My personal transition 🏳️⚧️ EGG, CRACK, & POINT OF NO RETURN moments
The egg moment began sometime in my early teens during puberty on why I enjoyed sneaking out to try woman clothes and me liking girly activities. Some can classify it initially has having a fetish when this happened in my puberty years…perhaps, but I like to think it was simply me attracted to things, but not truly knowing why because I lacked the deep knowledge and understanding that this could be because I was actually transgender at the time. But most of my curiosity was often buried by societal norms and no professional help to truly understand that this feeling was more than a fetish but actually something else.
The crack for me finally arrived when money allowed me to fully experiment and see if this feminine life was possible. I began to educate myself in that these feelings and thoughts weren’t just random things floating in my head, but in fact beliefs that I was relating to and now finally understanding why I was relating to them. When things began to aline both financially and as well as finally having a job to which I can not just transition in but also retire in, I felt like this could actually be a reality.
For me, that point came for me even before I have had any permanent surgery done or even before I resumed HRT again. That point came for when I felt more feminized and more confident with my decision to transition than at any point before, even during at point of my initial transition attempt.
I felt that with the well defined discipline approach I took into this 2nd transition attempt, the foundations below me were far more developed and strengthened than at any moment even during my intital transition attempt. I focused this time around not on my physical desires but instead having a stronger financial situation, a defined social support system that included befriending other like minded trans woman that I never have had before, and a defined professional physical and mental health care team.
With the solid foundation now, I began to embrace my femininity in other phases of my life to make feel that I can actually live this kind for feminine lifestyle and that’s started with my home. I began to live as a woman from the moment I woke up in the morning to the moment I went to bed. This of course means I had to develop a wardrobe that allowed me to live at my authentic feminine self in the morning, during the day, and in the evenings. I even began to be my feminine self in doing tasks that I never did before in my initial transition attempt..like taking out the trash, gathering up my mail, and riding a bike around town..all of which petrified me before ever imagining doing in my first attempt at transitioning now we’re becoming normal routine. Things began to feel normal like I’ve always have been a woman my entire life, I just hadn’t had the foundation yet to feel confident enough to embrace it to its true nature.
So now with this mental point in my transition reached, I feel more that I’ve passed the point of no return even before I’ve done any permanent physical changes like surgery. I say that because any attempt to go back will be detrimental to my overall mental and physical health to try to live full time as my other male self. With that point accepted, it’s full steam ahead for me in transitioning into my full time feminine self as Natalie.
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