i'll find my own bravado

my heart jumps around when i'm alluded to this will not do ... affiliated with semester of desolation 2: meridian alive | dead (sidebar credit to pate, icon credit to lu !!)

[superduperikebana]

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[shsl-meridian]

and i can't help but to hear, no i can't help but to hear an exchanging of words || toshio || trial (kind of a catchup post?? + re: kayoko, jinzaemon??)

The past few events leading up to the current trial… seemed to just sort of blur together for our good friend Toshio. 

The end of the previous trial, in spite of it’s rather… explosive start, the whole grenade thing and the twins thing… seemed to conclude just the same as all the others did, when it came down to it. The call for a Mastermind vote was ultimately declined, the execution came around (though Toshio admittedly found it… just a touch confusing by way of the whole ‘two Starres’ thing. Especially when they were both dressed exactly the same, but… ah, couldn’t be helped, could it?), and it was time to leave and Toshio left, just as always.

In his defense, threatening to blow up the courtroom and everyone in it was a damn tough act to follow. 

(the only other thing about the aftermath of the trial that stuck out among everything else that blurred together - kayoko’s wailing and sobbing for her - sister? kayoko…? - but there wasn’t anything he could really do to help, not now, nothing to do but keep walking–)

…

Then came the motive, just as to be expected, but the contents of his own in particular… weren’t. Looking over his keycard, he… wasn’t sure how he should feel.

(he wanted to feel hopeful because - if this took place after that motive - then maybe she was ok? alive, at least? and after what he’d been through in this hellish desert a confirmation that there were people out there waiting for him was reassuring, but - since when had being hopeful brought him anything good?)

He didn’t give much a reaction, maybe a slight widen of the eyes that lasted for all of half a second, but that was just about it. A good bit different than the last time he’d received one of these little keycard videos revolving around his…

…ah, it felt so long ago when he got that one. Simpler times, much fewer dead classmates.

(back when those two were still alive - he missed those days.)

…

The body was someone Toshio couldn’t say he was all too close with, but someone he was still sad to see go. Mei was nice enough, in his eyes, not that they talked all too much, but…

…but in spite of, or perhaps because of that, he couldn’t muster up much a reaction. Meridian was… draining, physically, emotionally, and the wedding planner had long since worn himself out.

(yep. just toshio and not the person writing for him at all. no sirree…)

…

Which brings us to the current trial. 

Another suggestion for a mastermind vote was called, and Toshio couldn’t help but mutter how they really shouldn’t do that and how - foolish? wasteful? stupid? - less than great it would be to use a vote if they didn’t have the proper evidence, and a part of him wanted to ask Haruka if Mei had found anything between the last trial and her death–

–but he never had the chance because–

(he could hear the sirens going off in his head and she stepped into the courtroom, no no no no no no no no nononononononono–)

–Kayoko stepped into the courtroom and she was - just - covered in blood and almost immediately an

“A– Are you alright–?! Are you hurt–?!”

escaped his lips, rushed and tense but barely above a whisper.

His questions were answered soon enough, perhaps, in that the cause of death may not have been Kayoko’s, but…

Mei’s?

…Kayoko…

…killed…

…?

(nononononononono–)

More people spoke up. Evidence, Potential scenarios. A third person, with Kayoko and Mei? Gunshots? Bite marks? Checks? Checks. He could do checks. He was approached, and he complied, the usual for these sorts of things because - hey, anything to clear his name here, and Kayoko and Jinzaemon came back and…

…???

“…Hasekura-san? Tanaka-san…?”

(and in that moment a sick sense of relief struck him, and struck hard, because while he did like jnzaemon alright, he wasn’t a bad trial neighbor - kayoko was his friend, one of his last, and he couldn’t bear to–) 

His gaze darted around between Kayoko, Jinzaemon, and the voting panel, hand balled into a slightly shaky fist at his side. Two people to vote for, and… very little idea what went on. He couldn’t let his heart and his feelings take over this time - he had to use his head. Vote the culprit.

(even if the emotional part in the back of his mind was screaming at him to vote for–)

“…What… what did you…?" 

A rather halfhearted way to ask for an explanation, but it would have to do… 

(not that he could muster much more - meridian had taken a lot more out of him than he’d like to admit.) 

[shsl-meridian]

woooaaah, i'm thinkin' "what the hell" || toshio || monotheater (re: everyone with a fucking weapon)

For the last few moments of the trial, Toshio found himself raising a hand only to drop it, over and over again. A few seconds of it slowly reaching for something on the voting panel, only to… drop. 

(‘you’ve got everyone panicking in their own emotions that they can’t focus on what’s in front of them’ nyk said - and he knew that was what ultimately happened, at least with him, and he was horribly horribly ashamed of it)

But the trial went on like clockwork, as always, and more votes went in for Starre and–

(–and toshio felt the brunt of his regret because he knew all signs pointed to starre he knew it made the most sense but he panicked he was afraid and–)

–and it was correct.

Toshio slumped back, burying his face in his hands with a sigh. Deep breaths… deep breaths. It was fine. It was over. They were… they were right, right? Nothing to worry about…!

Except…–

Except for that fucking grenade Toshio noticed when he lifted his face out of his hands–

Except for the fucking guns Mei and Shigure whipped out in response not too long after–

“Okay– okay, okay, let’s– can we not do this, please…?! Put– put those down…!”

