Dear fellow human

I have a desire to express and to discover; to understand and to be understood. Curious to a fault.

[siennaspeaks]

Scenes from my Italian restaurant (s)

“A bottle of white, 

a bottle of red?

Perhaps a bottle of rosé instead?

We’ll get a table near the street,

In our old familiar place

You and I, face to face”

Here’s the introduction of a song that talks about catching up. Here’s a song that caught up with me tonight. Here’s a song that catches up with me every now and then.

The theme is exactly that: catching up. For quite a while now, the theme of my life has been catching up with myself and people. Going back to my roots, coming back and checking in has been a recurring theme for me these days, just like my diving-ins and coming-outs during the free summer days that I long for.

Oh, my Italian restaurants.

The first one that I remember distinctly was Gezi Istanbul in Gokturk, not only an Italian restaurant but also a pâtisserie, with my memories dating back to 2008 or so. Back when where I was living was an actual suburb(1) with horses and forests right around the corner, the center of the suburb was very very limited, and there was a tiny Italian restaurant, the second of a chain(2). 

That restaurant hosted so many memories: birthday of a friend, learning that there’s a cocktail called margarita different from the pizza Margherita that I fell in love with, but most of all, so many family events were celebrated there.

“A bottle of red, a bottle of white

It all depends upon your appetite

I’ll meet you any time you want

In our Italian restaurant”

The second that I deliberately choose to remember fondly is the one in Flanders, Dolce e Salato. Even thinking about that restaurant hyper-activates my lacrymal glands. 

This restaurant means a great deal to me, for it was one of my refuges when I was about to go coo-coo from not having enough human interaction or change of environment, in plain covid period, especially when they reopened the bars around mid-May and my exams were until June.

This restaurant was there when I learned about Belgium, when I wanted to practice my crippled Italian, when I just really was tired of cooking, or just wanted a coffee and/or someone to chat with.

It’s still there. The fact that it’s still there gives me incredible strength, especially in these times where all of my fortresses are collapsing or have already collapsed.

The third one, I had known its existence since quite some time but hadn’t experienced a meal there; until a few days ago. It’s not perfect, none of these restaurants are/were. But sometimes, these days, it feels more home than my own apartment. I get to chat with people, I get to try new food, I get to practice my Italian (more than I got to do so in Ixelles (surprisingly(?)).

One little touch made it more home. The frogs. The frogs that I can hear now that they are back. That sound is one of the official sound of late spring and summer of my childhood and early adolescence. I almost felt home again. I almost felt like everything was fine.

And most things are going to be fine. Hope shall overcome.

I’ll meet you anytime we both want, in our Italian restaurant.

(1) My parents haven’t moved (yet). It’s still the same house, but everything has changed. I deliberately choose to not get into that, to choose to put the curse You-Know-Who cast on my childhood and adolescence aside.

(2)A rather upper-middle class one at that. It was tiny back then, now I don't really know what's become of it.

[siennaspeaks]

The five degrees of separation An attempt, some esquisse on what could be the (re-)synthesis of this song and the 5 stages of grief, spiced with how I feel and what I've seen people feel. "First, “what even is a broken heart”? You’re furious during the second part And the third, is when your world splits down the middle And fourth, you do your best to fix yourself

Fifth, you see the you with someone else

And the sixth, is when you admit “’t’s OK to mess up a little”. "

You've read the books, You've watched the shows, What's the best way no one knows, yeah, Meditate, get hypnotized. Anything to take from your mind. But it won't go You're doing all these things out of desperation, You're going through five degrees of separation. You hit the drink, you take a toll Watch the past go up in smoke. Fake a smile, yeah, lie and say that, I'm better now than ever, and your life's okay Well it's not. No You're doing all these things out of desperation, You're going through five degrees of separation. First, “what even is a broken heart”? You’re furious about the second part And the third, is when your world splits down the middle And fourth, you do your best to fix yourself

Fifth, you see the you with someone else And the sixth, is when you admit “’t’s OK to mess up a little”. 

(No, no, there ain't no help, it's everyone for themselves) 

You tell your friends, yeah, strangers too, 

Anyone'll throw an arm around you, yeah 

Tarot cards 

Gems and stones, 

Believing all that shit is gonna heal your soul. 

We'll it's not, no 

You're only doing things out of desperation, 

You're goin' through six degrees of separation. 

First, “what even is a broken heart”? You’re furious during the second part And the third, is when your world splits down the middle And fourth, you do your best to fix yourself

Fifth, you see the you with someone else And the sixth, is when you admit “’t’s OK to mess up a little”. 

No there's no starting over, 

Without finding closure, 

You'd take them back, 

No hesitation, 

That's when you know you’ve reached the third degree of separation 

No there's no starting over, 

Without finding closure, 

You'd take them back, 

No hesitation, 

That's when you know you've reached the fourth degree of separation 

First, “what even is a broken heart”? You’re furious about the second part And the third, is when your world splits down the middle And fourth, you do your best to fix yourself

Fifth, you see the you with someone else And the sixth, is when you admit “’t’s OK to mess up a little”. 

[siennaspeaks]

“I'm tryin', tryin', I can start Friday

You've wasted your life, but thanks for applying

Hey, now, hold up, we were fun as hell

I'm all grown up but you couldn't tell

Now I don't know what to do with myself

…

The DJ is crying for help”