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@sicarius-duvainor
I only long for you. I will take you in whatever shape or form you come in... If you get into an accident and were crippled, I would carry you and care for you. If you went blind, I would describe the stars and the moon to you every night. If you went deaf, I'd become the world's best artist just to draw every feeling I have for you with a piece of art. I love you.
Sicarius Duvainor
Intox party.
An Intoxicated Adventure
"Tonight started off wonderfully. Me and Xin were reminiscin' about Falcon corp days, so we went off to go visit the grounds. See what had happened. Guess who we saw, but fuckin' Xrysta. Shit, she was looking good too." For whatever reason, Sicarius spoke aloud as he wrote. "Managed to convince her to take a vacation from caretaking the grounds. I mean honestly, what did she owe Falcon corporation after all this time? Ria and Calli didn't stay with her. Apparently they wanted to settle and she didn't. Whatever, I guess-- we all got wild spirits we can't tame. She's got one."
He'd wet the quill with more ink, tapping the feather against his chin as he thought.
"She's a mother worried about her daughter, so she'd only come along if we went searching for Grayslynne first. We got aboard the Hyperion and set sail for the south pretty quickly. Dan managed to sneak aboard and they had a little reunion. It was pretty gay, but I've come to expect such from Danny. Love that guy." Sicarius' gaze shifted over to his booze cabinet.
"Xrysta and I drank absinthe while we waited for Xin to rally the crew and get us sailing towards the south. Drunken sailing was always a speciality of mine-- needless to say the crew guided the ship to the outskirts of the Swamp of Sorrows and we chatted for a bit... Chaysie showed up eventually and decided to help us look for Grays. We set off, and apparently women like swamps. I found it to be disgusting, there was a stench... Like dead bodies rotting and left in a moist, warm place to grow all sorts of wonderful things. They didn't mind it, but Xin and I did. Apparently that makes us pussies."
Sicarius took a moment, settling the quill down. He'd reach across his desk for a small ornate box, opening it and plucking a perfectly rolled chromatose cigarette. Planting it between his lips, he'd light it with a flick lighter and inhale deeply; eyes shutting as the smoke filled his lungs. After a moment, the smoke would billow out from his nostrils and his eyes opened slowly, picking up the quill and returning to writing with the cigarette between his lips.
"Xin and Chaysie went up ahead, leaving a slightly tipsy Xrysta and me. Probably not the best tactical move, but what was I gonna say? Not a thing. Eventually Xrysta and I got into the deadwind pass, and the negative... corruptive magic that surrounded that place was spine chilling. Absolutely dreadful. It was almost as if I could feel the dark magics seeping into every pore of my body. Somehow, Xrysta kept a sunny, cheery attitude. Even in such a dark place. Is she constantly high on some sort of uplifting drug? Perhaps I should have searched her bags when she came on board. Mind you, I do have morals and searching a womans bag is something I hold myself above doing. Chivalry may be dead, but even dead things have an effect on our actions."
Sicarius sighed, reaching for his cigarette and ashing it, head tilting to the right with lowered eyelids as he peered at his actions.
"We approached a human town. One I had never been to... Duskshire. There were guards everywhere, from Chaysie and Xin, I'm not sure. Naturally, I went ahead. I thwacked a guard over the head and dragged him across to a bush. Walking back to Xrysta, I whispered to her. 'Stick to the cliff and go around the house. QUICKLY.' She nodded and I went back out and signalled for her... What did she do? She torpedoed in with a burst of speed, alerting the rest of the guard. I told her to RUN and we sprinted for our lives into the hills... I swear to the Gods, I haven't run that way in a long time."
Rubbing at his eyes, a short yawn resounded.
"We scaled cliffs and jumped fences, running from delapidated field to treacherous cliff. Eventually we came upon Xin and Chaysie, standing upon a ridgeline overlooking an ogre mound. This was it, this is where Grayslynne was. We had no idea what was before us-- We thought she'd be inside, joking around and toying with ogres. I thought she was a trickster. Xin made some passive aggressive comment to me about holding my hand through the ordeal. So I took him up on it, for the entertainment of the ladies. I dared him, 'Okay, let's do it then.' and so he said alright. We unholstered our revolvers, checking the ammunition and then grasped eachother's hand. I said to the girls 'Why don't you two hold hands too?' Chaysie immediately denied it, but Xrysta said 'Sure thing.' And at that point, I was morally invigorated. Too bad she didn't hold up her end of the bargain, as I'm sure there was no Chaysie-Xrysta hand holding. Disappointment."