(he wasn’t willing to die for rover’s sake, but– he sure as hell wasn’t dying because starre decided to throw a fit when she got caught, either)

He wasn’t too sure what he was expecting when his attempt at damage control was interrupted by the sounds of the elevator. He wasn’t too sure what he was expecting when he heard the doors creak open.

A second Starre? That… probably wasn’t it.

Yet, sure enough, there she was - busting through the door, covered in… ah, so that’s where her bloody clothes went, he noted, and she ran in and the other Starre - Sakiko? Tsukiko? He couldn’t tell at this point - pulled her in and the two were - left to hold on to each other as they waited for the inevitable…

…at least they didn’t have to worry about the grenade? Hopefully???

…???????

(he felt so angry, so fucking angry, at– at starre - the starres? - for playing him? at himself for letting himself get played?) 

(maybe it was for the best the mastermind trial didn’t happen, how much time would they waste with all of this going on…?)

Alas, Toshio… had nothing to add. What could he add, to any of this? 

Nothing to do but stand and wait, as per the usual.

(that was the only 'as per usual’ thing about this whole mess. he was starting to miss the simpler days when these twists and turns never even came to mind.) 

[shsl-meridian]

placeholder title?? we got less than ten minutes help || toshio || trial (re: starre?? vote stuff??? help)

“It’s simply hypothetical, Starre-san. It’s very well possible you could be telling the truth. I’m just trying to figure this out, you see, and it all seems so, so odd… I just want to find this case’s culprit. Survive. Etcetera.”

Toshio’s voice was… calm. Matter of fact. A bit tired, sure, but it didn’t sound like much else. 

But Kayoko… had a point. And combining that with the whole ‘kill twice, everyone dies’ thing… but then Starre said he couldn’t have…? But she also didn’t? He didn’t… understand, who…

Who the hell was he supposed to vote for, here…?

(with how little time remained, he’d say rover without a doubt, normally - but… what if he didn’t count as alive, because of…? then what would happen? who would…)

(he wasn’t going to lie, starre was still - suspicious as hell. but he wasn’t certain, and when the other potential suspect was - was someone who already had a kill on his record, well…)

(toshio wasn’t prepared to die for someone he ultimately cared little for.)

And thus… he gave his vote.

Jinzae spoke a… similar sentiment to his. Toshio sighed and it was a bit… shakier this time around, it was tense, it was…

“…I understand some of you… don’t wish for Rover-san to… b-but– but there’s… more than… all of us are at stake here, and while I’m– all for finding the real… we’re… we’re out of time. Out of options. We… who are we– supposed to vote for here…? If Starre-san didn’t– if Rover-san didn’t– who does that leave? We– I don’t want to– to do this, but–… Rover-san’s a pleasant young man, but not all of us are willing to die for…”

(he promised him he wouldn’t die here, he wouldn’t die, he couldn’t die, he–)

(he didn’t want to die)

(he didn’t want to die)

('i don’t want to die’ - 'i don’t want to die either’ - two very similar sets of words, one meant nothing just a few days later, the other could very well–)

But… then, Nyk spoke. And she was… but… but it was– it all made… it made sense, it made too much sense, but what if– what if–

(could he take that chance? could he risk it? so much was on the line here, and he– he–)

He brought his hand back to… change…? His… hand… hovered over the buttons, back and forth, back and forth. Starre…? Rover…? 

(who was he expected to choose– if starre didn’t– if rover didn’t– who– who–)

(why was his hand shaking so hard?)

…but ultimately drew his hand back. The vote for Rover remained as it was…

And Toshio spent the rest of whatever was left of the trial, staring down towards his podium, towards the voting panel, only breaking eye contact with it to gaze up towards the empty podium right in front of him.

(please let him keep his end of their promise - please, please–!) 

[shsl-meridian]

obama chuckled. "you mean, the chaos emeralds?" || toshio || trial (re: starre??)

Everyone was tired.

It certainly wasn’t just him, it never was, but as Toshio glanced around the courtroom… boy, did it really show. Week after week of the same routine, the same bloodshed, more of their peers dropping left and right…

Some just wore down more quickly than others.

(toshio wished he was among the last to, or better yet, he never did at all - he also wished his friends were still alive, or at least that the people who killed them stopped trying to scapegoat others to survive but - what could you do, right?)

Toshio’d already hit his lowest low, he felt, and if nothing else, there was little in Meridian that could drop him below that particularly low… well, low. But some people had hit theirs before him, some had later, and some… may be about to, depending on how events go.

(with that in mind, as the trial went on, his eyes continuously flickered back to a certain blue-clad tokusatsu actress in… vague worry.)

Mei spoke about the Mastermind, and Toshio… grimaced. More so at… what she brought up, regarding the supposed ‘suspect’, and their - his - actions. Though, of course, what followed wasn’t much more pleasant. AI chips…? And… Kimi…? That was…?

(…and then isamu said - passwords in the laser tag…?)

“…I’m…”

(nervous? scared?)

“…apprehensive, about holding another vote. Not that I don’t have… anything, but is… is it enough…? I feel like it’s too… broad, such as was the case with Abiko-san’s status as a… I mean– it might be worth more than that, this is based around– behavior in Meridian, in– but I’m not certain if it’s concrete enough, and if we blow it again, and if we’re down to just one…

I’m… aware. Of them - him - attempting to harm Ohara-san. But I’m worried it’s not… enough. Still, discussing our Mastermind in some way is… of the utmost importance.

