns, but they seemed to be much more like mood setters than lights for visibility. The lanterns seemed to be doing their job though, and they gave off a warm and cozy tone. Magnus’s expression quickly turns to concern once he hears Natsume apologize. why was she apologizing? She did nothing wrong. If anything, he was the one that was in the wrong! He had brought up the idea of climbing the tree. He was the one that originally put her in danger. That wasn’t her fault at all! He shakes his head quickly, pulling her hand that he still held towards himself. “Nono, don’t apologize! There’s really no need! You didn’t do anything wrong at all!” He reassures, the sound of worry in his tone. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel bad about something so small. They were fine now, after all, so they could calm down. Finally, he realizes that his own gloved hand is still tightly wrapped around hers. Embarrassed, the chemist quickly places her hand onto the branch they sat upon. “Eheh, now I should be the one apologizing!” Magnus laughs worriedly, dragging a gloved hand through the messy, dark hair on the side of his head. He always worried if he was too touchy with the amount of hugs he gave, and the last thing he’d want to do was drive her off because of his habits. He was just a rather affectionate person. The self proclaimed alchemist tries to find a way to change the subject as fast as he could. He thought of asking if she wanted to climb any higher, but with how she seemed to react, he decided against it. Instead he focused his sight on a little lantern not so far away. It was funny, how something so small could be a part of something so beautiful.  “Ah… Um, anyways, I’m real happy you decided to show up. I’ve only just seen this tree myself, but for some reason, I feel sort of attached to it? Like… It sort of reminds me of home. Except at home, I was alone.” He felt himself start to pour his thoughts out. He needed to stop, and he knew that, but he didn’t want to. It was almost as if the chemist knew he could talk to the support without having to be so suspicious. “Of course, there was always Newton! And… she was always there, but she wasn’t present physically. Since, yknow, she doesn’t really have a solid human body. So, it’s just, It’s just nice to have something so reminiscent of home and actually be able to enjoy it with someone this time around!” his head turns back to Natsume. For some reason, he felt much better after saying that. Magnus doesn’t speak for a moment after, thinking of what else he can say. Perhaps… perhaps he can try to compliment her. That was something people did, right? “Ah, you have… you have nice eyes. Eyeballs? Nono, eye—Irises.” The compliment, of course, was an absolute nervous fail on his own part, but he meant it wholeheartedly.  It was funny, how something so small could be a part of something so beautiful. He wanted to say that, he really did. But the words stuck in his throat, unable to come out.

[shsldoormat]

She wants to believe him, she really does, but her mind has such a fierce argument as to why she should absolutely be apologizing. That she should be apologizing harder. That she is, in fact, making Magnus's life worse in little ways she knows are ultimately untrue and insignificant but still seem like blaring red sirens in the dark of night. Yet this debate team assault in her mind calls to recess the moment she notices that her hand is so close to him. He's saying words, but in that moment all she can hear are heavy heartbeats pounding in her ear. She... she shouldn't be acting like this. She's a grown adult! And any... any sort of non-platonic sentiments her heart was giving her right now were most assuredly not reciprocated by her friend. Surely he knew he deserved better than her.

Suddenly she realizes that she had been staring at him and it feels more than justified when he places her hand back beside her where it belongs. "Oh! Oh no," she stammers, trying to avoid eye contact knowing full well she might expose herself in this moment. "It's, um. It's fine. Really...."Ugh, come on Natsume. You held several perfectly good, normal conversations with him before! Why is it now that she finds herself with nothing to say, nothing to observe except the lingering warmth of his body heat on her hand. Why was she making this so awkward? Oooh! If Shin hadn't brought up that romance hooha earlier....

Magnus must have been aware of the awkwardness settling in as he tried to bravely step over it back into something resembling normal conversation. Natsume could kiss him--no! no! she could... thank him profusely!--for his efforts. She couldn't make him fix this on his own, though: she'd been the one to mess everything up in the first place. Try as she might, though, her efforts would have to remain silent as her entire attention was absorbed by what he said next.

How... could he have been alone? Typical thoughts of death in the family and seclusion tried to reason why, but it still didn't make sense. Someone like Magnus should be surrounded with people, with friends! How had no one realized how worthwhile it was to spend time with him? How could they ignore his sunny disposition and bright outlook on the world? Magnus was the sort of person others should flock to, and something about the whole of it all offended Natsume. If she'd lived near him then he wouldn't have been alone! They could have been climbing trees together since the start.

