Siffy's Attic @siffieleafy - Tumblr Blog

“ A 1934 staged photo by A.L “Whitey” Schafer mocking the Hays movie censorship Code by violating as many of its rules as possible in a single image. This is the kind of energy I like. “ -(x)

professormcguire

The photograph is titled “Thou Shalt Not.” More information about the photograph and Schafer’s career can be found here.

lovealtars

1. romeo and juliet on the balcony, julius kronberg 2. the meeting on the turret stairs, frederic william burton 3. la belle dame sans merci, john william waterhouse 4. god speed, edmund blair leighton 5. the end of the quest, francis bernard dicksee 6. la belle dame sans merci, francis bernard dicksee

he-on-honeydew-hath-fed

normal-horoscopes

I don't mean this in any jokey or disrespectful way; is there any truth to the alchemy in say, the Full Metal Alchemist anime? The symbols or transmutation circles?

Actually the author of FMA did a ton of research into historical western alchemy. The whole law of equivalent exchange is a real alchemical concept from hermetica, and one that sir Issac Newton expounded into the law of thermodynamics.

The elrics dad, Van Hoenhiem, is based on a real alchemist named Theophrastus Bombastus Von Hoenhiem. At one point Pride even references the real alchemists name.

Basically everything about alchemy in FMA is taken from primary sources, down to the symbology of transmutation circles to the color scheme of Edwards design.

nyxshadowhawk

The way alchemy works in FMA doesn’t resemble the way real-life alchemy is or was supposed to work, however, FMA is still packed full of references to real-life alchemy. The most obvious one is Hohenheim’s name, but there are plenty more! (Ed and Al also share their names with real-life famous occultists, Edward Kelly and Alphonse Constant (Eliphas Levi), but this might be a coincidence.)

It is probably no accident that Ed’s color scheme is black, white, and red. The three main stages of alchemy are names the nigredo, the albedo, and the rubedo. Nigredo, the black stage, is when the matter of the Stone “dies” and putrefies, representing spiritual death. Albedo, the white stage, is when the matter of the Stone is washed, boiled, and turns to vapor, which condenses back into water, and the cycle repeats. This represents spiritual ascension and unification with the divine. Finally, during the rubedo, this “volatile” matter becomes “fixed,” crystallizing into the Philosopher’s Stone. Ed also has gold hair and eyes, which is fairly self-explanatory. Gold is a metaphor for the state of spiritual perfection.

The “Flamel” symbol of a serpent nailed to a cross that’s on the back of Ed’s coat, painted on Al’s pauldron, and tattooed on Izumi’s chest is the “crucified serpent,” which actually does come from Nicolas Flamel. It represents the completion of the Great Work, the union of the fixed and volatile, the mercurial serpent physically nailed down to the cross with its four arms representing the Four Elements (with Quintessence in the center) and the reconciliation of polarities. It also demonstrates the death and mortification of the old body that is necessary for the Philosopher’s Stone to be reborn:

The wings at the top of FMA’s “Flamel” is probably meant to represent Mercury’s Caduceus, and maybe also the resurrection of the snake. The crown references the “King” that is a metaphor for the Philosopher’s Stone. The Flamel symbol also bears resemblance to the Staff of Asclepius, which represents medicine in the real world.

Another example is the “Green Lion” on the flag of Amestris that acts a symbol of the military and is referenced a few other times:

In real alchemy, the “Green Lion” is a symbol of antimony ore and represents the Philosopher’s Stone in its “imperfect” state, before it’s been purified. The Green Lion eats the Sun (representing perfection and Gold), causing a solar eclipse, representing the nigredo (death), the first stage of the Great Work. Amestris was created for almost exactly that reason, and it is far from “purified,” with corruption running deep into its core.

The image of the lion eating the sun appears in the show, when Ed and Ling are in Gluttony’s stomach:

There’s also the transmutation circle itself, which looks so realistic, I actually thought it was real when I first saw it online:

Here’s a real magic circle:

Real magic circles are from ceremonial magic, not alchemy, but the text around the outside of the Human Transmutation Circle does reference alchemy. The “peacock’s feathers,” the spotted panther and the green lion (as previously mentioned), the progression of black, gray, white, and red, all are metaphors for chemical reactions that are supposed to take place in an ideal alchemical procedure.

