Silly Lord of the Rings polls

Come for the silly polls, stay for the deep results analysis.

[sillylotrpolls]

Pinned post

Just the polls

Just the results

Commentary (including results)

List of tags used on polls

Misc admin stuff (anything not covered by the above, pretty much)

The fanwork recommendation post and playlist recommendation post (please reblog with your own faves!)

If you write a fanfic based on one of these polls, send a link and I'll reblog it!

Complaints regarding the lack of Sam in a poll since 12/13/23: 14

[sillylotrpolls]

(Source and context below poll)

Is Legolas a Prince of the Woodland Realm?

Yes, the Realm is a hereditary monarchy and Thranduil is his biological father

Yes, the Realm is an elective monarchy and it's a courtesy title

Yes, it's an elective monarchy and he was duly elected as (a) Prince

Yes, but he's got dozens of older siblings so no one really remembers or cares

Yes, he wrote such popular songs as "When Trees Cry" and "Tawarwaith Beret"

Yes, in the same way *every* elf is a prince/ss of their homeland

No, it's a hereditary monarchy and Legolas was adopted

No, it's a hereditary monarchy and Legolas was disinherited

No, it's an elective monarchy and the King's children have no special status

No, Thranduil isn't actually King for reasons*

No, "son of Thranduil" can refer to any male elf of the Woodland Realm

No, Legolas is a dumbass

Voting ended onMay 21

* The reasons why Thranduil might not be King of the Woodland Realm can be whatever you like, from an Amidala and her handmaidens system to Thranduil being a compulsive liar to Thranduil quitting in disgust after the Battle of the Five Armies.

Poll question and several answers based on this post by @celebbun:

I have come to the conclusion that, despite what much of the fandom would like to think, Legolas is, in fact, not a prince. My reasoning to back this up is based on two main pillars: the Woodland Realm’s monarchy system and Legolas’ lack of royal title throughout the books.

Celebbun then details the relevant history of Oropher (Legolas' (presumed) grandfather) and Thranduil; it's absolutely worth reading their whole post before voting (except you almost certainly already voted before getting this far).

Some additional context specifically regarding the use of the word "prince" in The Lord of the Rings is below, but honestly it's fairly trivial even by the standards of this blog.

Thranduil is mentioned exactly once in the Lord of the Rings books. Here's the passage:

Each of the companions he greeted courteously by name as they entered. 'Welcome Aragorn son of Arathorn! ' he said. 'It is eight and thirty years of the world outside since you came to this land; and those years lie heavy on you. But the end is near, for good or ill. Here lay aside your burden for a while! ' 'Welcome son of Thranduil! Too seldom do my kindred journey hither from the North.' 'Welcome Gimli son of Glóin! It is long indeed since we saw one of Durin's folk in Caras Galadhon. But today we have broken our long law. May it be a sign that though the world is now dark better days are at hand, and that friendship shall be renewed between our peoples.' Gimli bowed low.

I also checked for the word "prince" in all three books. It is used only 3 times in FotR and 2 times in TTT, but appears 37 times in RotK thanks to the presence of Prince Imrahil.

The Fellowship of the Ring: Many Meetings

'I thought that I saw a white figure that shone and did not grow dim like the others. Was that Glorfindel then?' 'Yes, you saw him for a moment as he is upon the other side: one of the mighty of the Firstborn. He is an Elf-lord of a house of princes. Indeed there is a power in Rivendell to withstand the might of Mordor, for a while: and elsewhere other powers still dwell.

The Fellowship of the Ring: The Council of Elrond

Thereupon Elrond paused a while and sighed. 'I remember well the splendour of their banners,' he said. 'It recalled to me the glory of the Elder Days and the hosts of Beleriand, so many great princes and captains were assembled. And yet not so many, nor so fair, as when Thangorodrim was broken, and the Elves deemed that evil was ended for ever, and it was not so.'

The Fellowship of the Ring: Lothlórien

'Look, my friends!' he called. 'Here's a pretty hobbit-skin to wrap an elven-princeling in! If it were known that hobbits had such hides, all the hunters of Middle-earth would be riding to the Shire.' 'And all the arrows of all the hunters in the world would be in vain,' said Gimli, gazing at the mail in wonder. 'It is a mithril-coat. Mithril!'

Two Towers: The Window on the West

'No, not because I choose,' answered Frodo. 'It does not belong to me. It does not belong to any mortal, great or small; though if any could claim it, it would be Aragorn son of Arathorn, whom I named, the leader of our Company from Moria to Rauros.' 'Why so, and not Boromir, prince of the City that the sons of Elendil founded? ' 'Because Aragorn is descended in direct lineage, father to father, from Isildur Elendil's son himself. And the sword that he bears was Elendil's sword.'

Two Towers: The King of the Golden Hall

'But hearken all! Here now I name my guest, Gandalf Greyhame, wisest of counsellors; most welcome of wanderers, a lord of the Mark, a chieftain of the Eorlingas while our kin shall last; and I give to him Shadowfax, prince of horses.'

Return of the King: Minas Tirith

And it seemed that Beregond got as much honour from it as his guest, for Pippin was very welcome. There had already been much talk in the citadel about Mithrandir's companion and his long closeting with the Lord; and rumour declared that a Prince of the Halflings had come out of the North to offer allegiance to Gondor and five thousand swords.