Which is why… we need to figure this out. So if anyone else has anything…”

…Like Chiyo seemed to. Whatever Ran had told her - not that Toshio was fond of the actress, but… whatever help they could get, as it were, he supposed.

(speaking of people he wasn’t fond of, his expression darkened considerably at mention of the name– it was gone just as quickly as it came… it was noticeable in his town of voice too, how harsh that 'him’ was.)

But he couldn’t ignore the case, no way, especially not when - there was a very real chance that everything could end right there, a very real chance that he and everyone else could just die - but he wasn’t too sure… how to get around that. 

…Wait a minute.

Wait a minute–

“Hmhm… hmm… oh–! Another thing - not sure how… relevant it is, exactly, but just in case, and I’m none too sure if anyone else spotted it - suppose I can’t blame you, all the blood and dead mayor and all that…”

In hindsight, what he had to say… may not have been super important. compared to everything else. But it was… all he really had left, wasn’t it? If it could help any, even the tiniest bit…

He had to try.

“There was this… small jewel, lying against the wall. A cut gem, I… think? White… couldn’t give the exact specifics, my knowledge on this sort of deal is… quite limited." He knew a thing or two about wedding rings, sure, but… well, a thing or two was just about it, the guy wasn’t a jeweler. ”Rather small… and I suppose anyone here could have a gem like that, but… hm.“

He tapped his chin in thought, mumbling a few words to himself.

"A bit ironic, given our main suspect’s talent, hmm? And… ah, what was one of those code names? 'Ghost’? Isn’t 'phantom’ another word for that, come to think of it…?”

He paused, clearing his throat, moving a hand to push up glasses that weren’t there. (And not realizing until too late that they weren’t… maybe after this he should put them on again?)

“My, my… I can’t help but find this a little to… ah, what is it - convenient? Yes, yes… I mean, sure, perhaps you genuinely have lost your keycard, but perhaps you’ve taken advantage of that to shrug the blame off yourself…?”

He shot a quick, apologetic glance towards Kayoko before speaking again.

“Similarly, the handwriting - it’s reverse psychology, your handwriting for the fliers is very public, easy to spot, so that would be too easy, it couldn’t possibly have been… of course, not that it's impossible for someone else to have forged it, but… between everything else.

Of course, this is all… hypothetical. Food for thought. Throwing stuff out there, seeing if it all… clicks together.”

And clicked together he sure hoped it did. The outcome wouldn’t go well, otherwise, surely… 

[shsl-meridian]

i can't be bothered with a title just lemme finish this dang post || toshio || trial (re: sieves why)

[shslweddingplanning-blog]

shsl-meridian:

In spite of all the oddities of the situation, in the end it was just… business as usual. A fresh coat of paint, some… interesting circumstances, but it was the same old investigation for ol’ Toshio. The trial that would inevitably follow, similarly, would likely flow largely the same as usual. Find the culprit, or culprits, and vote, and– he knew the rest, everyone did. Simple, right?

But it never was.

For starters, that strange… rabbit…? With the horn, and the legs, and the…

…what.

To say the least, Toshio had… no idea in the slightest to make of that… that? That. Yes. But it didn’t… seem to matter. He and his peers were filed into the elevator as normal, and brought to the courtroom… no big deal, he could… handle this, right? Couldn’t be that much different…

…except it… really was.

It started out fine and dandy, the typical debate that usually happened in this hellish courtroom. But then the cat was out of the… er, not bag. Kimono? Whatever. Seiji was found and alive, by the looks of it. 

And then Rover… turned out to… be alive…? That would explain no one finding his… not that Toshio got as far as he would’ve liked, investigation-wise, really, but no one else seemed to have found…

And then, not too long after…

“Abiko-san–?!”

It was… some sick exchange, as if Meridian decided that if one of the supposed dead was apparently alive, then one of the remaining alive would have to… some kind of sick coincidence, so soon after Rover turned out to have been…

Toshio made no move to look over the body - not with so many people already crowding around him. The distress and horror, tears and shouts over their fallen friend. Sure, Mitsusuke was a pleasant fellow, Toshio liked him fine, but he couldn’t say he was as close to him as…

(his eyes rested on a certain kimono-clad actress. first haku, and now mitsusuke… one lost right after the other… hah. he knew how that felt, huh?)

…the debate raged on. Mitsusuke allegedly… helped out with the mayor’s death. Three people were involved, by the sounds of it - Rover, Mitsusuke, and… someone else.

And that brought the question of if… Rover was… if he was– and if they voted wrong– he already had one under his belt, what if–

(starre’s words made sense but did little to assure toshio’s worries - he was hung up on that rule for a reason! kill twice, the rest die, kill twice, the rest die, kill twice, the rest–)

(–he had to keep his promise…!! he couldn’t…)

(he didn't want to die.)

…The planner crossed his arms and sighed. He didn’t… have very much, it wasn’t… but maybe… it could help? Hopefully.

(they needed to get somewhere, or they could…)

“…The bathrooms on the sixth floor had a pair of gloves in the trash. Bloody, couldn’t tell the color. They were… this cloth that was - a bit stretchy, just a tad. Fairly good quality."

[shsl-meridian]

so close i can taste it, i see what's mine and take it || toshio || chapter seven (re: bodies...?)