Some of the more complicated transmutation circles that appear throughout the show are also based on real designs from manuscripts. There’s this design on the wall of the Fifth Laboratory:

Here we see the Sun and Moon (more on that in a minute) and three symbols of Mercury, which represent their unification. This looked very realistic, so I did some searching and this is what I found:

It’s not exactly the same, but it’s clearly an image from an alchemical manuscript, and it’s very similar.

The designs on Ed and Al’s doors are real. The design on Ed’s door is the Kabbalistic Tree of Life as depicted by Robert Fludd in his seventeenth-century book Utriusque Cosmi:

The design on Al’s door comes from an alchemical manuscript called The Marrow of Alchemy by George Ripley (as in, the Ripley Scroll). It depicts the alchemical process:

I haven’t managed to find where the design on Mustang’s gate comes from, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that one was real, too.

One more thing I want to draw attention to is this dialogue between child-Ed and child-Al in ”He Who Would Swallow God.”

Edward: “The Sun is male, representing masculinity.” Alphonse: “The Moon is female, representing femininity.” Edward: “When the Sun and the Moon overlap, then the two genders become one.” Alphonse: “In other words, the union represents a perfect being.”

The Sun and Moon are kind of a big deal in alchemy, and they are associated with maleness and femaleness respectively. Their role in real alchemy is as the metaphorical “parents” of the androgynous Philosopher’s Stone, the perfect being:

The Sun is its father, the moon its mother, the wind hath carried it in its belly, the earth is its nurse. The father of all perfection in the whole world is here.

—The Emerald Tablet

Through the “chemical wedding” of the Sun and Moon (sulfur and mercury), the Philosopher’s Stone is produced. I actually didn’t consider that a solar eclipse might be a symbol of the chemical wedding, until Ed and Al explicitly pointed it out in that episode. That’s not what an eclipse traditionally represents in alchemy (that’s the Green Lion swallowing the sun, the nigredo and dark night of the soul that follows the first chemical wedding), but I still think it makes sense.

(An image of the Chemical Wedding itself actually appears on the door to the exam room in the 2003 anime.)

Alchemy in FMA mostly doesn’t resemble real alchemy beyond those references. Real alchemy isn’t equivalent exchange — changing something into something else of equal value — but rather, metamorphosing something into a more improved version of itself. Theoretically, this would be turning “lead” into “gold,” the most base form of metal into the most perfect form of metal (as was believed). But real alchemy isn’t about chemicals, and it never really was. Real alchemy is a spiritual process, meant to transmute the soul from its “base” human state into a “perfect” spiritual state. The way to do this is to separate out the “subtle” from the “gross,” i.e. the higher spiritual self from the mundane and earthly human self, and then joining them back together so that the spiritual self purifies the mundane self. This is summarized by the Latin phrase “solve et coagula,” to dissolve and to congeal, or alternately, to separate and to bring together. FMA parallels this with its two parts of alchemy being deconstruction (solve) and reconstruction (coagula). Therefore, the character whose goals and motivations come the closest to those of real alchemists is… believe it or not… Father.

What Father wants, or at least what he says he wants, is knowledge. He wants all the knowledge in the universe. That’s what most occultists want, actually. Most occultists want to either merge with or become alike to God, although they all have different theories and methods of doing that. In FMA, the Philosopher’s Stone is an alchemical catalyst powered by human souls, but in real life, the Philosopher’s Stone is (long story short) a metaphor for the perfect being that Father wants to become. The real Philosopher’s Stone is a being that is a perfect balance of male and female, sun and moon, dark and light, human and divine. It is therefore whole and complete. As I understand it, a person who has become the Philosopher’s Stone can, theoretically, have the power and knowledge of a god whilst still being able to live on earth as a human.

By this means you shall have the glory of the whole world and thereby all obscurity shall fly from you. Its force is above all force, for it vanquishes every subtle thing and penetrates every solid thing. So was the world created.

—The Emerald Tablet

Father’s “perfect” form is a perverse version of this ideal.

(This form gives me some very confusing emotions.)

“As above, so below” is the Hermetic Principle of Correspondence, the closest thing to a real Law of Equivalent Exchange — it is the idea that the Macrocosm (God, the Universe, Truth) reflects the microcosm (humanity), and that by affecting one, you affect the other. The goal of the alchemist is to become the Philosopher’s Stone, the place where Human and Divine meet and become one thing.