[sillylotrpolls]

Where are they taking the Hobbits?

Isengard

Fangorn Forest

Mordor

McDonald's (Grishnákh orders a single black coffee)

Coruscant

Six Flags

A very nice farm upstate

Well ~technically~, they TOOK the Hobbits at Parth Galen

Tell me, where is Gandalf? I much desire to speak with him.

What did you say?

Voting ended onJul 3, 2023

[sillylotrpolls]

I thought it was funny. ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

[sillylotrpolls]

Happy 20th anniversary to the meme song of lotr meme songs

[sillylotrpolls]

(Context and @gondorweek below the poll)

Quiz time! Without looking it up, what is the official name of this dead white tree in Minas Tirith, seen here as Gandalf tells Pippin the history of Gondor?

Galathilion

Telperion

Celeborn

Nimloth

The White Tree of Minas Tirith

The White Tree of the Eldar

The Second Tree of Gondor

The Dead Tree

The Third White Tree

The Tree of the King

Denethor's Folly

Well, ~actually~….

Voting ended onMay 4

You know the joke about how even the trees have genealogies in Tolkien? Yeah, that's not actually a joke, just a statement of fact. They also have wiki pages, but please refrain from looking it up until after you've voted.

Gondor Week

Today's poll is honor of Gondor Week, a fandom event celebrating the anniversary of Aragorn being crowned King on May 1st. You can find prompts here if you want specific inspiration each day, or you can simply reblog your favorite Boromir meme and bring equal amounts of joy to the tag.

Shoutout to @emilybeemartin, whose reblogs brought the event to my attention.

(Boromir Week, for those wondering, is in June.)

[sillylotrpolls]

Which elf are you putting on the naughty list this year?

Legolas

Elrond

Arwen

Galadriel

Thranduil

Celeborn

Haldir

Glorfindel

Fëanor

Thingol

Figwit

I can't believe you didn't list ________!

Voting ended onDec 16, 2025

Use whatever criteria you like as you decide.

Inspired by this post by @probablybadrpgideas.

[sillylotrpolls]

The only surprise here is that second place (Thranduil) garnered as high as 15.4% of the vote. Presumably that's attributable to a combination of him being the most "villainous" of the elves most movie-only fans could recall (if you can identify Haldir (1.6%) you also know Fëanor's middle name is hubris) and also that Thranduil is played by Lee Pace.

Which, hmm, let me check something real quick laboriously.

Okay, so I checked the xReader and xFemaleOC tags for each of the elves listed above and made a quick chart:

Figwit is really throwing off my hypothesis here. However, as I noted in a comment at the time:

Always amusing to watch the Silm answers start high (Feanor was up to 80%!) and then gradually reduce in proportion as the casuals find the poll. (Figwit got a vote before any of the other LotR movie elves XD)

So I'm guessing Figwit was mostly pulling in votes from people simply delighted to see him remembered, rather than specifically wanting to do ~naughty things~ with him.

Also, note that Ao3 really exploded in popularity around 2012, which is also the same year the first Hobbit movie came out and a decade after Lord of the Rings. These numbers would likely have been very different in 2004.

There were a few complaints that Celebrimbor and some other Silmarillion elves were not listed (and some people who astutely pointed out the Silm itself basically constitutes a list of naughty elves), to which I can only say: blame tumblr and the poll limit of 12 options. I prioritized movie elves over Silm elves, even if the Silm elves were objectively "more naughty," for reasons summed up by @constxllation:

#i know nothing about lotr but i know thranduils name is familiar#voting in tumblr polls like the average american votes irl

Similarly, there were grumbles that Thingol (5.1%) placed a distant eighth instead of second. However, the reason for this is (imo) fairly obvious: Thingol is known primarily to readers of the Silmarillion, while Fëanor has managed to become part of general fan knowledge (at least on tumblr). So it's only natural Thingol placed behind most of the movie elves, beating out only the women and Haldir.

Finally, I don't think I saw much in the way of comments about what would happen to the elves put on the naughty list. Really thought that would be more of a thing. 🤷‍♀️

Data for the chart below the cut.

Here's the raw data I sourced from Ao3 with the specific tags I checked. I declined to check for Original Male Character(s) because this was supposed to be a quick write-up and I just don't see a lot of xMaleOC, you know? Which, now that I've asserted it, hang on...

All Ao3 works: 470,493 Works in Original Female Character(s) 315,313 Works in Original Male Character(s)

Huh, not quite as lopsided as I thought. However, I just checked for Arwen and got 20 xMaleOC works and 2 for Galadriel, so I'm going to not worry about those stats for this.

As you read these stats, note that xReader fics often tag both xReader and xFemaleOC for the same fic, so there's definitely duplication happening in the two categories.

