[shslmoviecritic]

laughs over how inactive i am

[shslmoviecritic]

!!!

coughs up a new oc . ..

[spoopygoststudent-deactivated20]

"Y-yeah, I…!" he began, but panicked a little as she suddenly reached out to him: "W-wait! Don’t—!"

It was too late. Taiki froze, shivering in apprehensiveness for how she would react. Then he slowly spoke up again.

"…Uh…yeah. I’m…I’m sorry, Emi-san, um… I’m really sorry." He looked away shamefully, trying not to cry. Of course… He had been gone for so long, and to return to Emi-san in this state…

[shslmoviecritic]

She couldn't take her eyes off him, the small boy she had met so long ago..that helped her so much...he was..gone, yet right here.

She wondered how it happened. Was it self-inflicted? Or an accident? It didn't really seem to matter much despite the shock of it all. His skin was a milky shimmer, so much paler than she had remembered it being. 

"Who did this to you..? Why..?"

There were a million questions swirling around her head, but her state of shock only manged to voice two. 

[spoopygoststudent-deactivated20]

"Emi-san! Emi-san! Can you hear me? Emi-saaaan!"

[shslmoviecritic]

"T-Taiki....? Is that really you?" the girl smiled, tears brimming her eyes. "Where have you been?! Do you have any idea how worried I w--"

She attempted to reach out and touch him but instead received a handful of cold that brought a violent chill down her spine.. She froze, staring continually in disbelief at the small boy in front of her. "Wh-what happened...I..."

Emi brought her hand slowly back, smile faltering to a dumbfounded expression as she tried to piece together what just took place. Was he...?

"No...you're not-- you can't--....Taiki.."

[shslmoviecritic]

"I...thought I heard something but....it couldn't be--- right??"

[spoopygoststudent-deactivated20]

hmm, where should i look first?

[shslmoviecritic]

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[shslsoccerplayermoved-deactivat]

Regardless of the tone she was speaking in, he had a feeling she really meant the words she was saying.

And even though he had literally felt like shit for…well to be honest he felt like shit majority of the time but more so lately…He felt…just a bit better. They could work this out…somehow.

He let a small smile crack as he noticed her gaze fixed on his hands, something that for some reason made him feel even better.

"…….."

Without a word, he let one of his hands reach over and gently take ahold of hers, her hands feeling so familiar despite how long the two had been apart.

"…Hah……I forgot how tiny your hands are…or maybe mine a-are just abnormally big…who knows…." He joked, trying to return some sense of normality to this situation.

They could figure this out…They were going to figure this out…

[shslmoviecritic]

As his hands held her numb ones, she felt something she hadn't in a while. It wasn't what it use to be but, it was something different-- a good different, yet still warm and reassuring. 

Her thumb rubbed the back of his hand lightly, the feel of his skin soothing her. 

"Yeah, well, maybe I'm not eating enough chocolate covered pretzels.That's your secret, isn't it?" she smiled faintly. "I don't I can stomach the amount you've consumed to get this big."

[shslsoccerplayermoved-deactivat]

"....I...just want things to feel normal again..." He responded, sighing heavily.

"I...if you...hhh...look I...don't...expect...anything like what we used to have..." He admitted sadly. "But...I don't want us...to keep acting like...we don't know each other and ignoring each other or just having talks that...end badly like every 3 weeks or whatever..."

This sucked. They had been so close...been the only people they really let in...opened up to...and now look at them...could barely hold a conversation...just like when they met.

"...I just...don't want us to completely cut the other out of our life...if t-that means w-we...tr-try it again...then...g-great...if we just...become friends...then that's fine too....I just don't wanna...be all...like this anymore....

....whatever I'm probably not making any sense at all..." He muttered, glancing away and rubbing the back of his head. "...sorry that probably didn't help..."

[shslmoviecritic]

Normal...that sounded so good. She would do anything for that. A small smile rested on her lips at the thought. Would it be possible to ever have that again even though he stated otherwise..? It was true-- nothing ever goes back to being the same after all of this but...that small glimmer of hope she held in the beginning started to grow the more she mulled over the idea. 