I can’t believe it took me until now to see “As above, so below” represented here. Even the episode’s title makes that obvious! But despite that blatant symbolism, there is no healthy convergence of divine and human here. Many occultists believe in something called “ego death,” which I used to think meant losing one’s individuality, which sounded a lot like being trapped in a homunculus with a torrent of other screaming souls. Only now, after watching this show, do I understand what “ego death” really means. This scene is pure ego on Father’s part:

HEAR ME GOD! I DEMAND YOU ANSWER THE CRY OF MY SOUL! COME TO ME! JOIN ME! YES, I WILL NO LONGER BE BOUND TO YOU OR YOUR CONSEQUENCES! I’LL FORCE YOU DOWN TO THIS EARTH AND INTO MY BOWELS! YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO BE ABSORBED!

—”Eye of Heaven, Gateway of Earth.”

This isn’t a genuine attempt to understand God, this is just an inferiority-superiority complex. Father doesn’t care to understand anything about God. All he cares about is himself, and acquiring power for himself. Power is all he’s after, to assuage his inferiority complex. And there’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting power (e.g. Mustang), but godlike power to command the universe is a byproduct of having properly completed the alchemical process and become the Philosopher’s Stone. It is not the end in and of itself. “Ego” isn’t having a sense of self, it’s the inability to understand the spiritual. It’s viewing everything in a mundane lens, having all your motivations be ultimately small and petty, no matter how grand the spectacle. It’s wanting power or glory or whatnot just to make yourself feel better, but not having the self-awareness to actually admit that. The first stage of the alchemical process is nigredo, death — watching your old self die away so that it can be reborn as a better version of itself. Father never understands this, and The Truth says as much.

The Truth is a personification of the Hermetic Principle of Mentalism:

Who am I? One name you might have for me is The World. Or you might call me The Universe. Or perhaps “God.” Or perhaps “The Truth.” I am All, and I am One. So of course, this also means that I am you.

That’s basically it right there. God is All. All is God.

The reason why the Homunculus never grew beyond his days in the flask is because, despite wanting to acquire knowledge, he never actually learned anything. Trying to drag God down to Earth is sheer hubris, not because Earth is too far beneath it, but for the opposite reason — it can come down to Earth whenever it likes. It is everywhere and everything. And the Homunculus never did any of the introspective work needed to find God within himself. He tried to separate out (solve) his perceived “flaws” (the Seven Deadly Sins, i.e. the other homunculi) but did not reintegrate them back into himself (coagula), thus only completing half the alchemical process. He is neither human, nor divine, he only steals Hohenheim’s human shape and Truth’s divine power. He never broadened his thinking or improved himself mentally/spiritually, and thus can’t become alike to God. He never became more than what he is, the dwarf in the flask, and thus his Gate is blank.

Edward, by contrast, loses almost everything in attempting human transmutation (nigredo), and then accepts his own humanity at the gate of Truth (albedo), losing the ability to perform alchemy but becoming a better version of himself (rubedo) — thus, completing the alchemical process. In the end, he’s free, which is all Father wanted to be. He acknowledges that you don’t have to use alchemy or whatnot to become more than you are, because who you are is enough.

Thus, Edward becomes the best version of himself, which is what real alchemists aspired to be. He’s completed the Great Work, and therefore has no need for alchemy anymore. “That is the correct answer, alchemist!”

imkazz

thank you!!

lifeafterpsychiatry

yeah when i was like . 12? 13? barely a teenager anyways i went to the psych ward and one of the therapists told me i was a. murderer in the making and went full out with that treated me like a danger. meanwhile im literally classic OCD intrusive thoughts and thankfully the outpatient workers realized that but it's so difficult to emphasize just how much that set me back in recovery and stuff. i was so scared i was gonna hurt people i literally developed agoraphobia after that. i cannot imagine seeing a 12 year old sobbing about thoughts of hurting people and how much it distresses them and saying 'hm. yeah put em on the list theyre gonna do it'

I literally can't even think of anything worse to tell the kid with severe intrusive thoughts than "you're going to kill people" like what the actual fuck?! I hate that this person said that to you in the name of psychiatric treatment like that's the least helpful "treatment" I could possibly imagine.

valkyrie1435atla

If This is a Dream, Don't Wake Me - MASTERPOST

Welcome to my blog dedicated to my Avatar: The Last Airbender fan comic. This is the masterpost with links to every part in chronological order, and the link to the spotify playlist of songs I've used in the video version of the comic. It will be updated with every new part I release.

-Synopsis- Team Avatar failed to defeat the Fire Nation, and suddenly find themselves back at the beginning.

Part 1: One Door Closes...