Toshio was, as was already made clear, just a bit accustomed to being kicked while he was down. Be it figuratively or literally - that one year in middle school was an interesting time - it wasn’t really anything entirely new. He never thought his luck was that bad - but boy, had Meridian dealt him quite the hand the past few weeks. 

Of course, they couldn’t kick forever.

The sun hadn’t even risen when Toshio was awoken (he really needed to start sleeping again, he’d realized over the past few days - and he’d been trying, give him some credit here!) with the sound… of… not the mayor, but someone else entirely. It was… admittedly, a little unnerving, this mysterious stranger suddenly appearing in… where did he come from? And where was…

…no. No no no no, that wasn’t… possible… was it?

…was it?

He found out as soon as he reached the observatory, eyes fixated on the sight of the fallen mayor. It was almost… surreal, frankly, seeing someone who seemed untouchable - you know, with his gun and all that - now lying dead, just as he had seen of so many of his peers before. 

And…

And…

…

…and Toshio had to raise a hand to his mouth, attempting to cover the faintest of smiles that crossed his face.

(’serves you right’ - the words barely passed his lips in a whisper as light as the air it faded into…)

For a few moments, that’s where his gaze remained, only occasionally flickering to the message scrawled on the wall in blood, or the new individual speaking to all of them. He looked over the Monofile present on his keycard a few times, as well - an… odd name. But it all came right back to the body of the mayor, taking his attention in a sort of… ‘too horrific to look away’ sort of way. Except maybe it wasn’t so horrific as it was… surreal.

(or sickeningly relieving.)

It was the sudden ping from his keycard that ultimately pulled him away. 

…Oh.

Oh…

“…Damn.”

Now, Toshio couldn’t say he was… particularly close to Rover, by any means of the word. He liked him fine enough, sure, he was a pretty good kid. The hand Meridian had dealt him certainly wasn’t all too great, either…

(he saw a lot more of himself in him after haku’s passing than he’d like to admit.)

…of course, the pity was met just as quickly with confusion as he looked over this… bizarre file. Where was he? Why was the photo so blurry? Did this mean there were - two culprits out there now, or did the person who killed the Mayor also kill - but why would they? 

…Just once more, his gaze flickered back to the wall, to the message that lay upon it.

Find the mastermind.

…These questions and more could only be answered through another round of investigation, wouldn’t it? Seventh verse, same as the first… six of them. Nothing he could do now but get to work - they could be nearing the end, they very well could be. He hoped.

He still had to keep up his end of the deal, after all. 

[shslweddingplanning-blog]

tosh’s room is locked but if you go find him he’ll let you in :v the usual

[shsl-meridian]

it's in my head, darling i hope, that you'll be here when i need you the most || toshio || chapter seven (re: execution, motive)

A few weeks back, in the midst of false confessions and back and forths between peers, trying to get the blame to fall on them, Toshio pondered whether or not he had someone he cared about to do similar. Someone who’s life meant so much to him that he’d be willing to risk his own.

By the end of the fourth trial, he had his answer.

Not even a week later, that person was taken from him before he had the chance.

Instead, a small handful vouched to keep his killer alive - granted, likely just so he could ask the questions the motive had promised him should he survive the trial. Which he… ultimately didn’t. 

History repeated itself one murder-trial cycle later - but where his sorrow over the chosen victim wasn’t as intense as the last, his fury towards his killer was far worse.

Toshio thought it was funny, how that worked.

Twice in a row, now - someone he cared about dearly was murdered, and their killer would go on to attempt to throw someone else to the wolves. At least one person would agree, fight a losing battle to shift the votes to the culprit’s chosen scapegoat. An ultimately fruitless effort, but at least they had the chance to save– at least with the case of Yuka and Chiyo, it seemed– the culprit, the person they cared about. 

But Toshio, and anyone else who may have been close to the victim - they didn’t have a say, they didn’t have a god damn choice, he was expected to just - suck it up and deal with the fact that, hey, this person killed someone dear to him, and they were going to make an effort to just - shit all over that and send someone else to die in their stead, because - who cares about the poor victim, surely their life doesn’t matter more than the person who took them away, right?

And he was so

fucking

sick of it!!!!!!

Chiyo’s words were met with no words, barely even a glance, Toshio’s face as hard to read as it… usually was in situations like these. He couldn’t deny the frustration rising in his chest, however - how dare he be upset that someone killed his friend and tried to so coldly get away with it! How dare he not try to explain his reasons for voting the way he did to someone who was screaming at him.

He could very well ask Chiyo what Yuka asked him just a trial before - if he was saying these things to anybody else, would she have given half a damn? He figured not, but, admittedly… it was understandable. They were… friends? He thought as much, at least, and he could understand wanting to defend your friend.

(not that toshio would ever get the chance because of people like marco and yuka–)

Of course, not that he appreciated the words thrown his way - what, was he supposed to just - lie down and take it as Yuka screamed and spat at him because - how dare he vote for the culprit, like he was supposed to! How dare he vote for the person who killed his friend! How dare he have the audacity to think that, hey, maybe voting for someone who isn’t the killer when they only have to kill once more and get away with it to kill the rest of them is a horrible, horrible idea.

But alright. Paint him as the monster in this picture. Sure.

The execution came just as all the others (something about the words the other girl - ayumi? - had said as she stabbed the actress down… made his chest ache.) and it was time to leave, and without another word, the planner turned to take his leave. 