"So there I was. Holding Xin's hand as if we were Flaxin and Aodan out on a stroll. All of a sudden, Xin took off down the hill. I had to keep my feet from giving out on me as I took unprepared steps down the slope. Rocks were flying everywhere... They created a shit ton of noise... But I suppose that was the purpose. Xin was the first to fire, a shot resounding through the mound and alerting the rest of the ogres. His bullet penetrated inbetween a dual-headed ogre's neck... Guess he took out the spine, as the ogre fell flat on the first shot. I heard Chaysie behind, she was doing something with her daggers. I saw Xrysta out of the corner of my eye, sliding down with her staff for balance. She lipped into the ogre mound, as we intended. The entire time, I was flailing down the rock-face like an idiot. I had intended to be the one leading, but -no.- Xin of course, had to go first. Eventually I found my balance, my focus... And I fired off two rounds towards the next ogre magi casting upon us. They just happened to hit the ogre's heads, creating somewhat of a bloody... gorey mess. When did Xin and I ever do things any differently? I yelled at Xinthalore, he knows I'm not one for going super fast when I don't have to. I like to shoot, take my time... Make it epic. Regardless, I was in the zone. Not even the soft voices of Xrysta and Chaysie awoke Xin and I in our perfect moment. We were harmonized, baptized in battle-- and all that we focused on was protecting ourselves and the girls from looming ogres."
"The fresh smell of sulfur from the gunpowder... The loud cracks as if the Titans themselves were throwing lighting around us... It was glorious. I was avoiding fireballs and thrown stones left and right... Dancing. My ear twitched and I saw something out of the corner of my eye. A giant ogre behind us, preparing to cleave us apart. Running infront of Xin, I grasped him into an embrace and brought my pistol up underneath his armpit, quickly firing six shots into the ogres chest. He was dead, but there was now a twelve foot high body about to crash on us. We had to run."
He'd reach now for a bottle, pouring himself a shot of whiskey and downing it quickly. He was about to shout when he realised the time, and who he had on board. Sighing, he'd dismiss his lack of food and go back to writing.
"We sprinted towards the mouth of the cavern. Inside... Apparently the girls had found Grayslynne. There was an arcane barrier, holding within it a very damaged girl. Xrysta used her... 'chi' or whatever to penetrate the wall. As she got through the barrier, a clearer image of Grayslynne was revealed. She was boun in chains and wires. Whatever the ogres had intended for her, I am ever thankful we saved her from it. Twisted demonic summonings are what flood my thoughts... I digress. Xrysta held her daughter in her hands, getting Chaysie to help her down. I saw none of this, but the scene may have brought a tear to my eye. Perhaps. Xinthalore threw a gravity well down infront of the cavern, keeping the ogre's out for a short amount of time. The dumb beasts would throw themselves at the wall, flinging back but diminishing the energy contained in the well. When we eventually skidded to a halt from sprinting, I broke hand contact with Xin. There was sweat beading down my face and it was driving me insane. Xrysta and Chaysie hopped down from the arcane cage Grayslynne was kept in, coming towards the mouth of the cave quickly. We discussed the situation briefly before deciding we needed to get Grays back to the ship, stat. Xin of course took lead again, stepping out in front. I didn't care-- he needed the glory for his ego."
Sicarius smirked devilishly, pouring himself another shot and drinking it.
"I was the bait for the next situation, and I didn't mind. My thoughts had changed, from happy, exciting times to a more serious time. There was sorrow, and it's all I could think about. I felt Xrysta's pain and I wanted nothing more than to get that young girl to a place where she could be healed. I remember touring around Silvermoon with Lilly, showing the city to a young Grayslynne."
"Xin took the generator and held it in his hand, using it to push back the ogre's far enough for us to sprint for the hills. Xrysta had Grays on her back, Chaysie but a foot behind her, ready to protect the two from anything. As the shield died, Xin yelled at me to go-- and I sprung into action. I ran as though my sister was screaming for help, just as she did forever ago in our childhood. There was an ogre in my path... and the most clear memory I have of that night was the satisfaction of this kill. I leaped with all my might, kicking the ogre in the chest, firing my pistols down into his neck. He toppled backwards and I kept my balance on his body as he fell, the stupid brute making a loud noise as his dead back hit the ground. Xrysta and Chaysie sprinted ahead, and were off. I turned, waiting for Xinthalore who was along not shortly after."