Part 2: Another Door Opens

Part 3: Lazarus Syndrome

Part 4: This Pain is Familiar to Me

Part 5: Delay (My Body Catches up to my Mind)

Part 6: You are Different From Yesterday

Part 7: Meeting you for the First Time (Again)

Part 8: We Need to Talk

Part 9: Get it Right This Time

Part 10: Tense

Part 11: A Change

Part 12: Boiling Point (My Worry Tears me Apart)

Part 13: Play-by-Play

Part 14: MORTEM OBIRE

Part 15: I Think Of You As My Own (All That Matters)

Part 16: Witness

Part 17: A Thankless Job

CURRENTLY ON HIATUS

-things to keep in mind-

I am only one person. This series is not my top priority in my life, it comes second to college, work, self care, etc. I am however extremely passionate about this work, and will update whenever I have the time.

I am an artist, not a writer. While I am working to improve my writing skills, some story elements may have continuity errors, and characters may act ooc sometimes. I really appreciate advice on how to write better

My preferred method of telling my story is through music. The video versions are up on my TikTok (@ valkyrie1435) and will be posted here eventually as well. I will definitely draw in a comic format, but to get the full experience, watch the videos.

This story will feature many of the main cast members, but it is primarily Zuko-centric. He is my special interest character, so naturally I draw him the most.

I am autistic, so my interactions in comments and asks may be awkward.

If you have a question not related to this comic, ask it on my main account, @valkyrie1435 also, don't write an ask if you don't have a question. Please use the comment/reply feature on posts.

I need validation. Like any other artist, I can only motivate myself for so long without outside feedback. Commenting and engaging with posts is very encouraged!

The story is a work in progress. I am not entirely sure the direction this series will be taking, so feel free to speculate or give suggestions on what you would like to see.

Ships will not be a focus. If you are looking for atla ship content, you won't find it here.

Link to Spotify playlist of songs I have used in the video version of the comic V

angelellipsis-devilofdots

since taylor swift's definition of "feminine rage" is normalizing cheating, romanticizing ableism and mental illness, and immaturely whining about exes, here's some recommendations of my favorite actual feminine rage songs

trigger warning for abuse, violence, alcoholism, and rape/sa

as good a reason by paris paloma: alternative, indie pop. themes include body image, learning self love, imbalance of power, and fuck the patriarchy vibes

bitter medicine by the crane wives: alternative/indie rock. themes include high responsibility, the consequences of expressing anger as a woman, and self-resentment

blood in the wine by aurora: pop rock. themes include religious trauma, overcoming guilt and shame, embracing human nature, and defying societal norms related to pleasure (sexual and otherwise)

burn your village by kiki rockwell: alternative/indie rock. themes include sexual assault and rape-related trauma, coming to terms with trauma, revenge, high expectations, and witch hunts

everybody supports women by sofia isella: alternative, electronic. themes include societal hypocrisy, unrealistic standards placed on women, and society scrutinizing individuality

labour by paris paloma: alternative, indie pop. themes include unrealistic expectations/standards for women, burnout, emotional stress, and imbalanced relationships

pray by the amazing devil: melodramatic, theatrical, alt-folk. themes include religious trauma, religious power imbalances, oppression of women in religion, overcoming trauma, and self-forgiveness

scars by the crane wives: alternative/indie rock. themes include childhood trauma, mental health/mental illness, self-doubt, and self-resentment

take me to war by the crane wives: alternative/indie rock. themes include fighting bigotry, activism, allowing oneself to express anger and rage, and power imbalances

that unwanted animal by the amazing devil: melodramatic, theatrical, alt-folk. themes include domestic violence and abuse, lack of communication, unhealthy/broken relationships, sexual expectations, and emotional instability

the calling by the amazing devil: melodramatic, theatrical, alt-folk. themes include lifelong trauma, mental health/mental illness, alcoholism, heartbreak and depression, coming to terms with trauma, and self-reflection

the fruits by paris paloma: alt-folk, indie pop. themes include religious trauma, manipulative and abusive relationships, and overcoming trauma

which witch by florence + the machine: alternative/indie pop. themes include witch hunts, revenge, defying societal norms, and unhealthy/unstable relationships

i'm sure there are more in my playlists but this is all i can remember off the top of my head at the moment. i'll edit if i think of more. enjoy xx

whitegownsandflowercrowns

“For the first time since I drew breath/I’m undesirable again” holy fuck.