(would anyone miss him if he didn’t make it to the trial room at this time in the next cycle?)

(would people… be glad to see him gone…?)

(…)

…

Of course, it never got any easier.

Toshio had all but gotten accustomed to being kicked while he was down in good old Meridian, but this time the kicking came sooner. He wished he could say he didn’t know what the mayor meant by ‘them’ or 'that place’ or whatever he went on about. He wished he could say his words didn’t fill him with such dread.

Ignorance was bliss, as it were.

But no, Toshio knew, and the words filled him with a sense of panic and unease to nearly match what he felt in the moments leading up to finding the body of–

Funny, how this was essentially the same if it went through, wasn’t it?..

(he tried to assure himself - hey, hey, no need to worry, given their track record someone was bound to kill for this and– and he’d have nothing to worry about, but it was - never - that - easy–)

(he couldn’t bear to lose him again–!!)

“I… n… no, no, you wouldn’t– the– they have to– be there for– something, right…? You can’t just… you can’t…”

The words are barely a whisper slipping past his lips, his expression growing grim, posture tense, as he… stumbled back without much more to say, hastily making his exit.

This… this served him right for - having his hopes up about anything around here, huh? He had hope that he and Morgan could get out together, and the latter turned up dead. He had hope that the video he’d received for the second motive was a sham, but as of late, he’d began to grow more and more unsure. He had hope for them, and now…

When would he learn that being hopeful in this place would only lead to heartbreak? 

(but maybe his hopes were all he had left) 

[shsl-meridian]

the shade of the sheets and before all the stains, and a few more of your least favorite things || toshio || monotheater (re: yuka)

Screaming.

Ran… Yuka… was… screaming.

And then… she was storming over to his podium and– and she was shouting, she was furious, shouting and screaming and slamming her hands on his podium as he had just a trial before.

And yet, Toshio’s expression didn’t change. 

Funny, how just a trial ago, he’d been the one screaming in fury at another of his peers. 

(he definitely felt a similar rage bubbling in his chest, but he wasn’t going to let himself explode again. push it down, push it away, it’s not there…)

The only shift in expression was a slight raise of the eyebrow as she spat at the ground towards his podium, a slight tug at the corners of his mouth into a wider frown than the smaller one present on his features already.

The pause feels like forever, before he opens his mouth.

“If you’re finished, Tenou.”

(and here, he thought he was being too harsh with yuka before! that it was just - irritability from his sleep problems!)

(he still remembered their talk that night–)

“Allow me to remind you, because you seem to have forgotten: kill twice and get away with it, and the rest of us die. Naturally, finding our killer for the case at hand is top priority, to ensure such a thing doesn’t happen. We found you, and so, naturally, we have to vote… but you suggest to vote for an innocent,

Robot or not - Abiko-san hasn’t killed anybody. That isn’t to say your life is worth less - though, surely you’re going to accuse me of saying such because you only seem to hear what you want to hear - but, in case you haven’t noticed - that’s how we survive. Ensure no one gets that killer victory. And you can say you won’t do it again all you want, but we can’t be certain of that.”

His arms fell out of his pockets and to his sides, hands still balled into fists, still clenched and shaking. 

“Have you not realized by now? None of this is fair. None of this has ever been fair. Hell, offing Abiko-san or - or voting Haku-san and whatever chaos that would entail, knowing our mayor, those are hardly fair either. None of this is fair, and none of us asked for this, so stop acting like we’re treating you any differently than we have with anyone else who’s wound up on the chopping block. 

We all want to survive, here. That’s all I’m doing in voting for you. It doesn’t feel good, I’m not happy to see you go, but I’m just trying to survive, that’s what we’re all doing…! We’re fighting just as hard as you are–!!”

He pauses. Takes in a deep breath, takes in another. He had to keep his cool… he had to.

“I’d hardly say that’s the only time you’ve angered me - why, I’m… really not too keen on you killing… probably my next best friend after Morgan and then trying to throw an innocent to the wolves to cover your own ass. You people seem to love doing that to my friends, and I’ve just about had it up to fucking here with it.

I won’t mince words. I really don’t like you. But that has nothing to do with why I voted you. You had the bloodied bandage - and between you and Hasekura-san’s refusal to show much, I found your lack of speaking up earlier about the bandage when it was mentioned a touch more suspicious. More information came forth, and, well… that was that.

It has nothing to do with how I felt about you before. I’m… I’m just trying to survive. I don’t… I don’t…”

(–‘i don’t want to die,’ morgan had told him–)

He shook his head.

He looked back towards Yuka.

He smirked, the last few words pouring out of his mouth, dripping off his tongue like venom.

“But… what do I know, right? I don’t agree with you, so I must be entirely void of logic, right? That’s how this works, right?”

And that was all he had to say.

And Yuka went on, and then… stopped. 

And she dropped behind her podium.

And she sobbed.

(–and he still remembered his answer–)

And such things weren’t lost on one Toshio Todoroki, the wedding planner’s expression fading quickly into… well, no one could be sure. He appeared just as unreadable as he had at the start of Yuka’s tirade, eyes dropping back to the floor and refusing to make eye contact with his peers.

His hands returned to his pockets, and he was left alone with his thoughts.

(–'i don’t want to die either.’) 

[shsl-meridian]

there's something beautiful and tragic in the fall out || toshio || monotheater (re: ran/yuka, results kinda?)