Fëanor - 29.1% 14 Works in Fëanor (Tolkien)/Reader 8 Works in Fëanor (Tolkien)/Original Female Character(s)

Thranduil - 15.4% 738 Works in Thranduil (Tolkien)/Reader 809 Works in Thranduil (Tolkien)/Original Female Character(s)

Figwit - 8.3% Error 404 The page you were looking for doesn't exist. (0 Figwit/Reader works) 3 Works in Figwit | Melpomaen (Lord of the Rings Movies)/Original Female Character(s)

Legolas - 7.5% 495 Works in Legolas Greenleaf/Reader 725 Works in Legolas Greenleaf/Original Female Character(s)

Elrond - 7% 171 Works in Elrond Peredhel/Reader 101 Works in Elrond Peredhel/Original Female Character(s)

Celeborn - 5.7% 3 Works in Celeborn (Tolkien)/Reader 3 Works in Celeborn (Tolkien)/Original Female Character(s)

Glorfindel - 5.4% 62 Works in Glorfindel (Tolkien)/Reader 198 Works in Glorfindel (Tolkien)/Original Female Character(s)

Thingol - 5.1% 1 Work in Elu Thingol | Elwë Singollo/Reader 0 Works in Elu Thingol | Elwë Singollo/Original Female Character(s) (Error 404)

Galadriel - 5.1% 41 Works in Galadriel (Tolkien)/Reader 0 Works in Galadriel (Tolkien)/Original Female Character(s) (Error 404)

Arwen - 1.8% 18 Works in Arwen Undómiel/Reader 21 Works in Arwen Undómiel/Original Female Character(s)

Haldir - 1.6% 108 Works in Haldir of Lothlórien (Tolkien)/Reader 163 Works in Haldir of Lothlórien (Tolkien)/Original Female Character(s)

The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types 1,199 Works in Reader 2,866 Works in Original Female Character(s)

The Hobbit - All Media Types 1,742 Works in Reader 2,261 Works in Original Female Character(s)

The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien 307 Works in Reader 1,920 Works in Original Female Character(s)

Incidentally, here's the previous chart, but grouped so elves with canon, alive (during the story) love interests are on the left and single/widowed elves are on the right:

Figwit is like the opposite of Spiders Georg, I swear.

[sillylotrpolls]

Ship names used to be creative and fun, not just the boring portmanteaus you see nowadays littering @fandom. Let's bring that energy back for Valentine's Day 2025 and consider once again the most popular pairing from Tolkien's legendarium.

What should the popular ship Balrog/Gandalf be called?

Bandalf

Gandalf's Bane

Greyfire

Flying with/out Wings

Passing Fancy

Flames of Anor and Udûn

Nameless/Too Many Names

Whipped Wizard

Secret Fires

Bottom of the Abyss

Balrog x Gandalf x Balrog

Name them not!

Voting ended onFeb 21, 2025

Extra credit: Gandalf says, "Long I fell, and he fell with me." Would you therefore consider their relationship a "slow burn"?

For additional context, excerpts from The Fellowship of the Ring and The Two Towers are below the cut.

From The Fellowship of the Ring: Chapter 5: The Bridge of Khazad-dûm

Legolas turned and set an arrow to the string, though it was a long shot for his small bow. He drew, but his hand fell, and the arrow slipped to the ground. He gave a cry of dismay and fear. Two great trolls appeared; they bore great slabs of stone, and flung them down to serve as gangways over the fire. But it was not the trolls that had filled the Elf with terror. The ranks of the orcs had opened, and they crowded away, as if they themselves were afraid. Something was coming up behind them. What it was could not be seen: it was like a great shadow, in the middle of which was a dark form, of man-shape maybe, yet greater; and a power and terror seemed to be in it and to go before it. It came to the edge of the fire and the light faded as if a cloud had bent over it. Then with a rush it leaped across the fissure. The flames roared up to greet it, and wreathed about it; and a black smoke swirled in the air. Its streaming mane kindled, and blazed behind it. In its right hand was a blade like a stabbing tongue of fire; in its left it held a whip of many thongs. 'Ai! ai! ' wailed Legolas. 'A Balrog! A Balrog is come!' Gimli stared with wide eyes. Durin's Bane!' he cried, and letting his axe fall he covered his face. 'A Balrog,' muttered Gandalf. Now I understand.' He faltered and leaned heavily on his staff. What an evil fortune! And I am already weary.' The dark figure streaming with fire raced towards them. The orcs yelled and poured over the stone gangways. Then Boromir raised his horn and blew. Loud the challenge rang and bellowed, like the shout of many throats under the cavernous roof. For a moment the orcs quailed and the fiery shadow halted. Then the echoes died as suddenly as a flame blown out by a dark wind, and the enemy advanced again. 'Over the bridge!' cried Gandalf, recalling his strength. Fly! This is a foe beyond any of you. I must hold the narrow way. Fly!' Aragorn and Boromir did not heed the command, but still held their ground, side by side, behind Gandalf at the far end of the bridge. The others halted just within the doorway at the hall's end, and turned, unable to leave their leader to face the enemy alone. The Balrog reached the bridge. Gandalf stood in the middle of the span, leaning on the staff in his left hand, but in his other hand Glamdring gleamed, cold and white. His enemy halted again, facing him, and the shadow about it reached out like two vast wings. It raised the whip, and the thongs whined and cracked. Fire came from its nostrils. But Gandalf stood firm. 'You cannot pass,' he said. The orcs stood still, and a dead silence fell. 'I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the flame of Anor. You cannot pass. The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udûn. Go back to the Shadow! You cannot pass.' The Balrog made no answer. The fire in it seemed to die, but the darkness grew. It stepped forward slowly on to the bridge, and suddenly it drew itself up to a great height, and its wings were spread from wall to wall; but still Gandalf could be seen, glimmering in the gloom; he seemed small, and altogether alone: grey and bent, like a wizened tree before the onset of a storm.