keirashark

You know that the Preservation online theatre community is so grateful for the anonymous user that posts high-quality bootleg theatre performances with multiple? camera angles

downtroddendeity

#ok wait. Now I'm thinking about it#I'm not sure they'd even have the concept of 'bootleg' tapings or restricting tapings#Because the 'we need to get Paid/we have a bunch of unions working here' complicated reasons#That make legal recordings of shows so rare irl#Don't apply on Preservation. So all taped versions are just normal

Do you think SecUnit ever sees the official video releases of popular theater productions and gets irritated that the cinematography is inadequate and anonymously sends them a bunch of high-quality drone footage and a sarcastic message.

freckles-and-books

“In the spring of 1940, when the Nazis overran France from the north, much of its Jewish population tried to escape the country towards the south. In order to cross the border, they needed visas to Spain and Portugal, and together with a flood of other refugees, tens of thousands of Jews besieged the Portuguese consulate in Bordeaux in a desperate attempt to get that life-saving piece of paper. The Portuguese government forbade its consuls in France to issue visas without prior approval from the Foreign Ministry, but the consul in Bordeaux, Aristides de Sousa Mendes, decided to disregard the order, throwing to the wind a thirty-year diplomatic career. As Nazi tanks were closing in on Bordeaux, Sousa Mendes and his team worked around the clock for ten days and nights, barely stopping to sleep, just issuing visas and stamping pieces of paper. Sousa Mendes issued thousands of visas before collapsing from exhaustion.

The Portuguese government—which had little desire to accept any of these refugees—sent agents to escort the disobedient consul back home, and fired him from the foreign office. Yet officials who cared little for the plight of human beings nevertheless had a deep reverence for documents, and the visas Sousa Mendes issued against orders were respected by French, Spanish and Portuguese bureaucrats alike, spiriting up to 30,000 people out of the Nazi death trap. Sousa Mendes, armed with little more than a rubber stamp, was responsible for the largest rescue operation by a single individual during the Holocaust.”

—Homo Deus: A Brief History of Tomorrow by Yuval Noah Harari

argumate

it’s vaguely heartening that petty acts of bureaucratic obstructionism have saved lives as well as cost them.

sinoheritage

Shuanglin Temple 双林寺 is a 6th century Buddhist temple in Shanxi province, China.

It’s a UNESCO World Heritage site, and is protected by the state administration.

The temple was featured in the 2024 game “Black Myth: Wukong”

lookingbetteringlasses

How "Change Your Mind" Works

It is always such a miraculous thing for a television series to end on some of its best notes. Avatar: The Last Airbender ended with perhaps the most definitive series finale in television history, a two hour-long spectacle bringing one of the best animated series of the 2000s to a close that has yet to be matched. There are shows that come close. The Owl House is one, with its three hour-long specials acting as a 2+ hour movie finale. Gravity Falls is another with Weirdmageddon. Steven Universe has also made it up there as well.

The episode begins with a dream, soon revealed to be a recollection of Pink Diamond's previous time in the tower (both her and Steven were literally were princesses locked in a tower at one point), with Pink ultimately apologizing for her transgressions before morphing into an identity crisis for Steven. Interestingly, we see Steven confronted with a vision of the Diamond's sterilization beam before he starts morphing between Rose and Pink, and then a glimpse of White Diamond's eyes in the widescreen format. White's hold over Homeworld, perhaps even Steven himself, is strong enough to where the screen distorts itself by her will, encompassing only her. But this flashback indicates that Pink was only able to rebel upon taking the guise of someone different, likely lacking the confidence to stand up for herself. She couldn't love herself enough to fight as Pink Diamond. But Steven can, as himself.

The first Diamond to reconsider themselves is Blue, done by the five-minute mark of the episode. In the representation of the Diamonds' psychology, Blue is the Ego, or more specifically, the aspect of the Ego that regulates the incessant Id through emotional control and stability, through declaring sympathies only enough to where the shouting from below can stop. But therein lies her flaw: she assumes that her understanding of emotion, having dwelled for so long within her own, means that she understands that of others. She believes she's sensitive, for what else would her constant tears be for? Yet Steven points out that she was never truly sympathetic, never understanding, never a calming influence, especially towards Pink. She could never make anyone happy, because she always impresses herself on others, and never once did she care that others would have to repress themselves in turn.

"How many times did you lock her in here? How many times did you make her cry?"