Maybe if she let herself believe enough in the delusions that everything was okay, it would eventually be like that...

"No you are," she found herself speaking, continuing to think, letting her mouth go on auto-pilot. "To be honest, I just want to be around you more than anything..."

Her focused gaze rested on his hands, the same glazed over look starting to appear again the more she lost herself in the dream of being happy and normal. His hands were always warm and comforting-- whether they gripped her own or settled on her shoulder-- they were always a reassuring signal of his presence. A slight tug that always managed to pull her back into reality. She wondered if those hands could still manage to bring the same sense of relief they once held while she was in this blank state. Most likely not but..

"Whether we're together or not...I don't think I can leave again. I...need you." It all seemed to fall flat to her own ears. Though the words themselves seemed so meaningful, all she could muster out was a monotonous voice-- void of any empathy. "I thought I could do it on my own but I can't. I just want to keep you to myself....I'm so scared of losing you. 

[shslsoccerplayermoved-deactivat]

He stuffed his hands in his pockets, glancing away and shaking his head again, shutting his eyes as he let her speak again.

"God I....just quiet, okay. I haven't stopped caring about you." He admitted, somehow finding the strength to stare her dead in the eyes. "That's all I've been able to do. Okay, you just lost someone incredibly important to you. Someone who was really the reason you came to this school. I've been worried about how you've been doing. About how your granddad has been doing. Something horrible happened that made you leave the school for...fuck like months without warning. Y-you don't think that was at least a little concerning...?!?" He asked her, some of those final barriers coming down as all the words he had wanted to say before kept leaving his lips. He had never been good at talking, but right now these things needed to be said.

"...regardless...of how...angry or...upset...I might seem...or how much I admittedly have been acting like an asshole....I s-still...care about you...." He paused, fists starting to clench in his pockets as his voice started to tremble. "I still f-fucking love you...and I...."

He paused, steadying himself before telling her, his voice so much weaker and sadder than before.

"...I d-don't want you t-to leave again...."

[shslmoviecritic]

She should have been happy that he cared for her still, maybe even relieved, but she couldn't stop this weird feeling of dread that only managed to rise as he spoke, continuing to get worse as he stared at her. He was just so sad and heartbroken and all she could feel was scared and indifferent. How could she choose what to say or do knowing that whatever she did would affect...everything.

Which led to her wondering what would happen if she had left him again. She couldn't even imagine-- especially after what he just told her. That was the plan: to go back home after this talk, but...that would be awful now that she realized it wouldn't do any good. Her mind raced above her stagnant body, trying to think of the best choice of words to say after this...still coming up with absolutely nothing.

Yet, here she was only worrying about herself and what she would do. Not asking or showing any concern to what would make him happy. 

That was it. 

"What exactly do you want..?" she uttered, eyes feeling heavier and heavier as she continued their long fixed stare, "besides me not leaving that is... There's got to be more to it than that."

[falsuspersona-deactivated201406]

shslroleplaying, thatsmisterkuwatatoyou, shslgitarisuto, shslmoviecritic, shslmaskedman

"…Allow me to guess… My appearance has caught your eye? It’s the only plausible reason I have for anyone to notice and, or, look at me."

[shslmoviecritic]

She had to admit, it was a very peculiar appearance (and she was intrigued on the reasons why it was that way) but it seemed to be a fickle subject to the person(?) in front of her..

Letting her gaze drift away from the stranger's figure, she decided to attempt to change the direction of what seemed to be the beginning of a conversation. 

"Yeah...it's certainly different but I doubt it's one of your most redeeming qualities. No one gets into a prestigious school like this for their looks." she mumbled, attempting to force a smile. "...I'm Emi. You've got a name?"

[shslsoccerplayermoved-deactivat]

He bit down on his lip, keeping quiet as she spoke, letting everything sink in, before he finally was able to speak up. His voice still came out hollow...like he was just empty. But it didn't take long for actual emotion to enter his voice...something that hadn't happened in...longer than he would've liked to admit.