But, she doesn't say that. Instead, now, she meets his look, with a smiling expression that speaks of understanding. "I know how you feel." She lets out a low chuckle. "It's funny. I was jes thinkin' earlier that this tree reminded me of home, too." She didn't know if she should continue--just stop there before saying something he may not care about--but he shared something with her. And she wanted to return the favor. "I didn't always live in Minoh. Actually moved there from Osaka. And the city's great, y'know, but I had the hardest time makin' friends." It would have  been more accurate to say that she made more bullies than friends, but that was in the past. "So my mama decided to move back to th'country to help me adapt better. Growin' up in the city, I had really no idea what nature'd look like when it wasn't regulated, so you kin imagine how wide my eyes were seein' all those trees in one place, standin tall and majestic." The longing in her voice was un-ignorable, the forest they were now in perhaps not measuring up to Minoh's. "But, then I met Shin and started my life. So someday I hope when you see a tree like this, you can associate it with th'home you make: the home with the people who love you and care about you, and not loneliness." Her smile spreads out into a grin. "I think yer makin' a pretty good start right now!" Her breath cuts off unnaturally. Oh. Oh what did she just say. "I.. I mean, it doesn't have to be love-love. Or it could, don't let me tell y' what to do or nothin' but um.." Running her fingers through her hair she pulled out a strand and began twisting it around her finger. What was she even saying now?

Silence passed between them, Natsume for her part trying to get her self to calm down. There's no need for this. She should just act normal and not like the mess she is. Almost too aware, her eyes immediately focus back on him as he begins speaking, trying to assess the damage she may have caused. Which... is probably impossible with the mask and all. So she waits. And listens. And...

"Eh?"

What... what is he talking about? H-her eyes? Well, no one else is around so logic dictates that it would have to be her eyes, but what is she supposed to do. Her eyes fly open, whites the size of dinner plates as a sunset of pink and red hues bloom on her cheeks. She should... she should compliment him back. Yes. Perfect plan.

"Oh, uh, well, thank you!" her words come out in increasingly higher tones before she straightens them out. "Your, um, your mask is very well crafted!" No. No, that was the worst. That might not even have anything to do with him. "Wait, wait, let me try again. Umm, you have a great smile! I'm... I'm sure. I mean it's something I kin just feel.." Natsume waved her arms around as uselessly as she felt. A short groan comes out of her as she buries her blushing face in her hands. "You're real great to be around and I hope that you forget this moment right now because I can't stop my gosh dang mouth from movin'."

[shsl-alchemical-chemistry]

I See The Light | Chapter 2 | Natsume

[shsl-alchemical-chemistry]

shsldoormat:

“‘Course I’d come!” Her hands find their way to her hips as she lightly chides him. “There’s no way I’d miss gettin’ to hang out with you.” As soon as she realizes her stance, though, she straightens herself out. Though the two had been more than open with their platonic affection for each other via hug, the worry plagues her that maybe they aren’t close enough for her to be doing that yet. She’d never forgive herself if she insulted him now, either by action or assumption. Yet despite all this, for once, she doesn’t apologize. She doesn’t want to apologize, she thinks, for wanting to pretend they’re that close. (They couldn’t possibly be that close, could they?)

His question, at least, gives her a chance to quickly move on from her possible blunder (and maybe even get her cheeks to stop being so gosh darn hot). “Well…” she wonders loud enough for him to hear. Once more placing a hand on the tree’s trunk, she gazes up among its many branches. They look sturdy; the tree may be an elder of the forest, but that didn’t mean nothing about it’s strength. “There’s only one way t'find out!”

Normally, she wouldn’t be so brazen. She’d stand there and consider all the dangers, all the things that could possibly go wrong in the given situation. However, her typical compulsions appear to be dancing alongside the flickering fireflies, leaving only the country girl who doesn’t quite know how to deal with this now, but does know that  more than anything she wants to climb this tree alongside Magnus. With little thought, she kicks her shoes off to the side, bare feet now pressing against the bark finding a steady bracing point. A thought passes through her that it’s been an awful long time since she’s climbed a tree (not to mention that in the city they look at you funny if you try). So pulling herself up to the first layer of branches takes a little effort, but with minimal grunting it’s not long until she’s staring at Magnus from her perch on that old, but still very strong branch. “Here,” she calls out to him, holding out her hand. Maybe he doesn’t need it–he could be an expert tree climber for all she knows–but as always, she’s there for him. “Watch yer step: the moss is a lil’ slippy.”