Blue's emotionality, a rare thing in Gem society, a privilege that only Blue was able to express, imposing her grief onto the masses she ruled, provided her the capacity for sympathy, but Steven causes her to evolve that instinct into one of empathy.

"I'm doing it again, aren't I? ...And this is why you left, isn't it?"

Where Blue made concessions for Pink's grievances, what she instead produces upon interacting with Steven's confidence is an admission, an honest acknowledgment in a world where honesty is discouraged insofar as it might blemish the perfection to be sought after and perpetuated: "You were right to leave. [...] If you were happier on Earth, maybe this world was failing you." The irony of Aquamarine at the beginning of the season regretting how fusions become overly "sentimental," only for one of the Diamonds themselves to fall to that same affliction.

The second Diamond to reconsider themselves is Yellow, the might of the Gem Empire and the aspect of the Diamonds' Ego that forces the Id down below through the strength of rational thought, withholding them through chains of reasoning layered on so that no words might come out. When Yellow speaks, she ignores Steven to instead talk to Blue, but her repeat of the question at least shows an acknowledgment of his existence. From past episodes, we know that Yellow's insistence on maintaining the imperialist perfection of their empire covered over a vulnerability waiting to come out, hidden under layers of justification and ignorance of the truth, hiding what every other Gem on Homeworld feels: misery. Yellow is never happy, never fulfilled, always overseeing the next colonial project and projecting a confidence that inspires others only for providing a purpose without a reason except the ideology laid down by herself and White. Look at Yellow's face when she tries to disable Blue: she hates doing this, but continually makes herself believe that she has to, even when nothing comes of it except more expansion, more perfection, and more opportunities for Gems to suffer in silence. So Steven pokes a hole in the illusion, ripping open the tear we have glimpsed before:

"Does this look perfect to you?!" Why would Yellow want to kill her sister? What kind of perfection would support sororicide? Why fight for something that only serves to make you miserable, that destroys every opportunity for happiness?

And Yellow finds that her reasoning is flawed. She almost can't believe the tears are hers when they start coming.

As they're leaving, Connie points out that they could just leave and come back to Homeworld to try again, but Steven realizes that White wouldn't let them come back, and the corrupted gems would remain as monsters. Steven is fighting for a chance to remedy the harm done so long ago, and he needs the entire body of the Diamond Authority to do it. White will make sure that doesn't happen. But when confronted with the power of authority, it's helpful to have outcasts.

Peridot, Lapis, and Bismuth remind the audience that force is a necessary tool to get the attention of authority figures, to protest, to demonstrate, and to use violence if necessary to make those heading the forces of society, secure and seemingly unapproachable in their ivory towers, listen to what has to be said. This episode does indeed act as a metaphor for resolving the conflicts within a dysfunctional family, but complaints seem to ignore that the subtext is actually quite literally the presented text: this is how the Gem Empire can be pacified, by trying to get the royal family heading it to change their minds. Yellow, Blue, and Steven force the mecha to its knees, for White to look at them, forcing an opportunity to where they can speak their minds at long last, that the oppression of Gem society, of the endless imperialism and repression of individualism, it only serves to stifle and harm the very components of the rigid, hierarchical clockwork world that the Diamonds previously professed so eagerly in favor of.

"I know my purpose isn't to be happy, but I find it harder and harder to enforce your rules when they make me miserable. When they make us all miserable."

White understands. The problem exists because of them, because of the faults of their selves. So naturally, there won't be a problem if there isn't a self to worry about, would there?

There is no arguing with White. There is only White.

One could complain about the rapidity at which the new fusions arrive, coming all at once instead of having appeared before. But these all serve as a refutation of White's doctrine, of individuality being an optional characteristic, of the self being an indulgence instead of a right, something to explore and love. Steven's connections with the Crystal Gems, his love for them is what makes them reform, what allows their selves to re-emerge with new forms, the combination indicative of contrast providing definition, all resolute in their commitment against the forces of conformity above them.

Force returns once again as a necessary option, resulting in the first appearance of Obsidian. One could make the argument that her form resembles that of Durga, the Hindu goddess of war, complete with eight arms wielding differing weapons, the aspect of motherhood dedicated to its protective force. But the volcanic black appearance and ostensible nudity can only indicate Kali, Brahman in its supreme manifest state, the ultimate reality of the universe transcending the binary of existence & non-existence, promising self-realization if given due reverence as a child would to a mother. She is time and death itself, an omen of change forcing itself upon the oppressive symbol of Western femininity refusing the possibility of anything other than its flawlessness. Compared to the sluggish movement of the Diamond mecha, neutered of two of its four component selves, Obsidian is a being of four wills of absolute control and purpose, power resultant from equilibrium, acceptance, and understanding. This is the wrath of the Crystal Gems, the wrath from which Earth was made their home.