From out of the shadow a red sword leaped flaming. Glamdring glittered white in answer. There was a ringing clash and a stab of white fire. The Balrog fell back and its sword flew up in molten fragments. The wizard swayed on the bridge, stepped back a pace, and then again stood still. 'You cannot pass!' he said. With a bound the Balrog leaped full upon the bridge. Its whip whirled and hissed. 'He cannot stand alone!' cried Aragorn suddenly and ran back along the bridge. 'Elendil!' he shouted. 'I am with you, Gandalf!' `Gondor!' cried Boromir and leaped after him. At that moment Gandalf lifted his staff, and crying aloud he smote the bridge before him. The staff broke asunder and fell from his hand. A blinding sheet of white flame sprang up. The bridge cracked. Right at the Balrog's feet it broke, and the stone upon which it stood crashed into the gulf, while the rest remained, poised, quivering like a tongue of rock thrust out into emptiness. With a terrible cry the Balrog fell forward, and its shadow plunged down and vanished. But even as it fell it swung its whip, and the thongs lashed and curled about the wizard's knees, dragging him to the brink. He staggered and fell, grasped vainly at the stone, and slid into the abyss. 'Fly, you fools!' he cried, and was gone.

From The Two Towers: Chapter 5: The White Rider

'Yes, together we will follow you,' said Legolas. 'But first, it would ease my heart, Gandalf, to hear what befell you in Moria. Will you not tell us? Can you not stay even to tell your friends how you were delivered?' 'I have stayed already too long,' answered Gandalf. 'Time is short. But if there were a year to spend, I would not tell you all.' 'Then tell us what you will, and time allows!' said Gimli. 'Come, Gandalf, tell us how you fared with the Balrog!' 'Name him not!' said Gandalf, and for a moment it seemed that a cloud of pain passed over his face, and he sat silent, looking old as death. 'Long time I fell,' he said at last, slowly, as if thinking back with difficulty. 'Long I fell, and he fell with me. His fire was about me. I was burned. Then we plunged into the deep water and all was dark. Cold it was as the tide of death: almost it froze my heart.' 'Deep is the abyss that is spanned by Durin's Bridge, and none has measured it,' said Gimli. 'Yet it has a bottom, beyond light and knowledge,' said Gandalf. 'Thither I came at last, to the uttermost foundations of stone. He was with me still. His fire was quenched, but now he was a thing of slime, stronger than a strangling snake. 'We fought far under the living earth, where time is not counted. Ever he clutched me, and ever I hewed him, till at last he fled into dark tunnels. They were not made by Durin's folk, Gimli son of Glóin. Far, far below the deepest delving of the Dwarves, the world is gnawed by nameless things. Even Sauron knows them not. They are older than he. Now I have walked there, but I will bring no report to darken the light of day. In that despair my enemy was my only hope, and I pursued him, clutching at his heel. Thus he brought me back at last to the secret ways of Khazad-dûm: too well he knew them all. Ever up now we went, until we came to the Endless Stair.' 'Long has that been lost,' said Gimli. 'Many have said that it was never made save in legend, but others say that it was destroyed.' 'It was made, and it had not been destroyed,' said Gandalf. 'From the lowest dungeon to the highest peak it climbed. ascending in unbroken spiral in many thousand steps, until it issued at last in Durin's Tower carved in the living rock of Zirak-zigil, the pinnacle of the Silvertine. 'There upon Celebdil was a lonely window in the snow, and before it lay a narrow space, a dizzy eyrie above the mists of the world. The sun shone fiercely there, but all below was wrapped in cloud. Out he sprang, and even as I came behind, he burst into new flame. There was none to see, or perhaps in after ages songs would still be sung of the Battle of the Peak.' Suddenly Gandalf laughed. 'But what would they say in song? Those that looked up from afar thought that the mountain was crowned with storm. Thunder they heard, and lightning, they said, smote upon Celebdil, and leaped back broken into tongues of fire. Is not that enough? A great smoke rose about us, vapour and steam. Ice fell like rain. I threw down my enemy, and he fell from the high place and broke the mountain-side where he smote it in his ruin. Then darkness took me; and I strayed out of thought and time, and I wandered far on roads that I will not tell. 'Naked I was sent back – for a brief time, until my task is done. And naked I lay upon the mountain-top. The tower behind was crumbled into dust, the window gone; the ruined stair was choked with burned and broken stone. I was alone, forgotten, without escape upon the hard horn of the world. There I lay staring upward, while the stars wheeled over, and each day was as long as a life-age of the earth. Faint to my ears came the gathered rumour of all lands: the springing and the dying, the song and the weeping, and the slow everlasting groan of overburdened stone. And so at the last Gwaihir the Windlord found me again, and he took me up and bore me away.

[sillylotrpolls]

I don't really like to get into shipping discourse (as all ships are equal, but some are more canon than others), but it's often convenient to have a "joke" ship that I can use for poll options that won't offend anyone. Hence, "Galrog" - or, as I should call it now, "Greyfire" (18.9%), which just barely beat out "Gandalf's Bane" (18.5%) by less than half a percentage point. Perhaps we can have some discourse over which ship name signifies which character on top.