A soft laugh escapes the chemist. Hearing something like that come out of the support’s mouth gives him a bit of hope, if anything. Maybe he did have a chance, right? Maybe she actually did have some sort of romantic feelings for him. “I… I wouldn’t miss getting to hang out with you either!” The sentence comes off hesitant, as if he’s worried if he says anything too risky he’d ruin his own chances. C’mon, Magnus! You’ve had plenty of conversations with her before that weren’t hard at all, why are they hard now? He questions to himself. Luckily for him she wouldn’t be able to fully see how red his face was getting. Then she began climbing. “Hey, be careful!” He peeps out, obviously nervous, as he watches her begin to climb. The last thing he wanted was for her to hurt herself, especially with the setting they found themselves in and the certain time that they began climbing. The chemist wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if Natsume got a concussion. How would she be able to dance then? He begins to regret saying something about climbing the tree, but once he sees that the support was able to get up to the branch safely, his regret faded. She seemed to be having fun, so that was all that was important. Well, of course, safety was important too, but as far as Magnus understood, safety and fun didn’t mix well for everyone. The self proclaimed alchemist felt his cheeks grow warm as she holds her hand out for him. As much as he wanted to, he wasn’t about to show off his nonexistent tree climbing skills to impress her. Sure, he lived in a rural village, but he hadn’t climbed a tree since he was a child. He certainly wasn’t ready risk his own well being for her. So, he quickly placed his hand in Natsume’s, gripped onto it tightly, and began to pull himself up. It took a few moments, as the moss on the side of the tree was decently slippery. At one point he had almost fallen completely, but he was able to pull himself upwards in the long run with the support’s support.   “Phew, thank you. I’m not the best tree climber, that’s for certain.” Magnus admits with a laugh as he carefully sits down onto the strong branch. “If you weren’t there to help, I bet I’d have a headache right now, aha!” The poor chemist was so caught up with the climbing situation that he completely forgot that his gloved hand was still firmly wrapped around Natsume’s own hand.

[shsldoormat]

Be careful.

The words hit her and she pauses for a moment. Scars of callouses and blisters past whisper that there's no need to be careful--careful doesn't get the job done. Careful never learned the steps to a complicated routine in the wee hours of the night or performed on stage fighting against various illnesses. Her lack of care for herself may have ended up bringing injury down upon her head more than once in her lifetime, but the result was worth it. It had to be worth it.

‘Careful’ sounded like distrust; like a key being turned in a bird cage. Shin always warned her to be careful the most after the damage had been done. The Dancer keeping her eyes on her unmoving as if to make sure Natsume was doing everything to her specifications, as if that would prevent harm from coming to her. The tug of war ended with a silent whimper: it was much easier to give in to Shin's need to feel like she was helping than to rehash the same arguments that Natsume was perfect capable of standing by her own decisions even if they hurt her in the end.

Face still turned away from him, Natsume's mouth twisted in a frown, eyes narrowing with determination, but her voice sounded as light as ever. "Don't worry! This ain't my first rodeo!" She didn't want to worry him. She really didn't. Yet neither did she want his "careful" growing to whisper lies to him about how delicate and in need of protection she was.

All her thoughts would have been moot if she'd slipped from the branches back onto the ground, but she'd hung on and pulled herself up. The question remained of if Magnus would be joining her.

Soon, the warmth and weight of Magnus's hand filled her own and gripping back just as tightly the effort to get him on that tree branch began. Adjusting to the schedules and thought patterns of others was a familiar process for her--adjusting to someone's literal weight, not so much, and the whole 'in a tree' thing definitely wasn't helping. Lashing out and grasping one of the branches above her Natsume managed to stabilize herself enough to stay on top as Magnus struggled to find his footing. There was no way she would let him fall; if anyone was going to fall, it was going to be her after using all her strength to finish getting him up there. Fortunately no one found themselves sprawled out on the forest floor, and with somewhat labored breathing Nastume now found herself next to the Alchemist once more.