Then White Diamond is disarmed with the Doom Crucible, and the Crystal Gems crawl in through the eyes (definite symbolism there), believing they are ready to face the consciousness that lies within.

They are wrong.

White Diamond is a being that lacks a self, because she understands all and is all, so why would she reduce herself to being a mere individual? Why would she ever acknowledge that the parts of herself that she cast away are correct? Because that would imply that she's wrong, and she cannot be wrong, because she is all that there is on Homeworld. She is the Superego of the Diamond Authority, the representation of social norms and cultural rules, the very morality upon which this empire is founded, aiming only for perfection in conduct and in direct opposition to the chaotic tendencies of the Id, marked as nothing more than a monster to be kept in check. And now, the monster has the audacity to come to her front door.

One interesting thing is that White characterizes Yellow and Blue:

"Poor Yellow. Her impurities absorb all the Blue in her light. She's so strong, but so weak when it comes to Blue.

Ah, and Blue. Her impurities soak up all the warmth in her spectrum. She thinks she needs you, Pink.

As for me, I am certain I don't need you. After all, I'm ever color of the light."

That last sentence is notable, because it is the first time in the series, in fact, in the entire time we've known White, that she's actually referred to herself in the first person. She's being somewhat vulnerable, simultaneously acknowledging herself as an individual yet refusing to consider that she cannot be everything. God is everything and something, too, so why can't White?

Then we start the final trial.

"It's a pity the way you bring out the worst in others. See how you've encouraged their deficiencies? It's written all over their Gems: Insecure. Dependent. Obsessed."

Ironically, for someone who sees all and knows all, she remains blind to the change that these characters have undergone, their growth into better selves beyond those flaws. But that doesn't matter to White. Character development is something that must be eliminated, because difference is a hindrance to perfection. She refuses to consider the existence of change, the very idea of things becoming more than what they are, because that would imply that things as they are now, under her guidance, are insufficient. Wrong. White cannot be wrong, so change cannot exist.

Then comes the more insidious part of the dialogue, White deconstructing Pink's motivations.

"Do you understand why you encourage their flaws? I know why, Pink. You like surrounding yourself with inferior gems. You enable their terrible behavior, so you can be the best of the worst."

The worst part about this section is not that it's supposedly proving Steven's empathy as something selfish, repeating that old argument against altruistic behavior, but that this might have actually worked on Pink. Pink hated herself, so much so that originally she became someone different, someone new on earth just to escape it all. Deep down, Rose's biggest fear was that she was no different at all than when she started her journey, that she hadn't grown. White's argument is framed in such a manner than the onus is now on Pink, on Rose, on Steven to refute it, that there isn't something selfish about all this kindness and compassion, that there isn't something despicable underneath driving empathy. "Prove me wrong," she says. And Steven admits, "Even if it was true, you're not talking about me," allowing a possibility to take hold. Because now all White has to do is negate Steven's existence.

"You're wrong! I'm not my mom!"

"But don't you know things about her that you couldn't possibly know?"

Here is where White's omnipotence re-enters the scene. Of course she knows about Steven's identity crisis. And she uses this to her advantage: with the lack of proof towards the impossible, White encourages doubt. Steven is so similar to Rose already, having tried to live up to her example for so much of his life. What if it wasn't just emulation? What if it was recovery? This doubt retroactively supports White's argument: if it really is Rose, if it really is Pink within Steven, then White is right, and this altruism, this kindness towards the outcasts and the rebels, it's all just a selfish desire to stand out, to be the best of the worst. This, in turn, supports the current argument: if Steven's kindness is indeed selfish, then it really is Pink in that gem. So White decides to take initiative, and provide proof that she is, once again and for all time, correct. To be different is a flaw, kindness is an egocentric instinct, and Steven is nothing more than someone else's mask. The facade is over, and Steven can stop pretending like any of this actually matters.

Steven is near-death after having his gem pulled out, like a shell without a core to support it. One last piece of evidence in White's favor. She's right.

Except that she never was. It was always Steven. God sees a miracle, and is confused by how it could exist without her knowledge, without her consent, without her allowance. HOW?