Shoutout to @simplequietude, who wrote this persuasive argument in favor of the last option, which is usually the "I don't like any of these options but want to click a button" option:

To clarify, when I voted ‘Name them not!’, I literally mean that as the ship name, not as the ‘Other’ or ‘Don’t name them at all’ option. Because consider, Gandalf is not liked in many, many circles, disturber of the peace that he is, and balrogs are simply not liked at all. It therefore follows it would be best to name them not, lest you inadvertently summon them and all the troubles they bring.

Regarding the names

I actually had a lot of fun coming up with ship names for this poll, and was a little sad it didn't spread further. When I pulled the excerpts, I was surprised by just how much innuendo could easily be found in the canon text, and was hoping more people would share my amusement in this discovery. Unfortunately, tumblr as a whole did not seem inclined to click on a "Keep reading" link that promised (presumably dull) Tolkien prose.

Some particularly juicy passages that you could easily work into any dark m/m fic:

'Long I fell, and he fell with me. His fire was about me. I was burned. Then we plunged into the deep water and all was dark. Cold it was as the tide of death: almost it froze my heart.'

'Yet it has a bottom, beyond light and knowledge,' said Gandalf. 'Thither I came at last, to the uttermost foundations of stone. He was with me still. His fire was quenched, but now he was a thing of slime, stronger than a strangling snake.

'We fought far under the living earth, where time is not counted. Ever he clutched me, and ever I hewed him, till at last he fled into dark tunnels.

Out he sprang, and even as I came behind, he burst into new flame. There was none to see, or perhaps in after ages songs would still be sung of the Battle of the Peak.' Suddenly Gandalf laughed. 'But what would they say in song? Those that looked up from afar thought that the mountain was crowned with storm. Thunder they heard, and lightning, they said, smote upon Celebdil, and leaped back broken into tongues of fire.

'Naked I was sent back – for a brief time, until my task is done. And naked I lay upon the mountain-top. The tower behind was crumbled into dust, the window gone; the ruined stair was choked with burned and broken stone. I was alone, forgotten, without escape upon the hard horn of the world.

The specific references in the poll are:

Bandalf - Like Galrog, but the opposite. Gandalf's Bane - The Balrog is known to the dwarves as "Durin's Bane" Greyfire - It sounded pretty. 🤷‍♀️ Flying with/out Wings - (In)famously, there is a long-running argument as to whether or not the Balrog has wings. Passing Fancy - Play on "You cannot pass!" and a "fancy" meaning "to crush on someone." Flames of Anor and Udûn - "'I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the flame of Anor. You cannot pass. The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udûn. Go back to the Shadow! You cannot pass.'" Nameless/Too Many Names - Gandalf says to "Name him not!" in reference to the Balrog, while it's been established Gandalf himself has too many names. Whipped Wizard - Well you see, the Balrog has a "whip of many thongs"... Secret Fires - Another fire reference. Bottom of the Abyss - See "yet it has a bottom" above. Balrog x Gandalf x Balrog - Old school ship name style, in this case, specifying that both characters top at some point. Name them not! - See "Nameless/Too Many Names"; intended as the "I'm not interested in discourse about this ship" option.

[sillylotrpolls]

Oh no, there was a mix-up at the elf factory and all the elves were shipped to the wrong universes! What kind of elves now live in Middle-earth?

Christmas Elves

Shoemaker Elves

Keebler Elves

Drow/Dark Elves

Elves on Shelves

House Elves (Harry Potter)

Dalish Elves (Dragon Age)

High Ones (Elfquest)

Na'vi (Avatar)

Sports Elves (LazyTown)

Any of the tribes in The Dragon Prince

Other (???, please share your vision with the class)

Voting ended onFeb 20, 2025

This has actually happened to the dwarves three times already, but no one noticed because while elves are all different, dwarves are all the same.

[sillylotrpolls]

This one came out pretty even, which makes sense because these are all pretty fun to imagine. :D Only Elfquest's High Ones didn't get 5.9% or higher.

Christmas elves (16.2%) just barely beat out Keebler elves (15.5%), and what I want to know is, why have I not seen fanart/fic of either of these delightful concepts? Surely the Christmas one must exist at least, right? And my goodness, what happens to the Silmarillion if Fëanor is obsessed with cookies instead of silmarils? Inquiring minds want to know!

A few of my favorite comments from the notes:

#also would love to see Drizzt bond with any broody Feanorian @penthesileas

#it would be deeply ironic if the drow ended up in first age beleriand and had LESS bloodshed than canon @shy-sharky

#the beef between shoemaker elves and hobbits would be hilarious#all of the history of middle earth we know would be So Different#because (assuming elves are still responsible for recording/preserving history) they'd never stop talking about those snobby FUCKS#who are too good for shoes! @beck-a-leck

Finally, a shout-out to the lovely collage at 1:16 of "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship Of The It's My Book They'll Walk If I Tell Them Too [sic] (ANIMATED)" which I had not seen prior to making this poll but features many of the elves mentioned above.

[sillylotrpolls]

Valentine's Day approaches and hearts and polls turn once again to that age-old conflict: shipping wars.

It is the Third Age, sometime before Sauron's return and defeat, and Middle-earth has discovered trade protectionism. Which region comes out on top in the ensuing shipping wars*?