"There was a lot more moss on here than I realized," Natsume tries to comfort him. "But I think y'did jes fine." Taking a seat next to him, the worries finally catch up to her. Magnus may have hurt himself. He may have been injured, and for what? So she could make one more stupid attempt at proving something to herself? Maybe Magnus didn't even want to climb the tree, and now she'd forced him into a situation that he was too kind to decline from. How selfish was she?!

"Sorry," embarrassment comes out as a whisper, then strengthens with guilt, "I kinda forced you up here, huh."

Without her thinking, her hand tightens around Magnus's. "I should have thought it through better, 'n you almost got hurt..." She was used to living with her own failures: they never hurt anyone else, and she could belabor them as much as she needed until she learned better. But knowing that she could have hurt Magnus! The mere thought of it sends a throbbing pain through her heart. Anyone but him.

Would he still hang out with her after this? She'd understand if he thought twice from now on, but... being in Cliffside without spending time with Magnus... she hated the thought of it. And it would be all her fault if it came to pass. 

[shslclassicist-blog]

ignis aurum probat | chapter 2 | Natsume

[shslclassicist-blog]

shsldoormat:

The amusement drained in trickles from Natstume’s face, slowly being replaced with a tenseness that betrayed Natsume’s fears. Why would she believe even for one moment that Shin would not, in some way, be Shin. That’s what made Shin so endearing–that’s what Natsume liked about her! That she could just… DO these things, these loud, sometimes obnoxious things without worrying about what other people would think. Still. Would it have been really so hard for Shin to maybe think that the other people around her might not be so keen to listen to her voice so early in the morning, no matter how nice it was? (Then again, she knew well enough that Shin thought about others only when it suited her.)

“I’m so sorry,” the gauntness in her voice made it sound as though Shin’d just told an off-color joke in front of the Emperor herself. “If it’s an issue, I can talk to Shin about it. After that week of polka, I think we all need all the sleep we can manage.”

Kohana may not have seemed particularly disgruntled–in fact, she seemed much more accommodating than Natsume would have given her credit for at first glance–but this did little to quell the surge of guilt rising within the Support. She should have checked earlier. She knew how Shin could be, and Shin’s roommate least of all should have had the opportunity to prepare herself. Ugh! Why didn’t she think of that earlier!?

Expecting to hear more about the habits Shin decided to bring with her and show with no restraint, Natsume actually sat back a smidge on the bench when asked for other habits and quirks. Yes. Right. She could prepare Kohana for future potential issues and as she said, Natsume did know her best.

Once, twice Natsume’s mouth opened, arguing with herself about whether or not what she was thinking of would be acceptable by Kohana’s parameters. The problem with knowing someone from childhood was, somewhere along the way, losing track of what was actually a quirk instead of assuming that it was a normal thing that other people did all the time. This was especially true for Natsume, who in no way could boast about the number of times she hung out with someone besides Shin. Then suddenly, clap! Natsume brought her hands together and refocused on the Classicist. “Doodads!” She stated triumphantly, as if Kohana should be able to figure out everything from this one word. Luckily, though, Natsume jumped right into explaining.

“Shin’s awful good at what she’s good at, but if you stick her next to any sort of machine, one of them’s going to end up hurt.” She nodded along with her own wise words. “Durin’ one of our trips out to the city, she convinced herself that she was gonna be in charge of takin’ pictures and recording things. It was about halfway through the afternoon ‘fore I figured out that she didn’t know how to get out of panorama. Though she was recording an incredibly slow video.” Natsume chuckled before continuing. “Or! Or one time, she really wanted to hop on this new health food craze where you made smoothies outta everything. So she bought herself a bunch of fruit, and, well, the next time I saw the kitchen was splattered with I don’t even know what, the lid to the dang thing was who knows where, and Shin was steppin’ on the pitcher part of the blender tellin’ it that it better make some smoothies soon or she was gonna melt it and turn it into a toilet brush.”

As nice as it felt to share these precious memories of her friend with someone else (who she hoped considered herself Shin’s friend), anxiety soon set in. She hadn’t made Shin look stupid, had she? Oh no. Oh gosh. “Ah! Please don’t tell her I told you any'a this.” She doubted Shin’s pride would be broken so easily; it’s not like Shin would hide this about herself, and even living with Shin for such a short period of time must have given Kohana some idea by this point. It would have been disingenuous to say that Shin had no quirks or charms to her, but still…. Her bashful look pleaded with Kohana just as much, if not more than her words did. If anyone here, Kohana would understand that discretion is the better part of valor. Or something like that.

