GUESS EVERYONE L O S E S

In a perpetual state of awe.

[lamignonette]

[last-picture-show]

Jenny Holzer, Public Art, Times Square, New York, 1982

[guesseveryoneloses]

an incredibly long overdue update:

Jan 2018 I went back to school full time (at 24 years old)

Summer 2018 I graduated with my AA transfer degree

Fall 2018 (at 25) I started my junior year of undergraduate studies at a new university and declared my major (psychology)

Winter 2019 (currently) I’m in my second quarter of 6 of my undergraduate degree.

2018: I dropped a therapist, went to a new one, was ghosted by her, took a few months to believe in anything worthwhile again, and found someone new to see the end of September. I’ve been seeing her twice a week since November-ish time. She’s wonderful but not perfect, but more than anything, she graciously still wants to work with me after many shutdowns and dissociation episodes and going non verbal and frozen for an entire session.

I was informally diagnosed with autism over the summer and that’s a big can of worms to open and get into, but long story short I’m currently on a waitlist to see a clinical psych who does formal testing and evaluation.

I am not okay, and I’m becoming more okay with that and working with that in more useful and healthy ways. There has been a lot of chaos, plenty of slip ups, plenty of set backs, plenty of terror taking over my entire being. At the same time I feel like I’m getting somewhere. At least today, I feel like I’m getting somewhere.

[litverve]

“The world does not need words. It articulates itself in sunlight, leaves, and shadows. The stones on the path are no less real for lying uncatalogued and uncounted. The fluent leaves speak only the dialect of pure being.”

— Dana Gioia, from “Words”

[self-proclaimed-heretic]

“Le Désespoir” by Marcel Roux (1905) vs Florence, O2 Arena (2018) ✨

[autumnalsonata-deactivated20190]

“I remember nothing but the feeling still lives.”

— Vicente Huidobro, from The Selected Poems (1893-1948): “There Is a Cataclysm Inside Us” 

[deaddolin]

me, 21 years old: *still kinda lookin around for cool sticks and odd looking rocks that might reveal latent magical powers*

[lifeinpoetry]

I say I matter and a ghost white hand appears over my mouth

— Donte Collins, from “what the dead know by heart,” published in Academy of American Poets

[sundathe]

[anna-something]

Sometimes I think it’s gettin’ better And then it gets much worse Is it just part of the process? Well, Jesus Christ, it hurts Though I know I should know better Well, I can make this work Is it just part of the process? Well, Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ, it hurts

- Big God. Florence and the Machine. 2018.

[theclassicsreader]

“But not all dark places need light, I have to remember that.”

— Jeanette Winterson, Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit

[dodotdot]

[aaronsboots-deactivated20190312]

Slide down to the sea.

[ovivolp]

Back, back, back against the wall

[cinemawithoutpeople]

Cinema without people (or cats): Inside Llewyn Davis (second pass) (2013, Joel and Ethan Coen, dir.)

[everythingisahoax]

[thebeatlebird]

Thank You

[gwengold]

Annette Aurell for i-D, December 2001