Is There A Problem With Mortal/Immortal Romance?
Within the fantasy and sci-fi genre, there is a common trope of long-lived races. Some races are true immortals, dying only when slain, while others are seemingly immortal to those with much shorter lifespans, such a humans, yet still age and decease, themselves.
Humans have long been fascinated with the concept of death--and how one escapes it. Through the ages, countless people have endeavored to seek out potions or spells that would grant them life-everlasting, or even something found in nature such as a fruit or body of water. Some of these ventures have even brought about important discoveries, such as when Chinese monks, in their endeavors to create an elixir that would grant them extended lives, invented gunpowder in the 9th century. Suffice to say, it was natural humans told stories of beings that achieved what they could not: escape the inevitability of death. They often then endowed them further with another great thing humans desire: power.
Oftentimes, these immortal beings were divine--whether holy or wicked. They were gods and demons, saviors and monsters, guardians and tricksters. They helped and blessed humans; they cursed and smote them. They listened to their prayers, heeding to their pleas; they preyed on their weaknesses, luring them to their doom. Power defined them, and mercy was little found. Humanity needed figures to explain the randomness of their world. Why did the sky flash and shout? Oh, it's just Thor passing by on his chariot! Why do humans procreate? Eh, Nuwa got bored making humans. Why do we have winters? Well, Demeter just really hates being separated from Persephone. It brings comfort to have an explanation for why things are the way they are, and modern humans are no different. We, too, rely on explanations to our world, but through the lens of the sciences rather than mythology. Naturally, religion still plays a large role in the lives of many across the world, and also serve as means to explain what science cannot, or what explanations from science they have rejected. Even today, we still believe and worship in immortal beings.
We have long looked up to and quaked in the shadow of those we perceive as possessing qualities we desire, yet feel are hopelessly out of our reach. People tremble and cry when meeting artists they greatly admire, and is that so different from someone weeping before an altar when they feel the presence of God? There is, however, another common feeling people have towards those they admire: lust. It may not be so lascivious as the images the word conjures up--perhaps infatuation would better suit--but for our purposes, we shall hover on the sexual side of it.
Our modern perceptions of sex and procreation drastically contrast those of the past. For many centuries, it was the common societal belief in the Western world that the sole purpose of sex was for procreation. Of course people had pre-martial sex, extramarital affairs, or just loved having sex with their spouse because it felt good, but it was largely looked down upon and could, and did, have dire consequences if found out. The impact it had depended on race, class, and gender to varying degrees, but sometimes even those in positions of privilege could not escape a fall from grace--indeed, could even be the crux by which an execution is predicated on, such as the case with Anne Boleyn and Katherine Howard. As such, they did not interpret the acts of rape committed against mortal women by immortal men, more often than not, the same way we do. There are examples where rape is presented as a reason to revile a figure, such in the case of Cassandra's rape at the hands of Ajax the Lesser, yet this revulsion is not due to the violation Ajax committed against Cassandra, but rather the violation he committed against Athena. Even then, he escapes his punishment by seeking refuge in the very temple he dragged Cassandra away from to rape her.
This apathy towards sexual assault against women is, obviously, rooted in misogyny. All across the world--though not every single place in it--patriarchy was the norm. This is true of Europe, of pre-colonial and ancient Africa, of ancient China, of pre-Hispanic America, so on and so forth. Rape then, as it is now, was used as a means to assert power, and this is the purpose it serves across many myths and stories in history. As we, as a collective whole, have advanced our thinking and attitudes towards women, their role in society, and how we treat them, we look back at these stories now so deeply-ingrained in our cultural DNA, we cannot possibly part from them, and cringe--rightfully so! Yet therein lies the problem: we don't want to give up these stories, but we are deeply uncomfortable with the subject matter, so what do we do?
We turn them into love stories.
One of the most famous examples of this phenomena is Hades's abduction of and subsequent marriage to Persephone. For many modem people, theirs is a "meet-ugly" love story, that Persephone loves both being with her mother, Demeter, and her husband. Were an ancient Greek person to hear our version of the myth, they may struggle to recognize it. The myth exists to explain why we have winter, why it is so cruel and barren, so why would it be a romantic tale? Well, because we have grown uncomfortable with past perceptions of women--at least, we don't like to make such opinions so public. Part of this stems from our culture trending towards romanticism. This doesn't exclusively apply to romance--we have romanticized views of friendship, family, our careers, etc.--but certainly plays a large role in why these myths have changed. The world is no longer so harsh as it once was, and we desire the stories we tell to reflect that.