Inhaling deeply, Sicarius wrote one more sentence.
"And then we went home, but that wasn't the end of the night. You will see the rest tomorrow, my dear journal."
Closing the journal, he'd rest the quill in it's place, before walking away quietly.
My body is a cage, that keeps me from dancin' with the one I love. But my mind holds the key. I'm livin' in an age, that calls darkness light... Though my language is dead, still the shapes fill my head. I'm livin' in an age whose name I don't know. Though the fear keeps me movin', still my heart beats so slow.
Arcade Fire - My Body Is A Cage
Do you love yourself?
That's a tough question. Can we ever really answer that honestly? On the one hand, we're selfish. Everyone is selfish, entirely. It's the condition of sentience, and something we can never abolish. On the other hand, we throw ourselves out to get hurt all the time... Does that mean we don't love ourselves?Enough with my ranting, I apologise. No. I don't love myself.
sad-tbh:
"Everything in my head went quiet.
All the ticks, all the constantly refreshing images just disappeared.
When you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, you don’t really get quiet moments.
Even in bed, I’m thinking: Did I lock the doors? Yes. Did I wash my hands? Yes. Did I lock the doors? Yes. Did I wash my hands? Yes. But when I saw her, the only thing I could think about was the hairpin curve of her lips.. Or the eyelash on her cheek- the eyelash on her cheek- the eyelash on her cheek. I knew I had to talk to her. I asked her out six times in thirty seconds. She said yes after the third one, but none of them felt right, so I had to keep going. On our first date, I spent more time organizing my meal by color than I did eating it, or talking to her.. But she loved it. She loved that I had to kiss her goodbye sixteen times or twenty-four times at different times of the day. She loved that it took me forever to walk home because there are lots of cracks on our sidewalk. When we moved in together, she said she felt safe, like no one would ever rob us because I definitely lock the door eighteen times. I’d always watch her mouth when she talked- when she talked- when she talked- when she talked; when she said she loved me, her mouth would curl up at the edges. At night, she’d lay in bed and watch me turn all the lights off.. And on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off. She’d close her eyes and imagine that the days and nights were passing in front of her. But then.. She said I was taking up too much of her time. That I couldn’t kiss her goodbye so much because I was making her late for work.. When she said she loved me, her mouth was a straight line.. When I stopped in front of a crack in the sidewalk, she just kept walking.. And last week she started sleeping at her mother’s place. She told me that she shouldn’t have let me get so attached to her; that this whole thing was a mistake, but.. How can it be a mistake that I don’t have to wash my hands after I touch her? Love is not a mistake, and it’s killing me that she can run away from this and I just can’t. I can’t go out and find someone new because I always think of her. Usually, when I obsess over things, I see germs sneaking into my skin. I see myself crushed my an endless succession of cars.. And she was the first beautiful thing I ever got stuck on. I want to wake up every morning thinking about the way she holds her steering wheel.. How she turns shower knobs like she opening a safe. How she blows out candles- blows out candles- blows out candles- blows out candles- blows out-…. Now, I just think about who else is kissing her. I can’t breathe because he only kisses her once-he doesn’t care if it’s perfect! I want her back so bad.. I leave the door unlocked. I leave the lights on. ”
favourite post on tumblr, this breaks my heart every single time
gives me goosebumps
I cannot fathom enough how much I relate to this & how much this makes me shiver to my core every time I watch this. He captures how it truly is for people with OCD. It is real, VERY REAL. & so very scary. If you have OCD, or need someone to talk to, I’m here for you. I know how it can be. I am your friend.
I do, mines not as severe but I know his feels.
This broke my heart.. even people with a minor case of OCD or love someone truly- nothing is the same. Your entire routine is ruined. Even while being with that someone, you notice the subtle changes.. just like the devolution of “I love you” to “love you” and then “you too” or how their tone and demeanor changes.
It's just a novella.