Natsume really did have a kind heart, Kohana realised. She’d thought of her as hysterical, perhaps sweet but weak in temperament, but now she understood that the crux of all of that was compassion. It reminded her of her mother, and Kohana felt a pang of - envy? Perhaps. She was naturally withdrawn, but Natsume seemed to wear her heart on her sleeve, and what a heart of gold she had. It was a brief and fleeting feeling, one that she chased away instantly. There was no point in wishing to be what she was not.

“It’s quite alright,” she reassured her. “I’m sure I’m hardly an ideal roommate either.”

Kohana would actually consider herself quite an easy roommate to live with. She kept her areas tidy, cleaned up after herself when necessary, and generally made herself as little of an inconvenience as possible. Not that she was about to say that, of course. It was only a white lie if it was a lie told in order to comfort Natsume, she decided.

“Besides, I can handle earlier mornings and shower singing. Shin makes up for it by being an enjoyable presence, anyway.”

And that she was. She did make Kohana feel weak and dull by comparison, but Shin was anything but boring. And nothing was done to disturb her out of malicious intent. It was more of a lack of self awareness than anything else. She was sure that she did not have to elaborate further. Natsume had been friends with the swing dancer since childhood, after all - she knew her positive points better than anyone else. Kohana had lived with the girl for less than a month, but Natsume had shared more than a decade’s worth of hopes, dreams and struggles with her.

Which was how she knew so many embarassing facts, and despite herself Kohana giggled. She could see it clearly. Why would someone so obsessed wit the 40s need to know how to use modern technology, anyway? Admittedly, Kohana knew herself, but that was only because being a Wakahisa meant she was obliged to be at least familiar with their technology. But she could see it now, and honestly she was surprised that their shared kitchen hadn’t descended into chaos, considering Natsume’s story.

And so she stifled her giggles, forcing herself to adopt a completely deadpan expression. “Don’t you worry, Miss Nannini. I’m no gossip. It’s just nice to learn more about my roommate. She’s very lucky to have a friend like you.”

[shsldoormat]

The Support blinked, disbelieving, before shaking her head. "If you were in any way a bad roommate, I'd know." Having the close friendship she had with Shin also meant that anyone Shin was living with was also basically living with Natsume as well. Shin meant no malice by it, but, well, it wouldn't have been the first time hearing about some poor girl's unfortunate snoring that kept Shin up (except for that part where she fell asleep), or some other girl's strange eating habits that weren't actually strange, but Shin found something amiss with them. Shin saw the beauty in everyone, saw the excitement and potential, but every work of art has its critics. Yet all Natsume had heard of Kohana is how ladylike she was, like she'd stepped out of some Ginsep movie and started speaking to the birds in her spare time. It was... different, coming from Shin. But it was a nice chance, Natsume decided. ...Admitting that Shin may in fact be a terrible gossip right to her roommates face, however, may not have been one of Natsume's brightest moments, even if she only meant the best by it.

Though she was relieved to hear that Kohana was, at the very least, willing to put up with Shin's morningtime eccentricities, her heart swelled hearing Kohana giggle at her silly stories. She'd... never had the chance to share them with many people before. Kohana may have only been one person, but one person was a hundred percent more than before this moment. A part of her feared that her conversation partner wouldn't find the stories funny--maybe scared of the future state of their cottage instead. But maybe, just maybe, Kohana wasn't as unreachable as Natsume felt she was.

Her fingers fiddled with the pages of the book, flipping the corners this way and that. "Oh no, I'm the lucky one." Her eyes cast down as if seeing the story of her past come to life amidst the images already present on the cover of the cheesy romance novel. "If Shin hadn't made herself my friend, I don't think I'd have any right now." Thinking back on it, Shin had terrified her at first, too. After being unable to escape bullies even after moving cities, she'd thought Shin was just a smarter one: one who didn't mind beating up other bullies along the way. But eventually, they'd settled into a comfortable friendship, all because Shin hadn't given up on her.

"I hope... that you and Shin can become good friends, too. Because she really likes you, Wakahisa-san." She smiled at the cover, still seeing images that didn't exist to anyone else. Shin deserved a friend like Kohana: it wasn't every day you found someone that accepted Shin after the sheen of the stage lights wore off. Maybe Natsume would be replaced, but... that was fine too. So long as Shin was happy.

