This is our last photo together, it was taken 2 days before I had to put you down. We did it in the comfort of our front room. My husband the guy I stayed up countless nights talking to you about was there, he cried. My daughter whom you would lay against my belly while she was growing and purrr, and when she was born you did not leave her side was there she didn't understand she is still so small. She said goodbye to you about 10 times and gave you a kiss. You purred. As I held you in my arms I couldn't bring myself to talk much to you besides that it's okay kitty kitty. I didn't say I love you as they put the second injection in, I knew I would have started to cry and not been calm for you. Instead I squeezed you a bit more. I've cried everyday since. I just got you back in a urn today. And all I want is to hold you and talk like we had been doing most nights for the past 16 years. I hate cancer I hate that you were still able to run around jump over baby gates steal food and climb stairs but that stupid fucking tumor was closing all your airways. They could not remove it. I pray I feel your little footprints across the bed coming to sleep next to me. I hope I can see you after death. I can't join you until my daughter is ready to be without a mom. But when I do I'll be looking for you. You stopped me from suicide so many times you don't even know it. I miss you Lijah-jane I love you Lijah-jane forever.
