/ᐠ ˶- ˕-˶マ｡° ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

⭐ 18+ ⭐ {Shy} she/her ▪︎ Every day i'm just appreciating whatever happens to be left in life while waiting for nothing. Letting time pass one show, one cig, one vape at a time

[shysauce]

⭐ please like if read ⭐

Hiiiii, and congratulations on finding my special little blog!!! yayayayay!!!! I'm so glad you made it! ✨ I'm just your average tumblrgirly~ Feel free to send me nice messages only please, meanies dni. I hope we can be mutuals one day 💓 ☆⋆｡𖦹

about me ヾ( ˃ ᴗ ˂ )◞ • *✰ .

- boyish girlything in my 20s, from California (send help, can't afford rent) 🌴

- former hikikomori admittedly ˶TT ᵕ TT˶

- used to like to bake, cuddle, dress up/cosplay, watch anime, read doujinshi, listen to song recs from friends, worship yuri love, roam nhentai and have a good time blogging alongside fellow pervs~ but now idk.. figuring it out one day at a time

- I visit little/petspace for fun/relaxation

- I love plushies 🧸 so so much!

- I do not have a caregiver/mommy/daddy or friends for that matter, and I would enjoy one 👉👈 hmu if you want to be friends? lol. Hi ｡ﾟ･（>﹏<）･ﾟ｡

⊹˚. ♡.𖥔 ݁

[casataco]

Venting about dumb social experiences that dont mean anything under the cut

I know Im blocked by one person in that server which did not Feel Good™️ when I found out but Im pretty sure I am actively avoided by another individual which, with the immense stress from the long days no breaks at work, significant family issues, job hunting being absolute shit with hopeful jobs I got to the end and was looked over by others (who btw my friends had been hoping id be a shoe in but are now with the guy they picked over me and even their boss was like "this guy we picked was not what he was showing in interviews" which pisses me off more cuz my friend on the interview panel was mad since I was significantly more qualified than this other dude and ahhhhhhh job hunting is helllllll), and just.... Perceived lack of social interest from others which is probably a me thing, has really really caused me to be bothered and hyper aware of it more than usual. Im just trying to find social connection with people on interests I have but I feel continuously needing to give others the social baton and invest in their interests which is fine if they cared to actively reciprocate by actually including me in their interest and giving back more about their interest. Like I completely understand sometimes others' social battery or just general energy is not there and that is fine. I cannot ask others to give more than needed but Im really trying to connect and be invested and the constant rejection is painful in the moment with everything else going on. And then being actively ignored is like just the straw on the dying camels back here. Like I literally dont even know what I do. My autism isnt even built for lack of autonomy in losing social contracts. Like at least let me know what it is that I do so I can work on it. I actively improve myself and analyze my social interactions explicitly to be able to connect better with others but allistics... Dont reciprocate well cuz socializing is some weird game you leverage to them and at least the autistic people I meet just have incredibly narrow social rules that once broken mean you are no longer allowed in their social circle which is just.... Ughhh im trapped between 2 worlds of too autistic for allistics that its scary for them and too able to socially able to mask for autistic people that I dont meet their specific ruleset. Like everything in my life Im inbetween. Too brown for whites, too american for mexicans, too cis "het"(even tho I have literally fucked men and sucked dick!!! But sorry in a very cishet relationship now!!!) for genderqueer groups, too queer for cishets, just too x for y and too y for x is just my life and it locks me out of soooo many social bids and I just want to have fun and connect with my fellow human!!!!!!! The only thing being in touch with so many different experiences has given me is the ability to easily connect with and support incredibly emotionally vulnerable and compromised people (autistic and allistic). A small plus ig idk.

[shysauce]

My young prince! My sweet son! Where did he go? What section of heaven is he fluttering around?

[shysauce]

I NEED MY OWN LITTLE BANDIT <3

[shysauce]

Instead of normal clothes ima get my kid like 10 of the same fucking banana suit onsie and take him out in public like that LMAOOOOO

[shysauce]

Dude I cant wait to introduce my kid to weird animals one day like platypus

[shysauce]

Dude so do dmt and instead of going to talk to these entities just like go hi just passing through pls do not disturb my journey and then enjoy the most boring its a small world after world ride ever like ooo pretty lights and little dancing people cool how long is this river and how big is this place can i feel the water is that shade of purple real

[shysauce]

I want to know who the superman of supermans planet was

[shysauce]

My addictions are short lived more like comfort items to me and my use is based on as needed not habit like i NEED more weed and to start forgetting everything about life again because fuck everything and everyone. I need to trip balls and do black magic in the night away from people

[shysauce]

If it wasn't for that headpat earlier grrrgrrrgrrrgrrrrr. *drops the blade clenched between my teeth and curls up into another strangers arms*

[shysauce]

Tell my secret agent psychward that i am exhibiting signs of life again, that which i am not compatible with cough cough

[shysauce]

If i was all alone in a remote location away from humanity i think i would do hella crazy drgs all by myself and stare at nature, feel the grass, let a sunbeam rest on my shoulder

[shysauce]

Im scared to freefall neo style like i havent had a moment like that in forever and i am ready for it but i cant be around ppl like needs to be during twilight when the world is asleep starting at sundown

[shysauce]

Seeing the same mutual liking my posts for the 3rd time in a row like you like that moot wap huh wap wap wap you like that >:)

[shysauce]

Who decided to make boats out of slippery ass material?

[shysauce]

I need giant globby hands to hold while i sit on the bench pref attached to a living lovely man idk how many laborious liability statements you serial murder apologists need to know I'm not one of you (i am, just not in the fetishy way, i empathize with dehumanization and being treated like everything i do or say is inherently violent after threatening to end humanity one too many times in response to it trying to end itself by ending me (aka gods favorite and I'm willing to king of the hill this shit to prove it honestly my spirituality doesnt believe I'm the main character but it does believe god picks favorites like celine dion)

[shysauce]

Another night still no daddy in bed or tucking me in... i wish i had a daddy to read to me until i fell asleep and to save me from insecurities...