[shsl-alchemical-chemistry]

I See The Light | Chapter 2 | Natsume

[shsl-alchemical-chemistry]

shsldoormat:

Natsume could’ve sworn that she felt her feet raise off the ground for a moment after being pulled into the Alchemist’s enthusiastic hug. But maybe it had nothing to do with Magnus at all. Maybe it was the feeling of lightness that came over her as she returned the hug, her own giggles bubbling from her mouth mixing with his that created the illusion of the ground vanishing from beneath her feet. As fleeting as the feeling was, for a moment it felt like there was no need to worry about anything. Even after being released, the feeling persisted until she finally registered the return of the forest floor below and the night scent of the woods.

Despite her express desire to explore the woods, she hadn’t really had the chance to do much of that between checking on the others and attempting to keep up with what she’d promised to do. A glint of curiosity sparkled in her eyes when her friend mentioned something about lanterns in the tree’s branches. What were they for, she wondered. Surely the Fool wouldn’t do something actually… nice. Or would they. They had hidden their true motives earlier with the somewhat charming cottages, so who could really say what they had planned.

Apprehension had little time to infest her mind. The instant the lanterns lit up, she was transfixed. All at once, the magnificent tree began to glow with a dim pale yellow light,  as if Tsukuyomi Himself came down from the heavens and kissed each branch.

Magnus’s words seemed to pass right through her as she made no motion to respond, only staring at the sight in front of her. Then, she took a step towards the tree. Then another. Then another. Slowly, as if possessed, before arriving at the tree’s trunk and placing a hand on it. Somehow, against all odds, this was it. This was the mid-summer festivals. This was the glow of interior lighting passing through curtains long after the sun had set. This was stargazing right before the snow started to fall. This was… this was home. Natsume’s eyes seemed to trail across each and every branch, memorizing how the light filtered into the shallow crevices of the bark, how the leaves suddenly seemed to sparkle.

In a swirl of blonde hair, billowing brown fabric, and outspread arms, she turned back to Magnus, eyes alight now with more than simple curiosity. “This is incredible!” Excitement flowed through her, lending volume to her voice that, for once, she didn’t mind. “This is… This is…!” Words seemed so useless at describing what she was feeling at that very moment, and how struck she really was being in the tree’s presence.

“I don’t know how I can ever thank ya fer showin’ me this!”

Magnus may not have wanted anything from her (honestly, what could she ever hope to offer someone as great as him?), but she wanted to do something. Anything. Anything to help him feel that sense of home and comfort that had been denied to them throughout these long days at Cliffside.

The chemist watched silently as she stepped towards the tree. Everything, even the chirping of insects, the hooting of owls, and the general night time ambiance seemed to fade away. The only thing he could really hear was the crunching of grass underneath the support’s feet. Normally if it was anyone else doing something so simple as touching a tree, he’d look right past it. Yet, there was something completely different about Natsume. It was like he couldn’t take his eyes away, just as he couldn’t take his eyes away from the tree earlier on.  It was then that he remembered his conversation with Shin just earlier that day. Of course, the dancer had tried to give him the confidence he needed, but something about her was a bit intimidating for Magnus. Her attempts did definitely help, but there was still some unsureness Newton. How could someone so great see something inside someone so obnoxiously optimistic and weak like him? Once she turns to him in excitement, he breaks out of his own thoughts and responds with an excited clap of his own. He was so pleased to hear that she loved the tree and how it looked! That was exactly the reaction he had hoped to get. The big stupid grin underneath his mask stayed there, almost as if it were made of concrete that was beginning to harden.   “Ah, no need to thank me!” He responded, waving his hand at her. “If anything I think I should be thanking you for actually coming, aha!” Magnus brought the waving hand to the back of his head and scratched it for a moment, giving off a bashful tone. It was true, he had been a bit worried that she might’ve not shown up. After all, with all that had been happening recently, and with the odd setting they found themselves in, he wouldn’t have been surprised if she was a no-show, nor would he even have been upset. The masked boy turns his head back up to the lit tree, and makes a pondering sound. Although it may be a bit dangerous, he was curious if they’d be able to climb the pretty fairy tree some how. Perhaps that’d be a way to step up his game, huh?    “Hmmm… Do you think its possible to try and climb this thing?” He finally asks aloud.

