Cosmic Funnies
gracie abrams
No title available
Jar Jar Binks Fan Club
tannertan36
bliss lane
No title available
taylor price
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Game Changer & Make Some Noise
blake kathryn
titsay
No title available
RMH
No title available
No title available
★
Cookie Run:Kingdom Official!
Fai_Ryy
seen from Chile
seen from Indonesia
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from Dominican Republic
seen from Vietnam
seen from Brazil
seen from France
seen from United States
seen from Russia
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Türkiye
seen from Palestinian Territories
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from Bangladesh
seen from Germany
seen from Ukraine
seen from Indonesia
seen from United States
@silencegrown-blog
a casual reminder that i love u and ur kids even tho i'm god awful at replying to anything but i literally love your writing and your blogs and just ?? i hope ur having a wonderful day because u seriously deserve it xoxo
i love you so much morgan?? i’m so inactive on here i don’t deserve your love i haven’t written anything in so long but thank you so much???? youre 2 good
i love my oc albert wesker
konfidente:
“ They say the past is etched in stone, but it isn’t. It’s smoke [trapped] in a closed room, swirling, changing, buffeted by the passing of years and wishful thinking. But even though our perception of it changes, one thing remains constant: the past can never be completely erased, it lingers like the scent of burning wood. ” - penned by katy.
If you wanna find me I'll be at my Wesley blog @konfidente.
no offense but the soft uncertain kiss followed by a pause where the people look each other in the eyes and then fucking pull eachother back into a more passionate kiss will always be the most soul destroying trope , catch me lying on the fucking ground sobbing and rewatching The Scene™✌🏼✌🏼✌🏼
most species bare their teeth as a THREAT i want you to think of this the next time i SMILE
“he’s more myself than i am. whatever our two souls are made of his & mine are the same.”
In other news my cat looks adorable right now.
Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator Sentence Starters
“Betrayed by my own butt yet again.”
“Can you explain memes to me?”
“Contrary to popular belief, penguins are… birds.”
“Did you think I was gonna stab you just now?”
“Don’t cry. Don’t cry. I swear to god if you cry again.”
“Don’t write checks your dick can’t cash.”
“Here’s to bad decisions and relaxed moral values.”
“How’s the…… jeeeeeeeeeesus?”
“I am a happy little cheese monster.”
“I am spinning a web of lies that I fear will one day consume me.”
“I don’t want your stupid fruit leather.”
“I have to get a solid two to three hours of brooding in per day. Filling quotas.”
“It’s called ‘string cheese’ and not ‘chompy cheese’ for a reason.”
“I’ll probably end up standing uncomfortably in the corner with a plate of food and hope that nobody talks to me.”
“I’m so many levels of irony deep I’ve forgotten what humour is.”
“I’m suddenly struck with the overwhelming need to crawl back into bed.”
“Mothman is bullshit.”
“My ultimate sexual fantasy is sleeping in on a Saturday.”
“OH SHIT THAT’S A KNIFE.”
“See you in class… bitch.”
“Sharks are tight.”
“So, you ever kill a man?”
“Stop being so desperate to please your hot friend.”
“That… that is a good butt.”
“The key to being cool is acting like you don’t care about anything but actually care very deeply about everything to the point where it’s debilitating.”
“This ice cream cake is my new boyfriend.”
“This is where I come to masturbate.”
“Wait, I’m a wreck.”
“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE.”
“You can never be too careful. See that baby in that stroller over there? Government operative.”
“Your face… is… good.”
“Your unending thirst will be your ultimate downfall.”
❤️
bo burnham ask meme.