"It wouldn't have been fucking 'parasitic'..." He muttered, keeping his back to her.

"Fuck you always focus on you thinking that you hold me back and that I don't need you or some stupid assumption like that. Seems like you never even stop to realize I f-fucking needed you as much as you s-seemed to need me..." He spoke, crossing his arms tightly, struggling to keep all the walls up, feeling them starting to crash down one by one.

"A-and the thing with the school...you know I'm sorry your grandma passed away, I could've been able to tell you I person and try and console you if you hadn't run off....but do you really think s-she'd want you to just stop...? Just give up on this school...??? You can do anything you fuckin' want by graduating from here...I never fucking met her but I know for a fact she wouldn't want you to just stay at home for the rest of your life..." The goalkeeper added, shaking his head and turning towards her.

"....r-regardless of your attempts to...not have me 'affected by this'...it did. Okay literally all of this did. I haven't even...known what to feel since you left. I haven't wanted to feel anything...and that's what f-fucking scares me...it scares me that I feel such a strong fucking need to shut everyone out again...because I don't like being like that again..."

He paused, words starting to become hard to form, his arms holding himself together as tightly as he could.

"...I just....god forget I s-said any of that...I c-can't change a-anything...."

[shslmoviecritic]

Taken aback, she stood still-- almost afraid to move. Continuing to stare at him, hair still sticking up, not knowing what to say. Words leaving her as quickly as they had came. He was in so much pain and it made her more sick. Everything here could have been labeled her fault, and usually she would take it as such, but her mind and physical form were too separate to piece it together in an overbearing way. 

After a small silence that seemed to last forever, her eyes met his. An emotional turmoil stirring up her heart with leftover grief, pity, and guilt that all but brought a small sting of response to her body. She bit down on her lower lip and looked away in shame, breaking the contact immediately.

"What's done is done, I guess. I can't do anything or at least, I feel like I can't. I want to be with you and I want to be in school, but how can I if it's all distant... " It didn't make sense, every word she said had nothing to do with what she felt or wanted to say. It sounded so dreadful despite that small glimmer of hope she originally had when thinking up this plan.  "If I can't be the person you care for what's the point."

[shslmoviecritic]

kill me

[shslsoccerplayermoved-deactivat]

"Great...cause if I recall the last 'talk' ended up with me basically crying on the floor while you walked out..."

Christ he was a mix of emotions. Surprised she was even back at the school. Still hurt from everything. Angry about how they ended. But he still missed her...

Fuck this was all confusing.

He sighed yet again, rubbing his eyes and running his hands through his hair, trying to settle down, before shakily responding,

"....yeah...fine...we can talk..."

[shslmoviecritic]

A sigh left her lips, letting him vent out whatever he was feeling although she was very aware of what had happened. It's all she could think about during the time she went back home and it was those harsh memories alone that drove her back here. In fact, she wasn't 100% sure that she was fully here at the moment. Everything seemed so surreal since her grandmother had passed...But, yet, it was something that needed to be done. 

Just like last time? That needed to be done and yet, here you are. Back to clean your mess. 

Her eyes glazed over with a faraway look-- internal thoughts debating if what she had spent weeks trying to decide was really right...

Of course it needs to be done. Last time, I wasn't given much time to think it out. 

Which was all true but...

What if you mess this up again. You've done it before. Hell, you messed it up the minute you started speaking.

Shaking her head to clear it out those thoughts, she give him a small "thank you". 

"I'm not sure if you're aware...in fact, I can't even remember the majority of the conversation we had a while back so bear with me...."

"I'm not entirely here right now, and I think it seems obvious enough. I gave up school and everything else because the whole reason I was here in the first place was because of her...and I never got the chance to make a difference. That took an impact and, to be honest, I'm not sure what's currently going on...I just know I don't want to lose anything else, yet that's all that I seem to be doing."