[shsldoormat]

"'Course I'd come!" Her hands find their way to her hips as she lightly chides him. "There's no way I'd miss gettin' to hang out with you." As soon as she realizes her stance, though, she straightens herself out. Though the two had been more than open with their platonic affection for each other via hug, the worry plagues her that maybe they aren't close enough for her to be doing that yet. She'd never forgive herself if she insulted him now, either by action or assumption. Yet despite all this, for once, she doesn’t apologize. She doesn't want to apologize, she thinks, for wanting to pretend they're that close. (They couldn't possibly be that close, could they?)

His question, at least, gives her a chance to quickly move on from her possible blunder (and maybe even get her cheeks to stop being so gosh darn hot). "Well..." she wonders loud enough for him to hear. Once more placing a hand on the tree's trunk, she gazes up among its many branches. They look sturdy; the tree may be an elder of the forest, but that didn't mean nothing about it's strength. "There's only one way t'find out!"

Normally, she wouldn't be so brazen. She'd stand there and consider all the dangers, all the things that could possibly go wrong in the given situation. However, her typical compulsions appear to be dancing alongside the flickering fireflies, leaving only the country girl who doesn't quite know how to deal with this now, but does know that  more than anything she wants to climb this tree alongside Magnus. With little thought, she kicks her shoes off to the side, bare feet now pressing against the bark finding a steady bracing point. A thought passes through her that it's been an awful long time since she's climbed a tree (not to mention that in the city they look at you funny if you try). So pulling herself up to the first layer of branches takes a little effort, but with minimal grunting it's not long until she's staring at Magnus from her perch on that old, but still very strong branch. "Here," she calls out to him, holding out her hand. Maybe he doesn't need it--he could be an expert tree climber for all she knows--but as always, she's there for him. "Watch yer step: the moss is a lil' slippy."

[shsl-alchemical-chemistry]

I See The Light | Chapter 2 | Natsume

[shsl-alchemical-chemistry]

shsldoormat:

There was always such a pure feeling of joy that filled Natsume whenever she spoke with Magnus–if someone told her that Magnus was, in fact, not human but a personification of the emotion of happiness itself, she’d be inclined to believe them. This was no different when he approached her earlier that day about meeting him later in the untamed area the Fool had just granted permission to enter. Promises were passed easily and a plan was set in motion. It  wasn’t until Natsume was mulling the request over a blessedly non-fast food sandwich that feelings of dread set in. Perhaps “common sense” would have been a more appropriate label, given the situation. Walking around in the dark after someone had been murdered, unsure if the Fool was content to sit back and watch their play unfold or if they would make a run for a leading role, was a ridiculously poor idea. …Right? People lost their inhibitions at night… it could be dangerous…

Taking an unladylike angry slurp of the juicier-than-planned tomato from the center of her sandwich, Natsume shoved those thoughts in the trash. Yes. It could be dangerous. But Magnus wouldn’t intentionally lead her into anything like that. He wouldn’t! And if there was to be danger, even better that she be there to help him escape it. No, she was going and that was final: no incessant negativity from her inner thoughts would keep her from this.

As afternoon slowly darkened into evening Natsume took to watching out the window seeking the sun for answers. Yes, she was supposed to go when it got dark, but how dark? Evening couldn’t be dark enough, right? But midnight had to be too late. Yes, she knew she was overthinking it, but usually that helped untangle the familiar ball of nerves that so slyly wrapped its way around her stomach. It should be doing that–she’d thought about every little thing that could go wrong, every avenue for mistake so why… why was it still there? It was enough to make her bite her nails!

Eventually the frustration overtook her and just as the pale oranges and pinks of evening were about to be completely overtaken by the deep blues and purples of night she stomped out of the cottage hoping to squish the negativity underfoot.

For as silly as it may have seemed, by the time Natsume reached the forest trail the looming sense of dread all but dissipating into the night sky leaving only the buzzing of manageable nerves and excitement behind. Navigating a forest at night was something she and Shin had always been warned against when they were children and much like back then the cautious words hung around her like a halo but failed to actually deter her. More than the fully decked out cottage, the forest felt like home. The smell of nature almost enough to make her think that she wasn’t, in fact, still living in a murder village.