Gondor

Rohan

Rivendell

Lothlorien

Mirkwood/Greenwood the Great

Erebor/Dale

The Shire

The Grey Havens/Harlindon

Mordor

Sutherland/Harad

The Eastern Lands

How dare you forget [Arnor/Valinor/Fangorn/Ered Luin/Enedwaith/other]!!

Voting ended onFeb 19, 2025

*Better known as trade wars when one is not making a joke.

Tariffs are a tax collected when goods are shipped from one country/taxable region to another, paid by the importer. If you aren't shipping anything, you don't need to pay any tariffs, but the "wars" will still affect you as long as you consume any goods that you didn't make from materials harvested entirely by yourself.

From Wikipedia:

A trade war is an economic conflict often resulting from extreme protectionism in which states raise or create tariffs or other trade barriers against each other in response to trade barriers created by the other party. If tariffs are the exclusive mechanism, then such conflicts are known as customs wars, toll wars, or tariff wars; as a reprisal, the latter state may also increase the tariffs.

Last year's ship wars poll can be found here.

[sillylotrpolls]

Despite their clear importance (see: Star Wars episode I: The Phantom Menace), trade protectionism continues to be a boring topic to all but the most wonky of politics nerds and economists. There aren't many of those on tumblr for some reason, so this poll didn't get quite as much traction as I'd hoped, nor did anyone spontaneously draw up a map of trade routes and make up a spreadsheet of probable goods produced in each region. Well, can't win 'em all. 🤷‍♀️

Anyway, Erebor/Dale (22.9%) just barely edged out The Shire (21.7%) for the win, with Gondor (my answer) in a close third at 18.5%.

Interestingly, Rivendell garnered only 5.6%, which is notable because usually polls featuring regions of Middle-earth end with the The Shire and Rivendell placing 1st and 2nd respectively. In fact, this probably the first time Erebor has placed first in anything.

Shoutout to @jadechasegranger for their eloquent summary as to why Gondor is (probably) the correct answer:

Gondor. They have extensive and varied lands, ensuring some level of self-sufficiency while also having a reputation for high quality products. They have connections with many people in Middle Earth, though admittedly Harad and Umbar are more enemy than trading partner. They are allied with Rohan, a trading powerhouse, and have connections with the Elves who would likely look favorably upon the descendants of Númenor. Lastly, they are not hostile to dwarves as the Elves are, and as such could enjoy the privilege of receiving dwarvish products.

Although, I'm not willing to rule out the elven settlements given their sheer longevity. I suppose it depends on what your definition of "on top" is.

BTW, given current events, doesn't Denethor seem like a much more capable steward than, oh, a certain someone determined to destroy the current world order? Just sayin'.

[sillylotrpolls]

(Context/credit below poll)

If Frodo is Bilbo’s son, why don’t we ever hear about his mom?

Hobbits are born from holes in the ground

Like the mushrooms they eat, hobbits reproduce via spreading spores

Gandalf manipulated midichlorians to cause Frodo's birth

Hobbits reproduce by growing baby hobbits in their gardens

Hobbits don’t wear shoes because a toe can break off and become a new hobbit

Hobbits reproduce asexually when they get wet [like in a LAKE you guys, geez]

Hobbit children are randomly distributed to adults to raise and care for

Oh, I know this one! Bilbo is Frodo’s mother

She was in the books, but never as more than a Tolkien character

She was there all along; you just didn’t see her as she was wearing the ring

We do hear all about her; her name is Galadriel

You know, if you’re going to troll Tolkien fans make sure you’re done by sunrise

Voting ended onDec 15, 2024

Today's poll comes from a very serious question asked by Gail Simone on Bluesky. All options taken from replies to her question with only light paraphrasing to fit the format. I'll put links to the original... ::checks notes:: "skeets"? That can't be right... in the eventual results post.

[sillylotrpolls]

Woah, so, it's been a while since this poll ran, huh? I promised to put the specific quote attributions in this results post, buuuuuut.... Well, it's been ages and you can find them just as easily yourself if you click that original link. :)

Anyway, I'm amused that the #2 answer was a reference to the somehow culturally saturated "The doctor was his mother" joke that everyone knows for some reason. Really, when did that become such a ~thing~? And I suspect the popularity of answer #3 regarding random distribution of hobbit children can be laid at Elodie's feet.

A plurality, however, preferred to make it known that they were above such petty trolling and refused to engage with the joke (or, alternately, wanted to show off that they have in fact read the Hobbit and are aware of what happens to trolls in daylight). While these people are no fun, they are technically correct, which I have on good authority is the best kind of correct.

[sillylotrpolls]

Oh hey, remember when this blog used to post #results in addition to periodic polls spurred on by holidays? No promises, but I'm going to try to get to the backlog of result-less polls and maybe even continue my tagging project for old polls. Fingers crossed! 🤞

[sillylotrpolls]

Which member of the Fellowship do you believe was secretly an omega?

Frodo

Sam

Pippin

Merry

Aragorn

Boromir

Legolas

Gimli

Gandalf

Bill the Pony

I remain ignorant of alpha/beta/omega dynamics and plan to keep it that way

...........…boop?