“Okay, that’s a used napkin.” “Magic isn’t real, you idiot. Read a book.” “It’s so hard to be a lizard.” “Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.” “For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form.” “JUGGLING! We can do juggling, and JUGGLE OUR CARES AWAY!” “Quotes are for dumb people who can’t think of something intelligent to say on their own.” “Where are all the sour patch parents?” “Art is a lie. NOTHING IS REAL.” “What’s a pirate minus the ship? Just a creative homeless guy.” “And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant? An ironic way to die.” “YouTube is a place for people to share their ideas. If by people you mean 13 year old girls and by ideas you mean how they love the Jonas Brothers.” “Was Einstein’s theory good? Relatively.” “The world’s not sad! The world’s funny! I get it now- I’m a sociopath!” “What the fuck’s a g-spot.” “I stopped and I thought, ‘What would Jesus do?” So I didn’t exist.” “Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no fucking sense make.” “When I tried to hit puberty I swung and I missed.” “Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don’t smoke… tumors.” “If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?” “Being a comedian isn’t capitalizing on the most animalistic impulses of the public- it’s being a HERO!” “Why are you wearing a condom?! I’m fucking you with a strap-on!” “Those in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones; or masturbate during the daytime.” “If your belief is hateful towards people, I couldn’t respect that.” ‘Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine.” “Pages are blank. I know it. Why am I lying to you?” “What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.” “He was lashing out with sexist language because he had his heart broken.” “I don’t think that I can handle this right now.” “Humour is often linked to shared experience. Like, a guy gets up and says, Have you noticed public restrooms have really inefficient hand-dryers? Oh my God, yes I have, hahaha, really good point, they should… fix that. It’s good to know that somebody finally gets me!” “I’m constipated, couldn’t give a shit.” “I wanted to be a physicist when I was younger, and I also wanted to be a comedian, but only one of those worked out, so I’d like to try to do both now in a bit that I call theoretical dick jokes.” ‘Love is all about… whistles.” “WHAT DID I DO LAST NIGHT?! I cried myself to sleep!” “There’s a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he’s a good conductor?” “I love your eyes and their bluish, brownish, greenish colour.” “Give me the bottle, I’ll chug two thirds, ‘cause you bitches know fractions speak louder than words.” “You guys like impressions? Why?” “I like oreos and pussy! Yes, in that order!” “So, basically, you’re still a little bitch.” “I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me…” “I cried for at least an hour after watching Toy Story 3.” “My love’s the kind of thing you’ve got to earn, and when you earn it, you won’t need it.” “There’s a trillion aliens cooler than you.” “I’m just being alive! You should try it, you might LIIIIKE it.” “I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.” “I’m a little all over the place, but I’m lustful, and trustful, and I’m just lookin’ for somebody to love.” “I saw a flyer for a lost dog; and the dog didn’t have any legs.” “Because this is a metaphor for racism!” “If I had a million dollars, I’d pay for sex with your mom. Afterwards, I’d probably invest the remaining 999,990 dollars TEN DOLLARS FOR SEX WITH YOUR MOM. COMEDY.” “I WANNA BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH A BLUNT OBJECT.” “Goodbye, sadness! Hello, jokes.” “Tragedy will be exclusively joked about.” “I can’t fit my hand inside a pringles can.” “Who needs a thousand metaphors to figure out you shouldn’t be a dick?!” “But the truth is, my biggest problem is you. I want to please you, but I want to stay true to myself.” “Look, maybe there’s something that we can do together.” “So I should probably just shut up, and do my job.” “So, sit back, relax, and enjoy a healthy dose of prolonged eye contact.” “Lick your lips to make it more comfortable.” “Have you ever stopped to see a bluebird drop from a tree, and take to the air? Me neither.” “The people in my life are like grains of sand, ‘cause they stick together. …often near my butthole.” “The people in my life are like blades of grass, ‘cause they’re all so grounded. But at least grass stays away from my BUTTHOLE!” “If Mama is right, and the world is my oyster; then I must have an allergy to shellfish.”
Jess voice: let's go hug a bear.
“A tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost; he who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.” - penned by katy.
“Fuck” Sentence Starters
Angry
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
“Fuck this.”
“Get the fuck out of here.”
“Who the fuck are you?”
“Fuck that!”
“I fucking hate him/her/them/you.”
“Fuck. FUCK. FUUUUCK!”
“Shut the fuck up.“
“Get your fucking act together.”
“Keep your shitty nose out of my fucking business.”
“Leave me alone, or I’ll fuck you up.”