“Do you honestly think the mayor’s going to let us off the hook if we vote for one of the dead?”

Amidst the inevitable hellfire that came with the reveal(?) of the culprit(?), Toshio had spoken up, finally lifting his head to look Ran dead in the eye. 

“Regardless of whether or not Haku-san died before or after … you attacked in return, that’s what’s going to count in the end, knowing our… ever so lovely mayor. Tragic as a self-defense case is, it isn’t worth a damn thing in a place like this.”

He had a lot of things he could say. A lot of words most less than pleasant, hanging off his tongue, and it was growing harder to hold back with just about every passing vote. His slight frown slowly turned into a scowl, hands balling into fists in the pockets of the jacket.

(‘i don’t want to die’ - she said - 'i don’t want to die’ - and in spite of everything else he felt, those words sent a harsher chill of familiarity down his spine worse than anything the weather could possibly give him.)

“You say all this like you’re the only one. Everyone who’s died here, all of them have… had those things. Futures, things waiting for them out there… that’ve been taken from them here. By one person’s hands… or by all of our own. We don’t want to do it, but we haven’t a choice to play along with this sick charade…

We’re all victims of a terrible circumstance here. You’re far from the only one. And no one here who’s died wanted to die.

So… tell me, Usui-san. What makes you so special?”

The words came out a bit more bitter than he would’ve liked. Maybe it was easier to be angry at someone who he’d already harbored less than positive feelings for after the previous trial…

(not that those words he spoke made him feel any better.)

The votes came.

Ran (Yuka?) took the majority.

All that was left was the wait. 

(he still remembered what morgan told him that night, 'i don’t want to die’)

(and he still remembered what he said in response–) 

[shsl-meridian]

and we all fell down when the sun came up - i think we've had enough || toshio || trial (re: mei, rover)

…Quiet. 

…Too quiet.

Not that Toshio was making things any less quiet, Guy didn’t… well, he did have things to talk about, regarding his own findings or things related to what others were saying. Yet, it was… eerie, how quiet it was, how few stood around the trial room now…

(for a second, his eyes found themselves falling back towards the dead football player’s podium.)

(after another second, they glanced towards rover–)

(–and almost immediately pulled away from the sight that was… much more familiar than he’d like to admit, a sympathetic frown forming on his face.)

(…)

…

…Well, if no one was going to bring up the elephant in the room:

“Are you sure, Mei-san? In this weather?”

That… sure didn’t seem to stop her from… going forth with it anyways, at least arm-wise, and then Isamu followed suit shortly after… but alright. Who was he to stop them if it would get them somewhere - especially when they… didn’t seem to have much else.

With a low hum, he tugged on the jacket and went on.

“…Something about this is… seriously bothering me. The time of death, specifically… granted, with the motive, it wasn’t like our culprit was running around in broad daylight while doing this, but… to go entirely unnoticed…”

He crossed his arms. Not sure where he was going with that in hindsight, but it was… worth a mention? Food for thought? Maybe? Maybe. More people spoke. He caught an accusation - towards Ran, mostly, by the sounds of it, but… Mitsusuke? No blood… hold on–

“Ah– about the cloth in the forest. It felt high-quality, if stiff and starchy, as Mei-san said, but… some of the pieces I found were slightly bloody. They were scattered almost like a trail, from the waterfall cove, to the hiking trail, up to the kennels.”

“I haven’t the slightest clue why, though maybe it was just… decided at random. Not sure if… that was the whole clothing item - shirt or otherwise, I’m uncertain - or just parts of it - if anyone found any torn white clothing items in anyone’s rooms–” For just a second, he glances towards Ran. “–that may be useful information.”

The planner sighed, shoving his hands in his pockets. He glanced vaguely in Mei’s direction, though he still wasn’t making eye contact with… anybody, really.

“…If you insist on doing these checks, Mei-san, I suppose I can’t stop you. We don’t really have… much else, by the looks of it.

But please do make it quick, and you’ll have to come over here for me, I’m not just going to… stand around shirtless and be gawked at in this weather for the sake of these checks.”

Any other weather, maybe, but not this. 

“…Speaking of which - Mei-san, Nakano-san, both of you, please, put your shirts back on.”

Thanks. 

[shsl-meridian]

i'm a scholar and a gentleman, and i usually don't fall when i try to stand || toshio || trial (re: mei, nyk, mitsu)

Toshio was tired.

In general, yes, the past few events really haven’t been doing him any favors, but he was also growing tired of the little routine they had going for… how many days now? How many weeks? Perhaps months, even? He was pretty sure he never stopped keeping track… dead body, find clues, discuss, vote, send someone else to die, rinse, repeat…

That wasn’t even getting into his relationships with the past two victims… and then another good friend nearly died thanks to the motive… he just couldn’t catch a god damn break, could he?

But he digressed. 

It was trial time once again! As per the usual, Toshio took his spot, resting his hands in the pockets of the jacket he wore (he wanted to call it his jacket but it didn’t feel right, it wasn’t his, it was his–) as he listened to his peers speak, as he thought of what he himself would say, what he’d bring to the table himself. 

(he couldn’t be as heated about this trial and finding this culprit as he was the previous - the guy was all burnt out, but that didn’t mean he’d try any less. just… probably a lot less angrier.)