"She fucking left me. Got up, and left. That never happens. It's not supposed to. -I- was the one who introduced her to everything. I swear to the Gods... She was supposed to be my wife. My queen. She was the woman I need in my life-- strong minded, strong bodied and able to take care of herself when she needs to. To stop me when she needs to. Having that feeling missing is the absolute worst. I've been dealing with it the best I can by fucking random bitches... Neffy's back and she doesn't hate me, maybe I'll try something with her again."
Sicarius lit a cigarette and took one breath in off of it, before tossing it in the ocean. He'd then light up another, keeping this one this time. Placing that smoking stick of death between his lips, he'd turn to face the exterior cabin wall of the Hyperion, throwing his right fist at it. Crack. He'd throw another one. Crunch. His hand was bleeding now, bone mangled and disjointed, cracked in places. That wasn't a pain he was thinking about, nor concerned with. He'd wipe the back of his hand across his face, smearing blood across his cheek and lips before grasping at the cigarette between his mangled index and middle fingers. The pain of his hand started seeping through, and he tossed the half-lit cigarette over the side of the boat. He would walk down to his quarters, grabbing some grain alcohol from the liquor cabinet and pouring it on his hand. A sharp hiss was heard, a visible wince. Bandaging operations began shortly afterwards. "Time to go watch that Citizen's forum. I hear it's the new thing in the city. Hope no-one gets hurt.
He'd get dressed now, gearing up and preparing for the trip to Silvermoon. He paused, a piece of paper jutted out from a pocket inside his leather chest piece, pressed against where his heart would be. It was a heart, with the letter S in the middle.
"She said she wasn't ever going to leave."
He paused. "She lied."
"She said we'd be forever."
"She lied."
"If I couldn't trust my dream woman to be truthful, how can I trust anyone else...? Can I even trust myself anymore..."
"No. Everyone lies, even yourself. Harden up. Twitch was right, you're a fucking pansy. Trust nobody. Fuck everyone over, that's what Jae'saryn is teaching you now. Nobody cares about you. Sicarius is a gods damned single serving, use 'n throw away piece. Marriage is futile and so is the concept of a soul mate."
With that, Sicarius folded the picture into a paper plane, opening his window. Conjuring up a lighter from a pocket, he'd light the tail end of the plane on fire, quickly throwing it afterwards.
"She wants to try and be an 'adult'? Let her fly the coop. We'll see how far she flies. I have zero tolerance for betrayal which she will soon indelibly learn. I must not lose my resolve. I will march forward even if I have to do so alone."
"-FUCK- her."
He tossed the lighter out the window too, closing it up and marching upstairs with a renewed vigor.
(( Warning: You all know the drills, sexual themes, read at your own risk…you know..in case the picture wasn’t a dead give away.))
I knew what I was doing…
I knew it was wrong…
But I had always had feelings for Sicarius…since the day he left me…
He was drunk…or so he lead me to believed..
Victor was beginning to get on my nerves..with his self important attitude…ever since he had woken up from that coma he had gotten worse…she had decided it was best to leave…but those details could be worked out later.
It was all just a game at first..toying with his drunken mind…but those feelings…those old feelings I had thought I had suppressed a long time ago…came crawling back to haunt me.
His talking…his voice…his smell, the mere feel of his body against mine…I couldn’t help myself.
I let him carry me up the stairs…I let him throw me onto the bed..to slowly strip my leathers off my scarred body one by one…A Living Canvas of War…I called it…a pale body, painted with ridged scars that produced and bridged a silver color from my flesh…from X’s name…to the rest of his marks…and the ones left behind from the mauling.
It didn’t even phase him…and as I leaned my head forward to slid my lips down his member, that gasp of pleasure that erupted from his throat invigorated me to only please him more…I smirked, just after a few minutes of my throat and mouth was enough to nearly make him reach his climax…now didn’t that make me feel special…
And when he pinned me to that bed…forcing me into submission, it was enough to make me scream…his bites, his kisses, his hand on my throat…when he ordered me to flip over and the sounds of skin hitting skin mixed in with the moans and screams filled the bedroom…when he struck me on the rear…and when he called me a good girl…
This was the best sex I had even had!
He pulled my hips into him as he finished…his climax triggered mine..and we both collapsed onto bed in a heap…cuddling one another as we conversed…with him…I didn’t have to hold back..I could tell him anything.