“Get your fucking hands off of me!”
“Stay the fuck away from me.”
“Who stole my fucking shit?!”
“Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?”
“You wanna fucking go, punk?”
“Get the fuck over it.”
“Where the fuck have you been?”
“What the fuck do you want from me?”
Sad
“Fuck life.”
“No, I’m not fucking over it.”
“Why the fuck did he/she/they have to go and die?”
“What the fuck am I supposed to do now?”
“Why did things have to go so fucking wrong?”
“I’m gonna eat fifty fucking cartons of ice cream and then pass out and die like a warrior.”
“Try to fucking stop me from leaving my room. It’s not gonna happen.”
“The love of my life just decided that I was worth fucking nothing.”
“I fucking miss him/her/them.”
“Who the fuck cares?”
“All of this fucking shit was for nothing.”
“I fucked up my own life.”
“I can’t believe I did this fucking shit all over again.”
Insults
“Fuck you!”
“I fucked your mom last night.”
“You’re a fucking asshole.”
“You just think you’re fucking hilarious, don’t you?”
“Who the fuck died and made you king/queen/ruler?”
“Go to fucking hell, you piece of shit!”
“Go fuck yourself.”
“Motherfucker!”
“Wow, that’s fucking small.”
“Get the fuck over yourself.”
Sexy
“Fuck me.”
“I don’t ‘make love’, I fuck.”
“I’d fuck you all night long.”
“You look like a fucking dog in heat.”
“You look so fucking hot right now.”
“Fuck–faster~”
“FUCK, I’m gonna come!”
“I’ll fuck you right here, right now.”
“Babe, fuck–not here.”
“You’re one cocky motherfucker. Let’s go back to my place.”
“I want to bend you over and fuck you until you can’t walk.”
“I want you to fuck me until I can’t walk.”
“F-fuck–please–~”
“I’d let you fuck me any day.”
“You better use a fucking condom.”
“Tell me what you want me to fucking do to you.”
“Do you want me to fuck you while everyone’s watching?”
“Fuck, it’s big.”
“Let’s make a fucking baby.”
Situations
“Give me a break. I’m in the fucking hospital.”
“How are YOU mad at ME when I’m the one who’s in FUCKING JAIL?”
“Help me set this fucking thing on fire.”
“I’m gonna need a fucking lawyer.”
“This is all YOUR fault, you dumb fuck.”
“It’s not MY fault we’re in fucking handcuffs.”
“Fuck, I’m so wasted.”
“What the fuck did we do last night?”
“Where the fuck am I?”
“Fuck. SHIT. There goes my car.”
“Wait–fuck. Isn’t that my house?”
“Fuck it. Might as well have fun, if we’re going to get caught.”
“Why the fuck do you have gasoline?”
“Where the fuck did that baby come from?!”
“It’s not a party until someone almost fucking dies.”
“FUCK, you scared the shit out of me!”
whenever i come online
@securitrcn
what the fuck rp starters
“Oh look, carnage.”
“I found you beat half to death in a dumpster. When I said I would call 9-1-1 you punched me in the face and said no before passing out.”
“Holy shit you look terrible.”
“Can’t go to my place, I’m making poison in my kitchen.”
“This is the tenth half-eaten corpse I’ve seen. It’s still kinda horrifying but less horrifying than the first time I saw one.”
“Yeah, that’s right, go wander off and commit murder somewhere else.”
Everything about your life makes so much sense now.”
“I don’t know, that sounds like a ‘fuck off’ kind of growl.”
“There’s a girl snorting cocaine off the counter in the bathroom. Just thought you’d wanna know.”
“I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news: some of this blood is mine. The bad news: most of it is mine. And I’m going to pass out.”
“After the fight some dude catcalled me on the way home so I turned around and spat a bunch of blood at his feet. Never seen someone regret doing something so fast.”
“Is that a fucking dragon?”
“That is genuinely disturbing.”
“Don’t smile. You have the smile of a serial killer.”
“This is surprisingly not the worst thing we’ve done. This is like, maybe halfway up the list.”
400 lux // lorde