Voting ended onApr 2

This poll honors the Archive of Our Own, which is putting the spotlight on omegas today by courageously changing their banner logo, making a blog post, and canonizing such tags as "Consensual Omegaverse Bitching | Turning into an Omega." What a meaningful gesture!

Now it's your turn to help these oft-maligned providers of "essential social lubricant" by voting on which member of a group of fictional characters you think was most likely to be an exploited and hyper-sexualized minority. It's what Tolkien CS Lewis GRRM Piers Anthony would have wanted.

[sillylotrpolls]

Assassination rarely works out the way the assassin(s) want it to. Which of the following hypothetical assassinations would backfire most spectacularly?

Aragorn

Elrond

Galadriel

Gandalf

Saruman

Denethor

Sauron/Mairon

Thranduil

Thorin

Fëanor

Thingol

Morgoth

Voting ended onMar 21

[limetimo]

oh you mean like. who would whoop their assassin's butt the swiftest or come back from the dead after the fact or such. not like, a slapstick comedy of something going wrong for the assassin every time they take aim

[sillylotrpolls]

No, whose death would result not in the assassin's goals but instead the opposite? For example, if a dwarf or a minion of Sauron assassinated Thranduil with the goal of weakening Mirkwood only for Legloas or another successor to wage total war against the dwarves or Sauron's tower and wipe them out utterly, that would be an example of an assassination backfiring.

On the other hand, if Aragorn was assassinated by one of Sauron's minions and the lack of him specifically as a leader allowed Sauron to overpower Gondor, that would be a successful assassination from the point of view of the assassin.

[sillylotrpolls]

Assassination rarely works out the way the assassin(s) want it to. Which of the following hypothetical assassinations would backfire most spectacularly?

Aragorn

Elrond

Galadriel

Gandalf

Saruman

Denethor

Sauron/Mairon

Thranduil

Thorin

Fëanor

Thingol

Morgoth

Voting ended onMar 21

[sillylotrpolls]

(Context below poll.)

In The Hobbit, Thorin's Company is greeted in the valley of Rivendell by cheerful elves who know their names and sing "tra-la-la-lally." Where are these elves 60-80 years later in The Lord of the Rings?

The TLLL elves cleared out because there was danger from the Nazgûl

The TLLL elves thought they had another week to compose a song teasing Frodo

Elrond put a stop to the singing as being beneath the dignity of his house

Elrond can only afford to have singing elves on shift Mondays and Thursdays

They were in The Hobbit specifically to troll Bilbo and the dwarves

All outdoor merriment moved indoors due to Sauron/waning power of Elrond's ring

All outdoor merriment moved indoors due to it being October

They serenaded the other hobbits, but didn't tell Frodo bc he'd be jealous

Glorfindel/Arwen is the primary TLLL elf; busy rescuing Frodo=no song

The TLLL elves were straggling revelers of a party they didn't want to let end

Bilbo made that part up for his Red Book as an excuse to write a silly song

The main TLLL elves sailed West between books :(

Voting ended onMar 5

Today's poll was inspired by this post by @riding-with-the-wild-hunt, who posits they were the last wish of Elrond's wife:

assuming the tra la la lally elves are real, though, i’m so certain that it was a celebrían-manufactured conceit made permanent by her shameless use of a parting wish to a weeping and dock-bound elrond right before they were sundered for centuries. she was leaning over the rail of the boat to valinor shaking her fist and yelling that they had to sing the song she wrote and not some sad sappy poem meant to attract maglor. yes, with all the tra la la lallies. or else.

And a shoutout to this perfectly logical follow-up from @existingperpetually:

#in a surprising turn of events#it was actually the tra la la lallying that attracted maglor#he heard the song described as one of the most famous and beloved songs of the third age originating in lord elrond's house#and he got SO offended by the implication of what is essentially baby shark being (his son's) elrond's favourite song#that he went to imladris himself to teach some lessons on musical theory

Additional poll options inspired by replies to the initial post by @penmeetspage and @z-h-i-e.

"60-80 years later" refers to the difference in timelines between the books and movies, depending on which you prefer.

Excerpt from The Hobbit chapter 3: A Short Rest below the cut if you'd like to refresh your memory on who these singing elves are.

Bilbo never forgot the way they slithered and slipped in the dusk down the steep zig-zag path into the secret valley of Rivendell. The air grew warmer as they got lower, and the smell of the pine-trees made him drowsy, so that every now and again he nodded and nearly fell off, or bumped his nose on the pony’s neck. Their spirits rose as they went down and down. The trees changed to beech and oak, and there was a comfortable feeling in the twilight. The last green had almost faded out of the grass, when they came at length to an open glade not far above the banks of the stream.

“Hmmm! it smells like elves!” thought Bilbo, and he looked up at the stars.

They were burning bright and blue. Just then there came a burst of song like laughter in the trees:

O! What are you doing, And where are you going? Your ponies need shoeing! The river is flowing!

O! tra-la-la-lally here down in the valley! O! What are you seeking, And where are you making? The faggots are reeking, The bannocks are baking!

O! tril-lil-lil-lolly the valley is jolly, ha! ha! O! Where are you going With beards all a-wagging? No knowing, no knowing What brings Mister Baggins And Balin and Dwalin down into the valley in June ha! ha!

