Texts From Last Night For The Partying Muse
A collection of NSFW Texts from Texts From Last Night to apease your partying going muses! Feel free to tweak the prompts pronouns or any other non-sense to fit your verses/characters.
[text] I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
[text] Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
[text] OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
[text] awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
[text] you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
[text] i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
[text] you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
[text] Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
[text] Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly ‘I can see your soul from here’
[text] U sang “shots, shots, shots” then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin “SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!”
[text] Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I’m in love
[text] It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn’t getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
[text] all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
[text] Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn’t involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
[text] shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
[text] You said “This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow.” Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
[text] You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn’t say one word, I just listened.
[text] You’ve ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other person is like awkward elevator music
[text] I don’t know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
[text] I have big tits. Rules don’t apply to me.
[text] Fuck. That. I’m gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I’m a MAN.
[text] We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
[text] Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
[text] i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I’m like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
[text] Whatever. They have the same name, so it’s not even cheating. It’s brand loyalty.
[text] He’s like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn’t find it until two days later.
[text] the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago… so he cant be mad
[text] just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
[text] I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
[text] i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will people stop believing that nonsense line
[text] All I heard was “I swear it’ll be funny” and then we were in jail.
[text] You yelled “bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!“4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?