He stood still, his thoughts eerily quiet now. He didnāt look at Suzukaās face, staring somewhere around the toes of her shoes.Ā
"Ah," he said for a reply, lips moving as if searching for some word and then falling silent again, black eyes almost glassed over in the idle stare of his. He didnāt know if Suzuka could remember the way he had punched the podium, again, and again. It all seemed so distant and far away and he didnāt want to think of it. Perhaps he hadnāt been so loud, and Suzuka still thought well of him, or perhapsā
The gravity of Suzukaās voice took Ninsei aback and forced him to look up, and once he had looked into Suzukaās eyes he couldnāt bring himself to gaze away.
"I," he said, using the chance to look away from Suzukaās eyes when her gaze moved. He moved his hands to press them closer to his body, and then brought them up to his chest, crossing them as if it was an attempt to stay warm. The chill down his spine made him feel uncertain, scaredā Angry.
"I donāt know," he said, tone flat, his shoulders shaking with sobs that never came, his eyes void of tears. "I- I think⦠I thought, not their faults. First. Ah,at first", he paused, "I donāt know. Never⦠Iā¦"Ā His broken sentences sounded scattered, as fragile as glass, a hidden sharpness beneath the softness of his voice. The look on his face growing more confused with every passing second.
"And.. I never. Never did anything, um. I couldā Iām strength. Strong. Couldāve⦠Stopped?" He glanced up to Suzuka, this time meeting her eyes.
"Ah, I⦠Iām fault, too?" Ninsei swallowed back, squeezing his eyes shut, pretending whatever he felt was going to go away. It did not, wallowing in his gut and flaring up to his throat. He often felt nervous, but this was different.
"Agh, I," he said, fingers clenching around his own arm until he yelped at the pain of his calloused fingers digging into his flesh and the scratch of the bandaids against his raw knuckles. The skin over his arm had faint white marks on it that soon turned red, so hard he had clenched it.
The next time Ninsei looked up, he looked ready to break Suzukaās fragile composure, thin eyebrows in a frown.
When the silence first descended, it wasn't so unlikely that they were both considering Ninsei's reaction to the trial. Suzuka couldn't make up her mind as to whether it was distant or very, very close ā but either way, each person's response was etched distrustfully in her mind, a strained reminder of how pressure moulded people into different versions of themselves. She didn't think worse of him; she saw no reason to unless he proved himself to be a threat.
And as to whether he was a threat? The evidence was still under consideration, but she already knew the judgment she was leaning towards.
"Don't blame yourself," she said abruptly, with so short a pause it almost sounded like trust. People who forgave, people who took too much onto themselves, the people who loved not just justice but decency ā perhaps one day she would see what they were capable of. For now, though, she would prefer to be idealistic about Ninsei. Idealism came rarely enough to her.
After she'd said it, Suzuka's brow twitched for a second; that had come across as imperious, probably. She'd always hated when people had told herĀ how to feel. The pause ā this time substantial enough to hang ā was punctuated with a few quick taps of her shoe this time, the rest of her body tensed with an odd stillness.
"We are all here for our talent, butā" But. Perhaps there was a tactful way to phrase this but, but it neither concerned her nor fell within the scope of her conversational repertoire.Ā "But there is a difference between being talented, famous, successful, persevering, strong ā and being able to battle an unseen force who kidnapped us and now keeps us here by force. Absit inuria, Yonai-shi. But don't hold yourself to impossible standards."
The thought hadn't occurred to her, veritable font of pessimism that she was, that implying their whole class was helpless against Monokuma wasn't a better argument to be making. It wasn't exactly the argument she was making, either, although it seemed it from what she had said so far. While it was an impossible standard to hold oneself to, that wasn't necessarily true of people working together, after all.
"When Tsubaki and I first met, via the environmental protection forums, we were both so frustrated," she started without preface, stream of conversation trickling to a slower pace. "Before that, bringing the caseĀ a posse ad esseĀ seemed impossible. But together... You're aware of the rest, I'm sure." Again, in what was possibly the most opaque manner of espousing the power of teamwork in the history of all narratives, Suzuka paused. "Working together. Like Akiyama-shi said. That modus operandi may be a little less impossible, hmm?"