“…I didn’t look over Haku-san’s body for too long, but his shoes were missing. Given the shift in weather, it’s… possible… that those were his own. How or why the culprit decided to remove them, if they were his own, I’m not too sure…”

A pause. Nyk spoke, Toshio raised an eyebrow just the slightest. Fell from the… huh. 

“…Two questions. One - do you have… any way of knowing this was how he got up there? I mean, you most likely do, but what… specifically tells you, ‘hey, he fell into the trees, that’s why he’s there’? And two… fell, or dropped? Perhaps thrown, even?

…Wait. Wait– for anyone who checked his body in more detail - Abiko-san? - do you remember seeing any sand on his feet at all? Because if he hadn’t walked out on his own before falling off, then someone must have…”

[shsl-meridian]

all was golden when the day met the night || toshio || chapter six (re: body, announcement)

How did you just get rid of the sun?

Sure, Meridian had a lot of… strange things. Those hellbeasts in the forest he’d heard mentioned a few times, for one thing. And the entirety of ‘floor zero’. But this was just something else - it was the god damn sun. How do you just get rid of the sun?

(…what did it say about the nature of meridian?)

Not that Toshio couldn’t see how such a motive could be a threat - oh, no, the cold certainly didn’t go unnoticed. As the days went by, Toshio was glad he made that pit stop to Morgan’s room to snatch up that jacket, even when it got to the point where even it couldn’t keep him safe from the weather.

He wasn’t at all surprised when the body announcement came.

What did surprise him, however…

“… God damn it.”

It was like reopening an old wound.

Did it hurt as much as Morgan’s passing? No, Toshio didn’t think anything could top that. But at the same time, to lose another good friend of his, and so soon after the first…

(he still remembered the seconds after toshio saw the body - haku’d gone after him, hadn’t he…? and now he was…)

(he felt that dull ache in his chest again - not at intense as previous, but still there.)

For a few seconds, Toshio merely stood by, staring idly up towards the tree… then down towards the body as it was moved. He didn’t move for some time, idly tugging on the ends of the sleeves of the red varsity jacket as his thoughts went by in his head.

('at least you can see kizaki-san again,’ he almost said.)

('say hi to morgan for me,’ he also almost said.)

The mayor spoke before he got the chance to get into action.

The samurai girl…? Kayoko…

(he felt another chill down his spine colder than anything the weather could’ve given him– not another one, he just lost one again he can’t lose another– was she… ok? was she ok… let her be ok, please, let her be ok–)

(but she was… she was fine. there was no announcement of another body was there? another file? deep breath, toshio, calm down…)

…the planner looked back to Haku’s body. A few more long seconds of silence, before the smallest of strained smiles crossed his face.

“…Going to be awful lonesome in Chuckwalla without you.”

(…he almost said.)

(…)

“…Hah. I don’t know if i can speak for everyone, but… I’m going to miss you.”

(he did say.)

One more light tug at the sleeves of the jacket.

Time to get to work. 

[shslweddingplanning-blog]

as usual, toshio’s room is open! i mean it’s. technically Locked, but if you look for him to ask him to check his room out he’ll more than likely say yes. you just gotta find him first

[shsl-meridian]

i can't get a grip, but i can't let go || toshio || chapter six (closed for rover)

[shsllego-blog]

For a few long heartbeats, Rover was preeetty sure Toshio wasn’t even going to continue the conversation—as if he simply wanted to know who was behind him, and with a small glance to verify, he would just be on his way. Which was fine! That was cool! Rover was tired too. But when he made it clear he was listening, and was actually going to answer, Rover felt a small bubble of nerves boil in his stomach, if only because he wasn’t sure if he could hold a normal conversation anymore. 

(Basics! Basics! First: How are you? Check. Second… What’re you doing? What’re your plans for the rest of the week? What have you been up to? Rover’s fingers twitched, his mind turning like rusted gears to call upon old memories of Miike ducking his head behind him and muttering advice to him mid-conversation— <“Stay calm, you are making a bigger deal than it needs to be. What makes it a conversation is the other person contributing too. It is not just you.”>)

Toshio was… Toshio was calm and polite with his words, his chuckle relaxing to the growing tension in the builder. “I suppose I’ve been worse” was a nice way to look at things, he thought, and though Rover didn’t actually say anything in reply to that, he offered Toshio a soft smile. 

“Y’can drop the honorific, s’not really like y’need to be polite t’me.” As if he really deserved it at this point, right? “An’ I duuunno dude, a sentence seems kiiinda lackluster. Y’could add, like, whatcha up to, or where y’were headed, I wouldn’t mind hearin’ ‘bout it.”

Because “enough about me” made it seem like the conversation was going to take a turn to talk about Rover instead, which he would pay to pass, actually. Still, it’d be rude to ignore the question. 

“Mm,” he hummed, drawing out the note. “Maybe y’said it best, yeah? I’ve been worse, keheh. I’m alright, I think, feelin’ shitty comes an’ goes. I’ll start feelin’ crummy again at, like, 4 o’clock or somethin’. Y’know, like, the time when y’realize most of the day is gone an’ y’did squat? Even if y’didn’t really feel up t’it anyway.” 

Wait, was that depressing? Maybe. He quickly added, while exhaling and holding out his hand, L-shaped, towards the wall on the opposite side of the room, one eye closed—

“Buuut, I’ve been tryna figure out if I can calculate how high this place goes, so maybe I won’t feel crummy later if I keep busy ‘nough.” 