As these revised stories entered the mainstream, and as previously fringe topics such as the exploration of human sexuality and depravity permeated it, as well, we began exploring sexuality through the supernatural. What were once representations of society's fears and failings, for example vampires, became sex icons. Anne Rice's Interview With a Vampire, and its sequels, is often credited for this transformation. However, the vampires within Rice's world do not, themselves, experience lust save for blood. This presents them as sensual, hypnotic, sexy beings that were all the more dangerous for their seductive, sexual prowess, and all the more attractive, too. Ever since, vampire fiction has been fascinated with treading this line between dangerous predator and irresistible lover. Humanity, at large, is drawn to the taboo, to the unusual, because it places us in a situation we're uncomfortable with but curious about. Through fiction, whether oral or literary or theatrical, people have explored and examined society by looking at what disgusts and disturbs us, and making it appealing.
In the moral philosophy of the 21st century, age gaps are, at least, worthy of a side-eye. This has not always been the attitude of our culture, and does not ring true to every culture even today, and as such, it is extremely common to find couples with a decade or more between them, the woman younger more often than not and largely in her early twenties or late teens. Despite an 18-year old being a legally-recognized adult, we tend to have a moral issue when a 30-year old, another adult, expresses romantic or sexual interest in them. Why? Because of the gap in maturity between the two.
An 18-year old has just begun their adulthood. At most, they have been an adult for 364 (365 on a leap year) days. Most still live at home with their parents claiming them as dependents on their taxes, keeping them on their insurances, the phone plan, etc. They have not had the time to build a foundation to their future life. It would be extremely rare that someone that age would be able to support themselves without any help whatsoever and not fall apart at the seams. However, even were they able to do that, there is still the issue of their actual maturity. The fact of the matter is that teenagers, even those last two years when one is an adult, are naive, thus easily manipulated. When you contrast them with a 30-year old, who has had time to establish a career, build up their savings, formed professional and personal connections with people of various power, be adults, and biologically develop for another 12 years, the stark difference between their stages of life grow clear. They have undergone developments within their brain that permit them certain cognitive advantages, such as being more logical and capable of handling their emotions. This gives them social, economic, and biological power over the 18-year old. It is hard to look at a situation like that and not worry the teenager is being taken advantage of. How can a 30-year have a fulfilling, equal relationship with someone so unestablished? One has to wonder what their motivations are.
Our issues with these age gaps, therefore, lie with the maturity gap and systematic power their years of adulthood have granted them. But what if those two things weren't a factor? Would we still care about the 12 year age gap? What if the 30-year old looked and acted like an 18-year old, too? Was at the same stage of biological development? What if the 30-year old was actually 300?
One collects a great many experiences living 300 years, and can grow much wiser and carry themselves very differently than anyone else ever could. Yet one can live an eventful life and collect transformative experiences that set them apart from their peers in three decades, so would it then be unethical for them to enter into a relationship with someone their age but with a less worldly perspective? The notion, frankly, is ridiculous. So then what is the problem with a 300-year old frozen at age 18 dating a mortal 18-year old? If they are, as mentioned before, at the same life stage developmentally, is there a problem? Assuming this is a world where their immortality must remain hidden, as is the case for the Cullens in Twilight, they have not had the opportunity to establish themselves as an adult, either. The power dynamics that existed in the previous relationship vanish while the age gap increases.
People, rightfully, are disturbed when an immortal who looks and behaves like a minor is sexualized--ex. Krul Tepes from Owari no Seraph--despite her age being approximately 1,200. Her age does not somehow negate how she is presented, and is, in fact, little more than a shield for pedophiles to skirt around morality. This logic, however, does not seem to extend when it comes to pairing a mortal with an immortal. Suddenly their age does matter, regardless of other factors. This is nothing short of performativeness. Instead of earnestly engaging with a, frankly, complicated and nuanced topic, they look at the surface, see a big age difference, accuse others of pedophilia, and think their activism done for the day. It is an insincere attempt at gaining social points, and may even be attempts at establishing an alibi that they could never engage with such content or do something as deplorable as engaging in sexual conduct with minors should accusations arise.
There are absolutely instances where a mortal/immortal relationship is nothing short of a massive power difference and, at best, precariously treads the line between transgressive and repulsive. That does not mean that every mortal/immortal relationship deals with large power dynamics, nor imply those who enjoy consuming mortal/immortal romances enjoys that dynamic in the slightest. Sometimes people just want to fuck a Victorian hottie, but still have running water and central heating.