After all…he was supposed to be my first…
He was only a -little- late…
Come on let’s take a walk Don’t say a word, let’s not talk Let the silence do all the communicating tonight Life’s not just a walk in the park I know that but it’s a start right They say silence is gold But it’s kinda hard when so much remains untold You looking the other way and me kicking up dust Blocking the sun still got shades on Blocking our point of view, here we differ a lot About what and what not’s, what we ain’t And what we could’ve got Thinking our arms ain’t too short to box with God This ain’t midnight stroll in Paris More like a careless walk throught a field of land mines I cherish you, though you’re a warrior too What are we to do
- Outlandish
Dr. Cox: Relationships don’t work the way they do on television and in the movies: Will they, won’t they, and then they finally do and they’re happy forever - gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren’t right for each other to begin with, and half the ones that get married get divorced anyway. And I’m telling you right now, through all this stuff, I have not become a cynic, I haven’t. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies and, you know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don’t care, ‘cause I do…believe in it. Bottom line…is the couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is, they don’t let it take ‘em down.
(via fuckyeahscrubs)
"Its felt like a lifetime, now. Funny, how our lives speed up and slow down depending on the circumstances surrounding us... As if time could tell what was happening to us mere organic beings."
Sicarius was standing on the crows nest of the Hyperion, peering at the sunset as it rose over the tanaris ocean.
"In but a mere month I have met the woman of my dreams. In this month she made me realise that I did not love my then fiance, not the way I should. So I called it off with her, I left her a sizable sum of money and left for Tanaris... Now here I stand, crippled by my dream woman. She threatens the sovereign state of myself more than any other thing possibly could. She threatens to be with me even after death. I'm stuck with her, and... I couldn't be more thrilled about it."
He'd lean forwards on the wooden support, sighing deeply. He wasn't smoking, not this morning. He hadn't even slept yet, for the events about to take place were going to effect him for the long term... He had to calculate his actions. Plan. Think things out. The thing about Sicarius is... he lives life one action at a time. She changed that about him.
"And now Sindestryl is added to the fray. She's a pretty little thing, fiery red hair and an attitude to match. I'm going to have to watch her. She's in this relationship now... Sleeping next to my wife. I have succeeded in my mission. I have beat Xin'thalore to the goal of having two wives. I'm on par with Riavis now, except my wives are -far- more horny. It kind of scares me, but oh Gods am I going to be a happy man..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFQYaoiIFh8
The murder closet was used again, blood spilling, pain to be had.
"HAS HER HUSBAND COME LOOKING FOR HER KILLER, JAE?…I did not just kill this mans wife, I killed his supposed SOUL MATE. And where IS HE right now? He’s fucking another woman,...
Oh, please, this is what I can give What else do you need from me? I might be sick, broken, torn to pieces So, whatever this is, this thing that now I've become, you hate it so much, you keep on running from it No matter the distance, no matter how, no matter how far
Coheed & Cambria
How to climb the criminal ladder
"Xin'thalore Van'analesh. I might not always agree with him, I might not always believe in him... but it doesn't matter. Anyone who can stirr up an entire city, cause anyone to do what he wills deserves my respect. I've helped him in my own ways get to where he is now-- after my years as the man behind the scenes... I can tell which way the wind will blow."
Sicarius draws on a cigarette between his lips, exhaling and peering out at the waves.
"Mercutio 'Twitch' Malache. His right hand man, former nemesis of mine. He's done his duty, delivering Intoxication to where it is now. Seems Xin has put him out to pasture... Guess he has a couple years of obscurity and impotence ahead for him now."
His head tilted, tapping the cigarette over the side of the ship, ashing it.
"Lady Anafae. Xin'thalores 'secretary.' I like her even less than Malache, but she's the gatekeeper to this organization. If you don't want to be left out in the cold of night, you can't ignore the person holding the keys."
He grins mischeviously, tossing the cigarette into the ocean and turning; looking up to the moon.
"As for me? I'm the whip. In other words, I get things -done.- When it comes to order? I make the magic happen. I transform the impossible... into the probable. But it's time to move up a rung. I've paid my dues, I've backed the right man... Now that he's won this land, I'll get my just reward. Give and take, give and take... and that's how the world spins."
Sicarius winks at the moon, before stalking off into his quarters.