O! Will you be staying, Or will you be flying? Your ponies are straying! The daylight is dying! To fly would be folly, To stay would be jolly And listen and hark Till the end of the dark to our tune ha! ha!

So they laughed and sang in the trees; and pretty fair nonsense I daresay you think it. Not that they would care; they would only laugh all the more if you told them so. They were elves of course. Soon Bilbo caught glimpses of them as the darkness deepened. He loved elves, though he seldom met them; but he was a little frightened of them too. Dwarves don’t get on well with them. Even decent enough dwarves like Thorin and his friends think them foolish (which is a very foolish thing to think), or get annoyed with them. For some elves tease them and laugh at them, and most of all at their beards.

“Well, well!” said a voice. “Just look! Bilbo the hobbit on a pony, my dear! Isn’t it delicious!”

“Most astonishing wonderful!”

Then off they went into another song as ridiculous as the one I have written down in full. At last one, a tall young fellow, came out from the trees and bowed to Gandalf and to Thorin.

“Welcome to the valley!” he said.

“Thank you!” said Thorin a bit gruffly; but Gandalf was already off his horse and among the elves, talking merrily with them.

“You are a little out of your way,” said the elf: “that is, if you are making for the only path across the water and to the house beyond. We will set you right, but you had best get on foot, until you are over the bridge. Are you going to stay a bit and sing with us, or will you go straight on? Supper is preparing over there,” he said. “I can smell the wood-fires for the cooking.”

Tired as he was, Bilbo would have liked to stay a while. Elvish singing is not a thing to miss, in June under the stars, not if you care for such things. Also he would have liked to have a few private words with these people that seemed to know his names and all about him, although he had never seen them before. He thought their opinion of his adventure might be interesting. Elves know a lot and are wondrous folk for news, and know what is going on among the peoples of the land, as quick as water flows, or quicker.

But the dwarves were all for supper as soon as possible just then, and would not stay. On they all went, leading their ponies, till they were brought to a good path and so at last to the very brink of the river. It was flowing fast and noisily, as mountain-streams do of a summer evening, when sun has been all day on the snow far up above. There was only a narrow bridge of stone without a parapet, as narrow as a pony could well walk on; and over that they had to go, slow and careful, one by one, each leading his pony by the bridle. The elves had brought bright lanterns to the shore, and they sang a merry song as the party went across.

“Don’t dip your beard in the foam, father!” they cried to Thorin, who was bent almost on to his hands and knees. “It is long enough without watering it.”

“Mind Bilbo doesn’t eat all the cakes!” they called. “He is too fat to get through key-holes yet!”

“Hush, hush! Good People! and good night!” said Gandalf, who came last.

“Valleys have ears, and some elves have over merry tongues. Good night!”

And so at last they all came to the Last Homely House, and found its doors flung wide.

[sillylotrpolls]

Which of the following lines from The Lord of the Rings best describes what Valentine's Day means to you?

One ring to rule them all…

I do not doubt his heart. Only the reach of his arm.

Now for wrath, now for ruin and a red dawn!

I know what I must do, it's just that I'm afraid to do it.

I will diminish, and go into the west.

I wish none of this had happened.

The age of men is over. The time of the orc has come.

Give it to us raw, and wriggling!

I've been sent back until my task is done.

There never was much hope. Just a fool's hope.

Looks like meat's back on the menu, boys!

And he lived happily ever after… to the end of his days.

Voting ended onFeb 21

[sillylotrpolls]

In honor of Friday the 13th, who do you consider the unluckiest character in The Lord of the Rings?

Frodo Baggins

Bilbo Baggins

Gollum

Boromir

Théodred

Denethor

Sauron

Saruman

The Witch-King of Angmar

Shelob

Lotho Sackville-Baggins

Any orc at Helm's Deep

Voting ended onFeb 20

Use whatever criteria you like to choose. Characters from the Silmarillion have not been included on assumption that Túrin or his sister would sweep.

[sillylotrpolls]

Every now and then I get asked about ships, and I usually avoid the question both because I think it's obvious what will win and because "ship wars" just aren't fun. But, fine. Just this once, in honor of Valentine's Day, ~let the ship wars rage~. Hopefully no one sails too far west and triggers the sinking of Númenor.

What's your favorite Tolkien ship?

Buckleberry Ferry

A small boat from Lothlórien

A Black Ship of the Corsairs of Umbar

The White Ship

The Last Ship

Eärendil's Vingilot

A swan-ship of the Teleri

Alcarondas, the Castle of the Sea

Hirilondë, aka Turuphanto, the "Wooden Whale"

A barrel

Whatever monstrosity Legolas cobbled together to sail to Valinor with Gimli

Gandalf/Balrog

Voting ended onFeb 21, 2024

[sillylotrpolls]

Me: well, obviously Vingilot will sweep any Tolkien ship poll, but let's see what other options I can come up with anyway

Everyone: votes for either the one ship that is never described by Tolkien in any context but despite that almost certainly has no aesthetically redeeming features, or a literal barrel

I guess love wins! Happy Valentine's Day, y'all.

PS: If you missed it, there is a follow-up poll regarding just what ship "Buckleberry Ferry" would refer to if this was 2005 and we still named ships like that.

PPS: Shoutout to everyone who listed their preferred rare ship in the notes. Some great choices in there!

[sillylotrpolls]

Valentine's Day approaches once more.