Her feet ached once she noticed that she had been standing for a while now, and decided to rest against the wall behind her, letting out another exhausted sigh. "I dunno...all I want is for everything to just stay the same, but I know it won't so I might as well just let everything go, right? It seemed to make sense at the time.."

"...All I do know is I don't want you affected by this in anyway. It would've been parasitic if I kept clinging to you and you don't deserve that. No one does." She pushed her bangs back, pieces of hair sticking up as she slumped against the wall more so-- the bags under her eyes apparent and far worse than they ever had been. "I'm very sorry for what I've been putting you through. I tried to not  get you involved and ended up making you suffer more. ..I can't express how awful I feel about everything. All I can say is just...more apologies. "

[shslsoccerplayermoved-deactivat]

He just kinda…stared at her as she spoke, stuttering and tripping over her words. She seemed to be at a complete loss for what she was trying to say…something she no doubt had tried to prepare before hand. 

He shook his head a her question, responding with a small but clearly unamused laugh.

"…Well…basically the exact way you’d probably think I’d be doing…Soccer…School….That’s about it. Course Valentines day was super fun recently. Had practice and did a shit ton of sprints and then came back and slept. Awesome day. Course I only have to worry about White day for Mayumi since she gave me some chocolate…but that’s not too bad…" He added sarcastically. 

He cringed at how cold he was being…averting his eyes away from the small girl in front of him.

He still was hurting…but his stupid go to way to cover that up was to be a dick….

Good job Koichi…

He sighed, pouting his lip. From the sounds of this, it didn’t seem like this conversation would be a good one…despite how much he wanted it to be so.

"….Anyway….what do you need…?" He finally asked, a small note of sincerity and concern showing through. He couldn’t just ignore all the feelings the two had shared…despite how much it hurt.

[shslmoviecritic]

She listened to him talk. His words sounding so rude and blunt, voice distant and hollow, but she couldn't blame him. How she left things...he had every right to talk like this. If he had done the equivalent to her, she probably treat him just the same. 

When he looked away, a slight change in the tone he used as he asked her a question-- suddenly feeling the urge  to hold his hand.The instinct to try and soothe him was overwhelming, to act like they normally would. This huge, empty feeling in her stomach that made her feel sick took its place as she tried to  clear her throat again, continuing on to what she had rehearsed. 

"...I wanted to talk." her eyes burned, nails digging into the skin of her hand more as she tried to hold it all in. "I k-know I said the same thing last time but...I wasn't prepared. And I didn't give you a chance to know the entire story."

Letting her eyes look up, she stole a glance. His usual warm atmosphere seemingly diminished, she would give anything to see him smile genuinely one last time. 

"...If that would be okay with you, of course. I would understand if you didn't want to."

[umeaichi-deactivated20140714]

its all fun and games until you realize everyone is 100% more attractive than u

[shslsoccerplayermoved-deactivat]

When he heard the small noise from behind him, he groaned. 

No please I don’t want to be bothered right now…

But out of the basic manners his parents had instilled in him, he turned around anyway, shocked at who he saw.

It took everything in him to not react the way he probably would’ve before…some goofy smile or stupid joke that she would laugh at just to shut him up. Instead he kept his face neutral…

He hadn’t built those walls back up for nothing.

"Oh….you’re back….Did you forget something again…"

[shslmoviecritic]

Biting the inside of her cheek roughly, she nodded. "Well...yeah...sorta. I mean, yeah. I just wanted to see..."

Wait...everything she had planned to say just...disappeared. What was it... 

Come on. Say it..! You didn't come this far to only mess it up.

"..how you were doing..?" 

BZZT. WRONG.

The girl winced. Okay, let's try this again..

"No...I mean-- I did forget something. You know, that talk we had last time..? I wasn't entirely...truthful with you." she spoke softly focusing on her hands. "I could've called but I was afraid...you wouldn't pick up and..you deserve a face to face. So..."

That was as far as she could go. It made no sense, and the way she had worded it didn't make it sound promising at all, but she hoped he would give her the chance she needed to clear this whole thing up. She was ready but...was he?