The Void

Bi. She/Her. A mess, just like this blog. Looking for solitude. Trying to shout to the void so if you're not them, keep scrolling.

[silence-in-the-crowd]

The way I want to end it now but my husband is the only thing keeping me here. I can't imagine crushing him like that but I also hate everything about myself and my life

[the-thought-corner]

"you're so distant" you literally made me feel like i wasn't important

[pinkjeepwhitemonster]

i wish i could tell everyone how bad im struggling 

[silence-in-the-crowd]

I just want someone to tell me I'm doing a good job.

[silence-in-the-crowd]

It's my job to be in certain places at certain times. It is my job to host things at my house and have specific people over. But I am getting to the point where there are some people I wish wouldn't show up anymore. I know they're not in my camp anymore, I know they talk about me when I'm not around, so kindly please go somewhere else.

[silence-in-the-crowd]

I hadn't seen my old best friend on social media for a while. I went to check on her. It said "Add Friend." That one hurt. We used to go everywhere, do everything together. We drifted apart but I always supported her from a distance. Now I guess that's that.

[silence-in-the-crowd]

It often has been remarked that only in politics and the "arts" does the layman regard himself as an expert, with the right to have his opinion heard.

-Milton Babbitt

[stars-bean]

Clue (1985) dir. Jonathan Lynn

[vampysquid]

Same, honestly.

[silence-in-the-crowd]

I'm not infertile. But I'm also not pregnant. My mom had no issues getting pregnant. She had 3 kids without even trying. My OB says I should be pregnant by now and yet here I am.

I can't wait for my turn.

[silence-in-the-crowd]

My job is so emotionally draining. I am half the person I used to be because of it. But I can't quit for at least 3 more years to get student loan forgiveness. But it will be at the cost of my soul at this point because no amount of vacations, friendships, self-care or any of that comes close to making me feel alive. This career path has destroyed my youth and I will forever hate this phase of my life because of it. #hurryup2026

[silence-in-the-crowd]

I guess we're back to what I used to be. The unwanted extra in the friend group.

[silence-in-the-crowd]

You know, I look back at my wedding and realize all the things friends/family do for most brides to make them special never happened for me. I was alone on my wedding night, no bachelorette party, no special gifts, no old photos, folks barely showed up. Am I that worthless that I wasn’t worth doing just a little bit more? I went dress shopping with my mom because none of my friends bothered. Everyone around me would be perfectly fine if I wasn’t there. If I suddenly disappeared no one would actually miss me.

[silence-in-the-crowd]

I'm struggling being a woman in a "man's job"

I am in what is traditionally a man's position. What kills me, is on a statewide stage, I will never EVER get the same respect that men get. I watch folks MUCH younger and less skilled than I excel much faster than me, while I sit grinding at 100% constantly battling burnout just to get local respect. I am OVER IT! I know I am paving the way for future women, but damn if it doesn't get old being the one foraging the path.

[dankmemeuniversity]

[silence-in-the-crowd]

Slipping into oblivion seems so simple right now.

[silence-in-the-crowd]

Smiling used to be so easy, so natural. Now it feels forced, fake. I want to go back in time to where my smile can be real again.

[silence-in-the-crowd]

every day I have to talk myself out of giving up. Today is a hard battle.