She’d started to take her time, taking in the natural sights as she made her way to her friend. Sure enough, even in the darkness she managed to make out the splotch of darkness that was a little darker and person-shaped than everything else around them.

“Magnus!” She called out, a wide smile now on her lips while she waved her hand enthusiastically. In a few short jogs, she’d make it over to him, eager to see what he had planned.

Magnus was only alone for a few moments before he heard his name called out to him. His head shot upwards, and although he couldn’t quite see who it was due to the lack of light and the thickness of his glass goggles, he knew immediately it was her. “Natsume!!!” The excitement in the masked boy finally exploded as he shot himself forwards, almost tripping over his own feet and embraced her in an eager hug. Happy, short bursts of excited giggling came out of him. The hood on his head fell over due to the air pushing it back as he stepped into it so quickly. Of course, once that sunk in the chemist let go, worried that perhaps he hugs her too much. But, hey, he simply couldn’t help himself. He hadn’t had a deep conversation or meeting with one of the closer people to him here since before the trial. And after something like that, well… He needed the socialization.   “Hehe, sorry. So, ah, I had noticed there’s some lanterns sitting up in the branches of the big tree, so I really wanted to see what it looks like all lit up! I have a feeling that it’s gonna be real pretty, so I wanted to share the experience with someone I enjoy.” Although she could not see it, a big stupid grin had formed underneath his mask. All thoughts and ideas of what dark things had just happened recently began to disappear from his mind at this point and time. Just a moment later, the lanterns flickered on. Small lights scattered around the long and winding branches like stars in the night sky. They seemed like they were placed strategically for the most perfect picture one could try to create, despite just being placed randomly in reality. The chemist turned his head once he saw the shadows of the branches show up on the ground next to him. He gasped audibly, and it was obvious that he was completely stunned. The sight, to him, was everything he expected, and even more.   “Aha, yes! This is exactly what I was hoping for!” He practically shouted, his tone elated and ecstatic in every possible way. “What do you think, hmm?” The chemist turns, his hands intertwined together at his chest.

[shsldoormat]

Natsume could've sworn that she felt her feet raise off the ground for a moment after being pulled into the Alchemist's enthusiastic hug. But maybe it had nothing to do with Magnus at all. Maybe it was the feeling of lightness that came over her as she returned the hug, her own giggles bubbling from her mouth mixing with his that created the illusion of the ground vanishing from beneath her feet. As fleeting as the feeling was, for a moment it felt like there was no need to worry about anything. Even after being released, the feeling persisted until she finally registered the return of the forest floor below and the night scent of the woods.

Despite her express desire to explore the woods, she hadn't really had the chance to do much of that between checking on the others and attempting to keep up with what she'd promised to do. A glint of curiosity sparkled in her eyes when her friend mentioned something about lanterns in the tree's branches. What were they for, she wondered. Surely the Fool wouldn't do something actually... nice. Or would they. They had hidden their true motives earlier with the somewhat charming cottages, so who could really say what they had planned.

Apprehension had little time to infest her mind. The instant the lanterns lit up, she was transfixed. All at once, the magnificent tree began to glow with a dim pale yellow light,  as if Tsukuyomi Himself came down from the heavens and kissed each branch.

Magnus's words seemed to pass right through her as she made no motion to respond, only staring at the sight in front of her. Then, she took a step towards the tree. Then another. Then another. Slowly, as if possessed, before arriving at the tree's trunk and placing a hand on it. Somehow, against all odds, this was it. This was the mid-summer festivals. This was the glow of interior lighting passing through curtains long after the sun had set. This was stargazing right before the snow started to fall. This was... this was home. Natsume's eyes seemed to trail across each and every branch, memorizing how the light filtered into the shallow crevices of the bark, how the leaves suddenly seemed to sparkle.

In a swirl of blonde hair, billowing brown fabric, and outspread arms, she turned back to Magnus, eyes alight now with more than simple curiosity. "This is incredible!" Excitement flowed through her, lending volume to her voice that, for once, she didn't mind. "This is... This is...!" Words seemed so useless at describing what she was feeling at that very moment, and how struck she really was being in the tree's presence.

"I don't know how I can ever thank ya fer showin' me this!"

Magnus may not have wanted anything from her (honestly, what could she ever hope to offer someone as great as him?), but she wanted to do something. Anything. Anything to help him feel that sense of home and comfort that had been denied to them throughout these long days at Cliffside.