Steven's desire to reunite with himself subtly proves White wrong once again: if he's just a shell for something else, why does he want? How can he have a will if he's only existing for someone else?

White becomes angry, and demands to know how this could happen, how something so beyond the confines of existence as she defines it, as she has established for everyone for eons, could have the audacity to be right in front of her.

"What is this? Where's Pink?"

"She's gone." There it is. The confirmation. Rose died. Pink died. Of course she did. How could it be otherwise?

"What did you say?! Answer me!" Answer me correctly. So, following Bismuth advice, Steven roars, screaming the truth.

"She's GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNE!"

This is how the third Diamond falls.

Pink Steven is the true Id of the Diamond Authority. The destructive power of an alien being equivalent to a god, with shields that entirely rebuff White's attempts to force herself onto him, to conform to the standards she sets, able to bring White herself to her knees, holding back only so much as to not hurt Steven, grimly determined for one thing only, one of the most basic human desires: connection. Laughing with joy that only serves to mock White further, the two Stevens refuse into the one person they have always been a part of, that they could only be: Steven Universe.

White throws a tantrum, refusing to accommodate this new reality into her accepted view of existence. Pink cannot be gone, she cannot be this. People like Steven can't exist, because she won't allow it, so it can't be true. And yet it is. But it can't be. Yet it is. BUT IT CAN'T!

"You're just acting like a child!"

"...I am a child. What's your excuse?"

To refuse the reality of this world, that people will be different beyond how we expect them to be, that existence itself serves as proof alone of these wonders of humanity, and to try & suppress these truths, these passions and experiences that refuse to be contained any longer - THAT is childish. THAT is what every prejudiced person is, what every homophobe and TERF and fascist alike all are: a child, throwing a tantrum at a world who refuses to bend to their will. How fucking pathetic is that? How embarrassing that must be. How embarrassing for White.

And in recognition of that truth, of this overwhelmingly obvious flaw now displayed to all of Homeworld for all to see, she loses. She isn't a a paragon of "proper femininity" like she's supposed to be. She's imperfect. She's undefined. She's ruined.

"If I'm not perfect, then who am I? If you're not Pink, then who are you?"

"Y'know, if you just let everyone else be whoever they are, maybe you could let yourself be whoever you are, too."

"But I'm supposed to know better, to be better, to make everything better!"

"You can. But first, you're gonna have to leave your head."

Steven promises White something she doesn't have: an identity. Who is she beyond these ideals? She doesn't know, and before now, she didn't need to know. But now that these ideals are flawed, she's promised a chance of becoming someone.

The Diamonds were never redeemed. They were proven wrong, and changed their minds as a result of this inescapable truth. That queer people exist. They are not a fad, they are not a lie, they are not a facade. They are real, and that's enough to prove any authoritarian ideology wrong. So why believe in it at all, when you could believe in something that makes you happy to be alive?

The Diamonds come to Earth, and with the combined power of the Diamond Authority, of an institution now directed at attempting to heal the damages they have inflicted on those under their governance, the corrupted gems, after several episodes of monsters and buildup, are finally healed. This is what proper restorative justice looks like.

White Diamond's face has often been used to claim that she's "redeemed too quickly." This isn't her joining Steven. This face is saying "Well, if it makes you happy..." She's uncomfortable doing this after remaining a supreme leader over all Gems for countless eons, and she's only doing this because she's been so supremely humbled by Steven. She doesn't really care for these Gems. She still cares about primarily herself. But now she also cares about Steven, or at least what he wants as a fellow Diamond, as the only being who ever proved her wrong.

The final song of the episode tells the message well:

I don't need you to respect me, I respect me

I don't need you to love me, I love me

But I want you to know you could know me

If you change your mind

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Being a sickly kid is fun cause you'll get a diagnosis, and the adults will explain that it's the medical way of saying you're a fat piece of shit. Then when you're an adult you look into the diagnosis and realize your gym teacher nearly killed you on three separate occasions.

chadsuke

🍉 FICS FOR GAZA 🍉

Hello, I'll be participating in the @ficsforgaza fundraising project. Donate to a palestinian fundraiser and then send proof of donation via DMs (redact your personal details). I'm currently focusing on this fundraiser for Hamdy, and would prefer you donate here. For every $1 you donate, I will write 200 words. I'll be taking both requests, and WIP sponsors. My Ao3 is chadsuke, and you can send DMs to my writing blog @ftcoye. Please read the information on the @ficsforgaza blog if you are confused.

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