sicko1200

sicko.

[siko120]

i can do whatever i want bitch fuck u

[siko120]

11/22/91 —

Back among the trees, Halloween, and the figure’s there, his mouth spitting out I sure liked you Brian, I always hoped I would see you again - but this time the mouth isn’t the alien’s skinny slit, it’s a human mouth, full lips, blond moustache - the mouth moves towards me, nibbles at my own lips, just as they’d done two years before in the blue room with Neil - and I know who it is. It’s no alien, I’m thinking - my eyes are open and I’m not eight anymore, I’m not ten anymore, I’m nineteen, and now I know what’s happened to me, and I know they aren’t dreams. They’re memories.

[siko120]

I leaned into her and cried, cried because, at that moment, I considered the possibility that everything I’d recently accepted as fact was wrong - my new beliefs about the buried memories, the aliens and their series of abductions, these perfect explanations for my problems. What if all of it, each particle of this new truth, were false? What then?

—

Minutes passed, I tried to erase the picture of the boy from my mind, because I knew that whatever had happened then - whatever I’d done, the unspeakable thing he’d wanted me to open my eyes and see - was beyond anything I could handle. I stopped crying and pressed into Avalyn. ‘It was the aliens,’ I said. My arm grew numb still inside the calf. ‘It was, wasn’t it.’ / ‘Yes,’ Avalyn said. ‘And it’s okay. As hard as it is to believe, it’s going to be okay’

[siko120]

Often-times I wonder where Coach lives, what he’s doing, whether something like prison or lynch mobs or disease hasn’t killed him. But looking back it doesn’t matter. What matters is how, for the first time in my life, I felt as if I existed for something.

—

Sometimes it’s all I think about: the times I spent with him. It’s as if he and I were all that mattered. My best dreams feature him, no one else, the two of us suspended in his sugary-smelling rooms, alone, as if God had positioned a beam on central Kansas, and Coach and I had stepped haphazardly into its light.