[shslweddingplanning-blog]

In hindsight, Toshio wasn’t exactly... in the best sort of mood for conversing with his peers. The guy was still quite, quite... tired. Worn out by the past few days’ events. But it certainly wouldn’t do him any good to simply isolate himself, wallowing in his regrets and heartbreak and doing little else, productive or otherwise. Might as well at least try to get out and talk to people, he figured.

(misery loves company, after all.)

“Aha... formalities are simply a habit of mine. Practically second nature to me. I see no reason why I shouldn’t be polite with you, but if you’d rather I simply call you Rover, I’ve no problems with it.”

Formalities, and extra-long words, apparently.

The corners of his mouth twitched a tad, eyes dropping to the floor. What was he... supposed to say he was up to? Laying around in bed accomplishing nothing for hours, moping over the loss of the person he...? That was hardly worth talking about, if you asked Toshio - especially now when he felt he was supposed to be... getting his act together. At least he was calmer, now, but...

(he was still a mopey sack of sad and it was just pathetic--! he wasn’t supposed to let this place get to him, and here he was...)

“...Hm. Sorry, sorry. I... can’t really say I’ve been up to much. As for... where I’m going... not too sure, really. Just sort of... looking around? Getting familiar with my surroundings.”

Rover answered his question, and he nodded in response, in affirmation. He couldn’t say he felt that exactly - it was more... alternating between shitty and less shitty.  Not that he’d say it, no, but...

...the last thing the builder said caught Toshio’s attention. He paused a bit in thought... how high... interesting...

“How high this place...? Well, at least... six ‘floors’--” Said with air-quotes and everything. “--worth of... desert... cliff... city. Why is it you wish to find that out, if you don’t mind my asking?”

[shsl-meridian]

i can't get a grip, but i can't let go || toshio || chapter six (closed for rover)

[shsllego-blog]

For a long time, Rover only saw flames. 

Butterscotch’s execution had been followed with a bonfire—those who were awake and in their common room later that night might’ve seen the soft glow flickering at the bottom of their dorm door, heard the distant cracking and snapping of long flames reaching toward the inky sky and swallowing whole the belongings of the most recently deceased, tossed in by a hollow eyed redhead. 

Rover thought seeing flames was better than seeing Yutaka, but eventually the two just merged together and Rover gave up on sleep entirely for a while. 

(“Who’s there?”)

When exactly Rover found himself wandering the newest floor he wasn’t sure, but there he was, standing between the casino and lounge squinting at the weird squared block on the ceiling there. Those things usually gave hint of where another ladder would be at a later time, right? How high this place was even going go. 

The builder took a few steps back to allow his eyes to trace over the ceiling in its whole, but most particularly where the ceiling met with the walls. He ‘hmm’ed and muttered quiet questions out loud while he did so, took out his phone and glanced over the maps, then looked back up to the room, then down to his screen again. Was he.. he studying the architecture? Guess that.. that did make sense? But, on the other hand, why. 

The sound of someone else’s voice cutting through the middle of his thoughts gave him a small start, and Rover’s entire body turned quickly to look at.. Morga—no, no Toshio. Toshio, just.. wearing Morgan’s jacket, haha. Morgan wasn’t here.

“…Rover.”

He couldn’t really tell if Toshio was being cautious with a greeting like that, or just was too tired to turn around and check himself. He supposed both made enough sense. Rover opened up to add something else, and in turn just froze with his mouth open —

(Under all the circumstances of this place, how do you even make conversation with someone you’d only really ever spoken to during room investigations and trials? Nice job last trial? For all your work every trial? Sorry I hugged the dude that you were really pissed off at? Thanks for all the candy you give me each time I drop by your room?)

—until gaping stupidly like that was making his mouth dry and he just blurted out a simple:

“Uh, y’okay, dude?” 

[shslweddingplanning-blog]

...Why didn’t he just turn around?

Toshio couldn’t at all say he knew. It wasn’t that hard or anything to just turn around, have a peek at who approached, and he... had no real problems with Rover. Or anyone, in Meridian, for that matter. Well, with one exception, but it wasn’t like she was past forgiveness, in any case. 

Either way... he nodded when he heard Rover’s answer, turning his head slightly to spot him. Yep, that sure was Rover. And... Taffy. He didn’t seem too disdainful of the little lizard, at least, in spite of his fury towards her owner. Taffy was just a lizard living her little lizard life. The guy had no real reason to waste his energy being angry over a lizard.

(And she was cute, anyways.)

Toshio remained where he stood, head turned, peering over his shoulder as Rover opened his mouth to speak... and take a bit of a while to speak. Once the question was asked, he turned his head back around, rubbing the back of his neck and giving a small “hmm...”, as if to show he wasn’t ignoring the builder, that he was just... thinking it over...

(was he ok?)

(no, the answer was obvious. but it was... courtesy. he’d know - he used to be on the asking end of that question.)

...In spite of himself, the planner chuckled, finally fully turning to face Rover properly. He shook his head a little, the smile present on his face... more sad than happy.

“...I’ve definitely seen better days, but I suppose I’ve been worse...?”

Had... had he been worse before? Surely, this was hardly the only time in his life that he’d ever been sad, but he could probably count the amount of times he’d felt this awful on one hand.

“But... enough about myself. Don’t worry too much about me-- how have... how have you been faring, Rover-san?”